Holiday Jokes
What
day is today?
Over
breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I’ll bet you don't
know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the
office.
At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was
handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped,
two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique
delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she
exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!
The
FAA Inspection
With
the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the
North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on
Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the
harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he
says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good
I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's
starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump
shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this,
but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."
Short
Father Christmas
What
do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
