Medical Jokes

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Get me an ambulance now

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

I'm gaining weight doctor

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Trish: Really? What color?

The results of the X-ray

Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?

Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

Doctor, should I file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?

Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

What should I do then?

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

Doctor: Sell!