Justin’s painting my toenails, an iridescent shade of purple and it tickles when he misses, my magazine shaking in my clutch. I look over the top with a smile, he’s watching me and I don’t even wanna look at the mess.

“So...” Was she good? Did she give good head? I bet I can suck you better... “What’re you doing today?”

“I don’t know... I think I have something to do,” he pauses, my toes wiggling when he blows on them. “Tonight,” he finishes and looks back up at me, screwing the cap back on. I sigh and shrug my shoulders, trying to hide my disappointment. It’s becoming such a task these days.

“Why?” he asks with this impish grin and I roll my eyes, shrieking when he picks up my foot, not quite sure what he’s planning to do with it. But I pull back none the less, I’m too wary of that smile.

“Justin,” I say in warning with a saccharine and he just chuckles smoothly, easily his fingers slipping over the edge to grip my foot. His bitten nails tickle the arch of my feet. “Stop–“

I take a swift breath, wincing when he presses a kiss to the top of my foot, his grin still in place, his eyes burning me still.

“Justin,” and this time it’s a breathy sigh and I can feel my body boil, can feel my skin blister in the wake of his gentle kisses.

“Wha?” he whispers as his head dips, my back stretching as his tongue is light and hesitant but still very much there.

I’m preoccupied, he’s sucking on my toes, taking his time with languid sucks and I can’t help but start to respond. A man can only take so much. And really, when it came to Justin, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a man.

When his palm, flat heat, slides up my boxer shorts and my hand lands on his, guiding him further, I’m at a crossroads. This isn’t– I gulp as he encircles me, his fingers tipped with flames, branding as he touches me.

This isn’t what I want, though.

He’s going out tonight, and I will be the farthest from his mind. And it kills me to think of it.

“Don’t,” I say with a vigor I didn’t know I held, especially not when it came to him. I sit up, snatching my foot from his clutch, yanking his hand out of my shorts and I’m so fucking pissed.

“Wait, Jayce–“

”Don’t fucking–“

He grabbed my arm and tugged me back, his arms too sturdy as he kept me there. “What’s your problem?” he questioned softly and he was right, it was my problem.

“Just stop,” I whisper, tears suddenly forceful and I don’t want to be an ass in front of him, sobbing into his shoulder while cursing the day he was born. Too much of a queen and I’m not.

“Stop what?”

Everything, I wanna say but I shake my head, hating that I’m letting him win.

For now, I promise myself.

-*-

Not an hour later are we in the backyard, stuffy silence encircling us, smothering me as I look at the dry land before me.

“Justin,” I whisper, squinting in to the bright sunlight, so natural and so pure it doesn’t even hurt when it’s rays soak into my skin. It does, though, when Justin’s hand lays heavy on my shoulder. Slices of shocks splinter from his fingertips into my flesh, my muscles aching in the wake.

“Josh,” he mimics with a smile I can only hear but it’s not all happy times because he’s touching me differently. His hands are smoothing over my shoulder bone, my body quaking as it warmed, the sun pouring down on me making it none better.

His palm is cool from the shadow and it soothes me as I tilt my head, his fingertips flitting over my neck, over the dip of my chin, lining my lips. They’re trembling in reply, shaking as Justin brings everything to the surface with his magic.

I kiss his finger tips, softly, slowly before slipping one into my mouth, the salty taste welcomed as I suck, his rough skin velvet on my tongue. And this was just his finger.

I whimpered then and turned away, my muscles tightening when he put his hands on me, his arms cinching around my waist, walking me backwards as he watched. I couldn’t open my eyes because I knew that if I did, my heart couldn’t handle it.

He leaned forward, his lips pursed but soft as they pressed the soft chaste kiss to that spot behind my ear– And it’s over. Just like that, I’m done and my legs buckle as I shudder, falling to the floor, taking him for the ride.

And he’s grinning against my ear, I can feel his cheek against mine and I sigh, rubbing my nose into his hair, the scent distinct but not familiar and I gasp when he pulls away.

“JC,” he murmurs, eyes darting from my lips to my eyes and I can’t deny the surge through my body, flattery absent for so long.

I don’t stop him, either. When he kisses me, I let him. And it brings back everything I try to escape and after the first hesitant brush of his lips, I’m feeding off of it like a glutton at it’s best, my lips pressing against his harshly, a groan resounding into my mouth.

He grinds against me, a dirty one and I moan as I pry his lips open quickly, our tongues battling almost immediately, the slick feeling creating an ache in my chest, a flutter in my groin as he sucks on my tongue.

He’s pressing me into the carpet and it hurts, not the carpet but that he’s unbuttoning my pants, his hand sliding in, cold compared to the rest of his body and mine.

A digit slides against my cock and my eyes open with a flutter, blinking, trying to regain myself, but he’s kissing me with a fervor I had ignited and I can’t help it. Can’t help the way it feels.

His fist curls around me and I scream as he pulls down my pants. I suppose I’m supposed to be helping him get his clothes off but I haven’t felt his touch this intimate in too long; I’m allowed to be selfish.

Finally, after stopping his strokes on me, he got mine and his pants off and I felt so open, my thighs burning against the almost frigid feeling air.

But then he’s there, body and all and when I close my eyes, he’s in. Me. And I choke softly on the knot in my throat. This wasn’t the time. But the pain is mixed with the pleasure, a blend that makes my stomnach muscles spasm.

And it’s shining back at me, no way of avoidance.

In me. He’s in me.

When we used to have sex, we were closest. I touched his soul while he kissed mine. I could look in his eyes and tell him just how the fuck I felt and it wouldn’t matter because we were both too high to think about consequences.

It’s been too long; I push away his face and watch the ceiling as we fuck.

-*-

We’re sitting in bed, his hand in mine and I can’t help but examine the gesture, analyzing what it means to him, what it shouldn’t mean to me.

“C?”

“What?” I croak, I haven’t used my voice all night and it almost hurts, but it’s more embarrassing.

“You’re upset. I can feel it,” and to emphasize his point, he’s smothering me, though it’s barely quenching my thirst.

“Just –“

”Tired? Or maybe you could try ‘Nothing. It’s nothing.’ I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”

And I wanna say fuck you because shit, he’s right and I hate him.

“This isn’t working for me.”

He breathes out his nose loudly and I close my eyes, still being able to see the ceiling.

“Huh?”

I open my eyes because I can’t stand it, and games just don’t seem too appropriate right now.

“I think I’m leaving,” I whisper because suddenly I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough, I’ll use as my excuse. But it’s true, none the less.

“Where are you going? I thought you were gonna spend the night?”

I turned then and hated myself as I gave a small smile, slipping into some boxers.

“I’ll be back. I’m just going for a drink–“ I cut off whatever he had to say next with a shrug. “I just, have the urge.” And he smiled so I guess he knew what I was talking about. He smiled and nodded, falling back to the bed with sigh.

I didn’t even apologize as I closed the door, ignoring my intent of not returning.

-*-

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Shit, he’s mad and I have no idea what to say. Oh, ya know, just kinda left California. I’m now in Maryland, but ya know...

“I–“

”Do you know how worried I was? I thought someone had just snatched you–“

”I never even thought you’d notice,” I said and I’m surprised at the venom, though slowly proud. I’m angry and I can finally tell him. I can let it all out and not be afraid of the consequences.

“Are you fucking me?”

“No, I’m in Maryland, how the hell can I–“

”Smart ass,” he bites out and I can picture it, him, all flushed, taking deep calculated breaths to calm himself. His skin is stretched tight over the strained muscles that jump every time his fists curl in, fingernails probably biting into his palms. And he’s sweating, really angry now. Beautiful is all I can think and I want to hang up then and forget all about him. Erase every time he touched me, wipe the smudges of his fingertips off my hips, clean every press of his lips to mine.

It’s starting to hurt again and I crumble just a bit, coiling in.

“I’ve got to–“

”No, you don’t just leave me like this–“

”Tell everyone you left, your pride in tact and one less burden to deal with–“

”You know it’s–“

”Looks like I’ve got to–“

”No! You listen–“

”Justin, you better–“

”What the fuck is happening to you?!”

We aren’t letting anyone talk and I have to ask myself, what the fuck is happening to me?

“I hurt,” I whisper and I’m panting, my stomach clenching with contempt. I’m grimacing against my tears and I feel like choking on the lump in my throat.

“JC?” I ask myself why he had to sound so concerned, why he had to reel me in like this.

“I hurt so much and it’s your fault. You did this–“

”What did I do, baby? How am I hurting you?” he asked quickly and there was quiet shuffle on his side. My belly ached as I heard bitterness creep up behind me, her hand warm as it curled around me. He was one of a kind, such a master at this game.

“I’m leaving you. I can’t–“

”JC! I–“

”Fuck you,” I said quietly, gasping for air, an arm around my middle, the other gripping the phone for all it’s worth. “You hurt me because I’m not the only one. I’m not the one you love, and I need you to. I need you so much, my body... My body hurts without your touch, my heart–“

”This shouldn’t be a heart matter,” he said firmly and I start crying, for whatever reason. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. It wasn’t supposed to be a heart matter.

“That’s why I’m leaving. I never...” What can I say? I don’t know and my tears taste salty sweet on my tongue, taking a huge breath. “Leave me alone, alright?”

I heard him, his mouth moved and that hurt so much more. Because we were friends before lovers. And now I couldn’t even look at him without yearning for something or another.

“JC, please–“

”I love you, Justin.”

He was silent and I mirrored him, my dry lips trembling as I licked more tears inside my mouth.

When I heard the click of his phone, though, I dropped my own, my heaving chest throbbing with so much feeling I was trembling. I sunk to the floor trying to breathe as it seemed my airways tightened and I clamped my eyes shut, gripping the comforter, hating myself, hating Justin.

Hating that no matter how much I tried, he would never change.

3 [coming soon]>>>
Addicted