It was a sad day.

Lance was on the table, doing lines of coke, tears shimmering in his amber eyes.

Joey was on the phone, his voice low, bored, as he talked to a girlfriend... or mistress, he couldn't remember what she was.

Chris was stoned, spastically jumping around the small hotel. Justin guessed he had smoked some bud laced with something. You couldn't trust anyone these days.

JC was on the bed, folded legs, back against the headboard, staring at him. His hands were in his lap, though purposely covering his crotch.

Justin, himself was on his back, staring at the ceiling. His body was vibrating but it wasn't drug induced. He guessed he should get some sugar in his blood system or something.

"JC?" he asked softly and Chris leapt over him onto the couch, mumbling and giggling as he rolled off.

"Yeah." was the breathy reply and Justin shivered.

"What do you dream about?"

JC's laugh was smooth and delicate. "Things that would corrupt your pretty little mind." JC was dark and a loner these days, though only to them. He was up close and personal with the crowd all the time. He was, bluntly, a slut and Justin tried not to worry about him.

"Lance?"

Lance looked up from the table with half-mast eyes. "Yeah?" his voice rumbled with sleep.

"Your nose is..." Justin reached over though his hands were shaking now and threw a box of tissues at Lance. "Here."

Lance took it graciously and pushed away from the table. Lance never liked coke. He thought it was fucked up that kids were doing it. He became a junkie a few months ago and he cried whenever he did it because he could have had a great life. No, a greater life.

Chris jumped up to Justin again and started trying to do the Harlem Shake. He looked disturbed and like he was having a seizure standing up.

"Yo, yo! Justin, gimme a beat!" But Chris was gyrating too quickly and Justin shook his head, closed his eyes.

"Joe?"

Joey didn't answer, just held up his finger and said something obscene to the woman on the other line. Justin decided to forget about it. Joey wasn't the same either. He didn't like to be around them anymore.

JC sat up suddenly and stretched, long limbs moving in ways Justin couldn't even if he tried.

"Hey Lance?"

Lance wiped the blood from his nose and coughed, looking up. "Wha?"

"Go clean up. We got a show in 2 hours."

Chris jumped on the bed, on JC, and for a second Justin admired Chris. He could do that with JC. Justin wouldn't dare dream of it. Something might happen.

"Chris, your eyes are going to roll out of your head if you don't calm down-"

"Yours do when you're getting blown. Aint that right, Joe?"

Justin looked at JC who looked straight at him.

"What?"

Chris bounced from the bed, ignoring the eyes JC was now making at him. "'Member? 'Member? 'Member!! Joe!" Chris was hysterical and Justin kept looking at JC. Chris turned to Justin, knowing he was the only one who cared. "Joe blew JC in the back of the bus last tour. He said I could watch, it was fucking good! I wish I had taped it. Good quality porn. JC's hung like a horse-"

"Chris no." JC said firmly and Chris got off track.

"And... dammit, what? Whoo!" he hooted for no reason before suddenly, too abruptly falling to the floor, panting.

"Shit." Justin got to his knees and crawled over, but sank to the floor the next minute. Chris had a goofy grin on his smile and he was laughing.

"You fell for it you little cocksucker you." Chris jumped up and started speed walking around the room. At least he wasn't running this time.

"Cocksucker?" JC asked, with a raised eyebrow and a hint of a smile. Joey smirked in the corner and Lance just looked at him with dead eyes. He supposed he was in hell with his four best friends.

Lance got up on unsteady legs and started wobbling towards the bathroom. He was crying now and Justin nodded to himself. That meant he could clean up the rest.

He crawled over to the table but before he got to it, Lance pushed him away, mumbling about how he'd do it himself.

Justin straightened and when he looked over JC was staring him down. He pulled down his shirt from where it had risen.

"Yall ready for the show tonight?" he asked as he walked over to JC. He was in the mood to cuddle. He laid down beside the brunette and put his hand on his stomach. JC's arm came around him easily.

"Bitch! I told you if you ever cheated on me again!" Joey was yelling and Justin closed his eyes.

"If ya listenin', woh-oh-ohoho!" Chris was singing, well yelling and the song was getting butchered, the soprano killing it.

"Fuck, fuck. Ok, ok. God," Lance got to his knees. "God, I'm sorry. I... I know I promised last time I was going to stop..." Lance was praying and Justin curled against JC, tears pricking the back of his eyes as JC gave his forehead a kiss.

His body was still shaking and his legs were slightly numb. His teeth were chattering and he bit his lip to stop them.

JC handed him a tissue when a trickle of maroon blood slid down his chapped lip.

Yes, it bared repeating. He was in hell with his four best friends.

Justin was sweaty and needed some juice. He had scavenged through his hotel room icebox but all he found was liquor. He looked at the bar, all he found was liquor.

"Bloody hell! Where the fuck is the juice!"

He turned for the door, realizing he'd never said bloody hell before. It made him smile. He was still real.

He walked down the hallway, his key snug in his pocket and his eyes trained on JC's door. JC would have some juice.

Right as his knuckled were about to rap on the door, Chris came from his room, a sad smile on his lips when he saw Justin.

"Sorry about earlier, kid. About the... cocksucker thing. Didn't mean to embarrass you."

Justin waved it off with smile. "Don't sweat it. I wasn't.. Its all good. Just... settle down next time." he warned with a smile, but he was serious. Very serious. Chris hid his face.

"Where you goin?"

"C's room." Oh, that didn't sound good. "To get some juice." That didn't sound right either. "Orange juice, ya know. I don't got any."

Chris nodded, and looked like he wanted to be anywhere except there with him. "That's... uh, cool. Well don't let me interrupt you." He turned and headed for the elevator. He didn't turn around when Justin called his name.

Justin turned towards JC's door and knocked, only to be let in before his second knock.

JC was gorgeous and naked and pale and taut and everything Justin wanted to be wrapped in.

"Hi." He hoped he didn't sound too breathy, he probably did anyway.

"Hey there." JC pulled him in and locked the door behind him. JC didn't wear clothes while he was in his hotel room. He had always said he felt freer with out them.

"You alone?" Justin asked as JC settled on the bed, under the covers. He had goose bumps along his body and Justin itched to smooth them out.

"Yeah, in the shower . You can hide underneath the covers." He held up the covers but Justin shook his head, JC's smile too wicked for him.

"Well, maybe I should-"

"Stay and he can leave. Its just a friend." JC turned on his side, head propped up by an elbow, the comforter slipping down to rest upon his waist. "What do you want?"

"Juice?"

JC smiled. "I've got my own kinda-"

"I said juice, not jism." Justin countered and JC's eyes lit up.

"Didn't know you knew dirty words like that, kid."

Justin's eyes raged and he slid off the bed. He walked over to the mini ice box and opened it. He sent a prayer above as he pulled out the Kiwi-Strawberry Mystic and shut the door with his heel as he popped off the cap. He walked back over to the bed.

"Take off your shirt. Join me." JC's voice was so inviting Justin took a chug and put it on the night stand, shedding his shirt. He was hot anyway.

He settled in beside JC, making sure there was enough space between them before reaching for his drink.

They stared at each other, long and hard. JC leaned forward and grabbed Justin's head, his tongue coming out to lick at the blonde's lips. They parted for him and his tongue slid inside, grazing against his row of pearly whites.

Justin pulled back. "That's not what I need." he whispered and took JC's hand in his. JC shook his head.

"I can't give it you, then."

JC didn't believe in love. Supposedly it had fucked him over twice too many times and now he loathed it, never talked about it, never practiced it.

But Justin wanted to be loved. In anyway possible. And he wanted it from JC.

He leaned forward and caught the brunette's lips in a gentle delicate kiss, scooting over until he was straddling the older man's naked hips. It was still an innocent kiss when JC's hands gripped onto Justin's hips and brought him down slowly against him.

JC unbuttoned Justin's jeans with ease, his mouth still connected with Justin's, his tongue still in his own mouth.

"Justin." he broke away and kissed the other man's neck. "You know... right?"

Justin nodded and reached beneath him.

"I can't love you like you- oh... Like you need me to. You know... hmmm... that?"

Justin continued to move against JC, his palm sliding over slick skin. He needed JC, and if this was the only way to have him then he would sacrifice it.

The bathroom door opened and JC was still working on Justin's cock, now hard in his hand as he groaned and thrust.

"C, I though-"

"Leave." JC said with closed eyes as he leaned in to kiss Justin again, his tongue swirling in almost automatically. Justin felt special.

JC laid him down softly and Justin opened his eyes. He had seen how JC was with other lovers. He was wild and harsh and... He felt special as warm hands skimmed over his chest, circling a nipple.

He tried to kick out of his sweat pants, thanking JC when the older man pulled down his boxers for him.

There was a lot of wriggling and writhing and sucking and touching and rubbing and Justin knew this was it. If he had anything with JC, this was it.

JC was lining himself up when he stopped and looked at Justin with sorrowful eyes.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You're the pure one." he remarked, his palms grazing the tight, tense stomach. "Don't do this for me-"

"I'm not." And he wasn't.

"Then why?" JC whispered, his hands circling Justin's hips.

"What else is there? We're fucked up and its the end. You can't keep your dick in your pants and outta someone for at least 5 minutes, Lance's a fucking addict. Chris is... Chris scares the fuck out of me. He's bomb and one days he's going to go crazy. Joey hates us. Thinks we're fags that-"

"Stop, right there. Stop."

Justin didn't know he was crying until JC's fingers smeared the salty tears across his pink cheeks.

"No. It's true."

"Don't do this." JC was pulling away but Justin pulled him back, closer and urged him in. He didn't even make a sound when JC entered, the older man hissing.

It was different. Different from what he had planned. But it was good, in a way it was fantastic. Dark pleasure coursed through his body, angry flames licked at his body, guilt pooled at his belly as he panted into JC's shoulder blade, pushing up against JC.

He winced slightly as JC went in deeper and his breath fanned over JC's face. The older man's sweat was dripping from his forehead, a bead of the salty substance dropping from his temple to land on Justin's cheek.

They were going fast and Justin imagined it slow. Every time Justin blinked, his eyes had to get used to JC's face again, the darkness around them thick.

"I'm..." JC's body tightened and he went faster, Justin's head falling back to hit the pillow as a loud bellow slid from his mouth, his own body tensing around JC.

He let it go too soon and he turned into pliant mush against the mattress, JC breathing into his hair beside him.

Minutes later, long minutes later, Justin was on his side, JC spooned around him.

"Whats special about me?"

JC shook his head. "Everything." he kissed Justin's shoulder.

"You don't do this with the others."

"They're not like you. They don't need what you need."

Justin but his lip as it trembled. He was expecting a different answer. One where JC professed his love.

"Why don't you love me?"

JC rested his face against Justin's cooling neck. It was cold, his skin was cold. Whenever he got hot, his skin would chill.

"I can't-"

"And why the fuck is Lance into drugs. And why does Joey not like us anymore? We're good together. All of us. We're... we were fucking perfect together." His hands curled into the bed sheets, his heart constricting violently in his chest. JC stroked his side. He tried to will away the tears.

"We're broken, J. And there's nothing that can fix us."

"Tell me you love me."

"Dammit, Justin. I ca-"

"Lie, then. Just... say it."

There was a long silence, and Justin was half asleep with wet eyes when JC whispered, "I love you."