Chapter VIII

“Justin, are you sure?” Malik tried to be understanding and soft and all the things his friend needed, but the younger man seemed to be missing his words of encouragement as he threw his clothes into a bag, hiccuping with a sniffle.

“Why the hell wouldn’t I be?” he asked coldly, turning back to Malik, narrowed eyes accusing and the dark skinned man raised his hands in defense.

Malik slid onto the couch, mindlessly patting the soft leather. “I was just... I mean, I could see you leaving him, but not leaving California all together.”

Justin zipped up a bag hastily and disappeared into the large closet once again, his answer a muffled, “Fuck California, it’s time I went home anyway.” He walked out with a cowboy hat on, tipping it, saying, “Tennessee, here I come!”

And Malik gave a phony grin because that wasn’t Justin. That was Justin fronting, and the frown on the younger man’s face showed his hurt as he started on another bag.

- - - -

The first night was ok. Jayce had just walked in, flopped down on the bed and passed out. He hadn’t slept in two days and it finally caught up with him.

The night that followed though was horrible. He stayed awake, hoping for the chance of seeing Justin, hoping the younger man would either stop by or at least call so he could explain and find out what the hell had happened.

He didn’t know what had happened, all he knew was that while he was in a very important business meeting with a couple of men who would rather see Jayce’s uncle dead than do business with him, Justin comes and asks for a few minutes. And Jayce didn’t have a few minutes.

But now, when Justin was gone and all Jayce could remember was Andrew carrying him outside after he attacked the glass, the brunette was a little worried.

The nights after that were worse. Though he slept through most when given the chance, the worrying grew along with the heartache. He missed Justin and he wanted him back. And even if he couldn’t have those, God forbid, at least it’d settle his soul to just find out where the young man was staying.

So when he was pushing two weeks and Justin still hadn’t resurfaced, Jayce decided to look for him, hoping against hope that last time would replay itself.

His boots clicked against the sidewalk on his way to Justin’s old apartment and he grinned, a little sadly, at the memories and his strides quickened.

He knocked on the ugly brown door and waited, looking in the window a minute later, silence the only thing replying to his knock. He knocked a little louder and there was stumbling and he smiled, imagining Justin tripping over the mess, still sleepy.

The last person Jayce had expected opened the door and Malik didn’t look too excited either. Malik had never really been around when he had been over and now that they were meeting somewhere other than the publicity of the club, Jayce swallowed while Malik cleared his throat.

“Hey... Um, you know where Justin is?” the brunette asked, finally looking up at the older man.

“Nah... I thought he was with you,” Malik lied and popped his gum. “He hasn’t been here for weeks.”

Jayce nodded, more to himself than anyone else, and let out a loud breath. “Well... well, if you see him, can you tell him I’m looking for him?”

Malik nodded and the tense silence was suffocating. Jayce cleared his throat and then nodded, pointing behind him.

“Well... I should get going.” He turned around walked along the sidewalk, glancing back for just a second, but just long enough to catch Malik staring from the window. He furrowed his brow and decided to keep that in the back of his mind.

He looked at his watch and then sucked on his teeth as he thought of the place he’d have to visit next, not anticipating the tension between he and Angelo. Never mind the fact that he’d about die if he found out Justin had been staying there...

- - - -

Three hours later, having looked for the young man and coming up empty handed was the end for Jayce. He felt horrible about giving up, but Justin didn’t want to be found and he didn’t get what happened.

Justin was gone. Now he just needed to find out if it was all his fault or not.

“Fuck,” he cursed as he climbed his stairs, shrugging out of the light jacket he wore.

Once he made it into his apartment, the phone rang but the ring was cut short as his voice floated through the rooms. Let the machine get it, he thought, slipping out of his pants, his stomach clenching at the idea that Justin would never answer the phone as Mr. Chasez again.

“Shit,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

But those thoughts ceased immediately as Justin’s voice, soft and quiet, tumbled from the machine. Jayce nearly hurdled over the couch to grab the phone and when he picked up, all he could do was cough, his lungs tight and in need of air.

“Jayce?”

He couldn’t answer quick enough, though. “God, Justin, where are you? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He stopped to take a breath. “I thought, shit, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for whatever. I stopped by Malik’s and you weren’t there and then... just everywhere. God, baby, I was so scared you had left me for good.” Jayce let himself sigh, relief so sweet and he licked his lips. “Where are you? I’ll come get you--”

“No, Jayce--”

“What do you mean, no?” Jayce questioned, his brow creasing.

Justin swallowed verbally and Jayce suddenly had a sinking feeling in his belly. “Look, Jayce–”

“Justin, I’m sorry. I mean it. I’m... I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, for ignoring you, I promise--”

“Jayce! It’s too late... It’s too late, I’m in... I came back home.” There was a pause. “It’s not your fault. I guess I’ve been meaning to come home for a long time coming. I’m sorry--”

Jayce closed his eyes. “Wait, wait. Don’t... what do you mean back home? I-- Justin, I can’t--” Shit, his world was coming down around him and there was nothing he could do. Justin was miles away, wanted to be miles away. “Shit,” he whimpered, a tear escaping before he rubbed his eyes with his palm.

“Jayce, I’m sorry,” Justin tried, his heart breaking as Jayce sniffled.

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I... I didn’t listen to you, I should have... I’m sorry, God, Justin, please, I promise it won’t be the same. Fuck the job. Just please come back, please I will--”

“Jayce,” Justin murmured with his own lump in his throat, “Do you even know what you did?”

The brunette sniffled and rubbed his eyes, very well aware that Justin couldn’t see him. The younger man continued.

“Shit, I came to you that night because I was so fucking scared and angry and I needed you to tell me that I did matter to you. I wanted you to get fucking angry when you saw the fucking scratches, when I told you what happened but you wouldn’t even hear me out! It was so fucking important and you wouldn’t fucking give me a minute!” he shouted then quieted, sounding almost ashamed. “I can’t come back, ya know. I don’t... I don’t want to come back. I just called to tell you--”

Jayce who had been silent couldn’t take it anymore, repeating, “Justin, no, please, I swear if I would have known-- If I had known, it would have been different--”

“You saw me, Jayce, and you didn’t even give me a chance.”

“Justin, do you know what I was dealing with? Do you know what the fuck I was doing? No! Just like I didn’t know what had happened to you! Justin, you gotta look at it from both sides.”

Justin stayed quiet and Jayce sighed. “What happened?” he asked softly.

Justin scoffed. “Fuck you, now you wanna know?”

“Don’t act like a fucking child.” Immediately, Jayce cringed. “Justin--”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry... I just. I love you so much and if you... shit,” he muttered. He stopped to take a deep breath, closing his eyes as he released it. Why was it so hard just to tell him how he felt? “I promise, Just, I promise it won’t be the same--”

“Yes it will! Jayce, you damn near spelled it out for me, ya know. I’m not one of your top priorities, I’m just a club kid who fell for you. Jayce, you pushed me away too many times for me to hope it’ll work this time around. Just... let’s just move on. I--”

“Justin, I was mad! I didn’t mean it! You just... I was too stressed, I just wanted you to...” he trailed off and rubbed at his scalp. “Justin, I’m sorry--”

“Sorry doesn’t change anything!” he yelled, heaving as a sob forced it ways forth. He covered his eyes and licked his lips. “You’ve said sorry so many times it’s just a word now.” He took a shallow breath. “Fuck, Jayce, I was so mad, I was so hurt that night, I thought I was gonna go insane... I don’t wanna go through that shit again. I don’t wanna have to deal with feeling like that anymore. Shit,” he sniffled and Jayce frowned. “I’m sorry. I have to go now.”

There was silence and Jayce felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach.

“Bye, Jayce.”

And before Jayce could reply with anything, the line clicked and Jayce dropped the phone, biting his lip, fighting against the urge to slump over and just cry. There was anger just beneath the surface but it was clouded over with melancholy, becoming useless as he his throat ached.

He looked to the phone and swallowed, his lower lip trembling, his voice soft in a whisper. “I’m sorry, too.”

Part VIIII >>> [Coming Soon!]
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