JC had told you, promised you that yall would still be friends. After he moved out and into his new house, he said yall would be the best friends you were before. Even when you found out he was dating someone else, you held him to that promise.

You needed him, and if you only had him as a friend, that was enough because he was still with you.

But now, now after the long break Nsync had taken, after the months of wishing you had big enough balls to call him on the phone to ask him to come over or something, your strong feelings were back.

His weren't, though. When he saw you that day at Chris' house, you were hurt when he didn't return your smile. He didn't even hold your gaze for long, moving to the other side of the room even though you patted the seat beside you. You looked at Chris' worried, what was going on? The older man shrugged and then turned to a jubilant Joey.

You watched JC blatantly, trying to get him to look at you but he didn't. It seemed as if he looked everywhere else.

"JC?" you had said and he didn't even look up.

"I gotta go." he said quickly and you rushed after him.

You stopped him as he sat in his car, blocking him from closing the door. You demanded that he look at you in that authoritive voice he had always laughed at. But he wasn't laughing now, he wasn't even smiling.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

He looked up and you looked down. You felt the urge to touch him run through your body, but you fisted your hand and shoved it in your pocket. "JC, fucking answer me!"

He looked down quickly and you grabbed his chin. He was going to look at you, whether he liked it or not.

He pushed at your hand but it was a feeble attempt so he looked at you again, with those beautiful beautiful eyes and said, "We can't be friends."

You stared at him confused. What did he mean? "What do you mean?"

Your grip fell from his chin and it now rested limply at your side. He brought a hand to his head, what he did when he was getting frustrated. "Exactly what I said."

You narrowed your eyes and took a quick deep breath. "What the fuck did you mean JC? I am not going to play fucking game-"

"Justin!" he was now standing and he had pushed you back. "I am not fucking joking! We, can't... we can't-"

"Why the fuck not? You just woke up today and thought ‘Oh, hmm... maybe I will avoid my best friend even though I haven't seen him for about a year.' Is that what you did?"

"Shut up, Justin."

"Well, then. Why? You just can't stop being my friend."

His eyes lowered and you looked at his pretty eyelashes. "I can. I thought, god."

You looked at him, looked at his terribly serious face and felt your breath leave you in an instant. The day around you got blurry and you felt chilled. A strong wind did nothing to help the goose bumps that had spread on your arms.

"I need you, though. I-I... I need you! You can't just leave me like that!" you cried out and he looked at you with sad eyes. "And don't fucking look at me like that!" you added and opened your mouth to take deeper breaths.

You two stood there for a while, just standing not even a foot apart.

"Tell me why, and I won't hate you." Your voice was soft and you were surprised you could talk at all, your lungs feeling as if they were too small for your body.

JC looked up, and then shook his head slowly closing his eyes. "God." he swallowed and turned back to you. "You couldn't hate me Justin."

Your lip trembled. "I could certainly try!" He shook his head again and the wiped at his eyes. Was he crying? "Are you crying?" you asked and he looked at you with wet eyes. Oh god, your insides churned.

"I can't be around you." he spoke softly, looking straight at you, into your eyes. Now you were the one who wanted to turn around. "I can't be near you and not want to talk to you-"

"There's nothing wr-"

"Don't interrupt me. I couldn't be around you and not want to hold you, or touch you. Or be able to say you're mine. I can't do that, and I'm afraid one of these days its gonna happen and I'm gonna regret it-"

"Why would you regret it?" You asked moving closer. He moved backwards and you stopped looking at him scared, taking a step back.

"I don't want to love you, Justin." he looked down when your lip started to tremble again. "I don't want to love you as much as I do. I don't want to have butterflies in my fucking stomach whenever you come around. I don't want to want you."

You took another step back and your foot sunk slightly into the soft padding of the lawn. "Why?" you whispered and you saw JC's face get blurry, felt the stinging come. "Why?"

JC rubbed his neck and swallowed thickly. "You, god Just. You have this power you don't know about. You have this power over me." he took a deep breath and you reached up to wipe at your eyes. "I hate it. You could tell me to lick your toes, and I would. You could ask me to buy you a damn house, and I would. I hate it, I hate that I fucking love you!" The older man choked on a sob and your hands trembled in your pockets.

"That's not my fault." you said quietly and then turned around, staring at your friend's house.

"I am sorry." he apologized but you ignored him. "Justin, really..."

"No!" you whipped around and pointed a finger where you thought his face was. "I don't care if you're sorry! That doesn't mean shit! Ok, I dealt with not being in a relationship with you. I gave you what you fucking needed! We could be friends, I could live with that. But you can't come to me with this shit! You're not the fucking victim! You think I don't love you? I probably love you more than you love yourself! I fucking love you so much!" You were screaming by now and his tears had fallen. "And you're taking that away from me! You, you're a god damned liar JC. I-" you let out a loud sob and slid to the ground, your back resting against the side of someone's car.

"Just-"

"Don't fucking say my name." you growled and you had to admit yourself that it was very immature.

"Justin, don't act like th-"

"Fuck you! Don't tell me how to act!" you screamed and then rested your head in your hands. "I love you JC, and you just ripped my heart out. I love you. I... loved." You looked up and looked at him with apologetic eyes. "I am sorry." you sniffled and wiped your eyes calmly and then stood up, holding your head high. "I am sorry you aren't man enough to do what you really want. To have what you really want. I am sorry you don't have the balls I thought you did." You shook your head and you tried to ignore his silent tears.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." he whispered and you looked at him, feeling your heart pump just a little bit faster.

"Too late." You were already at the front door when he called you, just your name. But you didn't turn around. You kept walking, your head high in the air even though your world had just collapsed from underneath your feet.

-Fin-