Roy stood outside Josh’s room, having deliberated for about a week on which way to go, realizing there were quite a few and this had already happened once. The path he had taken before had forced his son to Georgia and the elder didn’t know if he could handle that again.

But Justin hadn’t been over for a while and it had changed Josh. Everytime the phone rang, he was like a little puppy, running to the door at each chime of the doorbell. He was different, and it scared Roy. Because it was going to happen all over again.

His knuckles rapped on the hardwood, the bass filled Stevie Wonder ceasing immediately before the door swung open, Josh’s bright smile forcing his eyes into dark slits. Roy took a mental breath.

“Hey, son... can we talk?” Almost instantly the smile faded and Mr. Chasez groaned. “Nothing bad, Josh, nothing bad... let’s just... talk.”

Both traveled to the large bed hesitantly, Josh standing up to fiddle with something unnecessarily. Roy cleared his throat and suddenly, he had Josh’s attention again.

“Josh... Don’t be nervous, ok? Don’t be scared. I just... Now, you know I accept your... your uh, you know. And I’m happy for you–” He paused at Josh’s snort and sighed. Harder than anticipated, thats for certain. “Joshua–”

“Dad, yes?”

The brunette wasn’t even looking at him and Roy didn’t know what to do to make it easier except ask the obvious.

“What’s going on between you and Lynn’s son?”

With the color flushing right out of his body, Josh blinked owlishly, hiccuping into a cough, his father scrambling to pat his back. He pushed away, wiping his eyes, licking his chapped lips. How the hell...?

“D-dad, I–”

“Josh, tell me anything but a lie.” Roy’s brow was sunken and Josh suddenly had nothing to say. He certainly couldn’t lie and the fact that Justin hadn’t been over, even called for the past week was even more debilitating.

“Dad...”

“I heard y’all, saw him sitting so close to you... What about school? You’re going back to Georgia in just weeks... What happens then?” The elder looked up from the bedspread. “I only want you happy. And if he makes you happy thats great, but son, don’t you remember what happened? Keith had made you happy, you damn near thought you were going to marry him–”

“What are you tryna–”

“Just listen. Josh, don’t you remember what he had done to you? He hurt you because he wasn’t... ready. Now I mean, he was a good kid, but he made bad choices, lead you on.” He raised a hand to cut Josh off. “Son, whether you realize it or not, he wasn’t ready. He was just a kid, as were you. Thats why I had thought... I was sure it wasn’t serious. Then you left, because of Keith. Because he didn’t love you back–”

“God dammit, Justin’s not like that!”

Silence laid heavy like a quilt on the pair, Josh trembling at the sting behind his eyes. He just didn’t understand.

“Joshua–”

“You’re spouting bullshit right now. You don’t understand us... Me, you don’t fucking understand me. You didn’t understand me and Keith, you don’t understand Justin and I... You don’t know me.” He stopped at his father’s shuddery sigh. “It’s true... I just...”

Roy shifted on his feet, his stance slouching a bit. “I love you, Josh. But any way you wanna slice it, Keith hurt you, and Justin...”

Josh felt his eyes gloss over. “Yes?”

Roy looked him in the eye. “Justin’s going to hurt you too. He’s a good kid, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s so young, Josh–” he said quickly but his son still cut him off, growling before storming out of the room, slamming the door, the front door closing in the same fashion seconds later.

The older man slouched onto the bed, covering his forehead with a hand before getting up and going to his room, Karen waiting expectantly, his mouth not obeying as he spilled everything, denying the regret lacing his words.

Josh was panting when he arrived at their door, shaky hands ringing the doorbell a couple times too many. His dad’s truck was sitting in their driveway, still on because he was gonna leave as soon as possible. Fuck if Justin was coming or not.

Thankfully, it wasn’t Paul who answered the door, Jordan’s brown eyes watching him closely.

“Hey, is your brother here?”

The little boy stuck a finger in his mouth, mumbling around it, saying, “My dad says he doesn’t like you around Jusin.”

Josh closed his eyes to calm down his racing heart. “Fuck your dad. Is Justin here?”

The boy was giggling when Justin bounded down the stairs, trying to peek over Jordan, his brow furrowing when he saw the brunette. He looked to Jordan, pushing the boy slightly out of the way.

“What the hell are you doing here? If Paul sees–”

“Well I’d know that I couldn’t show up if you’d’ve called sometime,” was the bitter response. Justin’s eyebrows shot up but Josh didn’t want to do this on the stoop. “I’m jettin’ for a little while, probably just the night, you wanna come?”

The blonde’s face tightened a little more. “What are you–”

“God dammit, Justin. Are you coming, or not?”

Justin didn’t have to be asked twice so he put a finger to his lips towards Jordan and then closed the door, following Josh to the car.

They left Millington quickly, turning onto some highway, Justin had no idea but he didn’t really care. He needed to get out anyways. Stuck in the house with only Trace to talk to was living hell. He had decided that standing up to Paul and getting hit for it was better than being a pussy and obeying. Then again, it was ruining his life, this trip very much needed. Nevermind, something was eating at Josh. He had never seen Josh like this, ever.

“Whats up?” he asked softly and Josh cleared his throat, laying a hand on the stick. His chest was heaving in slow, deep breaths and Justin was slightly transfixed before remembering he had asked a question. “Are you gonna answer me?”

“Fuck you.”

Justin swallowed his shock as best he could. But this wasn’t Paul or even Trace, this was Josh talking to him like this and got damn, if it didn’t sting just a tad more.

“What the fuck is your problem? You’re acting like a fucking psycho, snatching me up and just driving, then not telling me–”

“Snatching? I snatched you up? Stop whining,” was the clipped response. And Justin didn’t tolerate shit like it.

“Fuck, Josh, pull the fuck over or I swear I’ll jump out this damn thing... Do it!” Justin unlocked his door but then Josh just locked them again. So Justin pinched Josh’s arm before quickly unlocking the door and opening it a sliver. “Tell me I won’t roll out this motherfucker.”

“Are you fucking crazy?” Josh asked, looking straight at Justin, pulling to the side a little before reaching over and yanking the door back shut. “You’re so fucking selfish, I hope you know that. You’re just a little brat who thinks he’s a hard ass because he can say fuck and get beat down by his step-dad! You’re 17 fucking years old and you’re in for a rude awakening when you push away all the people who actually care for just because you’re having a fucking hissy fit! You don’t realize small shit can mean huge things to other people! Just... God damn, why the fuck am I even telling you this? You don’t wanna hear it, either, so get out the car. Hitch a fucking ride if you need to but if you don’t wanna be here, I can’t tolerate it, alright? Just... get the fuck out the car.”

Josh didn’t even realize he had started to cry until he sniffled, his nose stuffed up and when he took an experimental wipe of his cheeks, he winced when they were wet.

“Fuck,” he crumbled and Justin, doubting everything else, didn’t doubt that touching Josh would be alright.

He laid a hand on the boy’s shoulder, rubbing lower on his forearm until they were holding hands, Josh’s other arm on the wheel, his forehead resting against it.

“I’m sorry.”

Josh blinked and swallowed the burgeoning knot in his throat. “For what?” he rasped.

“For whatever I did. For... not talking to you.”

The brunette winced. “God, when you say it, it seems so petty. But it hurt. You just kinda, ignored me.”

Justin raised their hands to his lips, missing this source of intimacy more than he’d like to admit. “I’m so sorry. I just... I got scared. You... I mean, you touched me and... I just... it’s no excuse but it scared me.”

Cerulean blue tinged with pink raised, an eyebrow arched as well. “Justin, we kiss all the fucking time and suddenly you’re scared? Sorry if I’m not believing you.” He took his hand back and for some reason that hurt just as much.

“But I didn’t have to be set into anything. It was like kissing a girl. It was just kissing. But you fucking jerked me off and I came! I mean, I liked it and I wanted it and it wasn’t just talking about it, it wasn’t just thinking about it, it was doing it. I couldn’t deny it, anymore. And I had to live up to it.”

Dread sat in Josh’s stomach, taking a few leaps with every word that came out of Justin’s mouth.

“So you’re not... So I’m the fucking fool now?” His father’s words were scalding and horrible in front of him and he started to pant again. “Fuck me, then! Fuck me for even fucking getting to know you! I’m sorry I fucking pushed you to do it, it’s not you, alright? You’re still fucking straight and you can just forget about it, too! That sound good?!”

Justin watched Josh unfold before him, the sight wretched and he couldn’t understand, where was this coming from?

“Tell me why you’re mad. I’m not understanding... and its killing me. I... Tell me what I did wrong, tell me how to fix it... just let me help... I don’t get it, Josh,” he whispered as Josh cried softly, his back quaking with hard breaths. Justin’s large hand smoothed over the expanse a second later, scooting over so his chin could rest on the other’s bent shoulder. He was pleasantly surprised when Josh’s arms folded around him, their heat combined once more, Josh’s sobs slipping into his shirt.

“My dad... my dad,” he hiccupped, “came into my room and I knew it was something bad because he hardly ever talks to me one on one. An-and he asked me what was going on with you and me.” He sniffled and brought his now damp cheek to slide against Justin’s. “He just kept bringing up Keith. He kept saying that Keith had been the bad guy and hadn’t known what he was doing, that he wasn’t ready, but none of thats true. I–”

“What do you mean none of that’s true? Keith Willard?” An image of himself standing at the basketball court, the midnight sky lending little light but he was still out there, basketball in hand. He could see Josh and this Keith guy, the guy who had gotten the shit beat out of Josh by telling his father, who happened to be the mayor of Millington. They were standing and saying their goodbyes. And it didn’t make sense because Keith was the bastard who had given Josh the cut lip and here they were, hugging. But now it did, it made perfect sense.

“Shit... Josh, you know it wasn’t your fault, right? Keith knew exactly what he was doing, he was a prick.”

At the silence Justin winced. He brought Josh up by the cheeks, fingering the brunette’s lips for a second of remembrance. It was all so heavy that his own tears threatened to fall. “Joshua, I swear, you have to believe me. Keith was a bastard, he was the one who was the bad guy, not you–”

“It wasn’t his fault though. It wasn’t wholly mine, but... it was, kinda. Because–”

“Josh give me a good reason and I won’t kick your ass. I’m assuming you love him?”

The brunette’s brow furrowed and he cleared his throat. “Yea, loved.”

Justin choked slightly. “Of course loved, if you love him I wouldn’t be here, right? You can’t love two people at one time.”

It was astounding, the air that seemed to get heavier with each breath was suddenly bearing all of it’s weight onto the two boy’s shoulders, Josh refusing to meet Justin’s eyes.

“Josh, he said he was sorry. I remember hearing it and I couldn’t believe you actually took it. Apologizing means taking the blame. It was his fault, he hurt you–”

“He loved me too, he was just... shit,” he sniffled. He moved closer, his nose brushing Justin’s ear. “He was just scared.”

And the blonde felt like an asshole. Because he had done the same thing. He had abandoned Josh just the same, save the beating, but suddenly, seeing it through Josh’s eyes made him feel horrible.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” he repeated and buried his face into Josh’s neck, his own wet eyes pressed into his skin. “God, I had no idea–”

“There was no way you could have–”

“Unless we had just... We-we could have talked it through rather than me running like a fucking pussy. We could have sidestepped all this shit–”

“Justin, it’s not your fault.”

The blonde swallowed, leaning back onto the long seat, forcing Josh to follow, the stickshift slightlypressed against his side but the brunette’s weight was welcomed anyway.

The few minutes of silence were spent staring at each other, Justin having no idea what was going through the other’s head, somehow wanting to soothe his aches, having no idea how to.

“I think you just had a breakdown,” he murmured, smiling as best he could, bringing a hand to Josh’s cheek, the other letting a soft grin grace his face. Justin was slightly raptured, his fingers once again smoothing over the pink lips. And he felt it, just knew it was right.

Josh kissed him, their lips pressed together tightly. The blonde could feel the other’s tears on his tongue as he pulled back when Josh sniffled, his palm still cupping Josh’s cheek, mumbling against the brunette’s lips, “And I think I just realized I love you, too.”

TBC...

Power Of Love Home     Part Eleven