Chapter 12

JC watched Justin.

Justin watched JC.

For a very, very long time. The silence was thick and suffocating.

JC blinked hard.

Suddenly Justin was stretching out of his shirt.

Long strides were all it took for Justin to reach him, and JC held his breath as he fell to the bed, Justin’s hands holding him gently. He would have never guessed.

They scooted up until JC’s head met the pillows and Justin’s knee pushed the brunette’s thighs apart.

They watched each other for a long time, JC’s eyes asking the hundreds of questions that were running through his mind. Justin watched him with calm eyes, his face showing no _expression at all.

"What are you doing?" JC asked when he finally found his voice, his eyes wide, Justin’s hands stalling on lifting his shirt.

Justin looked at him, his brow scrunched together in thought. "I’m trying to figure out what it is about you."

JC was confused but didn’t say anything more because Justin’s hands were skimming against his sides, warm palms causing silent tremors. It wasn’t fair it only took a touch.

But this wasn’t what he had imagined... wait, he had never imagined anything at all. This wasn’t expected. This was spontaneous and so out of the blue, he was getting suspicious.

"Wait, wait. What is this?" JC asked and pushed on Justin’s nude chest, though after his fingers touched the golden skin, he found it hard to tear the digits away.

He managed to, though, and slid from underneath him, sitting up against the headboard. "What are you doing?" he repeated.

Justin took a ragged breath, stood on his knees and JC was slightly raptured because here was Justin kneeling before him, his bare chest rippled and shiny and damn, was he drooling? He brought a hand to his mouth and tried to play it off, plucking at his bottom lip.

When the silence ensued JC crossed his arms. "Well if you’re not gonna talk..."

Justin sighed and JC’s eyes slid down his face, over his collarbone resting on the ribcage exposed from the breath in.

"I’m tryna see if its sex." he mumbled and sagged, falling onto his feet, his hands fidgeting with the waistband of his boxers peeking out from his jeans.

"Excuse me?"

Justin raised an eyebrow. JC was still staring down his pecs.

"You wanna look at my face? Or you wanna stare down my ass?"

JC blushed, then shook his head with a frown.

"What the hell are you doing? I’m not going to have sex with you just to see if that’s what’s attracting you to me or... I just... no!" He sat up straight and stared at Justin, suddenly beyond offended at the motive. "No, no, no. I’m not gonna be your little expir-"

"Please don’t get pissy, queen."

JC narrowed his eyes. He also bit his tongue. "Whatever, you can put back on your shirt-"

Justin smiled and got on all fours, a wicked smile crossing his face. "You really want that?"

Justin’s hands were by his sides and JC slid down again, trying to get away from Justin and his electric touches.

"Yes, dammit, I’m not going to jus-"

Justin silenced the brunette with a slow brush of his lips, angling his head as his mouth worked against still lips.

But when nothing happened, Justin pulled back and stared at JC with mild shock. JC had his own eyes closed, his arms held at his sides and suddenly deja vu crept up upon Justin.

"You goin’ to kiss me back?" He supposed he should be mad, a little insulted but he found this slightly exciting. Not everyone denied him action.

JC shook his head tightly but rapidly and pursed his lips. "You’re playing me. I want you to get off me."

"Get you off?"

JC opened an eye and glared. "Get off. I’m not fucking playing your stupid ass games-"

"I’m not playin’ games. I’m tryna figure out whats best for both-"

"Bullshit, why would you care about me?"

Justin narrowed his eyes, looking at JC though his mind was elsewhere. So he was using JC for his own selfish reasons, but the sooner he figured this out...

"Look, this shit is fucked up. I’m tryna get over it. If its sex, then we can fuck and it’ll be over." Simply said, Justin was proud.

JC’s face was hard and he pushed on Justin’s shoulders.

"Get the fuck off of me now!"

Justin tensed and stayed his ground. "Look, I aint gonna lie to you and say I love you if its not like that."

JC looked at him, shielded the hurt from his eyes nicely and nodded.

"You’re just being honest." he mumbled, more to himself than Justin. He shouldn’t have been so hurt, he didn’t love Justin. Why should Justin love him?

Justin looked down and watched JC’s face, his eyes skimming over his features, landing on his lips. And part of his brain told him not to because obviously this wasn’t what JC needed, but the other part told him to fuck what other people needed. This was about him, and as he had learned in the past, he was the only one that mattered.

Justin lowered his head and put a hand on JC’s waist, familiar lips forming around JC’s and while the other gasped at the shock he was soon getting used to, Justin’s tongue swiped across his teeth, then challenged JC’s own as they touched.

JC’s hands moved slowly as they slipped up and down the muscular back, the blonde’s tongue making love to his mouth expertisely.

Justin’s one hand was holding him up, the other running over the smooth, still clothed body underneath him.

He then took his mouth away and gripped the hem of JC’s shirt, yanking it over the brunette’s head, the arms getting stuck. He lifted JC’s arms and the t shirt came off easily, and once JC’s face was in view, the older man was flushed and Justin’s head dipped, his tongue peeking out to swipe a long lewd line from JC’s collar bone to his chin, kissing the tip, before dipping again, nipping at JC’s neck.

The brunette’s arms wrapped around broad shoulders and long fingers gripped onto braids. JC, absently, thought about what Justin would look like with his hair out. He’d probably never get to see. But then again, he mused, look at him now.

Justin’s tongue lapped at his nipples, bathing both in too much attention, JC’s back arched against his stomach, cat like. His teeth grazed JC’s glowing skin and his hands fumbled with JC’s zipper--

Wait, his zipper?

"St-top." JC arched again as his pants were lowered, the cool air hitting his hot thighs. Justin ignored his plea easily. His tongue licked in the cavern of JC’s belly button, kissing the downy hairs that got thicker and more numerous as his mouth moved south.

JC didn’t realize he was naked, all the way naked, until his half hard cock (thanks to the attention Justin was giving) rubbed against the base of Justin’s throat. A swift shock of pleasure launched through him and he groaned as his hand crawled to the side and gripped at the sheets.

Justin settled back and JC closed his eyes, ready for what came next, though he wasn’t quite sure it was real. No, it probably wasn’t, so this had to be one of the best wet dreams he had ever had.

The blonde’s breath was thick and cool against him and when there were fingertips dancing on him, sliding against him, he could practically feel the blood rush from his head, from the logic side of course, straight to his groin.

Then everything stopped and it felt like the record had skipped and JC’s eyes popped open. This was going to turn into a nightmare, he knew it.

But when he looked down at Justin, still between his shamelessly spread legs, looked into Justin’s dark eyes, he saw something he probably shouldn’t have seen, but saw anyway.

Fear.

There was fear pooling in those eyes and Justin’s hand was trembling against his thigh. The younger man pressed harder to stop it.

JC kept his eyes locked with Justin’s and shook his head softly, trying to make sure Justin didn’t feel forced. He wasn’t going to be selfish.

Justin was still looking at him, now with dark and wide eyes as if he’d never seen anything like it before. And maybe he hadn’t, well in the circumstances they were in, JC ruled out.

Then a smooth body laid against his, slithered up, skin rubbing against skin and damn, if Justin didn’t find the right places to press closer.

Justin laid along his body when their faces met, wide eyes still looking into JC’s. JC didn’t know what to do or say. He laid still, his arms still draped over Justin’s shoulders, comfortably.

"What you want me to do?"

Shocked eyes stared back and JC tried not to gape.

"A-are you asking me?" His voice rose higher at the end and he winced slightly.

Justin cracked a smile. "You always stutter when you’re in bed?" But the smile was gone by the end of the sentence as soon as he realized where he was, who he was with, what they were doing... or about to do for that matter.

JC looked down and Justin shook his head. "Please look at me." His voice was soft and so unlike him that JC looked up immediately, somehow feeling as if he owed it to him.

"What now?" he asked, his eyes trained on the pink of Justin’s mouth. He was afraid to look at his eyes.

Justin shifted and JC was suddenly aware of his so-called ‘problem’ down below and closed his eyes against the want that was left from the small movement.

"I won’t do this." Justin had an edge to his voice, one of defense, of force, like he wasn’t going to do this if he didn’t want to. But JC wasn’t pressuring him in the first place. It seemed natural, an instinct almost.

"I’m not here t-"

"But... but I think I want to. Ya know, with you. And that scar-" He stopped suddenly and when JC looked into his eyes again, they were shelled over. JC missed the bare eyes now that they were gone.

"It scares you?"

"No." he answered much too quickly, not about to admit to it and JC sank into the bed.

"Oh... ok." He had no idea how to talk to this man.

Silence followed.

"What do... what do you think when you see me?" the young blonde asked emotionally and JC wriggled slightly, getting ready for a serious talk. His brow furrowed and Justin held his breath.

"Honestly?" the brunette asked and Justin nodded. He needed to know the truth. "OK, uh..." JC licked his lips and sighed. Then his eyes slowly slid over to Justin’s eyes and face and he did a once over. "What I think of you? When I first saw you, I thought you were a good basketball player, a little pompous, but good... and gorgeous. A little out of place but you seemed to shine-"

"What do you see me as now?"

JC picked at his inner lip for a quick second before answering. "This guy who just, just knows how to press my buttons without being aware of it. You frustrate me to no end sometimes, I just... I just wanna get it through your head that I’m not against you. And that, I... I want you to be ok with who you are- Wait, don’t roll your eyes at me. I just, I want you. And I want to have the right to want you."

Justin’s biceps flexed and JC sighed, continuing as his fingers flitted over the tan skin. "When I see you now I see you as this guy who just... pulls me in without knowing it. You can touch me and I’ll ache for you for the rest of the day. You can look at me and I can feel it in my toes. You have... this way and I..." He shrugged softly.

Justin kept silent, his eyes darting from JC’s collarbone to his shoulders as he processed this. This situation, this ‘relationship’, this man.

"You want me?" he finally whispered.

JC nodded. "I want you, but I know I can’t have you the way I want you."

Justin shook his head slowly. "You don’t know me."

JC nodded again. "I know. That’s what sucks. Because I have this... thing for you and I don’t even know you and you’re totally against it and me and it’s kinda defeated purpose-"

"I think I want you too." Justin interrupted and stared at JC, gauging his reaction. All JC gave him was a red face and confused features.

"I guess I don’t get it then."

Now Justin was not expecting that. He just professed a need, a want and in his vulnerable state the man he was professing for didn’t get it. He wouldn’t do it again.

"I know what it is." JC said after a few minutes. "I don’t get you. You hate me-"

"I don’t."

"You dislike me." JC said quickly and sighed when he got no interruption. "You... you fight me one minute, the next your tongue’s down my throat, then the next I offend you and you go running. And now, you suddenly want something from me? And I’m not saying sex, I’m... like, you’re here..." his voice became a whisper as his lashes lowered slightly. "You’re holding me right now and you’re saying that you want me too, but in a few hours tops you’ll be back to hating my guts because I’m out doing ‘cop’ stuff. I... I don’t get it."

Justin laid above him and for the first time in a long time, guilt was flowing through his veins, surprisingly curling around his heart.

"It’s hard. I can’t just come out and be with you, I." His brain was screaming at him, his pride was hanging its head in shame. He had succumbed to this man and it was too late to take it back.

"I’m sorry." And shit, he never apologized. What was so different now?

They looked into each other’s eyes, both mesmerized.

"I can read your eyes like an expert." JC whispered and Justin bowed his head. "Just... admit it to yourself." he said softly, trying to urge but not force.

Justin shook his head and balanced himself on one arm as the other ran over his braids. "You don’t get it." he whispered thickly. "I can’t promise you nothin’." As he lifted, JC’s arms slipped from his shoulders and fell against his chest softly. Justin watched the bedspread as he slid from the bed.

He walked towards the door, snatching his shirt from the floor. "I’m going to bed." he muttered, closing his eyes as he shut the bedroom door behind him.

Chapter 13 [coming soon]
Tricky Index