Part 13

JC felt touched. Justin had opened up to him. Him.

But not all was well. JC was still naked, alone in his bed and Justin was out, maybe on the couch, maybe not even in the apartment.

He turned and laid on his side, bringing a hand to his lips then to his cheeks. His hand dropped and he wrapped his arms around him, bringing up the comforter.

He was lonely and he missed Justin.

If he wasn’t insane, he didn’t know what was.

Tension wasn’t even the word.

There was a cement block between Justin and JC. Everytime they would get too close, it would keep them at bay. JC couldn’t even brush against Justin, hoping to feel something when the block would push him away.

It was a hell of a lot worse than tension.

JC was sitting on his couch, Justin on a stool at the counter, the older brunette on the phone. He was going out that night and making plans with a jubilant, and stubborn mind you, Joey.

“Joe, I don’t want a-”

“You need a guy. This guy isn’t grabbing the bait? Fuck him. You could have yourself a pretty young thing tonight. Ooh, PYT, pretty young thing!” Joey sang and JC smiled slightly. It would be the first in the past few days.

“I don’t want a PYT.” he chuckled. “No, Joe I just wanna...” he looked up at Justin who ducked his head immediately. He turned back to the conversation. “Um, I just wanna have fun. Ya know hang out. Who else is gonna be there?”

“Uh, I invited Lancesters-”

“Ah, I hate that nickname. You sound like you’re in kindegarden.” Joey laughed. “Lance hates it too. But he’s coming, I’m making him and Chris might stop by in a few minutes, I’ll ask him then.”

“And I’m driving seperately.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not gonna be left at the bar to find my own way home because your taking some jailbait back to your apartment.” JC smiled and settled down more, putting his feet on the coffee table.

“So you heard from your boss lady lately? I think I saw her in the department. She was looking fly.”

JC laughed. “Then it probably wasn’t her. And nah, I’m scared to call her. I haven’t, well...” His eyes slid up to Justin’s and watched the younger man eat a bowl of cereal.

“Yeah, loverthug is the only thing on your mind. You’re gonna get hurt.”

“So, everything cool?” JC changed the subject quickly.

“Yeah, I’ll be over at 10. You can follow us, alright?”

JC picked at his torn jeans. “Yeah. See ya then.” He clicked the phone off and sighed, crossing his legs. He didn’t dare look up.

Justin was noisy, eating his food and JC was satisfied with that. But, he had things to ask Justin. He had let Justin stay this long for business reasons. He hadn’t even started and he needed to.

“Justin?”

Justin kept on eating and JC sighed.

“Um, about our... arrangement. The whole, you let me in on things.” JC sat up, clearing his throat. “We need to talk about that. I need to... umm..” JC watched in confusion as Justin put his bowl in the sink and turned towards the living room, picking up his jacket.

“Wait, where are you...” Justin was walking away and the door slammed in JC’s face, or at least that’s what it felt like. And JC felt his stomach drop.

They were starting over again.

A week had passed and everything was the way it used to be.

Justin ignored JC, JC hid his hurt well. Neither saw one another, none the less talked to each other. JC was busy with work on the streets, knowing Justin wasn’t his ticket in anymore. Justin was off by himself and sometimes the blonde didn’t come home, but JC didn’t mind... that much.

Now, JC walking into his apartment with a big down jacket pulled tight against him, he realized one thing: It was as cold inside as it was outside. This couldn’t be good.

He shut the front door and padded to his room, walking through the threshold and stared.

Justin was in his bed, wrapped up in all the blankets he had. Other than the picture being perfect, it made more sense as to why it was so cold in his apartment.

“Heats out.” Justin shivered and JC nodded, biting his lip.

“Let me... uh, let me call. See what’s up.” he muttered, not used to Justin talking to him as of late. He picked up the phone, dialing the land lord’s number and waited. When he peeked out of the corner of his eye, he could see Justin watching him and couldn’t deny the shiver that ran up his spine.

“Hello?” A rather large voice said and JC shivered, his teeth chattering slightly.

“Uh, hi. I’m Josh Chasez in 318-”

“And you’re calling about the heat. I know, we’re trying to get it fixed as fast as possible. For tonight bundle up and keep warm. Thanks.” The line was dead and JC frowned.

“Uh, hello?” He turned back to Justin. “He said it’s gonna be a night, I... I...” How was he supposed to say that he wanted to be in his bed. Especially to Justin. He was going to be walking on eggshells, that’s for sure.

But he didn’t have to because Justin moved a little and suddenly there was a hole in the covers and a spot for JC.

JC looked at the free space then back to Justin, reluctant. “Are you su-”

“Go ‘head. I’m in your bed.”

JC nodded and scooted in. He tried not to notice that yes, this was Justin in his bed.

“You’re shivering.” Justin mumbled and he turned to look at JC. JC couldn’t deny that the man before him was gorgeous with his light eyes and blonde hair and small mouth.

“Why are you here? I’m sure you have a frien-”

“You want me out?” Justin’s tone was full of disbelief and JC shook his head quickly.

“No, that’s not it. I just thought you may have been more comfortable-”

“I can decide that on my own.” Just spat back easily, turning his eyes heavenward.

JC kept quiet and brought his knees up to his chest. “It’s fucking cold.” he murmured.

“I know.” Justin sighed and scooted closer to him. He watched JC while he did it, his movements slow. His arms were warm and nice as they wrapped around JC’s body.

“Oh... ok.” JC breathed and his own arms wrapped around Justin’s waist. What a predicament to be in, huh? With all the drama that they have had, it’s surprising that they were here now, holding onto each other with ease. JC tried not to sigh, but his body felt light and warm. It was from Justin’s single touch and JC didn’t find it fair at all.

“Your mom called earlier.”

“Thanks...” JC whispered, then thought about something. “Hey, you don’t talk to me like you do your friends.”

“You’re not my friends.”

JC furrowed his brow and swallowed the injury. Justin, who was watching him, suddenly bit his tongue.

“I mean, you’re not them. I don’t do it to put on a show, I just, when I’m ‘round them, I just start talkin’ like them. When I’m around you, you’re all proper-”

“I highly doubt I speak proper english.”

“Whatever, don’t interrupt me. With you speaking in full sentences, I try to clean it up a little.”

JC stared at the logo on Justin’s shirt, his scent warm. “For me?”

Justin shifted slightly and JC stayed silent. He didn’t mind when Justin evaded the question.

“You’re crazy.” Justin suddenly burst out with and JC frowned.

“And you’re weird. But I never said anything.” he retorted a little offended. When JC looked up at Justin, he blushed softly because Justin was smiling at him.

“I meant because you forgive too easily. You’re too good. You act like no has ever fucked you over before. Don’t get it.”

JC looked up and bit his lip. “Just because I don’t hold grudges or bring myself down doesn’t mean I haven’t been screwed royally.”

JC watched as Justin tried to hold his smile back but was unsuccessful as he started cheesing, giggling almost.

“What?”

“‘Screwed Royally’? Only white people say that-”

“Oh whatever. If that’s not the pot calling kettle black.” JC said with a roll of his eyes and Justin smiled, looking up wards again.

“You’ve been ignoring me for the past few days, this is weird.” JC said and plucked at Justin’s shirt. That logo was itching to be played with.

“So have you.”

“You walked out on me.”

“You wanted to have sex-”

“So did you!”

JC was right and Justin’s lips curved downwards. “Alright, so whatever.”

“You put that tension between us.”

Justin looked away and swallowed thickly. JC felt bad.

“I’m not trying to blame you, I just... I want something concrete with you. I want to know if we’re sworn enemies. Quaint friends, or something more.” he ended whispering and brought a cold blanket up higher. It seemed to be getting colder outside, under the blankets getting warmer.

Justin watched JC with thoughtful eyes, dark blue vibrant. “You don’t get what I would be riskin’. You don’t know what the fuck I have been throu-”

JC leaned close so they were face to face. “Tell me.” he murmured near Justin’s mouth, his eyes staring directly into the blonde’s.

Justin was slightly raptured by the gaze, not knowing where else to look. He opened his mouth, feeling his mind protest at every movement. “I...” He couldn’t do it and shut his mouth, defeated.

JC nodded. “It’s alright if you can’t. I’m not expecting you to, I just.” JC looked up and stared at Justin’s face. Justin’s lips were pursed and JC felt his own shifting to be closer. “This isn’t making anything better but I, I...” He was too close to Justin and he couldn’t help himself. He leaned up and kissed Justin’s mouth, slow and sweet. His head moved with his lips, Justin’s hand traveling up to rest on JC’s cheek. JC was pulled closer and kissed deeeper, needing this. Wait-- needing this?

JC pulled back, Justin’s hand still on his cheek. “No. I.” He stared into Justin’s eyes, his own reading the pair. Yes. He *needed* this. “Please.” he whispered and leaned closer. “Be with me.” he murmured against soft lips, giving them a slow brush of his tongue. “Please.” he repeated before kissing Justin again.

Justin continued to kiss JC, his mind on the decision he was about to make. His mind was screaming no. His body was screaming yes. His heart... well his heart didn’t have a say in the matter. It didn’t mean anything to him anymore except for it being a vital organ.

Justin opened his eyes when JC stopped kissing him and stared with worry. He didn’t even know.

No. The answer was that easy. No. No. Hell no. Fuck no! No! NO! “Yes.” he breathed and a warm fuzzy feeling filled his body, his bones tingling. “Yes.” he replied again and JC watched him with shocked eyes.

“Ok.” he returned slowly and Justin could see a light in his eyes. Another feeling, one that made his heart constrict washed over his body quickly and he secretly loved it.

He fell asleep with JC in his arms, mounds of blankets covering the two and for the time being, everything was perfect.

It was hot, sweat plastering his shirt to his back and he shook off the rest of the covers. Justin blinked a few times, realizing the heat was back on and the covers were pooled at the foot of the bed and on the floor.

Then events hit him hard. “Shit.” JC had asked. “Fuck.” He had said yes... yes. “Good lord.” He shut his eyes and moved his arms, surprised to find them empty. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit disappointed.

“Shit.” he cursed again as he sat up, fear courisng through his veins. What if JC realized he was just a thug who didn’t deserve him. Fuck, what was he thinking? He wasn’t made for relationships. He loathed them, and now he was dealing with a cop? This couldn’t be good. He was so confused, questions he wished were not asked in the first placed needed to be answered and he was a big blank.

He got out of the bed, treading over to the open door, peering cautiously into the living room. He expelled a large breath he hadn’t known he was keeping in when he saw JC sitting on the counter, talking on the phone, munching quietly. His heart felt as if it was swelling in his chest, his mind cursing his emotions.

He walked slowly, quietly and when he stood in the entry, JC looked over with a smile that melted Justin’s anxiety. He stepped forward and gave a small smile also, watching as JC let his legs swing from the counter.

“Yes, ma’am, I know... I have been a little slow...” he was saying, picking at his fingers. To say the least, Officer Camme wasn’t too happy when she found out JC didn’t have much to show at the board meeting next week.

Justin watched with curious eyes. JC looked like a hurt puppy and he wanted to know why. He wanted to make it go away... God, he was going to get hurt, he knew it.

The next thing he did was spontaneous and candid and so not him, but Justin placed a small kiss on JC’s cheek, making the man stop talking all together to stare at him, slack jawed. Justin was suddenly regretful and he took a step back awkwardly. Was that the right thing? Damn, it had been so long he didn’t even know.

JC reached out hesitantly and let his fingers brush against Justin’s face quickly before smiling and bowing his head. Justin was surprised at the feeling of warmth in his body.

JC blinked hard. “Yes, yes I’m here... alright, I’ll get to-... I know. I’m sorry about-... ok, bye.” JC pushed the end button with his thumb and sighed, frowning. He ran a hand through his waves, trying to look at least halfway decent. He looked up and saw Justin standing in front of him, staring at him, though you could see it in his eyes that he was thinking. JC felt a bit intrusive.

“What was that about?” Justin asked, blinking, now looking at JC.

JC sighed and shrugged easily. “I just... I’ve been a little lazy with work. I’m still at block one.”

Justin bit his lip. That was partly his fault. He hadn’t been doing much either and he guessed the drama between them was part of it also.

“This is weird, isn’t it?” JC asked softly and Justin chuckled slightly. He was just glad he didn’t have to be the one to say it.

“No lie. I-” he stopped talking and looked away immediately. This was weird.

“You regret... this?” JC’s voice was but a whisper and Justin looked at him.

Yes, of course he was regretting it because he didn’t know how to do this. He shouldn’t be doing this. Not when they were on two different levels, not when he didn’t believe in relationships, not when it could get them into more trouble than what it was worth.

Justin looked at JC with soft eyes and smiled to himself. “No.”

JC bowed his head, picking at his flannel pajama pants. “You’d tell me if you... do, right? I just...”

Justin moved closer, stepping uncertainly in between JC’s legs, his hands settling on JC’s thighs lightly. When JC looked at him with crystal eyes with answers beneath the glass, everything was all too clear. No, he didn’t regret a thing.

They were kissing again, JC cradling Justin’s head as the blonde pulled him closer to the edge. Now, with light tongue touches and gentle gropes, they were free and concrete. There were no alterior motives, no second guesses and Justin felt high, his teeth nipping on the older man’s lip.

“This is crazy.” he murmured, leaning close.

JC’s eyes fluttered close at the press of his lips and mouthed his reply into Justin’s mouth, his hands tightening on the younger man’s neck.

“No bullshit.” he breathed when he pulled away, his body on fire, his skin flushed red.

“I like it.” Justin confessed softly, too soft for JC to hear and leaned in for another candy kiss. But JC smiled with closed eyes, his lips in a grin against Justin’s lips. He had heard anyway and his toes were tingling.