Part 9

JC was mortified. Absolutely mortified. There was no way he was going out there, even if his life depended on it. Oh no.

"JC?"

Justin was banging on the door and JC groaned. He looked in the mirror, his face a horrible shade of red. He was beyond humiliated. He was going to die.

"I gotta piss, get out of the bathroom."

JC pouted. "It’s my bathroom."

The banging stopped. "Just come out and lemme use it and then you can go back in and burrow or whatever."

"Go somewhere else."

"Where the hell do you want me to go?"

It was silent and JC splashed his face with cold water. He could never face Justin again.

"Ok, so you were beatin’ your meat, its all good. A lot of people do it." Justin chuckled and JC turned redder, slapping a hand over his warm forehead.

"You are so not making this better."

Justin laughed on the other side. JC realized it was one of few he had ever heard. "Only white people say so like that."

"You are white!"

There was silence again and JC stood by the door.

"Right, so if you aint coming out, then..." There was a small silence before Justin continued, "Can we talk?"

JC, who was shocked this man wanted anything to do with him, nodded.

"Hello?"

"Oh.. Oh, yeah. Sure."

Justin slid down against the door. "Don’t say it like I’m forcing you. I don’t have to stand here and-"

"Just talk already." JC sighed.

Justin smiled, but that disappeared quickly and he sighed. "I can’t keep kissing you." JC smiled on the other side. "And you can’t keep letting me."

"Why not?" As far as JC knew, kissing was ok.

"Are you shittin’ me? Look at me, and look at you and then tell me why we should hook up."

JC frowned. "OK, so I can see we have some communication issues. But, I mean..."

"You believe in that true love shit, don’t you?"

JC blushed. He did. "Sorta."

"And you believe if we worked at this ‘relationship’ we’d get it, right?"

"Look, if you wanna mock me, you’re wasting your time. I don’t know why you just can’t let whats gonna be, be."

Justin was chewing on a hangnail, thinking. He didn’t like that JC was challenging him. "You wouldn’t get it."

"Try me."

"No."

"Then you’re a loser."

Justin fisted his hands, bit his tongue. He wasn’t going to get angry. He wasn’t.

"You’re a... loser." the lame response was.

"Then tell me why we can’t kiss." JC bowed his head, his face warm and pink. He sounded stupid.

"Because, I-... I can’t. Simple as that."

JC shook his head. "Explain it to me-"

"There’s nothing to explain."

"But there is, you just don’t want to because you’re scared."

Justin’s eyes narrowed familiarly and he took a deep breath. "Fuck you." he said, surprisingly calm. "You don’t know shit-"

"I do." JC replied just as evenly. "You always say I don’t know anything about anything. Justin, I went to school for this. I know about the mind and the way it works. You’re just scared to admit that you’re gay because it’s a ‘sin’ and its wrong. You act like you’re the only one who has gone through that."

"I don’t need no fucking psychiatrist-" Justin growled but was interrupted.

"I never said I was one. I just want you to be honest with yourself."

There was scramble on the other side and then something hit the door and JC flinched away, holding a hand up this heart.

"I’m not fucking lying to myself and you don’t fucking know me so don’t try and act like you do! You’re just a motherfucking asshole who thinks he’s better than everyone because he went to fucking college and got a degree in fucking psychology." Justin continued to kick the door, his muscles tense. JC was on the other side, starting to worry. What the fuck was he doing to his bathroom door?

Justin was still ranting and JC put a hand to his head. God, he should have known. Justin was like a sleeping dog you tried not to wake up, but once you stepped on that creaky floorboard your grandmother warned you about, your ass was toast.

The banging stopped suddenly and JC started to pay attention again. But nothing was happening and when he reached for the doorknob he heard the front door slam shut.

"Fuck." he cursed and ran a hand through his hair. He had walked into a trap, willingly. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Justin was mad and a mad Justin was a whole other Justin to deal with.

There was a banging at Marcelle’s door and the man limped on his crutches to get it. He flung the wooden door open, a crutch snug between his armpit.

"J!" He moved out of the way quickly and a red faced Justin stomped in, running a hand over his hair, scratching his scalp. Marcelle knew something was wrong. "What happened?"

Justin plopped down on the couch and bit his lip, waiting for his friend to take a seat.

"You ever known a broad who you know you can’t hook up with, but you want to, no matter how against the rules it is?"

Marcelle studied his friend with quick eyes. "Yeah... whats this about?"

Justin took a deep breath. "I got this girl. And... and ya know... we... I-" He quieted, not wanting to talk about it for he didn’t know how to explain it.

"So you got this girl and you wanna get with her but she’s off limits?"

"Yeah, sorta like that."

"Hmm... alright." Marcelle was thinking. Then his eyes brightened and he turned to Justin with wide eyes. "This is the first time I ever seen you pressed over a girl."

Justin narrowed his eyes. "I’m not fucking pressed." he muttered and Marcelle pointed a finger at him, his laugh loud.

"Like hell you aren’t. Its written all over ya face you worried about this shit. So, ok, lets figure this out since ya know, I can actually help you this time." He was grinning and Justin rolled his eyes.

"Wipe that damn smile off your face."

Marcelle chuckled. "Tell me about her."

"No."

"Come on, just tell me what she’s like."

"So what am I going to do?"

"Ah, you’re not slick, boy. So where she from?"

Justin sighed. "Uh... Detroit." he lied and Marcelle nodded.

"Ok, and why is she off limits?"

"She uh... we just 2 different people. Like, our differences are too big, ya know?"

Marcelle put a finger to his chin and nodded again.

"So you wanna get with this girl, but yall are two different. Say her daddy’s a rich cocksucker who doesn’t like blac-" He stopped and smiled. "Thugs, but you still wanna get with her. And your problem is how to do that?"

Justin nodded, biting his lip.

"Can’t help ya, sorry." Marcelle said with a shrug.

Justin’s jaw dropped, and easily his eyes narrowed. "Are you playin’ with me?"

"Well, since I don’t know about the girl and you won’t tell me..."

"Fuck it. I’m not talking to you about this-"

"Who else you gonna talk to?" Marcelle asked and Justin crossed his arms, an unconscious pout on his lips. The black haired man took a hint. "So, where are you stayin’ at?"

Justin rubbed his eye and slumped into the couch. "That cop’s crib."

Just as Marcelle was about to answer with a loud, "I can’t believe you stayin’ there", he was interrupted by a loud, obscene cough. Justin looked to his left to see a woman standing there, a baby in her arms and a frown on her lips. Justin groaned.

"Justin, didn’t think I’d see ya cracka ass ‘round here no more."

Justin turned pleading eyes toward Marcelle.

"Go away Tania." Marcelle said and the small woman rolled her eyes at him before turning back to Justin.

"So what is it, white people don’t call you back no more?"

Justin put a hand over his eyes. "Go ‘way Tania. No one here wanna look at you." he said bluntly and the woman lurched back, as if slapped. She raised her hand, a long manicured finger held up as her eyes rolled.

"Bitch, I know you aint motherfucking talkin’ to me like that. Who was the motherfucker pressed to get up in me? Who was the one sweatin’ my nuts for a whole motherfucking week? Tell me that, J. Huh?"

Justin turned to Marcelle and shook his head. "I gotta go. Ya fucking sister’s crazy." He stood and started towards the door, throwing Tania a scowl, which she took with stride.

"Shut up you fucking honkey. You weren’t even that good-"

"That’s why you were screamin’ my name, right?"

Tania stopped and hefted the child in her arms higher and flipped him off. "Fuck you. Wanna be thug ass..." She walked back into her bedroom and Justin waved goodbye to his friend as he walked out the door.

He pulled his hood over his head, sure to keep his head slightly down. He was still in trouble with the 64's and he shouldn’t have been on the block at all but he needed to get out, away from JC and all the confusing shit that went along with him.

He had thought a lot on the matter. It wasn’t that his mind stayed on it, it was that his mind stayed on JC and that lead to trying to stay away from the brunette.

And it wasn’t that JC was a bad person, just someone who had nothing in common with Justin. Who didn’t know what it was like, but tried to figure it out anyway. And Justin didn’t appreciate that. No matter how much the older man said he was trying to help, he was still a cop trying to get in his business to Justin.

But then, as he silently brooded about the man, he couldn’t help but feel that inkling inside his chest about picturing JC, the ice eyes, the model cheekbones, the grin he had only seen twice and it was hard ignoring that. Ignoring that want that pulled him towards JC. And as it seemed, he had no self-control if the past few days were anything to judge by.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

On the other line, Joey chewed on his lip, trying to think of something smart to say.

"Well... uh..."

"And see this dude, he’s not even that great! I mean he chomps when he eats, he goes into these like, ghetto moods and he acts like he’s not white! He makes fun of me for it, forgetting that he’s white himself!" JC had continued anyway and ended with a hand on his forehead.

"So... why are you attracted to him again?"

"I don’t know... I just, I see him and..."

"He cute?"

"Oh, he’s gorgeous." was the simple answer and Joey suddenly understood with smile.

"Ah, so there it. This guy’s a jerk but he’s hot. But, what you have to decide is whether this guy is cute enough to make you forget what a punk he is, ya know?"

JC nodded and switched the phone to his other ear. "I just... I don’t know. This kid’s such a hassle and he has this thing against me cause ya know, I’m supposedly a cop and-"

"He knows you’re a cop?"

"Yeah but I’m not, ya know?"

Joey scratched his beard. "I thought you were doing the undercover thing." he inquired, missing JC’s point.

JC nodded again and took a seat at the counter. "I am... er, I was but then I kinda told him-"

"And he is supposedly in one of the gangs your trying to impress? Yeah, C, that’s a smart thing to do. Tell ‘em you’re a cop and they’ll love you forever."

"But I’m not a cop! I’m a-"

"You’re as close to one as you need to be for him to hate you. Dude, let it go. What do you want with a little hoodrat anyway?"

Joey was laughing to himself and JC sighed. This wasn’t getting him anywhere. Might as well end on a high note.

"Wanna go out tonight? Chisten’s only like, 30 minutes from Detroit."

Joey nodded on his side. "Sure, but not tonight, got a date."

JC smiled. "That’s cool, who’s the-" The door opened and JC’s head whipped towards it, his eyes widening when he saw Justin standing in the middle of it, his face wet. The first thing he thought was tears and something curled in his stomach. But as his mind came to and he heard the steady pattering of rain he sighed in relief.

Justin, who had now closed the door, stood in front of it, his eyes trained on JC as if he had never seen him before.

"Joe?" he breathed.

"Yeah?"

JC kept staring at Justin, his mind telling him to look away, his eyes not obeying in the least. "Can I call you later?"

There was silence and a clap of thunder sounded out around them.

"Sure, I’ll talk to you later."

"Alright. See ya."

JC put the phone down and suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands.

Justin took a step forwards and JC held his breath. The silence between them was unnerving and Justin was completely still and JC wanted him to move so he didn’t look like a fidgeting freak all by himself.

When nothing was being said, JC swallowed his uneasiness and opened his mouth. "We should talk."

That seemed to be the thing to say because Justin nodded a minute later, though he now had a frown on.

"Um..." JC bit his lip.

Justin nodded towards the bedroom. "Not here, your room."

And JC was suddenly aware of where his legs were taking him. To his bedroom. Bedroom. Where a bed was stationed. Where Justin would be. Justin and a bed? Maybe not the best combination, but his legs followed anyway and as he passed through the doors, he sent a prayer to something above him, asking for nothing to go awry as it seemed things were used to.

Part 10
Tricky Index