Welcome 2 My Live Journal (U Think U Know, But U Have No Idea)
Take A Breath & Then Walk Into My Crazy Life.......
(The Newest Ones Are First)

12/9/2005: 7:23 PM
hmm where do i start. i know its been so long since i wrote anything on here...and i'm sorry f or all you guys who have been keepin tabs on me and my site. so i'll start with work. its CRAZY!! workin in retail during the holiday season is explained in that one word. its true what they say too...the closer it gets to x-mas the meaner the ppl get. i've seen it ppl and its true. i'm bettin that alot of them don't realize how they are acting. i wanna tell them, but hey i gotta bite my tongue and smile. he he he. hmm guys where do i start with whats been going on. i'm single again, but then again i'm not sure if i was ever really "taken" in the first place. i wish guys were easier to read to knew what they wanted and made it easier for us to figure out. i know i know girls arn't any easier...but at least we drop hints....well SOMETIMES! i wrote a new poem "WInter Tears"...read it and let me know what u guys think. i took off latest news cause i could never keep up with the guys and now with fort minor it will be even harder....but enjoy the site anyways and keep sending in your poems and info for the fan spotlight....later guys!

5/22/2005: 1:43 PM
I know it's been A LONG time since my last entry. I won't say i'm sorry cause i've said that before & there is really no excuese for leavin you guys. So here's what's new: work is going good, esp since i aced my review and got a raise. That made me feel really good! I went through this thing with a guy. I was ready to call him my Bf, we kissed, hung out all that fun stuff "couples" do and then it came clear to me that he already had a GF. so i was really hurt. but i'm over it. we are still cool. we still hang out and talk on the phone, but i have to leave my feelings aside and let him be happy. I joined MySpace.com. its a cool site where you hang out with ppl and get to know them. if you are a member or wanna join, look me up under MikeFan4Eva211@yahoo.com & Lets chat sometime! Things are still very lonely with my dog gone. i'm doing better, but at the same time i'm still the same. I'm takin it one dayat a time and givin her angel kisses everyday! ttyl...

2/22/2005: 7:49 PM
Hey. I'm doing good, but at the same time i'm not. I walk through the days with a smile on to let ppl know i'm ok, but on the inside i'm still crying and torn apart. I'm doing alot better then i was on the 1st (Day after puttin' my dog down) but i'm ohh sooo lonely. I have no one to hold at nite. not to mention the pain i felt after i told the guy i really like, how i felt about him hoping to start over with him. i wanted so much to pretend like the past didn't happen. When i was in pain and dealing with my loss, he told me how happy he was cause the chick he likes said yes when he asked her out. he told me how he liked her and s*it. i mean i just get done confessing to him and he turn around and reacts with that. so i sent him a msg and told him how he hurt me, but i got no response...like it didn't matter to him how i felt. then its like he stopped talking to me. ohh i get it, he has a gf now so i don't exist. it hurts so bad. to tel urself to get over someone u liked so much. i'm trying hard to make myself get over him, although he stays on my mind. its getting easier thought cause i found me another crush. i miss the feeling of being in someones arms. that feeling u get when u know someone likes u back for a change. esp. now...i can't just go grab my dog and hold her. i lay in bed alone & cold. it sux. i would give anything to feel that again...even pay some stupid guy to hold me. i'm tired of being alone. i know god has a plan for me...but i have my doubts. my mom & sis are getting on my nerves and keep talkign when i crave the silence. i know they don't know my pain..or even how to deal with it..and i'm not asking them to..i jsut want them to understand it. well i think i've said enough 4 now...nite guys!

2/1/2005: 6:02 PM
Well, i was gonna start the new year with a bang. I wanted to get my butt in gear & update my site...BUT things went crazy. I jsut put my loving companion of 17 years to sleep on 1-31-05. It was the hardest thing i hope i ever have to do. So cause of that i'm takin a bit of time off and i'll be backto update asap. THANX..

11/29/2004: 7:38 PM
Hey! i know i haven't written in awhile but i'm back now. Things are going good....if thats what you wanna call it. This site needs some major work...YEP i'm getting there. my migraines have come back & it sux! i started takin my meds again. so hopefully they will work very fast!!! Ummm i won't even get started on work cause i know you guys are tired of hearing about it as i am tired of talking about it...i wanna start the pen pal club over again. i miss you guys and i wanna invite all the newcomers to join as well! gotta jet...TTYL

10/7/2004: 8:33 PM
Work is stressing me out big time! i wish i could put my foot down more often and say what is really on my mind. but i can't. i can, but not without facing the cons. i'm trying to apply to a school in oshkosh but the guy won't call me back. i'm gonna send him a letter and see whats up. other than that thigns are pretty much the same. i've been in thinking mode lately and that is pretty much leaving my mind blank!! lol...i've been trying to think of ideas to make this site more better. i know what i wanna do with it, but i don't know if i have the patience to do it. lol..i'll keep ya posted.

9/18/2004: 8:22 AM
Hey! I'm been keeping busy cause lately i've had some stuff on my mind. for one thing i miss my inspiration. a friend moved away and now that hes gone, the thoughts cloud my mind again and its a constant battle to stay sane. work is ok....i guess. i was thinking about it and i'm really happy there, but its the people i work with. my management for one. things are going really good for Chris and me. i feel really comfortable around him. we have been hanging out at the bars and i noticed that the only time i seem have a clear frame of mine is around him. its weird but part of my happiness is still when i talk to him or hang out with him. hes a cool friend. i look at how i used to be with him and how i am now and its quite funny. at one point i was to shy to even look at him. now i can shoot him down with verbal backflips lol....(u know where thats from) i'm doing research on a few school i like. i'm waiting to hear back from one of them in oshkosh. i'm gonna call him again on mon. see whats going on. hmmmmmm i think my mind went blank again.

8/29/2004: 8:34 PM
Holy Shit! I'm soooo tired. but its totally worth it. i saw lp again in East Troy. It was off the hook...but if u've been to a lp concert..need i say more? We drove 4 hours to get there, and had to drive 4 hours back after the show was done @ midnight. i'm still tired. i'm working on my concert summary so u can look out for that! Well the time came, kenny is gone! i miss him already, eventhough he left yesturday. i'm so happy for him to be going for what he loves but at the same time i miss him and wasn't quite ready to say goodbye. i know i'll talk to him later and online, or visit him, but going out won't be the same! anyways i got burnt today at the loyal corn festival. who would have thought they would dedicate a day to eating corn! lol...i've been doing nothing but laying around this weekend! i can't complain but hey i have stuff to do to.

8/21/2004: 2:20 AM
Hmmm lets see. I just turned 23 on Thurs. It was ok except there were a few things i wish i could have changed. Things didn't go the way i was hoping they did and the people i really wanted to say happy birthday remained silent about it. Work is going ok. The girl i'm having problems with is leaving at the end of this month so i'm gonna wait and see what if anything will change. My only problem is that believe it or not i need to slow down and NOT work so hard! I try to hard to get everything done and keep everything runnin smoothly. basically i feel like the asst manager even the manager at times. i know i'm jsut a full-timer but still. i guess thats jsut the way i am. most of this stress i complain about i bring on myself so i can't really blame anyone but me! anyways i'm seeing the guys again along with korn and a few others on friday the 27th. U can check back for the concert summary after the show. i found out that a friend of mine is leaving the state next week. its really hard cause i've gotten so close to him and maybe even started liking him in other ways too. don't get me wrong freindship is better than nothing and it a great thing, but i can really see myslef with somone like that! i'm putting together a lil going away present 4 him. hmmm i guess thats all she (I) wrote! NIGHT

7/1/2004: 10:25 PM
Went Out last night and i can say it was nice to finally leave my problems at the door. i had fun. things with chris could be better. i miss talking to him. he seemed to be the only one who understood hat i was actually saying. but i wonder if that was only in my head. i keep asking myself what is going on, why i still like him. its not about liking him as much as the way he makes me feel, that feeling is going away its been all about guy problems lately. i'm still confused to what i wanna go to school for, i have ideas. i just havve to go through my career asses. class binder and study it a little more. hmmm...beth...hunny...that was a good decision and i'm here if you need me! lets see...work is getting harder and harder. i'm tired or trying to kiss azz to make it through the day. i don't deserve that. im still sick. its been over 3 weeks now. grrr i can't take anymore i almost lost my voice a few times. ohh and my headaches are getinng beter but i get a good one here an there. but yeah some people do sleep and i';m one to them....Night guys!

6/25/2004: 9:12 AM
HEY! I know its been a looooooooooooooong time sine my last entry. I'm sorry. For Those of you who keep up with me and wanna know where i've been its simple NOWHERE! LMAO....i've just been a little busy and when i have time to update i forget or get to lazy. but i'll work on that and at least update 4 times a week! So.....ANYWAYS....i've been doing good. i had some pc problems but i think i have it under control now...until my cuz comes over anyways..he he he i'm looking for some new decals to put in my car..i need to do something with it...i'll think of some new stuff to update ya guys on..my mind is really blank now..so my next entry will be better....ttygl

5/17/2004: 8:12 PM
Lets See....I'm doing ok. I'm in one of my moods and i don't even know why. I know i miss one guy & wanna get closer to the other one. I might have lost one of my best friends oh and i'm not to sure how happy i am about this job now. I love it don't get me wrong. I'm just going crazy trying to impress everyone. I still kind of feel like i have to pull more than my weight around. I've been told to many times to slow down and do what i can...but my body won't let me. When i know what needs to be done i just have to get it done. The other full timer is cool. I like working with her, i jsut wish we would be more on the same level and not feel so far apart when working together. She does it her way, no questions asked and i guess sometimes it seems easier so i follow her. And thats where i get in trouble. I swear if i keep getting caled in to that office i'll go crazy. Each time i feel like jsut walking out. But i need that job and i really like it. I need to learn how to do what i need to. But i guess at the same time i don't know where to start. I know i need help, but i hate asking for it. Anyways enough about that...i've gone out 4 times this week getting about 4 hours of sleep those nights, and its catching up with me. I've been lazy & tired all day!! Ok time to jump in bed and NEVER come out!! LMAO...

5/10/2004: 8:19 PM
Time just goes by toooo fast sometimes. It feels like it was just yesturday that i did my last entry, but it was almost a week ago. Lol. I finally got the pix from my girl sarah. The fan i met at the concert. She sent me copies of the concert. They turned out a little better then mine did. I'm digginf around to get some latest news, check back soon. I'm sooooo bored right now. thinkin about taking a drive into town. ohhh yeah i almost got into another acident today. This chick decided to come in my lane without looking and i almost hit her...i had to laugh cause my horn works alot better than i thought it did...he he he. anywho i'm outta here! gotta go raid the fridge!!! =)

5/5/2004: 9:39 PM
Hey I'm BACK! I was having puter problems and i couldn't come on as much as i wanted to. First i couldn't get my scandisk to run, it kept restarting, so i knew i had errors on the hard drive. then i had to reinstall NAV04 to get it to run properly. but as usual i couldn't get it to reinstall, so for a few weeks i didn't come on for long. just long enough to check my mail and that was it. i wasn't taking any chances getting a virus. but i got some help and did a little investigating myself and came to a conclusion that helped me! and here i am! so anyways whats up with everyone! i'm getting ready to update my site. it needs it! i just put BLUE streaks in my hair...he he he it looks sooooo cool! ok this is it for now, i just wanted to let you guys know i'm still here...check back for a new one....=)

4/4/2004: 8:45 PM
WOW! Has it really been that long since my last entry? I'm sorry guys! But, anyways here it is...Things are going good. I'm still at Younkers and lovin it...MOST DAYS! i'm still doing more work than some of the girls in my dept. in a way i feel like management. But i don't care. I'm just trying to get everything done and on time. I'm feening another concert. i almost got tix to one of the shows but they only had back seats left..and i'm not going if i have to sit in the wayyyy back! Hell no...i'm talking front row baby! lol...i've been having so many aches and pains its not funny. problems with my right leg mostly. it will hurt and the only way to make it not hurt is to twist it until it cracks..yep not healthy! but my insurance kicks in next month, so i'm gonna go to the doctor. i just got over a wonderful ear infection...same one as last time, but in the right ear this time. i had my first session of ear candling done. it was soooo cool! they put a candle in your ear and as it burns the smoke clears out your ear....it took almost all the wax & infection out...its cool! i'm gonna get it done more now...like once a month. I ran into an old friend today...he didn't know it was me at first. how bad is that...do i look that different?..ok its a good thing though. i think......

3/11/2003: 5:45 PM
Hey! Let's see. I had my 2nd tooth pulled on Tues. What a way to spend the day off. I only bled for 4 hours this time. Last time it was almost 3 before it stopped. It wasn't that bad this time cause i knew what to expect and i knew how to cope with the pain and discomfort. Plus i made sure to OD on tylenol. Anyways, i'm much better. Things are going good at work, i guess. I feel like i have to much responsibility and i'm pulling more than my weight around there. But hey the money is good, so i go and do what i need to. I GOT MY NEW CAR!!!! its a 2001 GRAND AM SE. Its SWEEEEEEEEEET! I'm learning as i go and i'm finding more and more fun toys on it that my last car didn't have. lmao....Tiffany called me today. She explained what was going on and where she has been. She said sorry and wanted to talk. I'm gonna call her later this week. Let her think some more how she hurt me. I might be going to NC to visit my cousin and to see LP @ P:R 04. I can't wait. I wanted to go to the one in chicago, but the only seats left are the ones in the back. I haven't been to a Lp concert where i had to sit in the back...The stage is the best place to be baby! Ohhh i'm hoping to get an appt with a gf of mine when she comes back to town. I can't wait. it will be fun. ok enough talk for one night.....lol....XOXOXO

3/3/2004: 9:24 PM
Just got home from class and wanted to drop a line to those who keep up with me on this thing. Let's see, today seemed like a long day. Like time stood still. Maybe thats cause i have off tomorrow & I'M GOING CAR SHOPPING!!! I can't wait! Work is going good. The more i learn the more i vent. You know what i mean! I'm learning that if i want something to get donw, i need to do it myself. It shouldn't be that way...but it is. I jsut take it one day at a time & thats all i can do. Did i mention that i have off tomorrow & I'M GOING CAR SHOPPING!!! Ok...the boredom has gottent to me once again. I'm thinking more and more what i wanna do for a career. I REALLY wanna work in a music studio or work with music. But, i don't know if i'm chasing dreams or getting to far outta my league. I'll have to wait and see what happens. I don't even know what kind of jobs they have in a music studio. I'm gonna do some more research, if anything i have some careers to fall back on. I can't stop thinking about the fighti had with Tiffany. Its a long ass boring story if you don't know whats going on, but it comes down to the trust issue and wither or not she knows me as good as she thinks. I wrote her a nice 2 page letter, and sent it to her. Its up to her wither she wants to throw away 7 years of friendship over something so stupid. I'll keep you posted. I'm still trying to figure out how to DL some ringtones into my phone. I want an lp one...I'll Keep you posted on that too....NIGHT!

2/24/2004: 6:50 PM
I'M STILL SICK!!! & It sux! Anyways things are going good. I started my career assesment class Mon the 16th. Its very interesting. I can say that! I'm getting ideas for things to go to school for and learning how to live without things and with other things...If that makes sense. I got into a fight with stacey, but it doesn't phase me that much cause if you know what it was about you'd agree with me. It just shows that money can get in the way or ruin a friendship. So yeah...WHATEVER! I'm over it...if shes not gonna pay me back what she owes me then f*ck her! Ya hear me...I was watching Lp videos on LPU.com and i can't stop laughing. They are hilarious. I also watched FPATPF again and yep it made my day! "The Kitty Is Getting" Fatter" I was thinking that when i was at the meet & greet i didn't see a TIP cup. Hmmm...I was tempted to make one and give it to them. I felt like an azz meeting them though...Like they were judging me or something. Does that make sense? Esp with joe. If you go back and read what was said he doesn't seem like a big talker or something. I don't know! Ohh what do you guys think about the new tour? About Snoop dogg going on tour with them? I think its messed up. I can't stand Him...But i'll see ANYONE if it means seeing the guys afterwards...heck i'll even get up on stage myself...lol...but only as a last resort....lol...

2/13/2004: 9:51 AM
Hey Guys! I'm doing ok, i'm hurting inside cause my baby (DOG) is really sick & i hate seeing her like that. She was puking and couldn't walk without getting dizzy. But i took her to the vet and got her some meds. Hopefully soon she will be feeling better. She sleeps with me every night on my bed, curled up on my arm. So it makes me feel better and i'm sure she is happier too. Things have been crazy since the concert. I kept my hair the red cause everyone said it looked good one me. I've been SICK since then though...(standing outside in the cold for over an hour didn't help either)...But it was SOOOOOO worth it! can i say that again?...lol. I've been going over benifits for my job and it's giving me a headache. I'm moving to KID'S CORNER at the store. So it should be fun...My girl had her baby! YEAH...I can't wait to see her! I've been posting alot on the LPU MB And the LPST MB. Go ther and check out my posts if you are signed up for them. I'm getting pix from the concert soon. My girl i met at the concert is sending me some pix..I'm SOOOOO excited...I can't wait! Other than that i'm doing probully better than i have in a long time...I have my dayz...But ALOT better than the last few years! TTYL....=)

1/30/2004: 12:03 AM
Ok, Ok I know I did it again! I'm currrently working a Full-time job & A Part-Time one on the side. I've been to busy and tired to add another entry...But here it is! I added a new pic Of me if you wanna check that out...I'm gonna put an updated one monthly so you can keep in touch with me. I'm going to see the guys tomorrow night...I made the meet & greet list! =)...I'M SOOOOOO EXCITED! but at the same time i'm not cause of what happened last concert. But i'll post the concert summary as soo as i have it done, i'm taking pix too so i'll post those...So anyways i got struck with a bad cold, and its funny cause i couldn't have thought of better timing! can you? GRRRR...I Dyed my hair 2nite and it was supposed to be a bright red...but instread it came out orange and white with a tint of red. It looks cool, but i have to grow into it as they say...i got my car fixed and i'm still looking for a new one. I can't find any to catch my eye, but i'll keep you updated on that too! So yeah 2004 has been very good to me...SO FAR! i can't complain i told myself some things i should have said along time ago...But i'm doing good for those of you who worry about me...i'm doing good! wink wink....OK TIME 4 BED...I HAVE A LONG FUN DAY AHEAD OF ME!!! Hugs & Kisses (XOXOXO)....

1/11/2004: 7:30 PM
Today was a long day! I onyl worked 4 hours but they went by sooooo slow! I'm not to sure how i like the job @ Younkers. I can be positive and Negative about it. The hours are ok, but in the JRs section its SOOOO BORING! i need to keep busy! I hate standing there doing nothing. I have to be busy so time wilol go fast. Plus its like no matter hoe many hours i work, my checks seem to stay little. I know about taxes and all that funstuff. Maybe its cause i don't make to much an hour as i'm used to. Who knows...I'm gonna be getting more hours next month though cause i'm gonna be working Mens, JRs & Shoes. Hmmm Things are going good with Chris. I'm feeling closer to him as each day goes by. I know it sounds stupid but if you've been reading up on me, you know what i've been through with him. Somedays i ? thim though...and i know thats not good either. I'm not sure about my situation with Aaron, but i'm going one day at a time. I miss him, you can't just go one day with kissing, holding and feeling loved to lonely and cold. Its not good for anyone. I'm still thinking about school, cause i wanna go...but i can never seem to get ahead no matter how hard i try. I was told thats life...But there has to be a way around it. I started my HORRIBLE ICKY DIET!! i'm doing that atkins NO CARBS one! I'm on my second day, eventhough i've lost already ITS KILLING ME!!! lol...

1/2/2004: 9:23 PM
Today is kind of a depressing day. All i can think about is Aaron. I really like him. It felt good to be in someones arms again and i guess i got my hopes up cause i got attached to fast. I asked tiffany to talk to him and see if he meant anything by the way he was on me all night or if he was just drunk and i was there to dance with. She said that he likes me and wants to hang out with me so he can get to know me....yadda yadda but he doesnt' want to come between her and i. Its really upsets me cause i really like him! I'm trying to bypass these feelings though...I don't knwo what to do...Tiff's my best freind but i was hoping things would work cause i feel something different towards him, then i have felt before. Even about Chris. Things are going good with Chris and I. I'm finally comfortable around him and i actually feel like his friend...But sometimes i think about him in other ways....I don't know i'm just in a non-talking mood. I can't stop thinking about him and what i should do. What do you do when you like your best friends brother?? Ohh and i should mention that i got tickets to the Jan. 30th Show in madison...WAHOO....LP HERE I COME!

12/26/2003: 10:22 PM
MERRY CHRISTMAS....I hope everyone had a great christmas...I know i did! LAst night we went out to lances, just to see who was all out..if anyone. I met tiffany's brother & it was like love at first site. Well not at first. once we got closer it was getting better by the moment. Hands up and down my body while dancing, The WAY we were dancing, kissing, he even gave me tongue & tried to give me a hickey! I felt like his girl. Reguardless that hes my best freinds brother, i was hoping things would work with us. We did the slow dances and danced front to back at the fast ones. I was even hoping that Chris would be there and see what was going on so i would get closer to the reason he only likes me as a freind. I wanted him to see that i'm likable....and i'm not afraid to do those freaky things....I guess its hard to explain....So we'll leave it at that.


12/20/2003: 12:22 AM
Hey! Sorry for not writing anything for how long...i've been busy with the new job and going crazy with all these last minute holiday things! PLUS - the internet has been an azz on me and i've had to have the cable guy out here a few times! But, i think its under control now! I have great news though....I GOT TIX TO 1/30/2004 IN MADISON!!! I'm SOOOOOO excited! I'm gonna get info on the meet & greet too. If you have any good advice or info for me...LET ME KNOW ASAP!! I'm looking forward to this, but in a way i guess it hasn't hit me yet...does that make sense? Anyways...Things are going ok with me...some new things and old things still going on...But DAY by DAY is really helping me! I need to stop, breathe & think! this is gonna be short cause i'm really tired...last few nights have been rough on me. I'll keep in touch and keep checking back....NITE!

11/22/2003: 8:55 PM
Hey Guys! I'm still doing ok. Some cloudy thoughts have been taking over my mind, but i'm doing the best i can to control them! I think everything in my mind can be controled...but somedays i just don't feel like dealing with it. I've been on a camera craze too. I take alot of pix. I'm gonna pick up Live In Texas this week...I'm assuming its good cause hey its LP right!!! I'm thinking of taking out the pen pals page and stopping the group cause i don't know if anyone really responds to it anymore...If you do let me know...I'm starting to publish my poems, but i gotta be careful and put them in the right hands...if you have read any of them, let me know which ones you like best and which ones hit home for you...g2g...

11/15/2003: 6:29 PM
Hey! things are going pretty good. I have a whole new frame of mind about life. Some things keep coming at me as a problem but i handle it when it comes. Other than that its all good. I need a change. Cutting my hair didn't do it for me. I wanna get in touch with more of you fans out there!!!...e-mail me or write me, you'll find my address on the Pen Pals page! Ummmm....I found out a little bad news today about someone i like, but hopefully things will turn out ok for him! I've also been thinking about life in general! Like where am i gonna be in 5 years, or even 2. I've had 3 friends tell me i'm there best friend, what do you say to that? I got more Street Team Samplers for Live In Texas....If you want some, let me know!!! g2g...

11/2/2003: 8:48 PM
Hey! Time has gone by pretty fast these last few weeks, eventhough i haven't really done much. I haven't even gone out, i'm in a weird mood again...not as bad as all the other times, but still enough to feel this way. I'm getting by though...each time makes me stronger and i feel a little better after each rain cloud goes by. I've gotten into christian rock too. its a different kind of rock, but it feel good too. Does that make sense? Anyways i'm still job hunting....i know its been awhile since i wrote you guys, but i'm getting there! i jsut finally wrote to all the new pen pals and sent out a bunch more letters...watch your mail! Things with the family is going ok, i still feel nothing inside for my sister. After all our fights i've given up and realized that my only thing left to do is to get out of this house! So i'm doing what i need to, to get through each day. Its a little different with my mom but its the same story. jsut a different page...i do know one thing though...i thought it was all me, who started the fights and who was the problem...but i've come to realize with the the help of my freinds that its not me...its them! which makes it better, i feel better already.....NIGHT!

10/19/2003: 8:30 AM
Today is sort of a big day for me. I'm going to church for the first time in my life. I remember going when i was little, but it's something i need to do NOW. Esp with all the things going on in my life. Sometimes i don't know where to turn or where to even start. I'm hoping My Father, Grandpa & Grandma will help me with that. Other than that, I'm still job hunting and taking it day by day. I cut 6 inches from my hair, hoping that will change my mood a little. Most of the time i'm pretty happy. Its when i'm not that i tend to stay by myself, knowing that no one would want to see me that way...Heck i don't even want to see myself then. I have some things to think about to - some career opp. I'm not sure if i should try them, or stay away. I guess i have to think about them a little more. Go check out my NEW DOO in About Me! If you have Yahoo! Messanger - Feel free to message me MikeFan4Eva211 =)

10/12/2003: 12:54 AM
Things are going really slow, i went to my grandpas grave for the first time in 2 years and it was very hard. on one hand i felt relieved and like weight was lifted off my shoulders...on the other hand i felt sadened and i cried my eyes out! I was very proud of myself for going and i've had friends tell me the same. So that makes ya feel better. I'm updating the Pen Pals thing...STILL...i'm waiting to see how many people are still doing it and how many have put it aside to collect dust. I've gotten quite a few responses and have since then added a few more and written to the newbies! I also livened up my Yahoo! Group 1StpKlosr2MC. It needed to be updated and i invited a bunch of members! Can't wait to see you all there! I'm still job hunting...Have some opportunities to go for, but i have to double check them first. I went to China Buffet & had to laugh at what my fortune cookie said (Do Not Mistake Temptation For Opportunity) Isn't that funny? It fits in with one of the things on my mind...I should've say that one coming!

10/5/2003: 11:18 PM
Well based on my poll on the front page, i see alot of you do read this thing. It's good cause i wasn't sure if anyone was reading it or not anymore. But anyways things have been pretty rough lately. I lost one job and the other one is on the border line. I'm working my butt off looking for a different job. I'm not giving up hope yet, but i can feel it slipping. I'm been sleeping alot, which is from crying (crying makes you tired). I'm fine...I should be used to this feeling by now. Right now my whole neck/back is out of line, so i need a good cracking! any volunteers?? lol...i've been drawn to the words of meteora! You guys know what i mean! I'm starting up another dose of my pen pal club...i need more people so if you wanna join surf on over to the page and let me know if you wanna join! I'm heading to bed...Night guys!

9/30/2003: 5:02 AM
Hey! I know its been quite awhile since my last entry, but i'm curious to know who actually reads this. I set up a poll on the main page, so go and vote for me. Tell me if you read My Journal or if it doens't phase you. Other than that - i'm woring 2 jobs. I'm a full-time waitress @ the casino & i work at the BG (Papger) during the week day. I'm pretty busy, but in a way i could be alot busier. I'm not complaining!! Things are going pretty smooth at the moment. I'm taking it day by day. On the 15th i got my b-day present from Aug. It was great. I got my hug...Wish i could get another one, but i'm happy with one. I don't know what is wrongwith me...I need help...lol! Anyways i'll try to add more entrys but PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU READ THIS OR NOT..IT WOULD HELP ME ALOT! Thanx

9/9/2003: 10:36 PM
I know, i know i've been slacking! I'm doing ok...the new job is going pretty good...training is boring but hopefully things will go good soon enough! i'm won't talk about my emotional status cause i don't want to bore anyone...I'm defianly getting worn out fast working a full-timme & part-time job! $$$$!!! =)...I'm working on my pen pal club again...sending out letters and getting new people WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO WRITE!! So if you want more info about this or want to flat out join drop me a line. I'm also going to enter one of my pieces of poetry into a contest, i have to shorten it first, so wish me luck! i think i'm gonna enter "Tomorrow Is Another Day"...If you like one of my other poems better, you think i should enter a different one...drop me a line & let me know!!...

8/31/2003: 2:27 AM
Hey! It's really really late (or early - whichever way you look at it) and i'm a little drunk! Not to bad, cause i drove home. Just enough to know i am. We went to the casino 2nite, my sister lost quite a bit of money. I didn't take any in. I'm really nervous about starting at the casino myself. I start there as a waitress in 2 days....not that i'm counting down or anything! I'm trying to get tickets to another concert, i'm not sure who i want to see, but i wanna see someone! I'm not sure what else to say right now. I'm looking for updated pix of the guys! If you have any send them my way..i'll give the proper credit...or if you know a site to get them from! I'm glad some of you are not shy to stop and say hi through e-mail & messanger....i'm waiting for the rest of you! Ohhh and i'm working on geting into the pan pal club again...if you're in it you should be getting a special letter from me asking some basic questions. If you don't want to be in it anymore, please tell me so i can remove your name from the list...Thanks & Night!!! =)

8/28/2003: 8:01 PM
Hey All! I finally put a new pic up in "Webmistress". Go check it out...Other than that, nothing new is really going on. I'm extremely tired. I don't know why! Today i talked to my manager at the WIBG about the job at the casino and she was pretty cool about it. I'm gonna work there during the day & be at the casino at night...I'm gonna be busy but i'll be able to save more money! I'll still be updating the site, not nothing will change! I will always love you guys! I've been listening to "My Reason" non-stop! I can't seem to get enough of that song! I'm going through some sh*t with David...Things are really complicated between us and i don't know whither to give up or give in. I guess thats a decision i need to make alone. Part of me says "fu*k him!" and the other part says to give him one more chance. He only wants on thing, or it seems anyways...I'll keep you informed! =)......

8/23/2003: 12:02 AM
Today was pretty much a lay around the house and clean day. I would clean for a few hours, then lay around for a few hours and repeat the cycle. I made some cookies...Since tuesd. night my stomach has been really touchy. I lost about 5 "B-day" pounds if thats what you want to call it. I'm happy though cause i want to start dieting...i want to feel better about things. I went out last night...I only had a few drinks and a shot. I was goodafter that, I've had this weird craving for ice lately. I like to eat ice cubes...I started cleaning my room 2nite. It needs it...I'm also moving things around, something different! I'm going through some sh*t with a guy. I'm not sure what to do cause i'm hearing to many things....all i know if when we kissed it meant something to me, i don't know about him. How do you tell if he is the one or how close you should get. I guess you really can't...but i'll keep you posted about this dilemma! =)

8/21/2003: 6:47 PM
Well i'm feeling muuuuch better today! I turned 22 on the 19th. First we went to the casino, then to the bars... got sooooo drunk! I was throwing up by 7am Wed. morning. It was great! But the funny thing is that, the club we went to almost burned down. I was inside dancing when all the lights went out and the music stopped. The bouncer ran up from th ebasement and was like "Everyone get the f*ck out, the basement is on fire"...so everyone pretty much took off through the front door. I was pretty tipsy so i wasn't sure which wau i was going! In the parking lot i was trying to find everone i was there with, but the parking lot lights were out too. Everyone started filing out in their cars as the police started getting there. There was about 5 police cars and 4 firetrucks. I think there was also a ambulance just in case. I was kind og bumbed cause the guy i was waiting to show up came to late. He got there when everyone was leaving. All i wanted for my b-day was a hug from him...Was that to much to ask? I never got it...but it's all good, I still had a blast. We ended up going to the bar down the road. Of course, i started drinking more...big mistake...after drinking until about 2am we went to the restaurant until about 4:30am and i finally went home to bed...only to wake up hours later puking my guts out! I couldn't eat anything until today *2 days later)...What can i say??

8/15/2003: 9:35 PM
I'm feeling really shitty right now, Like I have no energy. I don't even want to smile. I have so much going through my mind, that i don't know where to start. I don't know who to talk to or who to even trust. I know its all in my head, at least i hope so. But i can't really explain it...It just seems to happen, sometimes without warning...One minute i'll be happy and the next i'll want to cry..I've been like this or a few months or even years now. Everyone is asking me what i want for my birthday. I tell them all i want is one day of happiness. A day where everything goes my way, people don't act the way they do, a day where i can keep a smile and mean it...Is that to much to ask? Ohh and the other thing i want for my birthday is a hug from *****. Seeing him out and having him give me a hug and telling me happy birthday will make my night. Those things money can't buy!! I'm going to bed now and hoping that things will be at least a little better tomorrow....NIGHT.......

8/11/2003: 8:24 PM
Ok..This is weird! It's the exact same time i did the last entry, how crazy is that? I'm in the mood for a horror movie...Hmmm which one to watch! I changed some colors around & tuned some things up a bit. How ya like! Anywho...I'm realy tired, lack of sleep. Things are ok at work, although i hope i find something else soon. I need more hours, I need to find something to do in my spare time so i don't site and mope about shit i shouldn't. The friend situation is ok. Still the same but like i've said before i don't know if it really care anymore! Part of me does & the other doesn't. Who needs them if they don't need me. I was MAJORLY hungover sat. It was soooo funny! Friday night we had supper, started drinking and then we went out to the casino later that night...So thats why i felt "Peachy" Sat. morning. But what can i say...the bottle is my best freind!!

8/7/2003: 8:24 PM
Hey! I'm doing better. Well, I lied. I'm doing about the same MAYBE a little better. I have a lot on my mind and i'm going crazy trying to let it all filter through and i have to many decisions to make.But I'm Just taking it one day at a time, thats the only way to do it. On the other hand...I turn 22 in less than 2 weeks (12 Days)! Yippie...I've added a bunch of updated to my site, so start looking for 'em. I'm starting my diet...I'm thinking that will make me feel better!! I'm getting lots of e-mails and messages telling me how much you guys like my site, and that makes me very HAPPY!! I'm glad you all like it...

8/2/2003: 12:00 AM
Hmmm......How am i doing today? I'm not really sure yet! I know i have something funky going on with my stomach and my whole body...emotionly & physically...the last time i felt this way was after my grandpa's funeral. I feel the same way. Bottomless stomach, sick when i eat and feeling fine when i don't. sleeping all the time, i've been drinking way more than usual these last few weeks...i don't know whats come over me and i wish i could expain/understand it, but i can't! We went to American Wedding 2nite. It was pretty good..pretty damn funny..it felt good to laugh but in a way i was feeling guilty. its one of those things thats hard to explain!! ANYONE IN THE 12 STONES STREET TEAM, PLEASE CONTACT ME!! i WANT SOME SAMPLERS!! THANKX!!! Wow...12 more days and i'll be 22!!! Yippie!! Man, i feel older already!!! =) Speaking of which...HAPPY 21ST MORGAN!!!

7/27/2003: 2:37 AM
Hey! Sorry It took me soooooo long too write another entry. I've been slacking! not to much has been going on with me though...same ole same ole...i've been thinking about college lately as far where i want to go and what i want to go for. It's limited here!! Anywho...I just pretty much finished my room! FINALLY...I hung the last of the posters and added some funky stuff...its awesome! I could live in my bed! I love my bed!! Ok..Sorry i stirred away for a sec but i saw the guys on the backstage pass thing on MTV last week. It was pretty cool! I jsut got home from the bar and my sister was trying to hook me up with this guy. I was like no way..I wasn't feelin' him (you know what i mean) she was like don't be so picky, he thinks your hot! I'm like ok..I'll talk to him, but i gave it some time and split. I'm very picky when it comes to guys..I guess you have to be..GIRLS, YA FEEL ME ON THIS?? If you're not picky then it becomes a whole nother ball game! I don't care about anyone..I know what i want and i'll get it! Time to hit the hay!!!

7/19/2003: 1:54 AM
I'm EXTEREMLY tired so if you see any typos...just ignore them! I've been working non-stop lately and things are going a little better with the friends issue i've been having!! I said i don't care, and they started caring. I've gone out a few ties, but it seems no one goes out anymore! Like everyone stays in or something...Who knows...Maybe i'm going out on the wrong night. I have a feeling i'm jsut babbling now!! Hmmm..What else is new?? I've been working on updates for this site as well as getting my page ready for Nessa on LPA.net. I'm also working lots of hours, and catching up with friends in between my crazy hours. i'm done by 5 everyday..so its nice i can be there by 6 and hang out until i get tired. It works out very well! Sometimes i REALLY hate people though..I don't know if we all go through that or if its just me..Hmmmm! The bed is calling me....I must answer!!! NIGHT!!! =)

7/12/2003: 10:49 PM
Hmmmm...Still sick again! but hey what else is new! I just typed a new entry and it disappeared!! Soooo I'm gonna try this again!! I'm feeling a little better, but not the best! Not to mention that i resprained my ankle on Friday! I was trying on some new shoes at payless and i found these really cute ones, they were like dressy sandles. I was walking around in them and since the platform was a little smaller than what i was used to i twisted my ankle while turning in them. So as soon as it happened i knew that feeling of pain! I've been icing it all day and i have it wrapped! I did go shopping today, i bought some new summer clothes! some shorts & tank tops! I needed some new ones! I'm in the process of checking into school. I'll keep you updated on that! I'm also wanting to add some clolr streaks to my hair. I'm thinking red again! maybe a different color. I need something cool, yet not to dramatic!! I have an awesome new MIKE screensaver!! I look forward to seeing that hottie when i'm away from the puter! Time to hit the hay...Bad joke!! Sorry friend!!! (You know who you are!)

7/10/2003: 9:32 PM
Yep! Still sick, but still kicking too. Cara made me this awesome screensaver...guess who's on it?? YEP My MIKE!! lol..ok enough sounding liek a teenybopper!!! Anywhoo i'm doing better, started talking to certain freinds that were upsetting me before, but i'm still being very cautius about getting to close again. I'm not going to get hurt again. I'm learned to forgive but not forget. They will realize that they are the ones wrong and that i'm definatly hurting. On a happier note, i'm almost donw with my room. I'm starting to put things back where they were and rearranging things...It looks pretty cool....definatly more roomy!! Just want i wanted!! I have almost all my bills paid off and i'm getting more and more money in the bank..thats a good feeling!! We went out tues. night and it was very interesting. to make a long story short...tiff almost got arrested and i got about 3 hours of sleep. That was the kind of day you will never forget and you can look back on and say DAMN!! if you know me and want to know more, jsut say something!! i'm going to go pass out (i'm really tired)...NIGHT!!! =)

7/5/2003: 2:16 PM
Hey! How was everyone's 4th?? Mine was pretty good. I slept most of the day, went to a movie, then we came to my house and watched another movie. Then We went to bed. I'm getting ready to go to town cause i need to get some things from the store. I'm having a cookout/party/going out thing 2nite. I'm still sick, it's going on 2 weeks now, for some reason it won't go away. My mom is sick also, so it must be a thing thats going wround. It's always funny when you decide that its best to forget about the friendships bringing you down and those people won't leave you alone. Now they decide to call you, and invite you to do shit. Oh well, should've thought about that before guys!! Now, It's your loss...Not mine! I'm happier though! ( besides the being sick part) i guess holidays are not the same anymore. I go out but i don't really celebrate them as much as i use to! I can't stop coughing!! My throat still kills and i'm havbing a little problem catching my breathe, but my tummy ache is almost gone! I'm glad cause i was sick of being sick!!! gotta run!!! ttyl......=)

7/3/2003: 11:34 PM
I'm doing much better. Still sick but then again still kicking too. You know you're sick when you don't want to even go out...Anyways i'm moved back home where i guess i belong. I wanted to share something with those of you who read this...on my way back driving with my mom from the appt in Merrill, I was kind of having second thoughts about things that were going on. That song "I Could Only Imagine" came on and while we were listening to it the most wonderful thing happened. This big beautiful rainbow came out of nowhere and filled the sky. We could see were it started and where it ended. It seemed to follow us almost home. I got the warmest feeling from it. I knew it was my grandpa telling me to hang in there and follow my heart. Saying i WAS making the right decision, not jsut about moving either. I started to shed those so called happy tears! I will never forget that! I saw the guys on "The New Tom Green Show". I loved the van smashing part! It was pretty funny....I LOVE Mike's laugh!!! I've been sick since last thurs..maybe friday. I thought it was a simple cold or the flu but i found out its acute bronchitis!! YUCKY!!! my mom and i have been having some bad stomach aches also, i don't know if something is going around or if it was something we ate...Hmmmm who knows..I jsut want to feel better!! Speaking of which i need to catch up on some ZZZZZZZZ's so i'll be sure to write and tell you how my 4th was!!! (Will Be)...NIGHT!!! =)

6/29/2003: 9:07 AM
Hey Guys! Sorry i haven't been to talkative lately. I've been going through yet some more drama. But, i found a way to get through it. To make a long story short i'm moving back to this stupid town i call home! Things didn't work out with us and after fighting i decided that i didn't need that shit right now, so i'm packing my things today and finishing tomorrow to be out my the first! I guess thats what happens when friendships go bad!! But it doesn't phase me anymore, i don't need anyone else but me!!! I'm starting to get the meaning of this whole life thing. You can only be happy if everyone else is, nope only if you are! You control what you think and feel. Don't let anyone tell you different. I'm getting ready to add some new "NEWS" and a few other things...but i know i jsut got up, but i'm gonna go lay back down...Hey CARA I MISS YOU GIRL!!!! night guys!!!

6/20/2003: 7:05 PM
Today is a shitty day! I feel so blah, so dare i say hefty! I have this pain in my stomach that jsut started. I don't really know how to describe it. But, i do know that i'm not very happy with my self of my eating habits lately. I'm disapointed in myself. I'm listening to "Open Your Eyes" by 12 Stones!! (I highly recommend this band!!) It feels like i had to much to eat today but i guess in a way i didn't. Maybe its all in my head. You saw my pic in "About Me", what do you think?? Oh well enough about that...Work was hell today! I was stressed and in a bad mood all day. I never know what brings on these modd swings or how to get rid of them. I was fine until i went to be last night, then i woke up like that. It happens to everyone, but a little to often to me. If you know me you know what i'm talking about! I'm drinking water by the gallon! It helps me feel a little healthy. I'm starting tomorrow though. The question is, do you really need food everyday??.....

6/17/2003: 12 (Noon)
WOW! I'm getting more and more to this living away from home thing. It's pretty cool though. We met our hottie cable guy yesturday! He's gonna come over for some drinks sometime. He's pretty cool...He made 2 stops to the house...Hmmmm convient, i think not! LOL....But anyways i wanted to say thanks to everyone who has helped me through this and everything else. I know i've been a stranger lately, and i'm sorry! I'll be good. I'm going through quiet a bit now. But i'm OK!! I have a new poem for next month, check for that. I also have some new NEWS about CHAZ so check back for that also! It's funny cause my roomate is a Correction's Officer! Definatly a new thing going on there...We are starting to meet the neighbors little by little, except for those annoying f*cks that live upstairs (its a huge house, we have the lower level) you can hear them loud and clear at 3am, good thing we have the bass!!! LOL.....

6/8/2003: 11:40 PM
WOW! What a weekend! We moved all of our stuff into the new appt. in Merrill. It's definatly a new feeling being away from home/town but its a free feeling also. We spent the whole weekend unpacking and repacking to find what we needed or didn't need. i'll post my new address at a later date when things arn't so hectic. The house is awesome! My roomate is one of my best friends. I guess this is the test to see how strong a friendship really is. We have had our arguments but its not anything to worry about. Just mixed feelings! I'm working on some things to add to this site. Keep checking back!

6/3/2003: 10:38 AM
I'm in the "Don't Care" attitude now cause i got into a fight with 2 friends of mine. But i guess in a way i don't give a sh*t cause the friendship wasn't worth holding on to anyways. They say you should let go of what breings you donw and what causes you unhappiness. That's what i did. To tell you the truth it was easier than i thought. I'm moving on sat. so what ever happens here will stay here. I'll be back to visit at times, but i'm going to start over with what i learned here, there. I've been listening to METEORA pretty much all day, everyday! I need to relax and put my mind at ease. Thats the best way i know of to do it. I'm still job hunting, i have a feeling it will go on for awhile yet. But i've found that my jobs have gotten better from one to the next. I like cashiering too, cause thats a good way to pick up extra hours. There is always someone who doesn't want to stay their shift. I'm working on the "Latest News" section. Keep a look out for that!!!

5/31/2003: 1:36 PM
Well I'm taking a big step in my life. I'm moving out. We have an appt. in Merrill ( About 1 1/2 hours away. i'm going up there when i can to get apps and look for jobs. I decided that this was the best thing for me, cause i need to foget this town and start over in a new one. The only ones who will know about this are the ones who read this and visit my site. Which isdn't very many friends...I don't really care though. Cause going there will be the same as it was here. Not awhole lot will change..I'm going to be living from paycheck to paycheck and savinhg what i can, when i can. It's going to be hard for awhil, but i think i'll be fine. My mom is supportive for me and is helping me. Thats a good feeling too. I'll still be at home for awhile M-T until i find a job, then Thurs. night i'll be going to the appt. and looking for a job on Fridays!!! I'll be busy for awhile. My roomate is gonna work at the Lincoln County Jail as a Correction Officer. It's pretty cool. We went to the jail to get her uniform. It will be interesting, But fun too. Our appt. Is fu*king nice too. it's huge!! I'll keep you updated!!!

5/24/2003: 12:47 PM
Hey! I'm doing much better today then i have been the last week. Thanks to Tiffany. Course sleeping from 11 last night to 12 this morning helped alot. We had a blast last night, Tiffany's bfriend passed out on the couch so they started putting nail polish on him and putting make-up on him. I had nothing to d owith it, i just grabbed the camera!! Unfortunally he woke up soon after we started. But it was pretty funny!! I dl-ed a unch of music last night in the process of redoing my room. My puter is in my room now. It's great! I feel more relaxed and i'm able to go on at any time instead of worring about who i'm waking up. I just added new codes for the puzzles page, so you can go work your magic on one of the puzzles. Good luck! I watched the "Faint" video last night and i was gonna say they don't show the guuys' faces, but they did at the end. So the video is pretty cool!! Where any of you in the video?? How many of you went to the video shoot?? Tell me how it was...

5/21/2003: 10:17 PM
Hey Everyone! Sorry for not writing in a few days. I had a fight with my mom/sister qnd packed my shit and i'm staying at a friends now. Things have calmed down but i need some time away, time to clear my head. But of course i'm thinking about you guys!! I have a stomach ache again. I think its from being upset. I went out for about 15 minutes tuesday night after carrie's game, but didn't want 6to be out any more than i had to. I'm still pissed at a few friends who don't seem to have a clue why...But it's ok! I don't give a shit about it. It's their loss, not mine! I'm sitting in a blan stare now, to much to say and not knowing how to say it. NIGHT....=)

5/18/2003: 2:45 AM
Good Morning! I just got home from the bar, not to much happening there. A few fights took place but nothing out of the ordinary. I finally feel beter!! I think i got my cousin sick though. I guess he can't say i never gave him anyhing RIGHT!! Work was boring as usual!! We went Garage Saling today for 5 hours! It was great...I got some really nice stuff for really cheap!! I'm trying to get apartment stuff so i can move out. It needs to happen pretty damn soon too! My feet hurt from my shoes and my legs are sore...But its all good! My electric blanket is brewing so i'll be jumping in bed pretty soon. I learned a cool drink idea today from a customer at the bar, i'm gonna try it when it comes time for my summer parties!!! But, no matter what anyone tells you I"M AN ANGEL!!! LMAO...

5/14/2003: 9:15 PM
Yep! Still sick...I've been sick for what seems like forever now! i went from strep to a cold to a stomach flu thing which is still going on. One minute i feel sick to my stomach and throw up everything i eat to the next minute feeling great! I don't understand it...I'm not going to go to the doctor for a few days yet...I think it's just something that has to run its course. But, enough about that. Of those 8 movies i rented, i'm buying 3 of them! Ghost Ship, The Forsaken & Trapped! If you love/like horror movies i would suggest you go rent GHOST SHIP!! I went out last night but was kind of mad at a friend...Well to tell you the truth it was more than one. How do you get over someone you can't stop thinking about?? That's my ? of the day...Hmmmmm What else can i say?? I went and took the "Responsible Beverage" class at mid-state last night. It was soooooooo boring!!! Good thing Dye was there to humor me! I passed with flying colors!! (Hmmm could it be that i have been bartending 9 months prior to this)..NAH..LOL!! But, what's better than a long azz class?? Going out afterward. I went to the bar for a bit...I didn't stay out to long (Only 3AM) I went home to bed cause i had a headache & tummy ache!! Oh well, It's life.........

5/12/2003: 9:45 PM
Hey! Today went by pretty slow. But it's ok, cause it was a good day. I'm finally feeling better. Of those movies i rented i'm gonna go buy 3 of them! I need them for my video collection which is growing pretty fast. Carrie called me after work to meet her at Johnny's for some pool & a little photo hunt. It was great. The game was fun and we were beating the scores, until the exotic guy pix came on (find whats different in the 2 pix)...Holly couldn't concentrate!! LMAO, don't know why! hmmmmm...Carrie had to work @ 7 so we played a last game of pool, then she went to work. I didn't eat very muc htoday. I've been very disgusted with myself lately. It's like my mind is seeing me 10x worse than what i am. I need to lose some major weight...So i'm cutting down on my eating!! It's the only way. Sorry if it said the site was down when you first came to it, i'm looking into why it's doing that. I'm working on the DEMO BEATS section. I'm researching, trying to find the lyrics for these certain songs. Keep on a look out for that......

5/09/2003: 11:11 PM
Ok, You wanna know how big of a loser i am? I rented 8 movies today! lol... Only cause i still feel like sh*t. So i've been taking it easy today. I rented almost all horror movies, and a few action. I love horror movies! If you know of any you think are awesome let me know!!! I'm always up for new ideas...I'm also downloading some new tunes, so i can burn some new Cds. I found some really good ones! By groups i haven't heard of until now, If you know of any good songs let me know. I'm not into that heavy metal sh*t, i only like rock...(i'm also into rap, hip hop but mostly rock music!) I'm starting a job search again cause i'm only getting 6 hours a week at the bar, and that isn't much. Esp. when the pay checks keep getting smaller and smaller. I'll keep you updated on that...

5/07/2003: 9:11 PM
Hey! For those of you following my journal i want to apologize on behalf of my puter!! I've tried many times to ad a new entry and the page would go slow, not saving it..but, i think it's fixed now!! WAHOO....So let's see. I'm sick again....I have strep, along with a stomach thing, and a cold/allergy thing! lol....Yes it's that bad! so i haven't really gone out or done much cause i've looked about as good as i felt! I went down firday to get my nails done! they look fab!! (I can't type with the damn things tho) I'm slowly getting over *****. I think it's time...I've had enough hurt, if he doens't like me for me, then forget him!! I finally added the "Poem Of The Month" page. check out Stephanie's Poem!! It's Awesome!! I've written a few new poems myself, watch for those...

4/25/2003: 5:15 PM
Wow! What a day. It was kind of weird and cool at the same time. We did some garage saling. I Got a bunch of stuff, really cheap too. I'm feeling about as good as you could with having so much in my head. I'm kind of getting sick to my stomach thinking about *****. I like him but everyone is trying to turn him against me. I don't know if i should listen to him or them. I added a new voice message on my cell phone tonight. I put meteora in the stereo. When the first verse of "Somewhere i belong" came on and mike started singing, i put the phone up to the speaker and recorded that part. Thats my new message. I Wrote a few more poems. You can look for them in the "My Poems" section of this site...

4/21/2003: 5:15 PM
Hey! I'm feeling a little better. A thanks goes out to everyone who showed concern for me. It helped to know you guys were there! I'm working on a few new poems right now. Look for those soon. That's the way i keep myslef together, is through writing. Meteora definatly helps!! Ya'll know what i mean! (No, i'm not southern!! lol)I'm planning something special for mother's day. I'm thinking of what i want to contribute to the lp project for the guys. If i want to send some poetry or a drawing. I'll keep your posted with that too! I'm starting a diet!! I need/want to lose some weight. It would make me feel that much better! i came to the conclusion that every guy that isn't an lp fan is a jerk in some way! No offense to the 5% nice/good guys out there. I've been hurt to many times to feel anything for them. They have given up on me so i'm returning the favor. If you agree, sign the GB or E-Mail me!! =)

4/15/2003: 5:58 PM
Today's not a good day. I'm upset and just want to cry. I don't even know why? I had a bad day at work. I had all the bitchy customers. Some of the people i work with got on my nerves. I looked in the mirror and didn't like what i saw. I'm starting to like a guy i know will hurt me down the road. It's all coming together...I've been watching tv and loungin' trying to get my mind off things. I was listening to meteora earlier and it felt great. I guess it's on of those days you want to be left alone but you want to be with someone...I'm signing off cause i don't want to bring you guys down with me. You can e-mail me or sign the guestbook to show your concern. But really, i'll be ok! I always am!!

4/13/2003: 9:50 AM
Nothing to new with me. I'm making my little easter goodies again this year. They were a big hit last year and the year before. I'm getting ready for my Home & Garden party on the 17th. I went through the catalog and picked out a bunch of thing i want, just for having the party & the total sales. I'm excited. We are remodeling, i guess you can say, our living rom. new furniture, painting, etc...I was in yet another fashion show yesturday. I'm waiting for the pix to come back and i'll post them....Also i have some Meteora stickers & LPU Flyers, so if you want some jsut e-mail me and i'll send you some!!! Word has it they are sending us street teamers more stickers for the next single...that should be interesting. It's 9:50 AM & I'm eating easter candy!! What's wrong with that picture??

4/9/2003: 5:30 PM
Last night i went to lances. It was pretty fun. It always takes me a while before i get into it. I like to walk in the club see whos all there and do a little lap to see everyone. Then i hit the dance floor. I won't go out there if no one is dancing, there has to be quite a few out there for me to dance..Unless i get dragged out! Then anything goes! They tried to teach me a new dance, that was funnier than hell!! You should have seen me, i had no beat and i was trying my best to keep up..but i think i got a hang of it. See Tuesday is all you can drink for $5 at lnaces. It's cool cause you basically pay for your first 2 then you're drinking free all night. Who can complain with that?? I was on the dance floor all night though! I was on something but still not quite sure what it was! I had way to much energy or something, I was having a blast with the guys coming up behind me dancing (You get the idea). I was even asked to slow dance (I can't tell you how long it has been since someone asked me to dance). It made me happy. Cause while i was dancing with that guy, this other guy came up and asked to cut in. Then they both left me hanging. Oh well! I didn't care! I was HAPPY! That's all folks!!!

4/6/2003: 12:35 AM
WOW!! What can i say? Tonight was just plain awesome! We went to a male strip club! Yes i was very naughty! But you have to be sometimes. I'll spare you the details unless you ask for 'em. Let's just say i have the biggest smile on my face now as i'm writing this!! I need some sleep, I feel all tingly inside! I have definatly come out of the shell i was hiding in....

4/5/2003: 10:05 AM
Wahoo! What fun...We are painting and redecorating our living room. We Remodeled our kitchen last year & this year my mom decided we needed a change. So i'm covered in paint and the house smells even worse. lol..The joys of painting. It looks really cool though. I finished the lyrics section for Meteora. I'm working on the "Song Meanings & Latest News. Hoping to get those done with these next few days. It snowed liek crazy last night. YUCKY!!! Today the sun is out so at least it's a little nice, but i hate winter. I don't mind a little snow but i hate the cold & shoveling !! Anoyone agreee??? I m still waiting for the tickets to go on sale for P:R 3 in chicago. I want to go to another concert. I can feel it in my bones! lol...Ok Maybe that's from being sore after painting....Hmmmm (Ok maybe not) There has been talk about maybe moving into an appt soon. I'm not sure. I'll keep you updated with that....

4/3/2003: 10:45 PM
Things have been going out of control. I used to think i was losing my mind all the time, but i really think it's more of the control i'm losing! I listen to METEORA non-stop now. The songs are so real and have real feelingws in them, my feelings. Iu had a bad day at work today (stupid people-bitchy customers-feeling sick etc) I'm glad i'm home now. I bought a betta fish a few days ago. He's blue with a little purple & silver. I named him kenji. Hmm, wonder where i got those from?? He He He. Some things happened at the bar tuesday night. I'm still upset about that but i'm getting over it. I've been starting to do more with friends, but steering away from family. I don't know if thats good or not! I guess one day at a time is the only way to go. I might be moving to an appt with a friend of mine. That will be soo cool!! I'm feeling a little light headed and sick so i'm gonna sign off...(not enough sleep)...NIGHT ;)

3/25/2003: 10:00 AM
Ok! I was crazy today cause i got up and hit the stores @ 9am to get meteora!! It's awesome!! Go get it and you'll see what i mean! I'm on my way to work but i can't stop thinking about the cd. I've been listening to it for about an hour now, YES I'M CRAZY!! LOL...So anyways not much up with me. Work is going ok. I've been getting some mixed emotions with some things going on with a few of the guys i like/used to like. I'm figuring out who they are and why i like them. I'll keep you posted.

3/21/2003: 10:26 AM
I just got back from Lacrosse & I'm still coming down from my sugar rush! We rented movies, And you know that when you get movies you have to have munchies too!! I couldn't get morgan to eat any junk food but that was more for me... lol Sorry girl! But we had a blast.I Wasn't to thrilled coming home, same ole shit. But, hey what can i say..i can feel another one coming on soon. it was great toget away for while! we shopped everyday, it was lots of fun!

3/15/2003: 8:30 AM
I can't believe i'm up this early!! lol. I'm getting ready to go on a little vacation to Lacrosse next week. I'm staying with Morgan for the week. I'm looking forward to it cause I need to get away from this town for awhile. I'm also studying like crazy for the ACT's. My test date is April 12th. Wish me luck!! I went out tuesday night with Tiffany. I met a guy I used to talk to online. I started wondering why we stopped talking, what really happened between us. We talked & joked around, like ol times. At the end of the night he cornered me, asking me to come hang at his house for "sex & pizza". I told him a flat out NO. Tiffany asked what kind of pizza. Typical! I told him i'm not into one night stands! If we are going to do anything I want it to mean something! I've been hurt so many times, I don't know how to trust anymore. All he said was he respected that. In the parking lot he was trying to get me to follow him! I simply got into my car and drove off to take Tiffany home. I'm not into pushy guys! Not to mention guys who want to jump in bed. Esp the guys who start rubbing up on me at the bar! argh! I like guys who I can talk to. Guys who understnad! IS THAT WRONG?? I can definatly say that i'm coming out of my shell! I'm not the shy, goody-goody everyone thinks i am!! He He He. Anyways, I saw "Somewhere I Belong" for the first time on MTV yesturday! It was awesome seeing it on TV, instead of on the puter!

3/11/2003: 9:46 AM
Right now I'm listening to "Somwhere I Belong"...listening to how the words hit home! Yep...The guys did it again! Oh I have some good news!! Tiffany & I are gonna be in a fashion show!! Fashion Bug (My favorite store) invited us to join in the fun, by modeling the latest fashions!! I'm so excited! We went last night and tried on clothes for almost 3 hours!! I'll get pictures and post them once i get them and the time to do so....I'm not to sure about the new layout or wither i want to use it or keep this one...I'm going to Lacrosse next week to hang with a few friends...I'm counting down the days left to METEORA!!! I can't wait...This song was the best but to think we have a whole new cd to fall in love with and play non-stop!! I've started promoting it already! Giving out the stickers & LPU info! It's great!!! I'm gonna make some new banners/words to post through the site to relate to "Somewhere I Belong"...Keep checking back for that... Once again I'm going on the ideas in my head (the ones that get me in trouble sometimes...lol)

3/02/2003: 10:37 PM
It's getting late & i'm restless. I just had an upsetting conversation with David. I wish he would understand. I can't stop listening to "Somewhere I Belong" That song hit hit my life right on the head! I saw the video for it which makes the song even more awesome, If thats possible! We went to the casino today and i had some fun gambling. I walked away with what i won! So thats good. We drove from Black River Falls to rapids, rented some movies and I watched 2 of them so far. Barbershop is highly recomended! Master Of Disguise It's stupid!! I had a pretty good nigth at the bar last night. Had some interesting conversations with the guys. Had a few drinks and went home. It took me a few hours to unwind before I could go to bed. I've entered some poetry contests these last few days. I hope i get something out of it. I'm working on 3 new poems I've started. I've been getting my headaches back from the stress I've been under and the things I've been going through. I'm working on a new design for my site. keep checking back for that. Hopefully it will be cool!! I've gotten a lot of compliments on it so far. If you find anytihng you want to change about it, e-mail me and let me know.....

2/28/2003: 12:27 PM
Wow! Yesturday, tickets for the Summer Sanitarium Concert & P:R 03 started to go on presale for us LPUers & For the street team. Only select cities were/will be going on sale for these. The dates are starting to be listed. I would list the dates and info in the latest news but i can't until its released to the public. So i have to wait a few days to a week. Just keep checking back. I went to lances tuesday night, but i didn't feel like dancing or being around to many people. I jsut wasn't in the mood. It usually depends on who is there and what kind of a mood i'm in. I heard "Somewhere I Belong" today and i have to give mad props to the guys!! Once again they have touched bases with my life. I talked with my girl cara the other night and felt so bad that i couldn't help her out anymore or make her feel better. Hey girl, I know what your going through!! Talk to me ANYTIME!! I check my mail all the time and i love getting it. Esp from you!!! Oh I went to David's house late last night. We watched Remember The Titans. it was a pretty good movie...but, I was happy rnough being in his arms. I was starting to forget what it felt like...I hope we will start spending more time together. I'm gonna be a little cautious though, I don't ant to get my feelings stretched out on the line. But, I'm happy either way (friends or more)!! I added some COOL buttons in the "Hybrid Theory" & "Hybrid Thoery EP" pages. Also, the "Rock On" page...check them out........=)

2/23/2003: 1:40 AM
I'm so pissed right now! I'm really debating quitting the bartending job and finding one somewhere else. I don't know what makes me so upset to start with but it gets worse as the night goes on. Everyone thought it would be funny to snap their fingers at me when they wanted another beer. Or to yell hey you instead of my name. Things like that pisses me off!! Katie started throwing coasters at me jokingly but it made things worse. I don't derserve that! I'm trying to turn my life around and make myself happy, but this job isn't helping. I'm going to find a new one before i quit. Unless things turn around and i start speaking my mind at some of the things i'm hearing. I don't know if thats a good thing or not. When i get done from the bar, it takes me like 1-2 hours to come down and be relaxed enough to sleep. I did actually smile when they played "In The End" for me. Before work i listened to the demo of "forgotten" which included live concert footage of that and "sweet child of mine" chesters cover song. I love hearing them in concert (It's better to see them) but hearing them joke around and laugh, brings back memories of 2-2-02. I'm gonna play around a little then i'm off to bed!! NIGHT!! =)

2/20/2003: 3:56 PM
I GOT INVITED TO THE LP STREET TEAM!!! Wow, I feel so happy! not only cause of that but i went to the bar Tuesday night. Some drunk guy was trying to dance with us but i couldn't stop laughing. The real fun was when i danced, for a little bit, with my hottie! He knows who he is, so if you're reading this...THANK YOU. You don't know what it meant to me, and may never. Anyways if you're reading this and wanna chat sometime message me on Yahoo! MikeFan4Eva211. I started my diet today so hopefully it will do some good so i can start feeling human again! maybe i'm being paranoid! (nice choice of words huh?) you've seen my pic in the "About Me" page. What do ya think?? Sign the guestbook so i know you were here & thanks for reading this. I don't even know if people are reading this. I'll try.....NO, I PROMISE to update & add a new entrys, more often! Oh, i sent out Mike's package yesterday. I really, really hope he likes it!!!

2/10/2003: 9:34 PM
WOW time is just going to fast!! I added some news about the up and coming 2003 tour. If you have any questions go to linkinpark.com. I found out on sat how big of adick my mamager at the bar is when he's drunk! Katie and i were very close to walking out! Instead she ended up crying and i was really pissed!! I'm feeling better but i'm still sick! my throat is still a little sore and my cough is hanging on. I was able to see Morgan this weekend. It was awesome to see her again. I thought i was getting better and feeling better emotionally, but i've been slipping lately. I'm trying not to but it doesn't feel right to hide it. I've been spending a lot of time alone. It gives me a chance to think and reflect on things. I've felt really alone these last few years so i guess you can say i'm used to the feeling. But, i still don't like it. So i've turned my thoughts to LP.

02/02/2003: 11:50 AM
Wow!! Can you believe it?? Today is my 1 YEAR ANNIVERSITY FROM P:R!!! This last year just! That means that the next concert will be here sooner than i think!! I got an offer to move in with some friends of mine in lacrosse. so i'm thinking of moving there. Well i should say that I AM going to move there, it's jsut the question of when. The arguing/fighting has become worse around my house and i've been sinking pretty low again. this next week i have to drive to and from waupaca (about 2 hours driving total)for my job. I'm not that thrilled about it cause i know the weather is going to be bad. Then again it's a full 40 hour week. I came home from the bar around 11:30 last night cause I still felt like sh*t. Oh, this whole week i've been batteling strep throat. I went to the doctor on wed. He gave me some antibotics to take for a few weeks. I'm doing better. I'll spare you the details!! I'm working on a package full of my poems, pen pal letter & letter to send to mike. I'm sure he will be thrilled to get more fanmail....

1/24/2003: 9:58 PM
I should be kicking myself in the azz for not writing you guys everyday! I'll try harder! Today was a fun day. I went shopping & out to eat with my mom & grandma (It feels good to be able to have that quality time again). I bought a bunch of new clothes @ fashion bug!! I LOVE THAT STORE!! I also decided it was time to do some updating with my page. I'm been soo busy with working two jobs & chasing guys I lose track of time so easily. Work is going good, I was mad on thursday, but I'm over it! I have to work at the bar tomorrow. you know i'll be coming back with some cool stories again!! so look for those..this is going to be short and sweet!!! MUAH - Night!

1/13/2003: 9:15 PM
Hey! Sorry It's Been So Long Since My Last Entry. I Got A Webcam Today From A Freind & I'm Having Sooo Much Fun With It! Come & Get Me Guys!! There Is Nothing To Exciting Going On...I've Decided To Say Fu*k It With Some Friends. A Decision That Hasn't Come Easy. But, I Can't Keep Getting Hurt So I Have To Do What Is Best For Me. I Guess I've Gotten Wiser...I Started My Yahoo! Groups On Yahoo! It's Called 1StpKlosr2MC....Check It Out...Of Messege Me With Your E-Mail Address Or Yahoo! ID & I'll Send You An Invite!! I've Posted On LPU & Lp.com. I Had To, It's Been Awhile. I WEnt Bowling Last Thurday & Had A Blast. Although The People I Was With Pissed Me Off A Few Times, But Its Ok. I'm Still Sick. It Has Been Over a Week And Not Only Do I Have A Cold I Have Something Wrong With My Stomach Too. It Hurts All The Time. Ha Ha...I Got Soo Drunk Friday Night!! We Went Bar Hopping & Being A Rider Instead OF The Driver Was Awesome! I Missed The Steps, Ran Into The Car & Talked Funny (More Like Mumbled)..It Was Great!!! ttyl

1/3/03: 4:20 PM
Today is going kind of slow. I'm looking for some new things to add to my site & trying to keep busy. I promised myself I'd think more positivly this year and work on getting out of my depression. It's hard to think positive when your mind is so tangled & twisted you can't think straight. I downloaded some cds for my sister (Hey $5 a cd you can't go wrong!!)..I also downloaded some of lp' s live preformances from different shows. They're pretty cool. I can honestly say the guys have helped me through so much! No matter what I'm feeling, wither I'm upset or happy, they have a song for everything. Like last weekend at the bar (I'm a bartender) this total jerk was pissing me off! He was coming on to me & when i turned him down he got violent. He started calling me names. He is one of those peopel where the more they drink, the meaner they get! I was told, by the other employee, I have to put up with it cause its my job. I said hell no, It's not my job!! My job is to serve them not to fear them. And I told them next time he is there, if he doens't leave, i will! After that night i got into my car & played "One Step Closer"..I couldn't believe how much better i felt after that!!!....But, on a happier note I started working my new job about 3 weeks ago as a office assistant for the buyers' guide. It's definatly different having a sit down job verses being on my feet all the time! i'm counting the days until the new lp cd comes out!

1/5/2003: 6:04 PM
Besides adding more pics to my page, today was a lazy day! Plus I have a bad cold so I have no ambition or energy to do anything. gotta love them days! I worked at the bar last night and it was pretty fun! i found out that I can't serve that A**hole any more (not that I would want to). so that made me happy..not only that but there were some hunks there! and being a bartender gives you the chance to flirt with them! he he...i even had a guy ask me why i was so pretty..I didn't know what to say. for the first time I was speechless. I started my diet last week and i've been doing pretty good. I've lost 3 pounds so far. I'm starting to get the idea that happiness doesn't come from your body size, but from inside. It's to bad that some people only look at the outside. everyone that knows me loves me! and i'm happy about that. I'm jsut gonna lose some weight to be happy with myself. my girl cara is making me some more things to add to my site and working on some more pics for me..(THANKS GIRL!!) the song of the moment is "emotionless" by good charlotte. only cause my stepdad is trying to get back into our lives but i don't want him. he made the decision, and we had to follow. I've written my 9th poem last night. Check out my poems In the "My Poems" section. and sign the guestbook or e-mail me and let me know what you think! ttyl