This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.

Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Tech Support: Hello, tech support.
Customer: Good evening. I signed up for your Internet service a few days ago and it doesn't seem to be working properly.
Tech Support: We'll try to get you straightened out. Now is your computer dialling the service up okay?
Customer: Oh, yes. My neighbour put the program in and made sure that I had a connection.
Tech Support: Well, what isn't working?
Customer: I can't get any pages. They aren't sending them to me.
Tech Support: Who is they?
Customer: The Internet.
Tech Support: Which web site?
Customer: Any of them. They aren't being sent to me.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what you are typing in the box that says address?
Customer: I'm putting my address in, of course. 431 Lincoln Avenue in Oakdale.
Tech Support: Why are you typing that?
Customer: So they can send me the pages.

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

Some Things You Just Can't Explain

I don't remember where or how I came across this little tid-bit, but it is now yours to do whatever you want with it.
This is an Urban Legend - for details see this link

Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant. May I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away."
Support: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Support: "Humm so what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you it wouldn't accept anything I type."
Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: "Yes, I think so."
Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: "Okay, here it is."
Support: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle; it's because it's dark."
Support: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes, the office light is off and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Support: "A power……A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Support: "Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"