True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These are NEW (mostly), and were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine.
- "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
- "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
- Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?
- This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
- Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
- "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
- "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
- "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
- "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
- "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
- Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
- "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
- "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
- "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
- "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
- "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
- "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
- "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
- "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
- "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
- "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
- "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
- "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarise the details of an accident in the fewest words possible.
- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
- I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
- The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
- In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
- I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- The telephone pole was approaching, I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front end.
- To avoid hitting the bumper on the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
- I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
- I was on my way to the doctor's with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
- When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
