"This bio-mass composter will revolutionise the way Berkeley County deals with it’s dead animals," Bob Amtower told reporters in Martinsburg, West Virginia. "From now on, roadkill isn’t just for dinner anymore."

Amtower, an assistant district engineer with the Division of Highways, explained how the new scheme will operate. "About 10,000 deer and cattle get killed on our roads each year. Until now, when the game warden found them, he’d given them to orphanages, mental hospitals, or old folks homes. One deer can feed a dozen people for a week, but it’s becoming a real liability risk because you never really know how long it’s been dead. Might be hours, might be months. back in the old days, people just accepted they’d get sick once in a while from eating roadkill, but now they’ve started hiring lawyers and demanding compensation from us, so we ain’t gonna let them eat roadkill anymore. Instead, we’ll put the carcasses into this giant composter, along with some wood chips and chicken shit, and 45 days later we get a nutrient-rich compost out the other end. The state won’t need to buy commercial fertiliser anymore, so it saves the taxpayer money. Everyone’s happy, except the mental people. They like eating roadkill.