The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 to make a three sixty (a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f-king bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, say your call sign" (identify yourself)
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f-king bored, not f-king stupid!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got that Fokker in sight."

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange Between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and stopped.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

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