Marks & Spencer bread pudding - Product will be hot after heating

Packaging for a Rowenta iron - Do not Iron clothes on body

Boots children's cough medicine - Do not drive car or operate machinery

Nytol (a sleep aid) - Warning: may cause drowsiness

A Korean kitchen knife - Warning keep out of children

A string of Chinese made Christmas lights - For indoor or outdoor use only.

A Japanese food processor - Not to be used for the other use

Sainsbury's peanuts - Warning: contains nuts

An American airlines packet of nuts - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

A Swedish chainsaw - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands

A packet of Sunmaid raisins - Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Warning: do not put calculator in back pants pocket - sitting my cause the calculator to break.

On a vacuum cleaner and two of the cautionary notes were: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning.

On a box of toothpicks. There is a label on the back that tells you some stuff about them and it tells you that they are hand-polished...by machine.

I recently bought a package of Corn Dogs. Reading the instructions for cooking, it said, "In Oven: Cook at 357 degrees" Exactly what else on this earth is cooked at 357 degrees? Does that 7 degree difference from 350 make a big difference? I can't tell where 357 IS on my oven!! I cooked them at 350 and they turned out fine.

On the back of a hair color kit, "Do not use as an ice cream topping."

Have you seen the commercial for the Toyota Rav4 where the announcer gleefully says "Fitting in, Shmitting in." Think about that for one moment. The best way not to fit in, according to the Toyota corporation, is to buy a MASS-PRODUCED CAR. Ah, stupidity at it's finest.

On a bottle of dog shampoo I saw it said: "Caution, the contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."

I bought a new hair drier the other day. The warning label said "Do not use in the bathtub." It also said, "Do not use while sleeping." Gee, I always dry my hair when I'm asleep!

Well, the must famous fruit juice company in Israel sells an 100% pure orange juice. They make it from: 100% pure orange juice, water, food color, taste improvements, etc...

I live in Australia and have cable TV. The thing that puzzles me is that any help you need with the cable can be found on one of the channels. Now how am I supposed to get help in turning it on, if I can't turn it on?

I bought a foot massager and the warning on the box read, "Not intended for full body use."

Last spring I bought a lighter. There were two warnings on the package: 1.) Do not light in face and 2.) Do not expose to flame.

A buddy at work is an avid hunter. Last fall, I was looking through his equipment and came across a small bottle of liquid. It was a male-deer attractant made out of the urine of female-deer. It plainly said on the front "DOE URINE". On the back, it said, "NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION".

At our summer camp, we have a list of procedures for certain emergencies. One such entry was as follows: In case of flood - proceed uphill. In case of flash flood - proceed uphill quickly.

I recently bought a file for my chain saw to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. As I took the file out of the package, I observed this warning on the back: "TURN OFF MOTOR BEFORE USING THIS PRODUCT." I had to do it, too; the chain was turning way too fast for me to keep up...

While taking a national test (ASVAB), I turned to a page that read "BLANK PAGE." Anyone could see the page was blank. However, after they put BLANK PAGE on the page it wasn't blank anymore.

A clothing store I visited recently was giving away free inflatable picture frames which had measured about a 6 X 10 inches. On the back of the package was a huge warning stating, "NOT TO BE USED AS A PERSONAL FLOATATION DEVICE." I mean, c'mon, 1. Who's small enough to fit on one of those things. 2. IF you were in a water related accident, I very highly doubt someone would attempt to save you by throwing you a picture frame.

On the side of a box of bottle rockets: "Do not put in mouth."

I once saw a sign on this Chinese medicine that said: Expiration date - 2 years. Why yes, that's very helpful.

I spent the better part of the Gulf War working in and around the Saudi city of Riyadh. One of the hotels had a fire safety brochure that said, in big red letters on the cover, "In case of fire, please read this." I don't know about you but in the case of a fire the last thing on my mind would be poorly translated literature.

I was typing up some mailing labels the other day when I noticed that there was a guide sheet with big black lines on it marking where the labels are on the sheet. I don't use it, since I type right on the labels, but the warning caught my eye-- "Do not type on guide sheet because the lines will transfer to the labels in the copier."

Oil of Olay now claims to be 100% Oil-free.

I recently bought some cheese singles for sandwiches and got a good laugh. On each individually wrapped slice near the edge of the plastic was printed, "Open Here". I didn't realise that this was such a problem!

How about the bug spray that claims to "Kill bugs dead?"

On the back of a cardboard windshield shade it states, "Please remove before driving."

This is one of the advertisements on TV, "The NEW paddymaker is BACK."

In my building the fire extinguisher is safety locked. I think the superintendent has the keys!

I recently bought a new CD-ROM drive, and in the package there was a note which said: "Do not eat!" in five different languages!

According to a friend, in the instructions to a cordless phone there was the following warning, "Do not put lit candles on phone."

I bought some fresh milk and it had: ingredients: FRESH MILK.

My sister once bought me a phone for Christmas. Never being one to read the manuals for such items, I decided to take a look. In the instructions it read: "Plug the phone jack into the wall. If the phone rings, pick it up and greet the person on the other end by saying "Hello!" or another such greeting. Once completing your conversation, hang up the phone..." Are these instructions really necessary?

On an individual fruit roll up wrapper, there is a warning that says "Remove plastic before eating."

A wind-up baby swing had instructions for taking it apart for storing. Step 1: Remove baby.

On one of those car commercials it shows a car in the ocean and its saying something about it being a shark. And in small letters it actually says, "Do not drive cars in ocean." What kind of stupid person would try to drive a car in the ocean??