"This was a clumsy attempt by a caring and gentle person to find a first girlfriend," Mr "We don't yet know exactly what he was doing down there, but it seems to be some kind of fetish of his," OPP Constable Bob LaFreniere told reporters at an impromptu news conference held outside Peterboro, Ontario. "But I can tell you, we're damn glad we managed to starve him out, because we weren’t too happy about the thought of going down there to flush him out ourselves."

Constable LaFreniere was speaking near to the outside lavatory at Warsaw Caves conservation area where Darren Laitte, 26, of Richmond Hill, had just been arrested on two specimen accounts of committing an indecent act: "We received several complaints from women who had said they'd been spied on while using this facility. They told us that after they had concluded their private business in the outhouse, they'd looked down to see a man covered in their ordure leering up at them from beneath the toilet seat. So, we came to investigate, and saw Laitte down there in the holding tank. At first he refused to leave, so we laid siege to the outhouse, and starved him until he eventually agreed to come out. Apparently the man used to be an escapologist in a circus, and has a body as supple as rubber. he confessed that he'd squeezed down through the seat about a week ago so he could spy on women, and couldn't get out again. He said he'd been shat on by so women in his whole life, the thought it was time to go the whole hog. Turns out he liked lying underneath women so their body wastes splash onto his face. His mother finally coaxed him out by threatening to confiscate his Batman duvet cover. We had to lower a rope, and when he surfaced, boy did he stink."