July 21st, 2005 |
Karla's off in South Carolina, so we got to play for an extra hour so, when I got really wiped out. Dan made it over on his bike by just before 7:30, and had an itch to play Monsters Menace America, which Jamie joined in after our first turn was over.
| Blokus |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Mike | -5 (Green -3, Yellow -2) | 1 | |
| Jim | -9 (Blue -3, Red -6) | 2 | |
Notes: Jim and I had some time to kill, so we started Blokus, actually just about to start our first moves when Dan showed up. Dan hadn't eaten, so I told him to dig into the pizza I had ordered, which he did while Jim and I played.
Jim and I both played fairly aggressively, with Jim going after my corners and I went for a "wrap" strategy. In the end, the wrap turned out a bit better, because it leaves an extra point open, whereas the "corner" strategy takes a away one of your corners.
It was the edge I needed to pull out the victory near the end, when I was able to squeeze in just a few more pieces of my yellows and greens.
| Monsters Menace America |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Konk (Mike) | Challenge Champion | 1 | |
| Zorb (Jim) | Lost to Konk | 2 | * |
| Toxicor (Jamie) | Lost to Konk | 3 | * |
| Gargantis (Dan) | Lost to Konk | 4 | |
Notes: This is a transcript of a CNN broadcast...
Anchorman Lou deChris:...and the suspect's name is Steven Schwartz. (hand goes to his ear) We have a breaking news story from our reporter in the field...Jim Shoes. What's going on, Jim?
Reporter Jim Shoes: Lou, it's complete and utter pandemonium. There appears to be some sort of...of...Giant Eye creature rising from the Arizona desert and it headed directly for Roswell! It...destroyed Roswell, smashing it to pieces and seems to have gotten stronger! It seems to be changing. Hold on, Lou...A scientist nearby tells me this huge creature's digestive system has mutated and become more resilient...
Lou Fascinating, Lou! There seems to be something similar happening in the South. Let's go to our East coast correspondent, Oliver Nipples. Oliver?
Reporter Oliver Nipples: Indeed you're right, Lou! A huge gorilla, easily the height of a 30-story building, has escaped from a theme park in Florida and has made an appearance in the Baltimore/DC area, wreaking absolute devastation. The White House! The President is reported missing! The Capitol dome is crushed. Lincoln Memorial is called the Lincoln No-More-Ial. (Lou is heard groaning) The creature has destroyed a Marine base besides. The ape's attack has the military scrambling for position, and...oh, no! Lou! He is headed for Philadelphia! I repeat, a 30-story giant ape is heading for Philadelphia! For the love of Pete, if you're there, evacuate!
Lou Well, thanks for the warning, Oliver, but we're in Connecticut. Some late-breaking news seems to be emerging from the North, so we'll turn to our award-winning reporter, Dolly Llama. Dolly?
Reporter Dolly Llama: Thanks, Lou. Yes, there seems to be another monster arising. A gigantic bug thingy, some say a mantis, others a katydid. No, I can see it, Lou. It's definitely a mantis! It has appeared in Montana and first reports have it destroying the Yellowstone attraction, Old Faithful! Oh, the humanity!
Lou: Well, that's not so bad. Wait! This is tremendous, folks. There seems to be a fourth monster that has appeared. We'll now go to our ace reporter, Dan Druff. Dan?
Reporter Dan Druff: Lou! Holy mackerel! There's a big purple pile of sludge that just devoured the Speaking Paul Bunyan Statue up here in Minnesota. Geez!
Lou: What a tragedy. Mm-mm (shaking head sadly). Let's go back to that big eye thing. What else has been going on with that eye thing, Jim?
Jim Shoes: Lou, the tremendous Eye Monster, named Zorb, after crushing Roswell, devoured Phoenix. As the navy and marines protected Los Angeles and San Francisco, the monster veered to Northern Nevada, absorbing the weapons-grade plutonium at the Nevada Test Site! This can only be ill news for our Nuclear Weapons program! The monster has since been discovered to be not a giant, living eyeball, but a robot! The military has tried to lure it to a remote desert area of Nevada...trying to draw it away from the populated cities in an effort to weaken it!
Lou: Wonderful. We'll check back with you later, Jim. Back to our man Oliver in the East...
Oliver Nipples: Lou! It's simply sheer devastation! The monkey, affectionately known as Konk, obliterated Philadelphia but was beaten off from destroying Three Mile Island by the combined forces of the Air Force, Army, and National Guard. He has since left for...Good God, NO! He's headed for Manhattan and is sauntering over the East River EVEN AS WE SPEAK!
Lou: Yow! Who'd have thunk it? How about that big katydid? Dolly?
Dolly Llama: Some relatively good news, Lou. The mantis, dubbed Gargantis, is avoiding the major metropolitan areas and is traveling in generally a southerly direction. It devoured the Experimental Reactor #1 in the Northwest, and now has a tendency to go berserk! Reverting back to the grain belt, Gargantis utterly demolished Mt. Rushmore, crushing everyone to bits but drawing a mustache on Thomas Jefferson...experts can't explain it, Lou. Oh my goodness, Lou, it's...I...I...don't know what to say. (tears well in Dolly's eyes) His next target is the World's Largest Ball of Thread!
Lou: (visibly shaken) No! Where's the military! Good God, Man! (interrupted by Dan Druff...)
Dan Druff: The great purple beast of toxic waste, named, um, Toxicor, has headed due east, Lou! He utterly ravaged Chicago and Detroit, and when the army went north to defend Boston, Toxicor devoured Three-Mile Island and now seems to have Atomic Breath!
Lou: Boston! Shoot. That's pretty close to Connecticut. Is there anything that can be done?
Jim Shoes: Lou! Lou! The military diversion worked and Zorb was heavily attacked by the marines. The creature seems to have weakened! But...NO! I'm getting reports that the great eye-beast has just devoured San Francisco, though a concerted nuclear attack seems to have done a little bit of damage to the great monster. The great Eye has now turned to the south! Los Angeles! Evacuate!
Lou: Damn, that's a shame. Poor Hollywood celebrities. How about the East. Back to Oliver...
Oliver Nipples: The great ape, Konk, has veered south, crushing military bases along the way. I'm getting reports of a military construct, created to combat these creatures...Yes. The Navy managed to Air-Lift Toxicor out of Pennsylvania and dump him up in main. Deterred by the creation of a new-fangled military Super-Robot dubbed Mecha-Monster, the great beast has avoided Boston and devoured Ottawa. Now I hear...yes! Mecha-Monster has defeated Toxicor and the evil creature is fleeing!
Lou deChris: (wiping his brow) Phew! Thank goodness. How about that bug? Dolly...
Dolly Llama: (face full of tears) The World's Largest Ball of Thread is no more, Lou. I don't know...I don't know if I can go on. Vengeance, Lou. We'll have vengeance. A military experiment, dubbed Captain Colossal, has headed after Gargantis. It has challenged him and...OH! Captain Colossal was...his guts were...It's not pretty, Lou. Whatever that beast is, it's not a wuss, and it seems to want to mess with Texas! Dallas, home of boardgamegeek.com, has been chomped to tiny pieces!
Lou deChris: Geeks everywhere will certainly be devastated. I hope they backed up the server...What else is going on? Oliver?
Oliver Nipples: Thanks, Lou. Konk seems to have slowed down after tearing our space center at Cape Canaveral to pieces. He seems to be waiting for something. Reports are, though, that Toxicor has managed to crush Boston, though Mecha-Monster is still around. And now...Toxicor seems...it seems to be going straight south! Toxicor's going quickly and steadily south, ignoring cities and scenery, Lou.
Lou: Thanks, Oliver. Jim?
Jim Shoes: Lou, Zorb has destroyed Los Angeles...he had to go through a military grade anti-matter fence, which barely slowed him down before he tore the whole town to pieces, with especial destruction devoted to Rodeo Drive. What's this? It seems to be headed straight East...he's ignoring cities and towns. Lou? It's left the west coast!
Lou: Over to you now, Dolly, to update us on the anti-Texan bug creature.
Dolly Llama: Thanks, Lou. After turning Houston into ground beef, Gargantis took to the air and fled straight east, creening a terrible cry, as if in challenge!
Lou: Odd! Are they...will they...leave?
Oliver Nipples: Lou! Lou! I am just outside the military ring surrounding Cape Canaveral and a giant bug...it must be Gargantis! has come to the challenge of the great ape. To be honest, I don't think it stands a chance. (Roars of Kaaahhhnnnkk! arise in the background) Holy shit! What the fuck!?! (BOOM! CRASH!! Sha-ZAM!) Ohmigodohmigodlookout! (camera goes black for 10...20 seconds) Lou! Lou! The two monsters fought and the ape Konk tore Gargantis limb from limb. In fact, here's its still moving head. (fuzzy picture of a big bug head lying on a jeep, with soldiers shooting it with machine guns.)
Lou deChris: Hallelujah! At least there are only three!
Oliver Nipples: No, there's...it looks like...Yes! Toxicor has now made his way to Florida! AHHH! (Oliver's jaw drops like a rock. The camera shows a battle, no more than a half-mile away, of a tremendous slugfest between a big brown gorilla and a large, 3-eyed pile of purple goop.) This is an unbelievable, literally earth-shaking fight, Lou! Konk gets in some good blows, but Toxicor is not falling so easily...not like Gargantis, who had thrived on infamy. Oh no! Atomic breath! Yikes! That was close. It seems that the ape is getting the upper hand...Toxicor is tottering...yes! The big glob of crud is down! The ape (words rendered mute by the KAAAAHAHNNNNNK!!! yell of the ape).
Lou deChris: So two of the monsters are down, folks! We may be safe yet! Let's get a quick analysis of our military hopes...Dolly?
Dolly Llama: Hi Lou. The military is bulking up Mecha-Monster and are hurrying him down there. They had a recall on the child safety harness, but that seems to be fixed. Whatever monster is left will have to face Mecha-Monster, who has already defeated Toxicor once, as you may remember!
Lou deChris: That's good news, Dolly, and that reminds me. There will be a discussion later tonight on WKNK between Prof. Luke Warm of Columbia and Val Aryan. The title: "Elephants or Apes: A Diagnosis of Whether a Giant Gorilla might lead the country better than the GOP." Okay, programming note aside, let's get back to Oliver. Has the giant eye arrived yet, Oliver?
Oliver Nipples: Yes, Lou, the great robot eye, Zorb, has appeared! Holy shla-moly! Konk greets the eye with three tremendous blows! Zorb is reeling, but is giving pretty good with his eye laser and tentacles. Now Konk attacks and only gets in one or two blows this time, but seems to be hurt! Yes! EVery time he misses on a connection, it appears little blasts of electric shocks come from the Eye! But, it seems Konk is too powerful! Zorb is starting to waver...circuitry is all over...(CRSXHEXLHSDZZZZZT!) Zorb is down! Konk's fist went straight through the retina! It's all over...Hold on! Mecha-monster has come to save our countr...Never mind. There's nothing that can stop this ape! Konk is the reigning monster!
Lou deChris: You heard it here, first, folks. America is now under thrall of the great ape, Konk. All hail our new and possibly smarter leader!
| Chez Geek |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Mike | 18/18 | 1 | |
| Dan | 13/18 | 2 | |
| Jamie | 12/18 | 3 | * |
| Jim | 7/22 | 4 | * |
Notes: After Monsters Menace America, in which Dan got all pissed at Mike for destroying Gargantis without letting Gargantis retaliate (Gargantis started with only 11 health and had about 11 infamy tokens - including his Berserk card. If I'd let him attack once it would have devastated my strength for the rest of the challenge), Jim still wanted to play one quick game, so I voted for Chez Geek.
Dan was a drummer, and at one point he got really live with some Movie Theater nookie, getting 6 slack for it. Jim was having trouble as a corporate drone, as the Choad Warrior took his Plant. Jamie was a Convenience Store clerk and found us a couch, though the old man upstairs was seriously crimping our style. Jamie managed to get some cheap Pot Brownies, but when he tried to recall the Choad Warrior, I called the cops, who kicked him out.
I was a waiter, and got so live with some Power Outage Nookie that it woke up both Dan and Jamie. I also managed to go to a Concert, watch some TV, buy the Principia Mathematica, and nosh on some Ramen, though Jamie totally jonesed and took it. Jamie got a little bit of Gaming Nookie (1) but failed to get some elevator nookie. But he played RPGs and had a blast.
Dan got kicked out of his band and had to be an Envelope Stuffer, but he couldn't shake the Death of the Party. He managed to get in a lot of TV and drink a few Margheritas. Jim got in some sleep and bought some more stuff. Jamie tried to call his S.O., but he wasn't home. Then, even though I had to give Jim some cash, I managed to win by getting some pizza.
| Liar's Dice |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Mike | 1 die left | 1 | |
| Jamie | 2nd out | 2 | |
| Dan | 1st out | 3 | |
Notes: It had been quite a while since we played this, and Jamie was really anxious. It was pretty closely contested the whole way, with all our calls being one off, or right on the bid. At one point, when Dan and Jamie each had 2 dice and I had one, we had what Dan called "The greatest round of Liar's Dice ever." We played with the correct rule that you can't lose your last die from someone else failing a challenge.
What happened was this: Dan bid Two 1's. Jamie thought long and hard about calling him, but bid Four 4's. Jamie's pretty conservative, so I figured he had a 1 & a 4, so I upped the bid to Three 1's. Dan immediately put it at Four 1's. Jamie had to call at that point and called the Four 1's...There were four! As I had only one die left I didn't lose it.
After that, I managed to get lucky as Dan called my bid exactly, and we were at one each. Then Dan went out, mostly because he couldn't do anything, and I had first bid on the last round. I bid 5 (I had rolled a 5). Jamie bid 6. I called him. He had a 2, and I won. Afterwards, Jamie said, "Oh no! Mike won every game!" So that's what happens when Karla's not around...Hmmmmm.