October 18th, 2005 |
Another full house, so we split into two groups. The "eating group" consisting of Lee, Jim, Jamie, and Karla, and the "spilling group" consisting of Dan, Annie, Brian, and Mike.
| Monsters Menace America |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Tomanagi (Dan) | Challenge Champion | 1 | |
| Megaclaw (Mike) | Lost to Tomanagi | 2 | |
| Toxicor (Brian) | Lost to Megaclaw | 3 | * |
| Gargantis (Annie) | Lost to Megaclaw | 4 | |
Notes: This is a transcript of a Fox News broadcast...
Anchorman Frank O'American: Today's top story: Huge Monsters have inexplicably appeared all across America. Where have they come from? What are they doing here? What seems to be their object? Let's go to our panel.
Bill O'Reilly: Frank, I think it's pretty obvious that these Monsters are under command of the Liberal left, and were created in opposition to the so-called voter machine fraud of the 2004 elections.
Sean Hannity No, you're wrong, Bill. Megaclaw, who allegedly originated in New Orleans, has demonstrated that he is controlled by the President by destroying that Liberal dungheap of Chicago. Toxicor, whom those wacky nutcase leftists claim was created by excess amounts of toxic waste, has leveled San Francisco! And all those poor black people in Miami, I've just heard, have been killed. These are obviously GOP monsters, and the good people of America have nothing to fear.
Frank O'American: We have also just received news that Roswell has been destroyed by the giant Mantis known as Gargantis, who has adopted the "Atomic Recovery" mutation...and, oh dear...Megaclaw has just destroyed the Corn Palace!
Ann Coulter: Megaclaw obviously started as a GOP monster, but the liberal media has diverted him into destroying good, wholesome monuments. (shakes her weird, mannish head sadly) I just hope the other three aren't corrupted, too.
Frank O'American: We have just received word that Gargantis has devoured Phoenix and Tomanagi has eaten Tampa. Toxicor...Toxicor has been chased out of LA by the Navy!
Sean Hannity: See, the President has responded and now these monsters will go the way of the doo-doo bird. Though why he'd keep that monster out of LA while letting Phoenix and Tampa get devoured troubles me a bit.
Coulter: Liberal media corrupted those other two. At least Toxicor still loves us.
Frank O'American: Uh, Sean, it's called a dodo bird, not doo-doo.
Sean Hannity: You would say that, college boy.
Coulter: Damn liberals.
Bill O'Reilly: I think the real problem here is that we give too much money to the poor. I mean, the poor are only going to buy crack and lottery tickets! They don't buy food! Poor people don't have to eat! They just sit on the roads, drink alcohol, and smoke cigarettes. They don't work, either.
Frank O'American: We have more updates...Megaclaw has made his way to Denver, destroyed it, and crushed a nearby army base (Hannity whimpers)...Gargantis has moved against the weakened military around Los Angeles and wiped out Los Angeles (O'Reilly and Coulter cheer).
O'Reilly: I hope they got Angelina Jolie, that snotty, full-lipped, long-haired, sexy, lovely, tight-butted...
Frank O'American: Ahem. Yes. Tomanagi has been hemmed into the Florida peninsula and has just crushed Cape Canaveral, taking out a nearby navy base! Toxicor has been chased off again, this time from the Nevada Testing area by the U.S. military.
Hannity: See? Everything's under control! The President is doing a great job in this so-called crisis. His approval rating is 100%.
Frank O'American: We have a new guest for our panel, the governor of the beleagered state of California, Arnold Schwartzenegger. Governor?
Governor Schwartzenegger: Yes. Hello, Frank. We here in California are pleased the monsters have moved on to other states, like Nevada, Oregon, and so forth. With our current energy crisis, started by those girlie men in the senate et cetera, we...ACH, NO! HOLY SCHEISS!
Frank O'American: Governor? Oh...Oh my! We have just received word that Gargantis has NOT left California and has just eaten Sacramento! Meanwhile, Megaclaw has devoured Experimental Breeder Reactor #1 and mutated Gills and Fins. Tomanagi proceeds up the east coast, and has destroyed Charlotte and an Army base. Toxicor has managed to level the Nevada Test Site on a second chance and has mutated some hideous and tough scales. Why aren't these creatures being stopped?
Hannity: I...I...I can't believe he's gone! (Turns his head) I've got something in my eye.
Alan Colmes suddenly appears from under the desk Alan Colmes: Um, hi. Uh, I just wanted to say that the President's approval ratings aren't really 100%, more like 20%.
Coulter: You damn liberals and your spin! He was rounding the numbers off, you nitwit!
Frank O'American: Hannity rounded from 19% to 100%? (receives evil glare from Coulter) Uh, sounds about right. We've just heard that Megaclaw has torn apart the Little Bighorn battle sight, and a huge military attack is being directed at Gargantis. Let's go to our eye in the field, Del Fonic. Del?
Del Fonic: Yo. Two nuclear missiles and three squads of aircraft sent by the Air Force are centering on the location that was once Sacramento, where Gargantis is patiently devouring the state capitol building. I see the missiles on the horizon, and (two huge explosions shake the camera, one after another). No! No! The mantis is still there, and, and, he's mutated...TWICE! The missiles seem to have made it more powerful against the military...I'm being told a Radiation Field surrounds the monster now, which may destroy military units that miss it, and Laser Beam Eyes now rest at the end of two giant stalks. The general I've spoken with assures me that those are a perfect defense against further cruise missiles! But! Yes! The military is having some effect. Gargantis has been chased off by the jets. I have heard news that a Blonde Lure has been used to divert Megaclaw to the outback of Canada, and an Anti-Matter fence has been set up on the Vegas Strip...and Gargantis has flow straight into it! The mantis has been diverted into the peaceful, most bear and panther-filled places of Yosemite National Park. Back to you, Frank!
Frank O'American: We have further news that the Navy's concerted attacks against Gargantis have been thwarted by those "Laser Beam Eyes" Del mentioned. A missile has reportedly damaged Megaclaw, however. Toxicor has destroyed the Vegas Strip, along with an Air Force base...and Tomanagi has destroyed New York City!
Hannity: Thank God! This proves, once again, that the monsters are under the President's thumb. In fact, they voted for him in the last election.
Colmes: Monsters aren't allowed to vote, Sean.
Coulter: Shut up, worm! No self-hating lesbian like myself should have to put up with the likes of you!
O'Reilly: You're a lesbian? Mind if I call you sometime, Ann?
Coulter: Did I say "lesbian"? I meant "defender of Christian beliefs," like killing liberals.
Frank O'American: Megaclaw has indeed gone to Canada! Perhaps he can wreck some hockey rinks. Gargantis has returned to California and eaten San Diego...Tomanagi has devoured Boston, and Toxicor has turned and crushed Ok's Corral!
Hannity: So what? All these places are completely expendable. The President obviously knows what he's doing.
Frank O'American: We now go to a press conference held by the President...
President Bush: My fellow Americans...FEMA director Michael Brown is still alive, therefore no help is forwardcoming. We must work hard to stop the monsters. I have appointed a panel of good, hard-working Americans to come up with a plan to stop these terrible creatimifications. The panel is composed of two people I trust very much, almost as much as I trust Beelzebu...I mean, Jesus Christ. Those two people are...my daughters, Jenna and Barbara Bush. (Stunned silence greets this proposal.)
Frank O'American: What do you think of these appointments?
Hannity: Brilliant, simply brilliant.
O'Reilly: The problem is really that Bill Clinton vetoed the Republican proposed "Anti-Monster Act" back in 2003. (Coulter nods in agreement)
Colmes: How can Clinton be blamed for that? Bush was president in 2003? (Coulter smacks him with a magazine until, glasses askew, he retreats under the table again.)
Frank O'American: We have news that the monsters are converging on a spot in the northern midwest. Megaclaw's loud clacking seems to be summoning them. We go now to our Northern Midwest correspondent, Hugh Wee.
Hugh Wee: Hi, Frank. Megaclaw, who I'm told weighs in at 22 and has 7 infamy, seems to be selecting Gargantis first, who weighs in at 27 and has 0 infamy...and they're fighting! Oh, my! The big claws seem to be doing solid damage to Gargantis, who responds with a laser beam shot...which seems to do nothing...and, oh! Gargantis is fallen! The mantis is gone! Next up comes Toxicor (9 health and 6 infamy)! Megaclaw (now at 37 health and 1 infamy) unloads a huge salvo of blows...but Toxicor is still standing and really unloads on him, really letting Megaclaw have it with his infamy! A substantially weakened Megaclaw...finishes him off! Boy, if it weren't for those scales of Toxicor, Megaclaw would have dusted him in the first round of blows.
The final showdown is now between Tomanagi (34 health, 5 infamy) against Megaclaw (27 health, 0 infamy). And Megaclaw unleashes an attack on Tomanagi, but takes 8 attacks in a row in return. Megaclaw is reeling...his power is failing, and Tomanagi dumps him into the North Dakota dust! All hail our new emperor Tomanagi! (gets down on his knees and bows before a screaming, 400 foot tall lizard).
Frank O'American: There you have it! Our new national leader is Tomanagi! This marks the end of the Republican party, so Fox News will now shamelessly tout the new emperor Tomanagi!
Hannity: He's a heckuva great leader, Frank. His approval ratings are 100 percent...
| Taj Mahal |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Lee | 54 | 1 | |
| Jamie | 47 | 2 | * |
| Karla | 44 | 3 | |
| Jim | 36 | 4 | * |
Notes: While the "spilling group" was playing Monsters Menace America, the "eating group" pulled out Taj Mahal, Mike's official #1 game for four players. Jamie said, "If Mike likes it, it's going to be complicated." They didn't remember the rules (only Karla and Lee had played before, and it had been a while), so I went over them really quickly.
I tried to get everything, but one thing wasn't understood: you can place multiple palaces in the same province. They thought there was maximum of one, though at one point I said, "Even if you have three palaces in the same region, you only get one point." Still, in my hasty and rushed explanation, this obviously wasn't clear.
They didn't get the rule right until they asked me about it later in the game, when they were on round 8. Lee laughed when he heard the rule (he was in the lead, apparently), and said, "Jamie, the way we've been playing really hoses you!"
I told them just to play the correct way from there on in, which they did, I suppose. There were some quotes they were kind enough to supply for me:
Jamie: "This game did not happen in a vacuum."
Lee: "Jamie came in 2nd under protest."
Jim: "This game sucked, but not hard enough."
Karla: "Yay! I'm not in last."
Jim also seemed upset by the game. It's kind of a harsh game, I'll admit.
| Blokus |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Jim | -11 | 1 | |
| Lee | -15 | 2 | |
| Jamie | -17 | 3 | |
| Karla | -30 | 4 | |
Notes: I have no details to go by, but Karla, after about 15 minutes or so of playing, came over and hung out with the "spilling group" (named, I should mention, because Dan spilled beer on my Monsters Menace America board). I said that she normally does really well at that game and she said, "Yeah, but Jim's really smart." Ah.
| Louis XIV |
| Results | |||
| Player | Score | Place | First Time? |
| Annie | 42 | 1 | * |
| Mike | 41 | 2 | |
| Brian | 38 | 3 | * |
| Dan | 35 | 4 | * |
Notes: We all kind of stumbled through this rather complex game. People had some idea what to do after the first round but Dan was complaining about his cards (he kept getting Holy Hand Grenade mission cards, which bugged him to no end.)
Dan and I went for a lot of coats of arms, and Annie's lack of them nearly cost her. I did a piss poor job of taking things into account. I could have won, but in the first round I didn't coordinate my pieces at all and only managed one measly chip (though I got four in the next round).
In the last round, I knew I'd only get one more mission card done (leaving me with 5 compared to Annie's 6), so I should have focused on getting more coats of arms, but I only halfway did. Had I done more for coats of arms I might have won.
Brian usually won one of the crown cards, and Annie won the other every round after the first. I generally avoided Dan and only tried opposing Annie down the stretch. Annie would usually go for an Overwhelm strategy, putting three, four, or even more pieces on a card. A lot of times she did this only to create a tie, which I would tell her not to do ("That won't do you any good, unless you're trying to hose Brian (or Dan)", and she'd put pieces in other places instead.
Dan needed Holy Hand Grenades in the last round, but didn't have the cards to get anywhere near the crowns or the hand grenades, though he tried for a bit. In the end, it came down to Coats of Arms, and I fell one short of Annie's total. Brian did a great job in the last round when he got in two extra turns, to get to 6 mission cards (Annie had 6, I had 5 and Dan had 4). His deficiency in coats of arms cost him, though.
Brian liked it, Dan grumbled, and Annie was pleased she won. I was disappointed that I didn't maximize my points.
Pretty chaotic night tonight, but very fun. Next time we split up, though, I'd like to mix and match the groups after the first game. We could have done that after our Monsters game - played a filler until the other folks were done - but I really wanted to play Louis XIV.