>~*~

He watched Pacey follow Jack into the tutorial. Did he know? He supposed he couldn’t have, or else he probably would have hit him also. He cared about Joey, he would have never said such hurtful things…

He had to find her. She must be so upset, and her really didn’t blame her…what he’d said was beyond dispicable…she was his best friend for crying out loud! And he’d pushed her away when all she’d wanted to do was sort things out. Be the friend he should have been, instead of acting like a three year old who just had his favourite toy car taken from him. Where did he get off treating her like that?…it wasn’t like he owned her…what the hell was wrong with him?…

//”…or maybe you’re just on crack like you’re father..”//

Dawson sighed. Suddenly realizing what everyone else had known for ages You idiot. You stupid, ignorant fool. You moronic, big headed, greasy, nostril flaring excuse for a human being (sorry I couldn’t help myself -jos.). What the hell was wrong with him? Why had he alienated the only person that gave a @#%$ about his pathetic existance? His best friend…

Dawson jumped up from his seat, leaving his books sprawled on the table

He had to find Joey, he had to explain why…
He had to tell her he loved her…

~*~


“He’s in love?” Pacey laughed in contempt “yeah, right, that idiot has about as much feeling as a lead brick”

“Strange but true” Jack shrugged, returning to his work he continued “and please ignore the blatant subtext, but you can’t help who you fall in love with…”

Pacey shook his head, bemused and somewhat frustrated “Well I guess I cant blame the guy…but it cant be true..he’s so, so -How could you possibly know this Jack?”

“Its so obvious” Jack said simply “and anyway, he told me…”

Pacey collapsed into laughter “yeah sure! I can imagine it ‘Hey Jackers old buddy, I thought seeing as we’re such tight friends and all I’d let you in on a little secret…Im in love with Joey Potter…oh and don’t forget to tell your mother that we’d love to come over for the roast lunch on Sunday’”

Jack smiled slightly “It’s a little more complicated than that, there was an incident… and I ended up staying the night at his house”

“and I thought you only had eyes for me” Pacey teased, grinning evily

“Very funny Witter” Jack said dryly “It wasn’t exactly for fun…I actually detest the guy more now, which I didn’t think was possible…but anyway, he kept asking about you and Joey …and I..uh, found that we had one thing in common…”

Pacey laughed “You mean apart from the new shade of lipstick?”

“Geez man, you are on a roll today” Jack smirked “Don’t you have a girlfriend to comfort or something?”

Pacey nodded “That I do! I better go find her… Seeya Jacky!”

“Yeah Pacey, just Jack is fine!” Jack yelled as Pacey ran out of the library “you and Jen better sleep with one eye open…” he mumbled good naturedly, returning to his work


~*~


A bell sounded across the school yard.
Joey leant against the tree trunk, wiping a few stray tears as the students made their way back to class. Damn that prick. damn him.

“Joey” said a tentative voice

“Go away Dawson” Joey said

Dawson stayed where he was, his voice pleading “Please Joey…I have to talk to you…what I said before was unforgivable…and I am so….so sorry”

Joey turned to face him “You should be” she shot back at him “we have been friends for so so long, and for you to say something so cruel…so hurtful…”
The tears began to well back up in her eyes

Dawson winced at the sight of her tears, he moved up to her “Jo, I am so incredibly sorry…I don’t even know how to express the regret of what I said…”
He put his arms around her, pulling her into a hug “I didn’t mean it….I was just so angry, Im just so confused about everything…you were spending all that time with, with..it..”

Joey pushed him away angrily “why do you do that?” she exclaimed “why do you always insist on using such derogatory terms with him. His name is Pacey Witter, and Im in love with him…okay?…if we are going to remain friends, you are going to have to accept that!”

Dawson shook his head sadly “I can’t” he said, his voice wavering

“Then we cant be friend’s anymore Dawson” Joey said calmly, starting to go

Dawson grabbed her arm “Joey wait” he said softly “I cant because…because I’m in love with you”

~*~

Pacey walked quickly, there was only one other place she could be…she’d told him not long ago that she liked to just sit there and think, watch the other people go past…feeling anonymus… //”thinking about you”// she had said cheekily, she had looked particularly gorgeous then, her eyes twinkling in the half light.

He hoped she was okay, he knew how much Dawson meant to her. He didn’t want to see her unhappy

Pacey rounded the corner, spotting her immediately and stopping short. Shock hitting him hard. She wasn’t alone. Her and Dawson were in passionate embrace, kissing each other tenderly, their arms encircling one another. Shock dissolved quickly into pain. He could barely breathe. Slowly pain gave way to anger. Breathe. Breathe. This had to be a mistake. She loved him. Not Dawson. Why would she do this to him. How could she?

~*~

Joey broke away from him abrubtly “Dawson, I can’t do this…its not right, this is a mist-“

She suddenly spotted Pacey, his face a mix of pain, confusion, shock , anger.

“Oh @#%$! Pacey! This isnt what you think-”Joey started

But Pacey just turned and walked away.
>
~*~


“God! Pacey wait!” Joey yelled, as she ran across the school yard after him “Please Pace, its not what you think!”

Pacey turned impatiently to face her, his face flushed and angry “You have no idea what I’m thinking” he said, trying to restrain the rage that was building up inside of him “And you REALLY don’t want to at the moment…”

Joey fought back tears “Pacey! It didn’t mean anything….I promise…”

“Well It’s a comfort to know you wouldn’t cheat on me with someone you really cared about” Pacey scoffed.

“Don’t twist my words!” Joey protested

“Don’t yell at me!” Pacey yelled “you have absolutely no right-“

Joey grabbed his hand ‘I know Pacey, Im sorry…But I mean it, there was nothing behind that kiss”

Pacey looked vacantly at her, pulling his arm away “That’s not what it looked like…I know a kiss when I see one Jo…and that was one of the most intense-“

“Don’t say that!!” Joey interrupted, her arm hanging loosely at her side “Last night meant something…not that…”

Pacey swallowed hard “I want to believe you Joey…I do…But are you sure about how you feel about him…I mean…do you love him?”

Joey shrugged “he’s my best friend…of course I love him..”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it’ Pacey said annoyedly

“Jesus Pacey!’ Joey said, exasperated “It was just a stupid little insignificant kiss…how many times do I have to tell you…It meant nothing, he told me he was in love with me and kissed me! That was it! I’m in love with you Pacey…so much…” A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away with the corner of her sleeve “What else do you want from me?”

“Honesty” Pacey said simply, leaning against the fence he looked at her carefully “I want you to answer the question”

“What question Pacey?” Joey said, deeply confused

Pacey sighed, the strain evident in his face “You keep telling me he’s your best friend, how important he is to you….Are you in love with him Joey?”

Joey buried her head in her hands “No” she said softly “No”

Pacey felt tears prickling the backs of his eyes “Then why cant you look at me?” he said, his voice shaking “Why cant you look at me and tell me you don’t have feelings for Dawson”

“I just told you!” Joey snapped , turning to look at him “and what about you huh? I could ask you the same question!”

Pacey snorted in contempt “Sorry Joey, but I can honestly tell you I’m not in love with Dawson Leery”

“Jack” Joey said shortly “Do you have feelings for Jack?”

“How did this conversation get turned around on me” Pacey said angrily

“You’re avoiding the question” Joey replied

Pacey laughed bitterly “Now here’s an unfamiliar scenario” he said sarcastically. He moved closer to her “But if you must know, No, I’m not gay”

Joey rolled her eyes “Being gay or straight is irrelevant when it comes down to raw emotion… Pacey, do you have feelings for him or not”

“No Joey!” Pacey yelled, furious “Im not taking this sh.it from you, I don’t have to answer your question, coz you know what - I didn’t kiss Jack! - and you see that would never happen because Jack is a decent human being…unlike someone you call your friend, he would never try and break us up!! …he…he didn’t even want us to know for crying out loud…!!”

Joey looked at Pacey incredulously “What? … just because Dawson has learned to be open, an… and honest and expressive about his emotions, that makes him not a human being!?!…and what? So… Jack is one because he tortures himself by rolling it all up into a little ball and closing himself off from the world?”

“Don’t put it like that” Pacey spat “He cares about other people…it’s the lesser of two evils”

“Yeah, I forgot! MY friend is the big bad wolf of Capeside” Joey said sarcastically

Pacey shook his head “Jo…the guy’s a rich @#%$, he doesn’t give a sh.it about anyone but himself, all your friends are like that!…Hell Joey! you used to be like that until…” he trailed off. Realizing what he had just said to her. He felt guilty.
“Okay , that not what I meant…you’re different to them that’s why I love-


“You meant it Pacey, we’re being honest here remember?”
Joey looked at him, her eyes red and her voice quavering with every word “It seems our friends are keeping us apart after all…maybe we just aren’t meant to be together….maybe we are just too different…

Pain seared through Pacey’s stomach, he locked his jaw stubbornly “Maybe…” he said

Joey sighed, tears rolling down her cheeks as he began to walk away

He turned, hesitated, and then kept walking “Nice knowing ya Josephine…” he said softly

~*~



“Oh dear god!” Jack laughed, his eyes wide “That’s gross!”

Jen rolled her eyes, leaning back against the bedhead “The ironies of what you just said are too numerous to mention…I mean are you telling me that the idea of two girls kissing grosses you out?”

“Not usually….” Jack looked back at the screen and made a face “…but its so damn…tonguey…honestly, do we have to see that?”

Jen laughed and kicked him “You are such a dumbass! Its not even real, they’re totally hetero, and totally acting…”

Jeack grinned cheekily “I dunno…it kinda looks as though Sarah Michelle is enjoying it…” he teased

“You know, you’re right” Jen said slyly “Look she’s really massaging that other chicks tongue now…”

Jack made a muffled “ewww” noise as he buried his head in a pillow.

“Thats it!” Jen giggled as she jumped up and switched off the TV “Enough CRUEL INTENTIONS for you, I don’t want to warp that fragile, innocent little mind of yours…”

Jack looked up and made a face as Jen sat back down next to him on the bed “Ha ha, very funny…I can handle it okay? Put the show back on, I promise I wont say anything else…”

“Nope, I don’t think so” Jen teased “Send me a postcard from the nunnery sometime wont you?”

Jack threw the pillow he had been leaning on at Jen “More funny stuff, now put the movie back on, I wanna see how it ends”

Jen shrugged “Oh, Ryan Phillipe just gets run over, you’re not missing anything”

Jack groaned “Thankyou for that….now remind me again WHY I always end up at your house on Friday nights watching videos with you?”

“What else would you do?” Jen asked, chuckling softly

“Good point..” Jack replied “Now put on the god forsaken video before I suffocate you to death”

“Okay Jackers…but there’s a bit coming up that had to do with …”Jen paused for effect, whispering “…sex..” she grinned “you sure you don’t want me to fast forward it for you or-“

There was a loud crash and the two of them jumped as the door flew open, Pacey coming tumbling through it.

“Hey Guys!, Wassupppp?” he grinned

Jack laughed “I dunno man, but I think I just peed my pants, …you scared me! I thought Grams had finally had enough of Jen not using coasters with her drinks and had flipped her lid…”

Jen nodded, smiling “You’re lucky she’s not here Pacey, you nearly took the door off its hinges, where the hell have you been anyway? Me and Jack have been trying to find you all afternoon..”

Pacey moved unsteadily on his feet, his words slurred “Oh me and Joey’s just been breaking up…seems she likes that Dawson better than me or something…..anywho I just got aquainted with me old friend mister whiskey… we thought we’d come around and say hi…. Oh ’cept I drank him all on the way overrr…but y’know…he sends his regards”

Jack and Jen exchanged glances

“You’re drunk” Jack stated

Pacey chuckled “and the prize goes to you, smart boy!” he turned to Jen “he’s quick isn’t he?”

“Jesus Pacey” Jen sighed, resting her head in her hands

Pacey laughed and began to topple sideways, Jack quickly jumped up and grabbed his arm, trying to steady him somewhat.
“Uh Pacey, Maybe you should lie down..or something man…try to sleep this off”

Pacey shook himself free of Jacks grasp “ No way Jackerooni, its movie night! Remember! Its when we all sit down like best friends do and watch movies….what are we watching tonight huh? “ he jumped onto the bed and picked up the cover of the video “ooh cruel intentions, that’s when the chicks kiss right?”

Jack smiled slightly “that would be it…”

“Pacey I really think you should try and sleep this off…like Jack suggested” Jen said sternly “I’m sorry for whatever happened between you and Joey…but look at yourself…you’re a total mess…”

Pacey sat up, disgruntled “Aww Jenny c’mon, thats no way to talk to a friend….oh yeah, see I forgot…we just pretend to be friends don’t we? Don’t we?”

Jen sat up also and faced him, “What do you mean Pace?” she asked dryly, her face one of interest

“Jen, don’t..” Jack warned.

“I wanna hear this” Jen answered simply

Pacey chortled “She wants to hear this Jack! She knows we aren’t really friends anymore, that this whole thing is one big tired joke!!”

“Go on then Pacey, explain why we are no longer friends, how we are pretending, was it?” Jen replied, her face deadpan

Jack glared at Jen and Pacey from his corner of the room “I don’t believe this” he muttered “of course we are friends…”

“Please Jackers, I may be drunk but I am not stupid” Pacey spat, his face angry “ You are so fuc.king in love with me you can barely see straight, and Jen, our dear JEN-IF-AH, how does it feel to be the expendable wheel in this scenario huh?”

“What on earth do you mean?” Jen said sarcastically

Pacey walked slowly up to her “well you’re sweet, you’re the one everyone loves to talk to, you’re the confidant….you’re the one everyone talks to when they cant be talking to someone else-“

Jack shook his head “Ignore him Jen, that’s not true…”

“Oh come ON Mcphee! Of course its true…if I were gay you’d be off somewhere with me…tell me when was the last time you asked Jen how she was going, how SHE was feeling….no no no way, it would never happen because poor little heartbroken Jackers is WAAY too important, its great to have a shoulder to cry on Jack isnt it? …I agree reaally…”

Jack started to protest but Pacey cut him off

“Tell me Jen? How does it feel to have your thirty seconds of screen time every day,…I mean if its not me about Joey, its Jack about me!…. feeling a little used???, coz you sure as hell should be, we used to be friends but all this @#%$ is tearing us apart….don’t you see that? We’re only friends of conveinence, I wouldn’t be here with you two if Joey and I were still together, I’d be out there, having a lot of good sex!”

Jen looked at Pacey, trying to restrain her anger “Is that all?” she said softly

Pacey pretended to look at his watch “Yeah sorry, I love you babe… but, times up!….time for the real storyline…”

“Jack Mcphee” Pacey said, turning to face his friend “the screwed up subplot, …but is he really the subplot or the surprise twist ending??, nobody really knows for sure….Is he a poor heartbroken martyr, or just the guy who wants to get into my pants?”

“Go to hell” Jack snapped

“Oh c’mon Jackers, heres your big chance now Joey’s out of the picture…wanna give-“

“No, Pacey I want you to shut up!” Jack yelled in his face “Im so fuc.king sick of your sh.it! I have a storyline for you, It has to do with this guy who is so pissed that he lost his girl to her best friend that he is abusing and ruining his friendships aswell because somewhere in that minuscule mind he thinks things couldn’t get any worse. Well, wake up Witter! because we have stopped feeling sorry for you now, and its about time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself”

Pacey looked blankly at Jack and threw up all over him and the surrounding floor.
>
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


*~*~*~

~*~

"Christ Pacey!" Jen said angrily "Grams is bloody well going to kill you!," She paused, turning to Jack "Geez.. are you okay..?"

"It's just vomit" Jack said dryly, stepping away from Pacey "Im fine"

Pacey looked and Jack and chuckled slightly, his nose wrinkled in mild disgust "Man, that is so gross" he said, his words slurred
"you oughtta-" but before he could get any more words out Paceys shoulders slumped and he vomited again

Jack moved quickly, grabbing Pacey under the arms and moving him in the direction of the bathroom. He turned to Jen and they exchanged weary glances "Ill take care of him...you better clean this up before Grams comes back and has a hernia or something.."

Pacey chortled, and Jen just nodded resignedly.

**
Jack pushed a stumbling Pacey into the bathroom, shoving him roughly towards the toliet he pointed "upchuck. In there."

Pacey giggled, looking at Jack in mock-innocence
"You're not gonna hold my hair back for me Jackers?"

"Shut up Pacey" Jack snapped "Even if you had hair long enough to spew on I wouldn't do you any favours"

"Touchy touchy" Pacey said, trying in vain to sit up properly "Why not hey? You love me dontcha??...you'd do anything for me right??"

"Anything involving causing you a momentous amount of pain, I'd love to" Jack mumbled looking dismally at his vomit-laden sweater "Now be quiet, im not so blindingly in love with you at the moment...tonight has certainly helped me on the road to recovery thats for sure..."

Pacey sighed, resting his face in the crook of his arm "She.. I mean Joey kissed Dawson you know..."

"On the lips?" Jack asked distractedly

"No. not at all. Actually, now that I think about it, She may have kissed his elbow" Pacey said sarcastically

Jack just raised an eyebrow.

Pacey rolled his eyes "Yes. On the lips, and it was very very passionate" he paused a minute, the pain evident in his eyes "I think she loves him...I really...I think she's falling in love with him..."

Jack carefully pulled his sweater off and threw it at the sink "I dont care" he replied simply

Pacey narrowed his eyebrows "Way to be the supportive friend man" he said annoyedly

Jack laughed bitterly "What did you expect?... According to your little speech back there we just pretend to be friends!"

Yeah well...you are doing a crappy job of pretending Jackers...where's your respect for a guy who just lost his girlfriend to ..to mammoth head" Pacey laughed

Jacks tone was serious as he moved down to face Pacey "Whatever respect I had for you Pacey Witter disappeared about 10 minutes ago"

"Screw you" Pacey snarled, tears pricking the backs of his eyes

"No, screw you Pacey" Jack said, standing and moving toward the doorway "I dont care how drunk you are, people dont say those things to one another...Im going to help Jen"
>
########

~*~

Dawson looked up from the TV set as Joey scrambled in the window.

“Hey” he said, looking mildly embarrassed, and shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

“Hey” Joey replied, trying to smile convincingly “whatcha watching?”

“Magnolia” Dawson said, smiling, and pausing the movie “It’s a fascinating movie, Tom Cruise should have definitely won an Oscar for this one, he is so unbelievably convincing as Frank TJ Mackey its almost scary”

Joey sat down on the bed beside him and raised an eyebrow “Doesn’t he play some guy who runs ‘seduce and destroy’ seminars?”

“But that’s the entire point” Dawson exclaimed, “He’s totally shed his macho good guy image, and done it convincingly! I don’t even think he’s the best in the film, they all put on a sterling performance-”

“Yeah yeah” Joey grinned “but it’s the whole toads falling from the sky thing that I’ll never understand”

Dawson chuckled “I’m not even sure I get that either, I mean its evident it has to do with the entire films pre-occupation with coincidence, but it still stumps me somewhat…”

Joey feigned shock “No way! Dawson Leery? Film critic extraordinaire, -hasn’t got all the answers???”

“Why do you think I’ve watched it fifteen times Jo?” Dawson laughed “It intrigues me..”

“Perhaps that IS the whole point” Joey said softly “Maybe we’re not meant to understand, strange things happen right? I mean it happens all the time…People find themselves in weird and complicated situations every day…”

Dawson smile faded “You mean like today…”

“I didn’t mean anything Dawson…I was talking about toads(*snark*- jos)” Joey said quickly

Dawson sighed “I’m sorry okay….I shouldn’t have said those things today…and I really shouldn’t have kissed you….”

Joey didn’t say anything, twisting her hair with her fingers, and her cheeks flushing red, she kept her eyes on the floor

Dawson “Everything will be okay between you and Pacey though right? I mean everything can just keep on going on as normal….whatever normal is now….”

“We broke up” Joey replied shakily “Its over”

“I’m sorry” Dawson replied quietly, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt

Joey shook her head “You are such a liar Dawson”

“What?” Dawson asked

“Would you like me to spell it out for you? You’re fake, -a total liar.” Joey spat “you hate Pacey! -and you pretending like you actually care that it over between us is a total joke….I, I mean I’m surprised you aren’t doing cartwheels around the room!” Joey stood up, angrily and moved towards the window “The very least you could be is honest Dawson, your apparent sympathy is making me sick!”

Dawson got up quickly, grabbing Joeys arm “Wait Jo! -please!” he said desperately “What do you want me to say? Huh? -That I’m happy that you are in so much pain? That it gives me my thrills to see you wince every time Pacey is mentioned?” Dawson slumped down on the bed, exhaling loudly “I don’t like him, that’s true… But” his voice was barely a whisper “…but I love you Joey…and the pain of seeing you hurt, is almost unbearable…that’s why I’m sorry…”

Joey sat down slowly next to him, tears glistening on her eyelashes “you love me?” she asked gently

He nodded, barely able to speak “More than anything…”

Joey said nothing and Dawson continued, tears choking him “….And you love Pacey?”

Joey put her hand in his “I don’t know anymore” she said sobbing quietly
>
~*~

Pacey opened his eyes gradually. The sun filtered in through Jen’s open window, but he couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what time it might be. Pacey pulled himself up to look at the bright glare of the clock radio, it was 11:53. His head throbbed with pain and he buried his face back into the linen of the pillow. No one seemed to be around, and he was glad, he didn’t want to deal with the repercussions of what he had said last night. The words, his words, while somewhat hazy seemed etched into his brain, and for once he wished he could have been one of those drunks who couldn’t remember anything. Maybe that would take away the sick feeling in his gut…that unrelenting painful aching stuck somewhere between his heart and his head. He had backed himself into a corner, and was slowly breaking under the torment…..

~*~

Out on the porch, the cool breeze was just enough to outweigh the heat of the sun. Jen sipped her coffee quietly, staring vacantly at the creek, her head abuzz with Pacey’s words. It stung, like little pricks of pain with the constant realization of what he had said, while druken, was also true. She had no storyline anymore, she had become the confidante…and while that wasn’t a hugely bad thing…she couldn’t help feeling used, perhaps even a little lonely at the thought of it. Was it her problem that she chose not to reveal her part in all this? That she kept her problems her own? That the fact that she could twist this Joey, Jack Pacey and even Dawson triangle even further…was that what kept her silent? -kept her passive?…
Jen yawned, pulling her legs up to her chest, -it was what kept her safe…she didn’t want to endure the heartache of his rejection anymore than she already did…

~*~

The shower screeched in protest as the water rushed through its pipes. Dawson let himself rest his cheek against the cool glass as it began to mist over, the hot water scalding his back. He couldn’t care less. The emptyness was eating at him, suffocating him, mocking him. She didn’t want him….she didn’t care for him, not like she cared for Pacey. And perhaps he could have lived with that if it hadnt have happened, he could have moved on if it weren’t for the one mistake he’d made….he hadn’t said no…
Dawson slumped down to the floor his tears mixing with the constant stream of water prickling his skin. He could barely breathe, his lungs tight with steam….why hadn’t he stopped it? He had taken advantage of her at her lowest moment…she didn’t even love him and he had still said yes…

~*~


Joey’s naked body trembled under the blankets, her heart pounding furiously as she wiped desperatly at the tears ebbing from the corners of her eyes. He couldn’t see her like this, couldn’t know that she had just made this biggest mistake of her life, it wouldn’t be fair. Joey almost laughed out loud at the word ‘fair’…it was too late for her too be fair, fair would have been telling Dawson the truth…and not taking advantage of his feelings for her…just so she could make herself feel better. Fair would have been sorting things out with Pacey instead of seeking revenge…telling him how much she loved him and how much she wanted him back. Joey pulled the covers over her head as she heard the shower being turned off…But it was too late now, she had screwed everything up. …to think she had been with Pacey only the night before….why did she do it? Why did she ruin everything? She despised her self for it!! Hated herself!
…the old Joey was a distant memory… she was nothing now…

~*~

Jack chuckled to himself. Dammit he loved this @#%$. Funnies were the best part of the newspaper. He could sit here in the sun, with people hurrying past him all day and read this funnies crap. And it sure beat angsting it out with the gang. He wasn’t going to think about last night at all, He was just going to enjoy this Saturday morning without a argument, or a life altering situation. Please.


~*~

Pacey sat down next to Jen, the cane chair sweaking under him was the only sound amongst the ominous silence.

“How are you feeling?” Jen asked finally

Pacey shugged meekly “You mean apart from the throbbing headache, and the fact that I’m ready to yak at any moment now??… yeah pretty awful…”

Jen sipped her coffee “I wish I could say I felt sorry for you Pace”

“I was thinking you’d be feeling more inclined to drown me in the creek” Pacey joked halfheartedly. He paused, unable to look at her face, his voice choked somewhat “Jen, honestly…the last thing I could expect from you is sympathy…what I did last night…what I said last night was completely unforgivable…”

Jen took a deep breath,”I just wanna know before I deck you” she lifted her chin slightly and swallowed hard “Why did you say it?”

“I don’t know” Pacey said sombrely, his head still lowered “I mean I was drunk…I was angry at Joey… I was angry at myself…I was feeling sorry for myself…there are a million reasons Jen, but none of them justify what I said… why I said those things…”

Jen cleared her throat, her eyes misting over “But did you....did you mean what you said Pacey?” she asked tentatively

“No” Pacey said adamantly “Jen, I swear to you I didn’t mean those things”

Jens voice was hoarse with tears “You did Pacey” She said, barely audible “you did, because people tell the truth when they’re drunk”

“No” Pacey insisted, but Jen interrupted him

“You did!…because it IS true!” she snapped, wiping at her eyes “I am the doormat!! and I’m so sick of it…”

Pacey winced, and he moved from his seat quickly so he could face her, gently taking the cup of coffee and putting her shaking hands in his own
“No” Pacey repeated firmly “No”

Jen said nothing, her face partially hidden by her blonde curls.

Pacey continued, looking at his friend earnestly “Jen when I said that, I was deliberetly going out of my way to be hurtful… I was in pain and I wanted everyone else to be in pain…it doesn’t make sense, and you have every right to never speak to me again…
He smiled at her “When I was little… I remember this little girl who lived just down the street…. Her name was Jenny and she was a cute little blonde, all overly cheerful and chatty - I got to know her well,…. actually we used to hang out with these other two kids, brother and sister…. Jack and Andie…”

Jen looked stubbornly at Pacey, determined not to smile.

“Anyway the four of us would hang out for hours…” Pacey continued “there were games and fights and water bombs, and it was wonderful…
Pacey stopped for a second, struggling “…One day I got home from school and my father was waiting for me, he said I’d forgotten to bring in the mail that morning and it had rained and they had got all wet and ruined, anyway he proceeded to tell me what a loser I was and what a disgrace I was to the family….that wasn’t unusual, and so I didn’t really mind …. I thought the best way would be to give him the card I’d made him in class…it was like an early fathers day thing…and I thought it would cheer him up…but it didn’t, he uh…ripped it up and told me that he didn’t like to be reminded that I, a world class moron, was his son….”

“Pace…” Jen started

“Just a sec, Im not finished” Pacey interrupted, playing with her fingers and smiling slightly he continued “I was kinda upset, and I ran down to the docks….feeling totally MISERABLE… and this Jenny girl turns up and tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself…and that she has a surprise waiting for me…So I reluctantly follow her to her house and she gives me this bag, and inside theres this tiny little orange fish…”

Jen grinned widely “Mr Goobers…”

“That’s right!” Pacey chuckled “best gift I ever got, and what made it even more special was the note attached… ‘Happy Fathers Day Pacey! from your other dad, Jen’”

Jen snorted with laughter “It made no sense!”

“It didn’t have to, It was single handedly the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me Jenners” Pacey said softly, smiling “You and Jack are my closest, bestest friends…and I cant stand that I was such a total @#%$ last night…”

Jen smiled and whacked him playfully on the head “you’re forgiven”

Pacey smiled “Thankyou…for everything…”

"oh thats okay son..." Jen chuckled

~*~

"Terrible, shocked, appalled...take your pick....anything along the lines of wanting to kill myself is what I feel at the moment!" Dawson snapped, frustratingly trying to tie the towel properly around his waist.

"What...?" Joey asked, the tears threatening to fall again "what the...what do you mean? ...was it me?"

Dawson didn't say anything, the water still drippng from his hair

Joeys voice trembled "Was I not..I mean, it wasn't good?"

"God Joey, no I didn't mean..." Dawson sighed, sitting down in the desk chair, he rested his head in his hands
"It was just a mistake...we both know that..."

"Dawson thats not true!" Joey protested

Dawson smiled painfully "Then why have you been crying?"

Joey looked down at her hands.

"Its okay Jo...I don't mind anymore...I always wanted to be with you but...but I wanted it to be because you cared about me...not because you wanted to get back at Pacey.."

"Dawson..." Joey trailed off

He shook his head quickly "I think you should go now..."

"but-"

"he doesnt have to know...I wont say anything..."

Joey just nodded...

>
~*~

"I think I made a mistake" Pacey said slowly, as Jen handed him a coffee.

Jen sat down opposite him, bemused "Which one Pace? I mean, I dont mean to rub salt into an open wound here, but your mistakes in the past twenty four hours have been...plentyful"

"Thanks for the support Jenny" Pacey groaned "I know what you mean though...and i was talking about Joey being the mistake..."

"What do you mean?" Jen asked, puzzled "You think going out with Joey was a mistake??"

Pacey shook his head "I think breaking up with Joey was the mistake..."

"Oh..." Jen said softly

"Yeah -Oh..." Pacey replied "I think I should talk to her, you know, try to sort things out with her..."

Jen nodded slowly "If you think that's what you want..."

"It is Jen. I..." Pacey trailed off

Jen looked at him expectantly "I..???"

Pacey smiled to himself "I love her"


~*~

"I can't" Joey said simply, as she pulled the sweater over her head "I can't do that Dawson"

"Can't do what?" Dawson asked, sitting down beside her

Joey sighed "I cant lie to him Dawson..."

"Why not?" Dawson said notchalantly

"Because I love him..." Joey said, the words catching in her throat

Dawson said nothing, he stared blankly at his hands

Joey realized what she had just said to him, and the tears welled up in her eyes again, she moved to face him "God Dawson, Im sorry I did this to you...."

Dawson looked away "If you love him, then protect him...think how much pain you would put him through if you told him about what happened last night..."

"I dont want to hide anything from him.." Joey sobbed

Dawson got up and looked out the window so she wouldnt see his eyes "This never happened Joey, If I can forget it...then so can you...what no one knows cant hurt him, or you..."

"Dawson-" Joey started

"Just go Joey, ...please!"

Dawson exhaled loudly as Joey shut the door behind her.


~*~


"You love her huh?" Jen asked, sipping at her coffee "Then you should probably do something about that..."

Pacey nodded "You know what Jenny? -you are so right!"

Jen nodded "I know-"

"Right now!" Pacey jumped up from his seat "I'm going to find her right now! Im going to work this out and it will all work out brilliantly...."

Jen smiled as Pacey kissed her on the head "Dont forget-"

But Pacey interrrupted her "Once I've done this, once she knows how much I love her and she loves me, everything is going to be perfect!!"

"Thats great, but-"

"Jenny my life is suddenly looking up, a little kiss doesnt mean anything!...we're meant for each other!" Pacey said running out the door

"Pacey! BUT!....
...but dont forget jack..." Jen said to the empty room
>
Pacey knocked loudly on the carved wooden front door of Joeys house until Mr Potter, looking bleary eyed and somewhat distracted answered the door

“Sorry son I’m not buying anything today’ he said quickly, beginning to shut the door

“Wait!” Pacey yelled “I’ve come to see, I mean… Is Joey home?”

Mr Potter raised a disdainful eyebrow “you’re a friend of Josephines?”

“Yes Sir” Pacey replied “Is she home?”

Mr Potter shook his head “She’s about three feet behind you”

*

There was a tap on Jack’s shoulder
“well hellllooo there…if it isnt the hot but tragically gay Jack McPhee”

Jack didn’t even look up from his paper “Go away Abby”

“Awww cmon” Abby cooed “don’t be so rude, you and I are one of a kind”

“I severely doubt that” Jack snorted “Now get lost”

Abby was undeterred, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders “I like a guy with a little negative energy, its such a shame you play for the other team, I mean imagine the hot angry sex we could have had..”

Jack laughed contemptously “Stop it, your turning me on”

Abby rolled her eyes and leaned in, whispering in his ear “Want me to tell you a secret?”

“The daily gossip with Abby Morgan?” Jack asked “As tempting as that sounds, no wait, it doesn’t sound tempting at all”

Abby smiled “Cmon Jack, it will blow your mind”

“No. Go and crawl back under where ever you came from” Jack replied

“Its about your lover boy” she teased

“hmmm, and which loverboy would that be? I have so many” Jack said dryly

“Pacey Witter”

Jack hesitated “I don’t care”

Abby grinned triumphantly “Oh I think you do..”

“Yeah, but you’re demented” Jack snapped

Abby was insulted “At least I’m not the latest ho-bag around here, I mean first it was Jen Lindley, and it seems Joey Potter has taken her lead”

“Abby, what the hell are you talking about?” Jack asked “No wait, I don’t care…”

“Oh come on Jack, I’m not that stupid, everyone knows you’re lusting after Witter, and I think that you care because I really think Pacey would care that his girlfriend deflowered Dawson Leery last night”

*

“What?” Joey asked, a confused smile spreading across her face “I’m not sure I comprehend what your trying to tell me Pacey…you want me back?”

Pacey smiled, taking her hands in his “I love you Joey, I know we love each other, I overracted, and put simply, If you’ll have me then -hell yes! I want you back”

Joey hesitated.

“That is if you do want to get back with me…” Pacey started cautiously

“No!”

“No?”

“I mean yes! No! Yes! Yes Of course I want to be with you, its just Dawson…” Joey trailed off

Pacey smiled goofishly “You mean the kiss? The certain kiss that I severely overreacted to?”

Joey’s smile was tight “that’d be the one…”

“It was just a kiss right? I just walked in at the wrong time, I mean you would have stopped it if I hadn’t have been there, and I just acted like the typical hotheaded guy, And I’m so sorry for that Jo-“

“Pacey please stop apologising” Joey said quickly, her voiced strained

Pacey frowned “Is everything okay?”

“uh huh” Joey nodded unconvincingly “Its great”

“It was just a kiss right?” Pacey asked

“Of course it was” Joey said, hugging him close to her so he wouldnt see the pained expression across her face “I love you Pacey”

“Right back at you Potter” Pacey replied, kissing her ear.

*

“Get away from me you pathological liar…thing!” Jack said in disgust

Abby smiled “Ahhh but there’s the problem Jacky boy, I’m not lying, Joey’s been spreading her wild oats I’m afraid, Chris Wolfe saw her walking out of Dawson’s house this morning, apparently Pacey and Joey’s insipid love isnt as wonderful as the drivel they insisted on displaying to everyone in the school hallways”

“Even if that were true, it doesn’t matter” Jack grumbled “They broke up last night, they’re both separate agents”

*

“Oh god” Jen said slowly

“I know, I mean they’d been apart all of 2 hours” Jack said wrinkling up his nose in discust

Jen shook her head “No, its worse, Pacey’s on his way over to instigate a reunion”

“Oh geez Jen, he’s going to be so crushed” Jack replied, resting his head in his hands

“That’s if she tells him..” Jen said quietly “If he comes back and he doesn’t know…”

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“We can’t tell him Jack, its not our place” Jen continued “We don’t even know if its true! We definitely cant tell him”

“That wont be a problem for me, I’m not talking to him anyway” Jack said simply “However, Abby Morgan running around telling anyone she can find is a different story…”
Jen thought for a minute “If it’s not true, then it doesn’t matter that Abby’s saying it, and if it is true and Joey tells Pacey the truth, then its still okay…but…” she trailed off, looking dismally at her coffee, which was now cold.

“…but if it is true and she’s not telling its going to get messy” Jack finished for her

Jen looked at Jack incredulously “..and its not messy enough now?”

Jack paused “Why don’t you just say what you are really thinking Jen”

“You want to know what I think?” Jen asked, almost bitterly

Jack nodded, standing up and moving to the window “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind”

Jen hesitated, picking up her cup and rinsing it in the sink before turning to face him “ You’re the proverbial mess Jack”

He hadn’t been expecting that, Jack looked at Jen, annoyed “Excuse me? This is my fault?”

“I don’t mean that” Jen said quickly “But I do think you are a part of what’s keeping Joey and Pacey apart”

“I never asked anything from them!” Jack protested “I didn’t even want him to know!”

“You’re a mess Jack!” Jen continued, her voice cracking “This is tearing you apart so badly, I can see your in pain and its like torture, Pacey see’s that too, were you’re best friends and for once we cant make it better, theres no simple solution!”

Jack clenched his jaw “What am I supposed to do?”

Jen shrugged “I just think you’re mature enough to make this easier for him, forget about last night, and just tell him you are there for him, especially if this stuff about Joey turns out to be true, just…”

“Just put my feelings behind me?” Jack asked

Jen nodded, exausted

“Is that what you do?”

Jen looked up, startled “What?”

“This is starting to make sense now, Jen are you in love with Pacey?” Jack asked

Jen laughed bitterly “if only it were that easy”

Jack continued “It just seems like you are speaking from experience, please don’t lie to me Jen”

Jen exhaled loudly “I am not lying, its not Pacey I’m in love with”

“Then who?” Jack asked, confused

Jen shook her head “No one! No one Jack, I’m the one person in this scenario that doesn’t love someone else okay! I was just saying you should go easy on Pacey, because what he said last night is a reflection of the anguish he is feeling on not being able to help you,-he cares about you okay and he feels helpless!!?”

“Last night was an attack Jen” Jack snapped, tears beginning to gather in the corners of his eyes “and it hurts, Every day when he isnt with me hurts okay?! Im trying to hide that as best I can but its not easy when your in love with someone and you know its impossible”
Jack grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the house

“I know” Jen whispered to herself.


~


Jack ran round the corner and straight into Joey and Pacey, who were arm in arm and smiling broadly.

“Oh hi..” Jack said quickly, hoping to make a quick escape

“Hey Jack” Pacey smiled “Hows things?”

“Well I don’t have a hangover so that’s a plus” Jack said smartly

“Jack, I-” Pacey started but Jack cut him off

“So you two are back together obviously?” he asked “that’s nice”

Joey nodded, grinning up at Pacey “Im the luckiest girl in the world”

“Yeah, we pretty much decided we’d both over reacted about the whole Dawson thing” Pacey paused as he spotted the tears glistening in Jacks eyes “Is everything okay? You look upset”

“Nothing, I mean, I’m fine…I was just here helping Jen clean up the mess you made last night”

Pacey grimaced “I’m really sorry Jack, what I said last night was unforgivable..”

Jack shrugged and looked at Joey “It’s no big deal, really. I heard Joey did something even more unforgivable last night, but I suppose that’s just Abby Morgan for you”

Jack had merely said that to gauge Joey’s reaction, but he began to feel sick when he saw her face turn a deathly shade of white.

Pacey laughed nervously “Is someone going to fill me in here?”

Neither Jack nor Joey answered. They just stared at one another.

“Fill who in?” Jen said coming round the side of her house

Pacey looked suspiciously at them “Jack just said something weird about Abby Morgan and Joey doing something unforgivable last night, and I was wondering when I was going to get let in on the joke…which seems to be getting less funny by the minute…”

“Oh, its probably nothing” Jen said glaring angrily at Jack “It was nothing right Jack?”

Jack looked up, somewhat dazed “Yeah, I was just joking…its nothing…its nothing”

“Yeah but it became something when you said nothing twice” Pacey said, his voice a cross between nervous and angry, He looked at Joey who was still pale “What’s going on Jo?”
>
*~*~*~*~*



~*~*~*~

“I…” Joey trailed off “Um…I..Im not sure what-”

Pacey turned is attentions to Jack “What did you mean by unforgivable?”

Jack looked at Jen for support, but her gaze was steely. “I…uh…I just meant the Dawson thing, you know…. That she kissed Dawson” Jack shrugged, keeping his eyes on the ground, unable to look Pacey in the face “It wasn’t anything…it was a joke…”

Pacey face was as cold as stone as he glared at Jack “Very funny”

“Look…I-“ Jack started, but Pacey angrily cut him off

“How dare you have a go at Joey like that?” Pacey spat “That kiss has nothing to do with you, and you are deliberatly dredging things up to hurt her! Honestly Jack I know how you feel, but making smart remarks like that isn’t going to break us up and make me go running into your arms-“

“Don’t even say that” Jack started, but Pacey kept going

“Why not? I was on my way over here to apologise for the things I said last night, and you act like a jealous three year old! Joey and I have sorted out what went on with the kiss, its between us and no one else…”

Jack sighed resignedly “Then…Im really sorry” he said bitterly “I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me one day Pacey..”

“Jack don’t!” Joey said finally “Please stop it now..”

Jack smiled dryly at Joey “No Pacey’s right, its none of my business what you do with Dawson, Im so very sorry I ever said anything, I really don’t care who or what you do”

Pacey surged forward angrily and punched Jack hard across the face, sending him falling to the ground.

Jen ran to Jack “Pacey what the hell do you think you’re doing!”

“He…he said…” Pacey exhaled loudly, cradling his hand “He insinuated that my girlfriend sleeps around…”

Jen glared at him “He was not insinuating…”

“He did so!” Pacey yelled “We all heard him say it!”

“He wasn’t insinuating Pacey!” Joey yelled, tears starting to roll down her cheeks “Because it’s true…”

Pacey spun around to look at Joey, his face full of confusion “What?”

Joey wiped ineffectively at her tears, her bottom lip trembling “I slept with Dawson last night…”

Pacey’s mouth was open slightly, as if he was about to say something, he looked bewildered, at Jack who was being helped from the ground by Jen, and then back at Joey, when he spoke his voice was strained “you slept with him…?”

“I…I was so upset about just breaking up with you…and so angry…” she said softly

“So what?…it was revenge?” Pacey asked angrily

“I don’t know!? …It didn’t mean anything, we both knew it was a mistake right after…”

Pacey just looked at her emptily

Joey sobbed “It was the biggest mistake of my life! Pacey please, you have to forgive me!…I am so in love with you…”

“Go away” Pacey said quietly

Joey moved towards him

“I said get away from me!” Pacey yelled, tears welling up in his eyes, he wiped them away furiously “I never want to see you again!”

Joey turned and ran. The tears running down her face.

Pacey turned back to see Jen standing by herself by the tree

“Where’s Jack?” he asked tentatively

Jen sighed “He split…you know what he’s like-” Jen tried to smile “total drama queen…”

Pacey didn’t laugh, just stared vacantly at the tree nearby, the tears glistening in his eyes “What have I done?” he asked, his voice breaking “what the hell Iam I doing?”

Jen didn’t answer, just hugged him, pulling his body wracked with sobs, close to her.
-->Unravel me, distant chord
On the outside it’s forgotten
Constantly, get along, and the animal awakens

And all I feel is
Black and White
And I’m wound up
small and tight
And I don’t know
who I am…


~*~
The ghostly white light of the moon shone prominently through Pacey’s bedroom window, sending a pale streak across his bedspread and illuminating the room. But that wasn’t what kept him awake. It wasn’t even Doug’s familiar snoring in the next room that kept him tossing and turning endlessly. It was the voices, the relentless reminders of the events that had unfolded that very afternoon.

//unforgivable//…a jealous three year old//…hope you find it in your heart to forgive me//who or what you do//Pacey!//He insinuated my girlfriend sleeps around!// I slept with Dawson last night//I slept with Dawson//I slept with Dawson…//

He felt sick, his stomach completely cold. The pictures in his head were haunting him…mocking him…
The scenes replayed themselves in his mind. Jacks look of defiance turning quickly to bewilderment and hurt as he had hit him. Jen’s confused anger. And Joey’s look of guilt, those big scared eyes, wet with tears, the violence being what had finally prompted her to tell the truth…
His hand throbbed and he could hear the haunting crack of knuckle to cheekbone over and over. The pain was so unbearable he couldn’t fathom which was hurting him more. The loss of Jack’s friendship, or Joey’s blatant betrayal. He wanted to fix it, but he couldn’t see how. Even if Jack were to ever talk to him again, their friendship was irrevocably scarred.

Pacey sat up suddenly, and made a decision. He wasn’t going to lie around dwelling on it all night, and it wasn’t going to fix itself. He had to talk to Jack and try and patch up whatever was left of their friendship.
Right now.

*

Mr McPhee answered the door wearing old flannelette pyjamas and a grumpy expression. The expression on his face became even more annoyed at the sight of who it was, and he looked pointedly at his watch.

“Hello Pacey” he said mildly “What can I do for you?”

“I need to talk to Jack” he said, wearing a smile that he hoped was convincing “Its pretty important, actually its bordering on extremely important”

“I’m sure…” Mr McPhee said dryly “Are you aware what time it is Mr Witter?”

Pacey nodded patiently “I realize its very late, but I wouldn’t come unless it was a matter that needed to be resolved as soon as humanly possible…”

“As much as I’d like to help you Pacey, he’s not here” Mr McPhee said gruffly “he’s started that whole moody teenager thing all over again, if you ask me he’s brought it on himself”. He paused at the annoyed look on Pacey’s face; “Anyway he’s been in and out all day…I think he said he was going round to Jennifer Lindley’s, so you can look for him there”

Mr McPhee began to close the door when Pacey stopped him “Uhm, Mr McPhee?” he said quickly “do you mind if I wait here? It’s really urgent that I speak to him”

Mr McPhee looked as though he minded a great deal, but just nodded resignedly “You know where his room is, you can wait in there, but don’t be causing a ruckus or anything. -There are people that have to sleep and I know the crap music you kids listen to these days”

Pacey nodded, trying not to laugh “Yes sir, I mean will do- I’ll be as quiet as a mouse, you wont here a thing”

Mr McPhee just slammed his bedroom door in response.

*
Pacey shuffled quietly down the hallway and paused outside Jack’s room in a bout of self-consciousness. He wasn’t sure if he should go inside and that was weird. Practically all his life he had been in and out of this room without a second thought, some of the best times of his life had been with the people who frequented this room, and now, in the space of a few days everything had changed, and he was hesitating.

Unhappy rumblings from Jack’s parents room, motivated him to get inside and he closed the door behind him quietly.

Pacey smiled at the familiarity, same old faded blue wallpaper, same ‘racing car’ bedspread he could have sworn Jack had had since he was five. There was the endless photos of Andie and Tim scattered across the walls, amongst the posters of the few eclectic bands Pacey had always teased Jack for liking.
Pacey chuckled when he saw ‘Ted’ the teddy still had a proud spot on the shelves. Being here he could almost forget…well almost…

As Pacey moved forward he felt something crunch under his foot. It was a photo frame, leaning over and looking more closely at it he saw it contained a recent picture of Jack and Jen and himself, they were hugging each other and grinning widely and he recognised it from one of their expeditions to New York, where Jen’s Aunty Carrol lived. It was one of those spur of the moment photo’s that had turned out better than expected, but now it was torn and distorted by cracked glass. Pacey didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Instead he pulled it carefully from the broken frame, and sat down on Jacks bed, patiently waiting for him to return. The crumpled photograph in his hand making him even more determined to put everything right again. No matter how long it might take…

** >
~*~

The light was switched on and Pacey awoke with a start.
He sat up, disorientated, his head still heavy with sleep and his eyes trying desperately to adjust to the glaring light. What was going on? Where the hell was he?
The crumpled photograph he still had clutched tightly in his hand gave him his answer, and the sick, cold feeling in his stomach returned as the memories all rushed back to him. He must have curled up and fallen asleep on Jack’s bed, but now the light was on and that meant…
Pacey looked up cautiously, still squinting somewhat at the figure immobilised in the doorway.
Jacks hand rested on the light switch, a mixture of disbelief and disdain etched across his scowling face.
Pacey felt a sharp pang, like acid burning his stomach as he also noticed the large purplish blue bruise under Jack’s left eye.

They stared uncomfortably at one another, Pacey glanced quickly at the iridescent red clock which told him it was 2:53am and then back at Jack “Hey Jackers” he tried to say light-heartedly, but his voice wavered.

Silence. Pacey looked awkwardly at a picture of Andie on the wall directly next to him.

“Cosy?” Jack asked finally, making no effort to disguise his annoyance.

Pacey tried to laugh but the noise he made was closer to a gurgled choke “Yeah” he said thinly “I guess so…I was thinking you could probably run a business from this room…its pretty, uh nice and stuff…”. He paused “ I didn’t actually mean to fall asleep, but y’know man, its been a long day”

Jack stared angrily, his sharp blue eyes looking right through him “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for the chicks” Pacey joked.

Jack dropped the bag he had slung over his shoulder on the floor, unimpressed.

Pacey sighed and dropped his head, speaking quietly “I need to apologise…for everything…”

“Well that’s really great” Jack replied sarcastically “but you can take you apologies and shove them-“

“Jack!” Pacey protested “We can’t do this anymore! We need to put Joey and Dawson and Abby behind us and gather together some last semblance of a life! There’s so much damn angst between you and I and Jen now we can barely look at each other without hurting someone! We are best friends for christsakes!”

“Were” Jack stated

Pacey was confused “What?”

“We were best friends Pacey, its over” Jack said firmly

“Its not over Jack, we can fix this” Pacey said quickly

“No” Jack replied “No, we can’t, Not anymore” He couldn’t even look at Pacey “Our friendship can’t ever really be fixed, as much as we want it to, there’s a hole…an emptyness and its getting bigger”

“Because I hit you?” Pacey asked timidly, fighting the burning at the back of his eyes

Jack moved slightly, as if to comfort Pacey and then decided to stay where he was “…because I fell in love with you…” he said quietly

“Jackers-“ Pacey started, but Jack shook his head

“Don’t Pacey…” he said, moving to the cupboard and grabbing a few clothes he shoved them roughly into the bag he had recently dropped on the floor, next he moved and grabbed a few photo’s from the walls…

Pacey watched him pack stuff into his bag, blatantly confused “What are you doing?” he asked finally.

Jack cleared his throat, and averted his eyes “I’m leaving”

“What?” Pacey said, shocked “No way, you can’t just bail Jack…you can’t its not fair..”

“I’m going up to Colorado, I thought I could work on my uncles farm up there, my parents don’t mind…actually I think they’re glad they don’t have to put up with the gay son anymore…”

“You cant go” Pacey said firmly

Jack looked at his watch ‘The bus leaves at 3:35, I already said goodbye to Jen”

“Don’t go” Pacey said, almost pleadingly

Jack looked at him, and smiled sadly “It will be heaps better this way Pace, I can move on and you and Joey can patch things up”

“I don’t want to patch things up” Pacey snapped angrily “I want a best friend”

“You’ll have Jen” Jack said softly “Promise you’ll take care of each other”

“I promise” Jen said softly as she appeared at the doorway, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks wet

“You’re not seriously letting him go?” Pacey snapped “Just letting him run away from the problem?!”

“Pacey, its his decision” Jen said, visibly distressed.

Pacey shook his head disbelievingly, the tears glistening in his eyes “No! No Jack we can fix this!”

“I need this Pacey” Jack said softly, his own voice faltering “I need to get away from this for just awhile”

“But I need you!” Pacey yelled “We all need each other!”

Jack lifted his bag back onto his shoulder “I’m sorry Pacey…”

As he turned to go Pacey grabbed his arm and pulled him close, their lips meeting in passionate embrace, their soft warm skin pressing gently against one another as their tongues enterwined. Finally they broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other, feeling their soft breath gently on their necks.

“Don’t go Jack….please…” Pacey whispered.

Jack gently released Pacey’s hand, and pulled away, a solitary tear falling down his face
“Goodbye Pacey” he said and walked out the door.

Pacey stood stunned, his lips still burning from the kiss and his chest tight. The front door slammed and the only sound left was Jen’s quiet sobbing.
>
~*~*~

~*~

It was a strange sight for Mr And Mrs Mcphee the next morning to see Pacey and Jen fully clothed sprawled out on Jack's bedroom floor. But they decided, under the circumstances to just let it be.

Pacey slowly woke at the sound of the click as Mrs Mcphee closed the bedroom door. He pushed away the tangle of blonde curls tickling his face and sat up. Jack had left, he remembered and the room was so much emptier now.

"What time is it" Jen asked sleepily as she too sat up.

"Time to go I think" Pacey said, getting to his feet " I cant stand being in this empty room anymore, its depressing"

Jen nodded "I know, I miss him already"

Pacey looked out the window, swallowing hard "we could go after him, you know, convince him to come back...it..it'd be the right thing for everyone"

"It wouldn't be right for him" Jen said softly

Pacey glared at Jen "You think its a good idea, that he left?!"

"I want him back more than you realize Pacey" Jen replied "but he needs some space...somewhere to think where he's not constantly your shadow..."

Pacey nodded slightly, fresh tears welling up in his eyes

"Hey you big dork" Jen said light heartedly, putting an arm around his shoulder "It's not forever, he'll be back soon enough, probably being more of a smartass than ever..."

"and you call yourself a cynic" Pacey laughed kissing her briefly on the cheek
>
~*~*~*~
A few days later:
~*~*~*~

Pacey smiled feebly at the sight of Jen rushing furiously across the schoolyard after a loose piece of paper. He jogged across the lawn towards her.

"Oh that's a nice piece of ass" he chuckled as she leant over to snatch the paper from the ground.

Jen turned and smiled wryly at him "And so nice of you to be a gentleman and help me"

Pacey smiled and put an arm around her "I was just about to help, but then I realised you had it under control...lets face it Jenners your not exactly the damsel in distress type"

"I could have been" Jen pouted, half serious.

Pacey nodded "Yeah, you're right, that piece of paper could have totally killed you"

"Yeah well..." Jen protested "I might have tripped and fallen and hit my head on a rock and died instantly"

"Well I guess you should be glad you just cheated death a few seconds ago" Pacey laughed and reached for the piece of paper in her hand "What did you just risk your life for anyway Morbid Lindley?"

Jen snatched the paper away from him and tucked it into her pocket "Nothing".

"It didnt look like nothing to me, it looked like a prescription" Pacey said reaching for her pocket, but she grabbed his wrist and pushed it away

"Do that and I can get you arrested in most states" Jen smiled thinly "Besides, its just girl's stuff y'know"

Pacey raised a coy eyebrow "Girls stuff?"

Jen rolled her eyes "Did you want me to give you the talk about the time of the month when girls have abnormal cravings for chocolate and are best left alone-"

"Okay!" Pacey held his hands up in defeat "Okay! I get the picture, I wont say a-" Pacey trailed off

Jen followed his line of sight and saw a certain brunette hurrying quickly across the yard.

"Pacey, for crying out loud just talk to her" She groaned

Pacey snapped out of his trance and his face darkened "Not in this lifetime"

"Alright" Jen said "Just keep staring wistfully at her for the remainder of the year, that's heaps more costructive"

"She slept with another guy!" Pacey snapped "And not just another guy - Dawson Leery!"

"She was upset and confused Pacey-"

"She slept with Dawson Jen"

"You got drunk and abused me and Jack"

"What's your point?"

"My point is that you two both obviously care a great deal about one another if you get so passionately destructive after one minor fight!" Jen yelled "Sure, she made a grevious mistake, one im sure she's paying for every minute of every day, but we are human! We all make mistakes - You kissed Jack!"

"I didn't sleep with him" Pacey snapped "I just, i didn't want him to leave, I just..."

Jen sighed, and squeezed Pacey's hand reassuringly "You know that feeling you get when you cant stop thinking about someone? It's that incredible combination of pain and elation you get deep in your stomach. If that's what you get with Joey you have to at least talk to her, you have to at least give that gut feeling a chance"

Pacey looked miserably at Jen "Geezus Jen, I want to, I really want to sometimes...but then i get the picture of her with Dawson in my head and it sickens me, I, I can't just forget that..It's like my heart wants to wrap her in my arms, but my head keeps telling me no...That it's impossible...Do you understand that?"

Jen sighed and leant against his arm "Yeah, yeah I think I do"
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