Drifting Back
Chapter 1 - Denial is Easier Than Reality
The passengers were leaving the boat. It was the last tour of the day, surviving another attack of questions about Boston, as well as places he wasn’t supposed to know for the job.
Pacey punched out for the day, then headed in the direction of his car. As he walked down the block to the parking garage, he could feel someone watching him, waiting. It was rather late at night and, though this was a generally safe neighborhood, anything was possible. Getting his guard up in case of attack, he slowly turned around.
“So it is you,” someone called out. Pacey let out a sigh of relief at the sound of that voice. Jack was crossing the street toward him, a tall, dark-haired guy following behind.
“What brings you out here?” Pacey greeted Jack with a brief hug.
Jack replied, “Just having your average date.” He went through the introductions, “Scott, this is Pacey Witter, a friend from high school. Pacey, this is Scott Goodwin…”
Scott interjected, “His current fling.”
Jack gave Scott a playful shove. “That what he’d like to believe.”
Pacey added, “I could understand his answer. It would be hard for anyone to admit they’d date you.”
Scott answered that one by laying a kiss on Jack’s cheek. “It’s all about the cheap thrills.”
“Nice to see you again, Witter,” Jack deadpanned. Pacey marveled at how more assured Jack was from the guy he’d known in high school. He had known of a couple fumbling dates back then and that was all.
Pacey glanced in Scott’s direction. “He’s stalking me, right?”
“Absolutely.” It was meant as a joke but there was some truth, in that Jack picked the location of their date for the possibility of finally tracking Pacey down. If they weren’t successful, at least they’d enjoy themselves at the café, then the club at the far end of the block Jen recommended.
“How long have you been back in Boston?” Jack asked.
“For a while,” Pacey answered evasively.
Jack nodded, understanding what he was implying. “You’d prefer keeping a low profile?”
“That would help.”
Jack pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket and handed it to Pacey. “Thought you’d want to know where the reason you’re keeping a low profile is staying. Joey lives down the street so there’s the possibility of seeing her.”
Pacey pretended he had no idea what Jack was talking about as he dryly replied, “Thanks for the warning.”
“Somehow, I don’t believe you when you claim it doesn’t matter. Why else would you be hiding out?”
Pacey snapped, “So, are you still living with Grams?”
Jack exaggerated the motion of getting shot, staggering backwards. “You got me, Pace. I’m a goner.” He stood upright, then answered, “Yes, Jen and I still live with her.”
Scott continued, “But don’t get Jack started on how lucky Joey and Audrey are regarding their apartment.”
“They are lucky!” Jack exclaimed. “One sway of her hips and she gets whatever she wants!” At Pacey’s surprised expression, Jack corrected himself, “I meant Audrey, not Joey. She hasn’t suddenly turned into a vamp. But that place…”
Scott kidded, “As long as you’re not bitter.”
Pacey wasn’t sure but the other name sounded familiar. “I think I saw that girl Audrey last week. She was with a guy…”
Jack and Scott said at the same time, “Keith?”
“Yeah, that’s his name. What is he to her?”
Jack asked, “The truth or what Audrey believes is the truth?”
Pacey let out a chuckle, “How much of a difference is there?”
Jack was about to explain when he thought of a better answer. “Why should it matter? You’re the one wanting to stay away.” To Scott, he said, “We should get going.”
Pacey grimaced. “Message received.”
“I’m sure we’ll see you around.” Jack patted Pacey on the back, then he and Scott were on their way.
Pacey unfolded the sheet of paper. Besides an address which he guessed was Joey’s because of the street name, there were two phone numbers and a second address, none of which had names attached. He laughed internally, realizing he’d have no choice but to find out what this information meant.
* * * * *
Joey returned to the apartment after working the afternoon at Hell’s Kitchen to find Keith sitting at the counter. He had the newspaper open to the sports section and was sipping from a mug.
She plopped down on the barstool across from him. “Interesting love triangle you have going on.”
Keith raised his head from the paper. “Which side was talking to you?”
“Audrey. She was talking about some drinking game you’re trying to start up. Otherwise known as your attempt at finally seducing her.”
Keith let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s being played up as something larger than it really is. She exaggerates, you know that.”
“Doesn’t mean you’re not trying to stir her up.”
Keith countered, “Doesn’t mean it isn’t all in her brain, either. ”
Joey challenged, “What about Jen? Is she invited? Are you trying to negotiate a three-way?”
“Jen’s busy tonight. Besides, that only works if it’s a one-night stand.”
“If you had a choice…”
“Right now, neither. Audrey’s my roommate. It would have to be a drunken fling, if anything happened. Tonight is meant as a bonding experience for the roommates, not just between myself and Audrey.” It was true; he planned the night around Joey’s and Brendan’s work schedules.
“Jen?”
“I don’t know what we are yet. She’s cool but also obviously attached.”
Joey’s eyes widened. “She is? Who’s the privileged guy?”
Keith stated it as though it was the most obvious fact, “Jack.” Joey laughed loudly. “What?”
“Jack’s not dating Jen. He’s her best friend and, yes, they live in the same house but it’s purely platonic.”
“That’s what they lead you to believe.”
“I’d say that Jack’s boyfriend would have a problem with that.”
Keith raised an eyebrow at Joey’s statement, then shook his head. “If Jack’s gay, then why does he look about ready to kill me? That’s a jealous boyfriend look.”
“No, that’s an overprotective brother look. Jen has always had dubious taste in guys.”
He stared down and closed his eyes, knowing Jack had tricked him. “Guess he flies under the gaydar often.”
Joey chuckled. “That’s true. I dated him before he came out.”
Keith looked curiously at her. “Really?” Joey nodded. “Please tell me you weren’t in love with him.”
Joey fixed a strand of hair behind her ear. “No, he didn’t scar me for life.”
“Was there a guy who scarred you for life?” He took a sip from the mug, waiting for her rebuttal. When Joey didn’t immediately answer, he jumped on the chance. “Am I right?”
Instead of replying, she asked, “Do you say stuff like that to provoke a reaction?”
“I already know there’s a guy. Just waiting for the confirmation.”
Joey challenged, “Have you ever been in love?”
Keith was taken aback by the question. “Love wrecks everything,” he muttered.
“With who?” Joey prodded. “If you knew a thing about love, you wouldn’t treat the opposite sex the way you do.”
Keith exclaimed, “Just because you rightfully assume I’ve never fallen for anyone doesn’t mean I don’t know what that does to people. It turns the average person into a foolish idiot.”
“You still haven’t given me sufficient evidence.”
Audrey burst into the apartment before Keith could answer. She held out a bag filled with bottles and a stack of mail, dropping both on the counter. “Think this is enough for any drinking games?”
Keith inspected the bag. “Let’s see, two bottles of vodka, rum, brandy. Yeah, I think this will work as a way to survive an otherwise stormy Friday night.”
Audrey slid onto the stool next to Joey, weeding through the mail, separating it into piles. “Junk mail, The Dawson, junk mail, Folk Star Natalie, letter from the super…”
“Who’s The Dawson?” Keith said at the same time Joey asked, “Who’s Folk Star Natalie?”
Keith replied, “Something Audrey shouldn’t talk about unless she wants to provoke a fight.”
“You called her that!”
He tried to back out of that, “Yeah, I know but I was drunk and…”
Audrey finished, “You still think she’s a ruthless bitch hiding behind the façade of independence.”
“I do but that must stay between us.” Keith took the envelope and hid it under the flower pot. “If there’s any chance of us having fun tonight, do not bring up that letter.” Now Joey was dying to know what that girl had done to provoke such a reaction. If Keith claimed he’d never been in love just minutes ago, then what had Natalie done?
Joey opted to drop the subject, instead answering his question. “There is no ‘The Dawson’. Dawson is my childhood friend. Audrey calls him that because he’s an aspiring filmmaker who cast her as the lead of a short film he did last year. She thinks he’s so worthy because he saw her potential.”
Keith asked, “Short film in the legitimate sense or the porn sense?”
Joey yelped while Audrey hit him with a pile of mail. Audrey explained, “He’s a real filmmaker, enrolled in USC’s film program. In one of his class, I’m considered a star,” finishing that off by throwing the end of her sheer light blue shawl over her shoulder.
“My mistake, Ms. Julia Roberts.”
“If I’m Julia, what does that make you?” Audrey teased.
Keith tapped his pen against the counter, then drawled out, “Lucky?”
* * * * *
Several hours later, the four roommates were sitting around the living room area. Audrey was stretched out on the loveseat, hanging her denim-clad legs over the arm. Keith was seated on the floor near Audrey’s feet. Joey sat in the corner of the couch, her feet curled under her, with Brendan at the opposite end. A box of pizza and a bowl of popcorn rested on the coffee table.
They were having trouble deciding what to actually do. It seemed natural to incorporate some variation of movie nights but agreeing on the right film had its own difficulties. The original idea of getting smashed seemed to keep creeping into the discussion. Keith kept pushing the film Wild Things but couldn’t get it past Joey.
More out of irritation than anything else, Audrey joked, “We might as well put in one of Dawson’s movies.”
Keith asked, “Do you have your acting debut?”
“Sorry to say, no. Dawson has the only copy. Joey, which ones do you have?”
Joey shook her head furiously. “Absolutely not! I don’t want to relive my history with Dawson tonight.”
“What about Witch Island? Dawson actually managed to keep your prior relationship out of that one.”
Joey added, “Nevermind the fact that Jen makes her acting debut in that one.” To the guys, she explained the premise, “It was a real-life version of The Blair Witch Project…”
Keith and Brendan both tried not to laugh. Joey glanced from one to the other. “What?”
Keith explained, “That film was the biggest waste of time. I was shocked there were so many idiots who thought that was real, much less scared by it. Though it was amusing having to console a date regarding the truth behind it…” He looked at the bottles scattered on the counter and headed for them. “Perfect for a drinking game. Let’s see, one drink for unnecessary close-ups.”
Brendan continued, “One drink for stupid local people spouting off legends. Double if it’s somebody old enough to have lived during that time.”
“Resort to the vodka straight up if there’s excessively shaky, vomit-inducing camerawork,” Keith said while transferring the bottles to the coffee table. When he finished, he sat back on the floor.
“Down the bottle if Joey cries,” Audrey exclaimed.
Joey exaggerated dropping her jaw, then threw a black throw pillow at Audrey, hitting her square in the face. Keith proclaimed, “Blair Witch it is!”
* * * * *
After fifteen minutes, Keith was refilling glasses when he stated, “Your friend is almost worthy of the ‘The Dawson’ title.”
“Almost?” Audrey asked.
“Too much about the legend. Not enough of the ladies.”
Joey wasn’t listening, instead paying attention to the film as Pacey appeared onscreen for the first time. Though she recalled Jen’s presence, Joey had forgotten Pacey was also in the movie. That must have been why she hadn’t watched the film in over a year. She subconsciously avoided this movie for that reason, as opposed to deliberately staying away from Sea Creature From the Deep.
“Even though I’m not one of the ladies on the screen?” Audrey inquired.
Keith responded by downing the contents of the glass, then glanced up at her to reply, “You’d blow the others off the screen.”
Audrey patted him on the forehead. “Do you ever not have a comeback?”
“It happens. But you have to figure out a way to shut me up first.”
Brendan rolled his eyes at the remark, desperately wanting their games to end already. He glanced at Joey, hoping she felt similarly, but her eyes were glued to the screen. He looked back, seeing the guy who captured Joey’s attention.
Instead of doing the natural way to shut Keith up, Audrey reverted her eyes back to the movie, exclaiming, “Wobbly camerawork appearing that the creature is chasing Jen! There you go. The money shot.”
Silently relieved for the interruption, Keith handed Audrey a glass and filled up another for himself. Both downed the liquid as they went back to watching the movie.
As the camera focused in on the heroine, Keith couldn’t help but feel his first meeting with her coming back. It was easier thinking Jen had a boyfriend because there was no way a girl…no, woman…like her could stay unattached. He couldn’t imagine what he’d do if forced to be alone with her. Sure, he knew what he’d want to do, but there was something about her that made him uncomfortable. Jen Lindley made him feel like a gawky teenager.
“Joey!” Audrey nudged her in the arm. “You didn’t have your drink!”
Joey blinked as she realized she wasn’t alone. “Sorry. Guess I got caught up in the story.”
Audrey saw Pacey and Jen onscreen, sitting in the woods getting scared. “The story. Yeah, right.” She whacked Keith in the back of the head. “Back me up. There’s nothing interesting about this movie.”
Keith was mesmerized by Jen so he less-than-convincingly replied, “Absolutely nothing.”
* * * * *
When the movie was over, it was clear that some were a little more into the drinking aspect of the project. Since Keith and Audrey weren’t paying attention to anyone else, neither noticed that Joey nor Brendan participated much in the game. Not that it would have been much of a surprise if they were paying attention.
“So, tell me the truth, Joey,” Audrey slurred. “You had a crush on The Dawson, right?”
“Pardon?”
“That’s why you said the movie was good. Because he was good in the sack.”
“I wouldn’t know, Aud.”
“You know, I never believe you when you say that. You two shared a bed!”
Joey explained, “We dated, yes, but it never progressed to that level. Thankfully.”
Keith mumbled, “Why am I not surprised to hear that?”
Audrey explained to the guys, “You should see Creek Daze. That whole film is about his love for Miss Potter!”
“No, we shouldn’t because that will remind people of things that don’t need to be dredged up from the past. Dawson and I have moved beyond that. He’s over me and I’m over him.”
“What’s so terrible about this film?” Brendan asked.
“He…that girl’s nothing like me! She’s completely awkward and…too short.”
Audrey considered, “I wouldn’t think it was so terrible if a guy did that for me. Express himself artistically what he couldn’t say with mere words.”
Keith stood up and headed for a barstool, jumping up. “You want to hear a serenade? Here’s one I recall.” He tapped his foot against the leg of the chair and began making up words, singing like a folk singer. “The battle over the heart, the strain from the brain, I wonder why it’s so hard to keep myself sane.”
Audrey laughed at his faux sincerity. “The record companies will be lining up to sign you.”
He said in a deep Southern twang, “I could pass myself off as a country artist,” then continued singing, “I knew you were the one, when I saw you in the crowd. Having you beside me makes me oh-so-proud.”
Joey muttered, “The sad part is people would buy that crap.” She rose from her seat and headed for her bedroom. “I’m gonna leave you two alone to continue… whatever you’re doing.”
Meanwhile, Brendan was annoyed with the display, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes at him. Keith saw his look and stopped singing. “Oh, come on, Bren. Have a sense of humor, for a change.” Joey stopped just before shutting herself inside the room, curious about the change in tone.
“Where’d you hide the mail this time?” Brendan inquired stoically.
Keith held his hands up as if he didn’t deserve the accusation. “What? I have no idea what you mean.” Brendan stood up, heading slowly toward Keith. “Fine.” Keith took the envelope from under the plant. “Just don’t put yourself through the usual shit when it comes to this girl.”
* * * * *
Joey sat on her bed, watching out the window at the boats bouncing on the water. The storm had passed through town but the water was still choppy. She could tell herself all she wanted that life was wonderful, that she’d survived the worst, especially when it came to her family and friends.
Her father had recently been released from prison and sometimes helped her sister Bessie run the Bed & Breakfast back home. She was able to weather problems with Dawson, especially after she had foolishly given in to trying dating him one last time two years ago. They were now both able to accept that lifelong friends and possibly soulmates didn’t necessarily equate with being in love. But…
She was interrupted from trying to block out who she hadn’t wanted to think about by a knock at the door. “Come in,” she called out without looking. The door creaked open and Brendan slipped in. Joey still stared out the window, not even looking his way. “What’d you want?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Just fine.”
“Uh huh,” he said doubtfully. Brendan turned Joey’s chair around so he’d face her, then propped his feet on the edge of her bed. “Tonight proved you’re not exactly the greatest actress so make it easier on both of us and confess. Does it have to do with Dawson?”
“Not really.”
“What about the guy in the film?”
Joey turned sharply around, snapping, “Who?”
“The main guy.”
“Of course not!” Brendan slumped down in the chair, getting more comfortable. Joey exclaimed, “What are you doing?”
“Preparing myself for a long night. Wake me when the truth comes to you.” He closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep.
“That is really not funny.” She shot up off the bed, intending to roll the chair out of the room. Joey had forgotten one of the wheels was broken so he barely budged.
Brendan opened his eyes, seeing Joey contemplating an alternate strategy. He challenged, “What’s the problem? Afraid of what you might say if you’re forced to confront whatever fascinated you about that tape?” Joey’s eyes clouded over, unsure what he meant. In a low voice, he added, “It has something to do with the other guy. I saw the way he captured your attention. I saw Audrey react to your reaction, in a rare moment of consideration for somebody else, so there’s definitely a story.”
She collapsed back on the bed. “You win. I’ll play storyteller.” Brendan sat upright in the chair, ready for Joey to begin. “Once upon a time, there were three childhood friends. Dawson, you’ve heard about. The guy on the tape, his name is Pacey, was the third member of the crew. Now, Dawson was best friends with both Pacey and myself. As a result, we were forced to hang around each other. He was a constant source of irritation growing up. If you asked me who knew me better than anyone else, I would have said Dawson back in those days. All roles designated, so far so good.”
“People never really follow roles,” Brendan commented.
“How true that would turn out to be! When we turned teenagers, everything got turned upside down. I found myself attracted to Dawson. I cared so much about him and, being the confused person I was, believed I was in love with him. I was probably more jealous over the fact Dawson found someone else to spend time with than the idea of him dating another girl. All I could tell you was I wanted to be the girl he looked at with those longing eyes. That’s what I’ve concluded regarding him. But, back then, I didn’t know that’s what it was. We’ve dated briefly a couple of times but it’s never worked out.”
“What was Audrey talking about regarding the other movie?”
Joey explained, “Dawson did make a movie about me breaking up with him for another guy. He thought of it as free therapy. I thought of it as garbage, the way he twisted everything around.” She gave a remorseful smile. “He’s a good filmmaker, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not an easy time to relive, for anyone involved.”
She crossed her legs, resting her elbows down on her knees. “Anyway, while this is happening, there’s Pacey. During junior year, we start spending more time together. I wasn’t interested in dealing with Dawson so we kind of got lumped together. The strange thing was it was rather enjoyable time. I had no idea there was anything more than that until one day he shocked me with a kiss. It felt different than any other kiss I’d experienced up until that point.”
Brendan said softly, “It was a real kiss. One which you didn’t think existed anywhere but in fantasies.”
“Yes.” She was surprised by his clarity since she was sure she couldn’t explain it well. “From that moment on, I realized what being in love with someone truly meant. For nearly a year, all went well, or so I thought. The main problem, I think, was I saw him as the perfect boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a concern except that I was unable to see the difficulties he was having. He was convinced that he didn’t deserve what we had.
“It all exploded on prom night. The issues regarding Dawson, who was no longer his best friend, as you could well imagine when two guys are interested in the same girl. The little problems between us that had built up. More importantly, regarding how he felt about himself. It was a mess.”
“Given that he’s not around, I’m guessing none of this was cleared up.”
“He had a way to leave Capeside, via a job, and took advantage on graduation day. Never to look back.”
“It was never resolved?”
“Nobody’s seen him. I left numerous messages for his brother to give Pacey, should he ever hear anything. I figure the two have talked on the phone but that’s all. He never returned. I know I have to move on, and I think I have, for the most part. I’ve dated other guys in the two years since. It’s moments like that film that bring everything back.” She glanced out the window. “Maybe that’s why I loved this place. It reminds me of when we sailed off into the sunset.”
“At least you can treasure the memories.”
Joey nodded, sensing an understanding. When she’d talk to Audrey about this stuff, she would pepper her observations with comments about not needing those guys to drag her down. While she knew Audrey was a good listener, it was also clear Audrey hadn’t experienced the feelings Joey had for Pacey with anyone.
Keith had said that love ruined everything, but had no firsthand experience. It wasn’t apparent what he meant until the letter came up again. It had been in connection with a song. A folk-sounding song. “Folk Star Natalie is your ex?”
Brendan winced at the nickname. “Keith mentioned her prior to tonight?”
“A drunken rambling to Audrey which leaked out earlier today. So?”
“Yes.”
When he didn‘t elaborate, Joey snapped, “If you think for a moment you’re getting away with that answer, after I spilled everything to you,” she got up and turned the lock of the door, “then you’d better find a more comfortable sleeping position.” She stood guard over the post.
Brendan patted the bed. “Fine, I deserve that.” When she was sure he wasn’t leaving, Joey obliged, sitting down. “I was cramming with a group for a Calculus midterm. We went to this coffeehouse for a study break. It was open mike night at the café. It was a decent enough distraction for us agitated freshmen. Onto the stage walks the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She sat on a stool and began singing. By the end of her performance, Natalie had captured me completely.
“For the next three months, I’d go to that coffeehouse every Tuesday night, hoping she’d appear. She did a couple times. Eventually she caught on that I was there for her. We start talking, which led to a date. I’d been on dates before that one but I basically psyched myself out and it was a disaster. The reservation was screwed up, I ordered something which provoked one of her allergies, we would bring up the wrong topics. You name it, it went wrong. Despite all that, when the evening was over, she said she hoped to see me next Tuesday. We‘d go on dates and, well, you can pencil in the details.” Joey nodded, accepting there was no need to give any further information.
“I guess we survived because neither one of us would let distractions get to us. When freshman year ended, however, reality crept in. Natalie went to New York City for the summer, continuing in her pursuit of a recording deal. I decided to surprise her one weekend. Problem was, she had a shocker as well. Her boyfriend.”
“Her boyfriend?” Joey repeated.
Brendan nodded. “It seems that, while I was falling for her, she considered me her biggest fan in the musical sense. Not so much in the more intimate facets of a relationship, to my chagrin.” He pulled the letter from his pocket. “She still sends letters, mostly about her budding career. Natalie now has contract in hand and will be touring as the opening act for some obscure Lilith Fair reject. I know some of the songs were influenced by our affiliation so she tries to keep on my good side. We even briefly got back together.”
Joey shook her head, remarking, “Not one of your best decisions.”
“I know that now. This was a case when I should have listened to the people around me.” Brendan affected a shrug. “You live, you learn.”
Audrey shrieking interrupted their wistful mood. Joey let out a deep sigh. “Those two are going to drive us crazy,” pointing outside the room.
“Most likely,” Brendan agreed. “It’ll end badly. They will have us taking sides.”
“Oh yeah.” Both stood up, Joey opening the door. They stood in the doorway, watching Audrey pin Keith to the couch. She was trying in vain to tickle him. “Do you think either will want to remember the way they’ve acted?”
“Keith told me he doesn’t want to give in to Audrey’s advances.”
“Really? Then why is he encouraging this?”
“I learned long ago not to question him. Keith doesn’t know what he’s saying at least half the time.”
“Good someone agrees with me.” Joey draped an arm over Brendan’s shoulder. “If there’s any way I’ll be able to survive them, it’s to have an ally in the house.”
Brendan shot a glance at Joey’s direction, confused by her words. “You’re drunker than I thought!”
Joey gave him a playful smile as she admitted, “Well, I am sometimes unable to hold my alcohol.” She shrugged, “As good of a reason as any to say something that stupid.”
Brendan lightheartedly shoved her back into her bedroom. “Sleep it off, dear.”
Chapter 2 - Scared Stiff
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