The Everlasting Gaze
Couple: Pacey/Joey
Spoilers: Everything has happened up to the Season 5 finale.
* * * * *
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to end.
Joey was supposed to show up at the restaurant.
He was supposed to announce his engagement to Audrey.
Joey was supposed to feign happiness at the news. At least, he hoped that would have been her reaction.
There may have been a declaration from Joey that she was still in love with him. Maybe it would have occurred the day before the wedding, when he’d have had cold feet.
Maybe, instead, she would have relinquished her bridesmaid duties, being unable to handle him marrying someone else. Especially, if that someone else was her roommate and oblivious best friend.
That version would have been easier to deal with than what actually happened.
There were many nights he’d wake up in a cold sweat, reliving the day his life ended. While he wasn’t officially dead, he wasn’t exactly alive either.
Audrey had long left their lives. He couldn’t say who left first.
Sure, technically, Audrey moved across the country because of her job relocating. But he had left her long before that day came. Though his body was still in the same apartment, his interest in life and the living was long gone.
He could still remember that day vividly. Well, everything from the moment he saw Joey in that day.
He’d been told that he had been around town with Audrey, basking in the glow of being newly engaged. That he’d finally been content with his place in life. His job was both profitable and fulfilling. That’s probably why he hadn’t been able to see how quickly this could be taken away.
He had been staring out the window, anxiously waiting for her to arrive to tell her the good news. Finally, he saw her come into view. She was on the other side of the street, about to cross over.
She had been wearing a long brown suede coat with a green scarf hanging from her neck. Her chestnut hair was swaying back and forth, in rhythm with the bottom of the coat.
It was as if he was wanting a still motion. No sounds could be heard, from whatever Audrey had said to him to the noisy patrons at the next table. Just silence.
A loud bang broke through the tranquil setting. The next thing he saw was her body hit the pavement. There had been a gunshot. Actually, several gunshots from the weapon of a crazed man.
Everyone rushed outside to tend to the situation. He hurried over to her. The girl that he’d once been madly in love with. Deep red stains seeped through the coat and onto the concrete. He raised her up into his arms, hoping that he’d have one last chance with her.
He couldn’t see how this wasn’t possible. How could such a wonderful vision not a minute earlier have turned into the scene before him now?
Tears descended down his face and landed on hers. He never took his eyes off of her as she struggled to stay conscious. It was a struggle to even say a word to him.
Finally, she was able to eke out a few words, ‘I’ve always loved you.’ It had been such a beautiful voice, now reduced to a rasp. The words seemed to fit the moment. He knew in that instant this was the only woman he wanted to hear those words from.
She was unable to resist the white light as her lids shut soon after that, never to open again.
It was harsh enough to deal with it once. But he had to see this again and again.
When it was giving testimony to the police officers, it would be there.
When someone brought up how it had been a life not fully lived, it was still there.
His friends would reflect on happier memories. There were happy memories for him as well, all of the love he never quite realized.
Audrey would try to convince him that they had to get on with their lives. They’d try but it wasn’t easy since now she had to compete with someone else. No longer did Audrey have a hold of his heart.
She saw eventually that she couldn’t compete with someone who was frozen in time. She left their home and eventually moved on to the next part of her life.
He, meanwhile, was trapped. He hadn’t wanted to leave Joey behind. Wasn’t it he that once believed that true love could conquer all?
There was a part of him that considered joining her as fast as possible. He’d take out a bottle and try to drown everything out, which were usually the times this sounded like a sound idea. There was always something holding him back from doing that.
Maybe it was the finality of life that scared him away from that option. It wasn’t the same as any other foolish decision since there was no way he could ever correct it if he erred.
He sat on the couch in the nearly empty apartment and waited for a higher power to finally conclude it was his turn. The day when he could finally be with the only woman he truly loved.
The day when everything was the way it was supposed to be.
the end
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