Jack walked into his apartment to find Jen glaring right at him.
Puzzled as to why, he asked hesitantly, “How was your trip?”
She replied, “It had been a wonderful vacation. I got to see so many wonderful places. Audrey was really good about showing me around Los Angeles. Then I decide to come here and guess what I find? My fish is dead! You killed it!” Jen pointed to the fish tank on the bookshelf.
“Dead? What are you…” He walked over to the fish tank to find that, sure enough, the fish was floating on the surface. “Jen, you can’t think that I was responsible for this?”
“Well, who else would be responsible?” Jen challenged.
“I mean, of course, nobody else is. But I didn’t mean to kill it. I’ve been feeding him in just the way you instructed.”
She pouted, “You never liked my fish.”
“That’s not what I said. I told you that you were too attached to him. Goldfish don’t have that long of a lifespan, Jen.”
“Well, it was much shorter thanks to your care taking skills,” Jen snapped as she stormed off to the kitchen. She continued shouting, “You’re paying for a new fish. I don’t mean one of those you can win at a carnival by tossing ping-pong balls, either. I want a real goldfish.”
“Fine, whatever.” Jack muttered. “Though if you’re looking for companionship, I hear that plants are very good listeners and they last longer.”
“I have two plants. I prefer yelling at them after a lousy day at work. I specifically used my goldfish for relaxation and quieter moments.” She returned with a baggie which soon contained the dead fish. “It’s time to set him off to sea.”
“Jen, I’m not participating in whatever ritual you want to perform.”
She dragged him toward the bathroom. “It’s your duty. After all, you were the executioner.”
“I did not kill your fish.” Jack insisted. “You know, you wouldn’t be going through this much trouble if you hadn’t given the fish the name you gave it.”
Jen let go of him as they were now standing in front of the toilet. “That’s got nothing to do with this,” she asserted.
“I bet you tell him how you really felt about his namesake. That if he hadn’t married…”
“Keep this up and the fish won’t be the only one having a funeral.” Jen snapped. “Now, do you have any final words?” Jack shook his head. “Okay then. You were an amazing fish. I’ll say more once the Grim Reaper leaves.”
“Jen!” He exclaimed.
Jen ignored his whine as she emptied the baggie into the toilet. “I hope you go to a better place. Maybe you’ll get reincarnated as a dog.” She flushed the toilet, sending the goldfish on his way. Jen stood there solemnly, as though participating in a moment of silence.
Jack rolled his eyes at the display, then left the bathroom, muttering under his breath. The phone rang so he went into the living room to answer it. “Hello?”
“Hey Jack.” Audrey exclaimed. “Jen told me to call her here. You know, to see if she got home okay. After all, you live right near the airport and everything.”
Jen poked her head out of the bathroom. “Is that Audrey?” Jack dangled the phone by the cord.
Jen raced over to the hanging phone. “Audrey! You’re not going to believe what my supposed best pal did…”
Jack shook his head in disbelief, then mumbled, “I really hope she doesn’t call the replacement fish Pacey II.”
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