Nowhere Fast
Chapter 9 - The World Has Turned and Left Me Here
Pacey Witter
“I’ll fill you in later.” Joey quickly replied as she left the room in a hurry.
I stared at the door, realizing that there was much more to the story than I could understand. While Abby gave Dawson the smackdown, something else must have been going on. If it was just Joey, then I could write it off as her being heartbroken over finally ditching the boyfriend.
I walked out into the hallway but by then she was already gone.
That didn’t mean the hallway was empty. Abby was getting congratulations from her friends and other passersby. This was probably the highlight of the semester for her. She was raving to a redhead who had just arrived to the scene, “You should have seen the face he made when he’s upset. I don’t know about his film projects but he could certainly get work in horror flicks. You know that mask in the Scream movies? I never thought I’d see a face match that so closely.”
Marisa chimed in, walking to the crowd with Scott close behind, “You have to hear the audio on this conversation. Joey showed remarkable resolve considering the circumstances.” Pointing towards the end of the hallway, “Then must have broken down afterwards. Probably chasing after him, offering her spine in return.”
Abby corrected her, “That’s not what happened! Pacey’s roommate Jack left first, then Joey went after him.” She gave a sly grin, “So maybe she chased him.”
The redhead exclaimed, “You mean I may have actually won the betting pool? Fucking awesome!”
Jack had mentioned Abby and Charlie’s interesting theories about what happened between the three of us. I had forgotten that they weren’t the only two involved in that.
Marisa pouted, “I knew I should have gotten some action. It was only a matter of time before Joey realized what was right in front of her.”
Abby placed her hands on her hips, “I’m just kidding around. Of course we all know that the only person that Joey should be with is the ever-lovable Pacey Witter.” She pulled me into their conversation and swung an arm around my shoulder as though we were friends. At first, I was pleased that she was on my side. Then I remembered that she had bet on that circumstance and didn’t want to lose the money. That reminded me, Jack owed me twenty bucks from our wager about Joey kicking Dawson out.
Scott was failing to see the humor in the situation. He glared at Marisa, ticked about his girl considering someone other than him. Marisa caught the look and snapped, “If you can check out a girl, what right do you have to snipe at me for checking out the other half of the couple?”
I muttered, “They’re not a couple,” as I moved Abby’s arm from its position.
“Yet.” Marisa insisted, “If I didn’t have Scott around, you’d better believe I’d make sure Jack wasn’t single.” She wrapped her arms around Scott’s waist, “Just want you to be a little jealous, sweetie.”
“Mission accomplished,” Scott muttered as he planted a kiss on her cheek.
Don’t you just love it when two self-absorbed individuals find happiness? For Jack’s sake, I really hope they’re a couple that will last.
I glanced down the hallway to see Charlie standing against the wall, surveying the current situation. That amazed me, considering he’d been participating in Abby’s initial confrontation with Dawson. I headed over to him. He offered a quick look in my direction before focusing back on the crowd.
“She seems thrilled about the spotlight,” I observed.
“Yeah, she thrives on moments like these.” He stated, then gazing down at the floor. “Joey’s attracted to him, isn’t she?”
I replied simply, “I don’t know.”
“But he doesn’t feel the same way about her.”
“I couldn’t really say. There are moments…”
Charlie cut me off, “I’m not asking this time. He doesn’t. Call it intuition but based on the way they fled the scene, I’d guess that Joey hinted at those deeper feelings. Jack freaked out because…” He paused, choosing his next words carefully, “Maybe he’s afraid of her getting too close to knowing the real person.”
Joey had been concerned about him hiding his family history. He wasn’t pleased about Andie’s phone call or the idea of being Joey’s new best friend. But Charlie didn’t know about any of that. Or did he?
“Have you been tapping our room? Or do you prefer hidden cameras?”
He smiled, “I don’t know about any of that. That’s Abby’s specialty, not mine. I’m just basing it on conversations and other observations I’ve made in our time on campus. That’s all. I just hope I’m wrong because otherwise you have a real mess, what with the possible romantic sparks between you and her thrown into the mix.”
“Okay, I’ll give you credit for that one since even I admit I’ve been too obvious about that.”
“All I know is that if the first part is true, you’ll be torn down the middle. You may become the rebound guy, who knows.” He threw an arm up in the air, “Now, I’d better get going. This has been too good of a start to an evening to waste it in this dump.” He smirked as he headed back into his room.
I walked back to my room, contemplating the possibility that there was really such a romantic entanglement. The wary, covetous part of me had been talking when I initially thought Joey was attracted to Jack. His insistences that there was nothing truly there had been enough to assuage any concerns. What if there really was more there?
* * * * *
Jack McPhee
What the fuck was I thinking? What the hell is wrong here? The better question was probably what isn’t wrong here.
A much easier query. Dawson was history. Good fucking riddance.
Everything that Pacey, Dawson and everyone else had said about the two of us had been true. How the fuck did I not see this sooner? I could have stopped this before it had spiraled into the current status.
My walking aimlessly around eventually led to the parking lot. Pacey’s car in the parking lot to be exact. On top of the obvious problems involving Joey, there was this third person to consider. I’m sure he wouldn’t be pleased if and when he finds out the truth. About the not-so-innocent kiss, I mean.
Why the hell did I have to kiss her back? I suppose I’d been able to momentarily forget everything I knew and just enjoy it. If it had been any other girl, it wouldn’t have been as awful a situation. It could be considered an experiment, to determine if I’d been right about thinking I was gay.
But this was Joey. There was always a deeper connection when it came to the two of us. So when she actually spoke, I had comprehended how… this wasn’t me at all. She’d absolutely despise the real me. Although I had been wary of that before, hence why I hadn’t told her I was gay, it was especially true now.
I was hunched over the hood of the car, resting my elbows against the metal. I gazed down at the gray hue of the car mixed with polish and the weak glow from the street lamp. It was just enough to detect a bit of a reflection. The person I was looking at was someone I absolutely detested right now.
“Jack?” Joey’s faint voice carried through the air. I raised my head enough to get a glimpse of her. She was running towards me but was completely startled when she realized I’d noticed her. If it was because I had the same expression as I saw in the reflection, I’d be hesitant as well.
She headed over to my side, catching her breath in an attempt to bide some time to figure out what to say. She whispered, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me back there.”
“That can’t ever happen again.”
“You’re completely right. It was a moment of weakness on my part. I guess it was so liberating when he left that I just got a little too excited…” Joey shook her head quickly, “Really bad choice of words. This is coming out completely wrong.”
“That wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment action by you. You’d been thinking about doing that for awhile.”
Joey sighed, “You’re right. Unfortunately, you’re right. I’m just not the type of girl that would do something like that unpremeditated.”
“Is that even a word?”
“I believe so. I know it sounds like it should be a word. The point is that there would have eventually been a time when that kiss would have been appropriate. Maybe if we had known each other longer. Maybe if I hadn’t dumped Dawson not five minutes earlier. Maybe if Pacey wasn’t involved.”
There was no use prolonging this any longer, “Even if the timing had been perfect, what happened still shouldn’t have happened. I should not have kissed you back. The only reason I can think of for doing it is that I desperately wanted to overlook the truth.”
“Is this the secret you were referring to?” She took hold of my hand, “It can’t be as bad as you think it is.”
“Yes it’s that and yes it can be that bad.” I took a deep breath before continuing, “It’s just that… you see, the problem is… I don’t feel…” She moved her other hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes, willing myself to say it out loud, “I’m gay.” It had been the first time I’d actually told anyone that.
Joey’s hand stopped suddenly as she tried hard to control her voice, “What?!” I nodded once, still unable to face her. She sighed, “Are you just saying that to cover up a larger secret? That you’re in a cult or already married or something?”
“Sorry, that’s the largest secret I have.” I kidded.
She chuckled lightly, “It’s not much of a secret.”
It was then that I opened my eyes and noticed that she was quite upset, as I figured, but she was trying very hard not to show it. “What do you mean?”
Joey looked down, “As if I wouldn’t know. It was so obvious. Of course I knew. I was just hoping to convert you.” Nice try, Joey, but it was a blatant lie. “Otherwise, I’m stuck with Pacey and that’s a problem.”
“You already had that problem before. If you could call it a problem.”
I’d like to tell you that Joey was very understanding. I’d like to say that she stayed there the whole night with me. But that would be too easy. She replied, “I should get back to the dorm. Wouldn’t want my problem to be worried about me any more than me already is.” She walked back in the direction she came from, gaining speed as she got farther away.
Joey Potter
I stopped in my tracks after running a couple of minutes. This was completely wrong.
I’m angry with him for something that wasn’t really his fault. It’s not as if we were dating and then he came to that realization. I had wrongfully assumed that he was attracted to me.
Even if he had been interested in a romantic sense, what I’d just done was just not right. Dumping Dawson’s sorry ass then jumping right on him was probably not one of my better decisions. There would have been something based purely on lust and that was all. It would have been cruel.
Now, why am I trying to convince myself that this was my fault? He hadn’t rebuffed me at first; otherwise I could have ignored my moment of weakness or even been able to laugh with him about it. The problem was that I could tell that there was a moment that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
Correction, Joey, he wanted somebody as much as I wanted him. The person I saw standing over the hood of Pacey’s car looked very alone. Since I doubt anyone else on campus knew he was gay (I’m sure Pacey doesn’t anyway), maybe he was trying to convince himself that he could be straight. I was so caught up in the idea that there couldn’t ever be a future with him that I’d lost sight of my original concern about him.
I did a 180 turn and marched back down the trail to the parking lot. Once there, I scanned the sea of cars, walking down each aisle, recognizing that he must have left.
I returned to the dorm room and crashed back in my room. I turned on the radio and, once I was able to pick up a station, blasted the music. I collapsed onto my bed, taking in the noise. The song was unfamiliar but somehow fitting of the moment.
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
I didn’t seem different from the person I was when I arrived on this campus. Not that I expected to suddenly morph into somebody else but there were such high hopes. Sure, circumstances were different but the person I saw now was as confused as ever about life.
There was a light tap on the main door. I considered ignoring it then realized that I should at least check first before disregarding. I got up and checked through the peephole to find Pacey standing there. Damn me for having the music too loud to pretend I wasn’t home.
I opened the door and headed back to the bed. Pacey stood in the doorway, watching me.
“If you wanted something, please just spit it out.” I snapped after he said nothing in the first minute.
“Is everything okay?” He asked, barely above a whisper.
“Everything is fine,” I spat out. I could hear him closing the door but I knew it wasn’t because he left. That would have been fortunate. I made the mistake of glancing in his direction. He had his weight against the door, with one hand on his hip and the other hand against the wall.
“You really want to know? I have two words for you. Men suck. Is that enough to satisfy your curiosity?”
“Understood.” He replied even though it was clear he didn’t understand.
“Just when I think I know them so well, they pull stunts that just astound me.” I know that ‘stunt’ was the wrong word. I just wasn’t interested in rehashing the details of my conversation with Jack to him at this time. Expound as much of this about Dawson as possible so he doesn’t react.
Pacey sat down in front of me on the bed, not sure of how to respond. Instead, he waved me on to elaborate.
“When this evening started, I was so certain of what I thought I wanted. It’s disheartening to be proven wrong so severely.”
He replied, “But realizing that you don’t have to worry about whether to dump Dawson anymore is liberating. Isn’t it?”
I conceded, “Yeah, it was invigorating. Perhaps to a fault. I’m still uncertain about what should happen next, just with fewer people to deal with.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure that whenever you do figure it out, you’ll wonder why you were so indecisive. Until then, I say just live for the moment, screw the future. You have to deal with it eventually but it’s not so terrible to pretend they don’t for a little while.” He hesitated before stating in a lower voice, “That was the main problem with your relationship with Dawson. He had decided everything. Sure, it’s easier because you don’t have to think for yourself but eventually you find yourself indebted to him. You just need time to work it out.”
As much as I was aware of Pacey’s interest in me, he would never overtly state it. He knew right now that he shouldn’t pry for details. Likewise, it didn’t seem appropriate to blatantly bash my recent ex – as much as I was sure he wanted.
“Time. No quick-fix solution?”
Pacey smirked, “I wish I did. Just want to know that if you need anything, you can always come next door.” I glanced down as I remember who else was next door. Pacey caught my reaction, “I’m guessing that somehow Jack is wrapped up in this dilemma. But regardless of what happened, you know that you can always come to me for help.”
I nodded. He placed a finger under my chin to force me to face him, eyes filled with concern. “Regardless?” He repeated.
“Regardless.” I nodded, able to put on a half-smile.
- - - - -
Credit for the verse goes to Weezer. The song is “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” (yes, the title of this chapter as well)
Chapter 10 - Coming Soon
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