Somewhere Else
Chapter 13 - Planners
I feel like a quote out of context
withholding the rest
so I can be for you what you want to see
I got the gestures and sounds
got the timing down
it's uncanny, yeah
you'd think it was me
“Best Imitation of Myself” - Ben Folds Five
“You try explaining that to these people,” Drue complained as he sat back down on the floor in his apartment. A box of pizza was the current centerpiece in the room, flanked with paperwork, books and bags.
Pacey consoled, “Don’t worry, man. Your family is crazy. We all know that.”
Joey added, “There is no reason why your mother should throw a niece in to be her bridesmaid. I refuse to stand next to a witch she ordered. Besides, it’s Jen’s family that’s paying, not yours.”
Drue explained, “My mother is cheap. She could have played a female Ebenezer Scrooge in some Christmas Carol production, no effort required. Eh, maybe I’ll give in to this request. As the expression goes, ‘always a bridesmaid, never a bride’.” He winked in Joey’s direction.
“Hey. I’m proud Jen put me in the ceremony!” Joey replied.
Pacey pointed out, “Only reason for that was the fact most of Jen’s friends are male.” He and Joey had been back together almost a month but it seemed as if they had picked up somewhere in the middle of their relationship. When they were able to tease each other and be blissfully in love with the other’s presence.
“At least I can make a decision,” Jen stated, pointing an accusatory finger at Drue.
“I’m getting better,” Drue replied defensively. Even though both were eager about the wedding itself, it was no secret that Drue wasn’t quite as excited about planning it as Jen.
“Yeah,” Joey replied amusing, “and then when you made a choice, it was having Pacey as your best man.” She winced as she said those words, then flashed a slight smile to indicate she was kidding around.
Drue explained, “Consider that Pacey is the only friend of mine who doesn’t require Jen to carry pepper spray. The decision was simple.”
Pacey shrugged, “At least I fulfilled the criteria.” It wasn’t like Drue to admit that Pacey was really the only person he considered for the position. No need to let Pacey get overly confident.
Pacey startled Joey by wrapping an arm around her and dragging toward him. Joey wailed, “Help! I’m being attacked!”
Pacey leered, “If I had my way, I’d be doing that every night.”
Jen joked to Drue, “Aren’t new relationships so sweet?”
Drue muttered, “They could induce a toothache.”
Pacey said, “Then you’ll really hate it when I end up living at Joey’s.”
Two pairs of eyes were on Pacey, and Joey shoved him for spilling that. Jen yelped, “How is happening? Isn’t it a little soon?”
“It’s not quite as seedy as it sounds,” Joey explained, glaring at Pacey. “See, Charlie is intent on moving out come summertime. The loan problems have begun to dissipate now that the paychecks from work are coming in. He’s helping our super with renovations to the complex to cut down rent for the next couple months. I’m almost done paying back the money he loaned me when I wasn’t working.”
Drue piped up, “You mean you may finally get your freedom?” Among the group, Drue was the one who probably most supported Joey’s early refusals to live with Charlie. The two rarely saw eye to eye on anything.
“Well, until I try for the extra room,” Pacey reminded him.
Drue said knowingly, “Like you’d need it. You’ll be spending most nights in Joey’s anyway.”
Rather than let the guys continue to razz Joey, Jen raised the question, “Are you sure Charlie isn’t moving out because of Jack?”
Joey had considered that as well but wasn’t so certain that was the only reason. The moving out decision was being discussed before the split. However, it may have been in the scenario where Jack would be living with him; Joey never figured out if Charlie was kidding about asking Jack that question. “When I bring him up, Charlie claims it’s unnecessary to dodge the subject since, and I quote, Jack isn’t worth getting stressed out over.”
“Denial, denial, denial,” Jen categorized.
Even though the moving reasons may have some legitimacy, that didn’t mean Charlie hadn’t been more irritating post-breakup. Joey continued, in a more aggravated manner, “He says everything in this flat monotone, which is even more annoying than the posturing. It makes me wish for the days we’d constantly fight.”
Jen pointed out, “Have you mentioned he should talk to somebody about this?”
Drue muttered, “Have you considered he’s a guy and therefore won’t?” Pacey shook his head, knowing Drue was just asking for the ladies to slam him for that. Besides, Pacey knew that wasn’t completely true, if Jack was any indication.
“Oh yeah,” Joey replied disgustedly, choosing to ignore Drue’s comment. “His reply? ‘What makes you so sure I haven’t? It’s not like we’re friends or anything.’ Ugh! The fucker has been using me as a damn soundboard! It's not as if I wouldn’t understand.”
“You’re probably the closest he’s got right now.”
Joey replied sincerely, “That’s what worries me the most. I’m sure I’d feel better if he’d yell at me or the usual nonsense.”
Jen’s eyes brightened as she got an idea. “I know just what could cause that type of reaction.”
* * * * *
“Jack! This is a surprise,” Michael exclaimed upon seeing him at his door.
“Sorry to stop by unannounced,” Jack apologized.
“Don’t worry about it. Just plotting world domination via my British Politics assignment. It can wait. Come in.”
Jack nodded, entering the room. Michael shut the door behind them and sat back down on his bed surrounded by notes. He watched Jack fidget with the envelopes in his hands.
Finally, Jack informed him, “I got accepted to Boston.”
“Congratulations.” Michael wished he hadn’t thought Jack would be here for any other reason. It was a struggle not to let those feelings come through. “I told you there was no need to worry.”
“Maybe so, but I needed your assistance. Thank you for all you’ve done.”
“Glad you were able to use my services to your liking.” Michael stood up, not wanting to deal with any of this, instead leading Jack back to the door.
“Michael?” Jack was caught by surprise by his reaction.
“I’m happy for you, don’t get me wrong. You deserve getting accepted.”
Jack dropped the envelopes on the desk and stopped Michael before he opened the door. “But?”
“I just wonder if you were ever interested in me as anything more than a connection. I haven’t seen or heard from you in weeks and then the first thing you say is about some acceptance letter?”
“I don’t recall hearing messages on the answering machine from you either.”
“Because I’m not the one in the middle!” Michael shouted out, then calmed a bit to clarify. “I thought I’d let you make your own decision, no interference. So what’s the deal? Been too busy having angry, reunion sex with Charlie to think of anything else?”
“For your information, Charlie isn’t talking to me yet.”
“Oh, sorry.” Michael had hoped to take solace in the fact that whatever problems the couple had could be solved. He offered, “You could try something romantic…”
“I sent him flowers with a card offering an apology. He responded by sending me an email to report that the nearby funeral parlor appreciated the donation.”
Michael snickered, surprised that Charlie really hadn’t given in so easily. He felt guilty about laughing upon catching Jack’s sorrowful reaction. “Maybe you could…”
“Find some other way to manipulate him for forgiveness? That’s the way you operate, not me.” Jack was taken aback by the anger in his words. He didn’t completely blame Michael, but he wasn’t 100% innocent either.
“I never manipulated you. Once it was clear there was more than just a casual relationship between us, I forced you to make a decision. The uncertainty was killing me!” Still, he had to admit, “I wish it hadn’t ended the way it did.”
“What were you trying to accomplish? Find out just how bad everything could dissolve?”
“I thought that was your job. Ruin perhaps the best relationship you’ve ever had be screwing around with some guy for a stupid acceptance letter. I realize in the beginning, it was sort of open, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fucked up situation.”
“I think higher of you than that,” Jack replied defensively.
“Maybe you’re right. I did get elevated to the position of ‘guy you’d use to get back at your boyfriend’ briefly.”
Jack took the envelopes off the desk, staring at them as he spoke softly, “You’re right to think that I fucked everything up for a stupid reason.”
Michael looked up at him, finally dawning on him why Jack was really here. He wasn’t announcing he got accepted; rather he was severing all ties with him. “You’re not attending Boston, are you?”
“No,” Jack confessed. “I chose New York. When I weighed the pros and cons of both schools, NYU topped Boston U.”
“Oh,” Michael replied dejectedly, then pulled himself together to say, “Noble decision. More in character.” He held out his hand, “I hope everything works out for you.”
“Thanks.” Jack shook Michael’s hand, then pulled away, looking down at the ground. “Same to you.”
Michael opened the door for Jack, who didn’t hesitate to step out of the room. Before leaving, he took one last glance at him. He felt terrible for the way he may have led Michael, even if he hadn’t been aware that’s what happened. There was nothing long-term here; it was necessary to cut losses now before it could get ugly.
The long-term person was the one that deserved a better justification than the one he gave Michael. If only Jack could figure out what that explanation was.
* * * * *
Pacey walked with Joey back to her apartment. When he reached the entrance, he said, “I guess I have to get back to school.”
“If you want.” She wrapped her arms around Pacey’s waist and shielded herself from the wind.
“Unless…” Joey perked up at what promised to be a worthwhile suggestion. “I heard there’s supposed to be a thunderstorm tonight. It’s not safe to drive on these roads. You never know when lightning will strike.”
Joey grinned as she looked up at him, “We must have heard the same report. I wouldn’t want you to get stuck on the side of the road, all alone.” She led him into the building, then shut the door and pressed her body against Pacey’s as she sealed the deal with a kiss. “So I insist you stay here, where you’re safe.”
“If you insist,” Pacey reciprocated by placing a kiss on her forehead. “Though I wouldn’t be so sure that it’s any safer here.” He gave a mischievous grin to back that statement.
The two were soon upstairs, giggling as each topped the previous remark in their bantering. Joey unlocked the door, to find Charlie asleep on the couch with what appeared to be a script in his lap. She turned to Pacey to shush him then whispered, “Hang your coat up then meet me in my room. I’ll be right there.”
When Pacey was safely in there, she checked the caller ID by the phone, hopeful she wouldn’t see the phone number she’d seen the last couple days. Upon seeing the familiar digits appear yet again, she let out a sigh, then immediately deleted it.
She entered her room, seeing Pacey sitting down on her bed. “Such a glorious sight before me…” He stopped as he saw Joey’s concern. “Something wrong?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If this is about Charlie, he’ll survive.”
“No, not that. It’s just that Dawson’s been calling the apartment each day, not leaving a message, for the past week.”
“Strange,” Pacey concurred.
“Think I should be worried?”
Pacey considered the situation. He saw there was something peculiar going on. There should be a simple explanation yet none came to mind. “I wouldn’t trouble yourself with that. Not until he starts breathing heavily on the line.”
Joey offered a half-smile, “No need to be anxious right now, I suppose.” She sat down on the bed next to him. “Dawson has this way of making me think unreasonably.”
“Won’t deny that,” Pacey affirmed. “Every action of his seems primed for scrutiny from you, whether it has any meaning or not.”
She said cynically, “It’s when I let my guard down that he tries to make a move.” The most recent was the Valentine’s Day of a year ago, when Dawson flew into town and decorated his hotel room with flowers and messages just for her. The fact there was no awkwardness at the Christmas break didn’t necessarily mean Joey was free. “Think reasonably, Joey,” she scolded herself. Finally, a viable solution hit her, “Maybe he wants to complain because I never critiqued that damn script. I wasn’t prepared to give an unfavorable analysis so I opted not to answer him.” She nuzzled up against Pacey, finally able to enjoy his presence.
“I could believe that logic,” Pacey approved as he planted kisses along Joey’s neck. Joey gradually turned towards him, until his kiss landed on her mouth.
* * * * *
A groggy voice answered the phone, “He-hello?”
Jack had hoped Joey was the only one home but that wasn’t to be tonight. He replied as casually as possible, “Hey there. Is Joey around?”
“She is, but she’s in bed. With Pacey.” Charlie concluded that after seeing both coats resting on the hook.
“Oh. Just have her call me in the morning.” Charlie grunted a reply that he’d do so, scribbling down the message. “Before you hang up, would you let me say a few things?”
There was a long silence; Jack wasn’t even sure if he was still on the phone. Finally, he replied, “Go ahead.”
Jack let out the breath he’d been holding, then explained, “I know there are no words that sufficiently wipe this mess away. I needed to say that I’m sorry, for whatever it’s worth.”
“Why do it if you didn’t mean it?”
“The truth is that I was mad, or more appropriately, frustrated with what we had. I was sick of my current position in life and, for better or worse, Michael provided a way to step up. At first, I thought of it as purely business. I can’t say I was ever truly interested in him as a love interest, which makes everything even more confusing. I had visited him and that was the one thing I could say. Before you ask, I only went to him now because of getting accepted to Boston and that I wouldn’t be attending. I want to try to make this work again.”
There was another extended silence. Was this a positive sign or not? Jack had to admit he hadn’t intended to say anything on the subject so he feared the words came out wrong. Even though he wasn’t sure if the message came out right, it had felt strangely cathartic to finally say some of it to Charlie. As if reading his mind, Charlie finally asked, “Do you feel better?”
“A little,” Jack admitted.
“Good for you,” Charlie replied sarcastically.
Jack let out in a frustrated tone, “Would you just yell at me and give me what I deserve for this?”
“I won’t give you the satisfaction. Truth be told, I’m glad it’s over. It was a waste of time.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do. You should consider yourself lucky I didn’t hang up on you. But if you want an answer, there you go.”
Jack was thrown off by his manner. Although he had heard Charlie had been rather detached from others, it still surprised Jack that he could say their relationship wasn’t worth the effort. He was pretty sure Charlie didn’t believe those words either; that didn’t mean it hurt any less. Jack bit his lip to keep back the tears threatening to come out as he replied, “Sorry to have been a waste of your time.”
“One more thing. I hope I wasn’t the reason you chose NYU. I doubt I’ll be around by the time classes start.”
“Why’s that?” Jack knew he was a main reason for the decision, though by no means the only reason. Charlie was making it incredibly difficult to figure out what anything meant. It could have been ominous or happy news, for all Jack knew.
“It’s none of your concern anymore.”
“Are you deliberately trying to make me think the worst?” Jack shouted out, before hearing the click of the phone of the other end. He slammed the phone down, letting out the tears from that conversation.
Chapter 14 - Too Long
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