Somewhere Else
Chapter 18 - If You're Not the One
Charlie was walking around the city, looking for any sign of Jack. He wished he’d been wise enough to grab the spare key to the apartment before leaving but he didn’t think there would be this extensive a search.
If there was one thing he was certain of, it’s that Jack would want to escape the awkwardness of their last meeting. Eight months may have passed but it seemed like the day after they last saw each other. Erased were the moments on the phone, the going-away letter, and any other pleasant moment shared. He wasn’t sure what had gone wrong in that apartment but it couldn’t be ignored any longer.
As he turned the corner back to the apartment, he recognized a familiar figure sitting on the bench in front of the building. Jack was hunched over, staring at the ground. It was a common spot for them to sit during warmer weather.
Upon seeing him, Jack shook his head. “This is not your problem; it’s mine.”
“I see,” Charlie replied doubtfully as he sat down next to him. He pulled the sleeves of his coat over his hands, regretting not packing gloves along.
“Look, it’s not that I don’t understand the reasons we decided to stay pals. We have mutual friends and there’s no need for people to choose and all that. It’s just… When we’re on the phone, I could convince myself of many logical reasons why we shouldn’t work. I’d even agree with them as Jen unloads a potential candidate, such as with Clark tonight.” Jack glanced over at Charlie, who was staring straight ahead. “In the company of others, at least nothing out of line would occur. Because…I never got over you. It’s abundantly clear in moments like in the apartment, when I saw you sleeping. I can’t handle it. I know I shouldn’t let myself get tempted because it will only cause more trouble.”
Charlie replied slowly, “You’d prefer if I stay three thousand miles away so you don’t have to deal with these feelings?”
“At least then I’m not watching you play the supportive friend. It’s a role that doesn’t suit you.” Jack pushed back the tears threatening to spill out. “Yeah, maybe I wish you’d disappear from my life. Everything was easier before tonight.” He couldn’t believe he’d said that, immediately ripping him apart. He knew the ramifications of such a statement but there didn’t seem to be any other way to escape. What he wanted was something he was almost certain was no longer reciprocated.
Charlie watched as a tear fell down Jack’s cheek. He said softly, “I can’t do that.”
Jack protested as he wiped away evidence, “I know you want to help but you can’t so stop. You’re the one who wanted to stay friends.”
“Would you prefer we rushed to get back together, even though I wasn’t sure at the time if that was what I wanted?”
“So you jump to Paul,” Jack concluded, sourly recalling the name that haunted him. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Charlie moved on, eventually.
“This is about that?” Charlie chuckled under his breath. “There’s really nothing to say about him. At least, not in the context of dating.”
“But you said…”
It was easy for Charlie to embellish about that particular affiliation. Though he was still around the guy on a regular basis, it hardly constituted something Jack should worry about. He explained, “Paul is the guy Dawson cast as the drummer in the movie.”
This took Jack by surprise, given this was someone famous as opposed to just “some guy”. “The drummer? I thought that guy was dating…”
“No. Just a rumor he started to deflect questions from the press about his sexuality.”
“Ah, so he goes to a different beat.”
“That’s your bad joke, not mine. Anyway, he thought I had some sway with Dawson. I knew that from the moment it began to when he realized I didn’t.”
“If you knew, why be in that position?”
Charlie shrugged. “If you had a chance with an up-and-coming actor who’s as fine as him, wouldn’t you take advantage of such good fortune?” When Jack didn’t answer, he prodded, “Come on, if Ewan McGregor was attainable, you’d be interested in studying his, um, body of work.”
Jack chuckled despite himself, “I see your point. That doesn’t explain why you led me to believe it was more serious.”
“That’s tougher to answer. Maybe I wanted to believe I moved on. Maybe it seems like a show to you because that’s exactly what it is. Maybe because when we speak on the phone, I have this idealized version of our past relationship in my head. I recognize that I was the one who needed time away to clear my head. The conclusion I came to was that I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I would do whatever it takes to keep you there, even if it‘s only as friends.”
Jack could see this wasn't helping. “Do you see what I mean about us being apart being the better way?”
“I couldn’t prove you wrong?”
“Clearly, no.” As much as he loved the idea of Charlie being around, it also didn’t seem to be possible for them to stay on the same plane. Not when one wanted friendship and the other wanted much more.
“I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for you.”
Jack grumbled, “Yeah, because you needed someone to get over in order to join forces with Dawson Leery.”
“If you want to go there… no because I needed to know the person, you, who knew the person, Joey, who knew Dawson Leery.” Charlie stood up, disgusted. “But who the fuck cares that I meant you were the one who motivated me. That I was a cynic whose eyes were opened the more I was around you. That I despise the person I was before we met, the one who may have taken Abby’s offer. I don’t want that wretched excuse of a human being to return and maybe naively thought you were the reason I changed. I was hoping during this trip you’d prove me wrong because nobody could hold up to what lies in fantasies. Thank you for saying such a dickheaded thing.”
Jack shouted out, “Do you even realize what you’re trying to do? This…” He clarified, “We didn’t work before. Why continue to make the same mistakes over and over?”
“Now we were a mistake?”
“No, we weren’t,” Jack clarified, calming down a little. “But, now? Yes. I am sick and tired of being stuck in the same position. What the hell is this? We can't continue this disparity.”
Charlie buried his hands in his pockets, staring down at the ground. Jack had a point - they had been talking around the subject for a long time. A decision had to be made once and for all; unfortunately, the choice out on the table was one that would hurt.
He took a deep breath before saying in barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry if it’s inconvenient that I’m still in love you and am foolish enough to want to try again. If you want to run away from everything we had, go ahead. I’ll hop on the next flight home. I’ll stay out there, if that’s what you wish. Just do me a favor and hand me the apartment keys so I don't have to freeze out here all night.”
Jack was taken by surprise by Charlie’s words. There was a time when Jack believed that would have meant he was giving up. After all, he’d interpreted Michael’s fighting spirit as a sign that he was passionate - which he wasn’t so much as uninterested in losing the battle. That was a mistaken notion Jack learned too late to correct the blunder. Jack had figured that Charlie didn’t care, which wasn’t true in the slightest. In fact, they probably shared the same amount of pain over the decision awaiting.
There was only one thing left to do.
Jack dug out the key from his pocket and held it out for him. Charlie went to grab for it. Jack used his other hand to grip Charlie’s hand and pull him toward the bench. Taken by surprise by the action, Charlie steadied himself so he wouldn’t fall on top of Jack. A fruitless effort, it turned out, since that was what Jack was trying to accomplish, teasing, “Is this what you desire?” He offered a sly smile, letting Charlie know what he wanted.
After staring down at Jack, there was only one possible answer. “You know you’re a fool, right?” A smile crept onto his face.
“I’m absolutely stupid,” Jack said, willing to concur with any insult thrown his way.
“Okay then.” Charlie bent down to kiss him. Jack sighed contentedly as he savored a touch missing for too long. There may have been questions left unanswered about the future but none were important right now.
* * * * *
“I warned you about how drunk to let him get,” Jen complained to Pacey that morning.
Pacey and Joey had already woken up, knowing they had to separate the soon-to-be-married. What neither anticipated was that Drue had fallen asleep in the bathroom, forcing them to come clean somewhat about the previous night's activities. “He’ll recover in time,” Pacey insisted. “Though you’ll have to take my word for it since I’m not supposed to let you see him.” He dragged her away from the bathroom, so she wouldn’t get any ideas.
“I know.” Jen was strangely calm, despite this setback. She took a deep breath, then said, “Stumbling blocks occur, regardless of planning.”
Joey offered, “Time to head over to my apartment.”
Pacey added, “I’ll come with you. There’s something I have to take care of. I predict a freakout from somebody before the morning is over.” While it could be interpreted as meaning Jen, there were a couple other candidates, one who could storm through the door at any moment.
Jen asked, “What about Drue?”
“Leave him a note. Jack will annoy him shortly.” Jen nodded, satisfied with the answer, and headed to her bedroom to grab her coat. Pacey added for Joey’s benefit, “That is, unless I don’t have my keys back for a better reason.”
Joey pointed out, “I thought you told me that was ruined when the blind date arrived.”
Pacey shrugged. “I worked around Jen’s little roadblock.”
* * * * *
Pacey, Joey and Jen entered the apartment and were surprised by an unusual, enjoyable smell. They noticed Charlie in the kitchen, making pancakes. Jen excitedly darted right over and gave him a hug from behind. She turned to Joey, “Aw, honey. You never told me he was here already.”
Charlie replied, “Nice to see you too. I came in last night.”
Pacey looked around for any sign of the plan’s success. The box was open with his note crumpled on the floor. Nothing else out of place from when he left. Indecipherable, just like those two normally were.
“Is there enough batter to make a couple for me?” Jen asked, hoping for a cooperative reply.
He checked the bowl. “Yeah, I suppose. It’s about time you had a breakfast which doesn’t consist solely of coffee and a bagel.”
Pacey turned to Joey, “Before I return to Drue, there’s something I need to show you in the bedroom.”
Jen joked to Charlie, “You mean something she hasn’t seen a hundred times?”
Charlie asked anxiously, “Does ‘the bedroom’ refer to Joey’s room or the one Pacey stashes junk in?”
“Joey’s. Why you ask?”
“No reason,” he mumbled.
Joey answered, “Probably because he still thinks of Pacey’s room as his room and doesn't like to imagine what's been going on in there.”
“Not exactly that.”
Pacey said, “Good to know.”
Before allowing Joey a chance to add her input, Pacey led her into the room just referred to as Joey’s room though, as predicted by their friends, was usually considered their room. He sat on the bed as he watched Joey gather stuff needed to get Jen and herself ready for later.
Joey asked, “So what lame excuse brings us in here?”
“I don’t think it’s a lame excuse.” While Joey’s back was toward him, he slipped a small, felt box out from his pillowcase. He’d placed the item there last night, knowing Joey would spend the night at Jen’s. “Is it a crime to want to see my lady beautify herself?”
“It doesn’t bother me, but presently, we’re supposed to keep Drue at his place and Jen here.”
“Jack is probably over there right now. You’re here with Jen, and Charlie will keep her from wandering off until you return.” He rubbed along the exterior fabric, not knowing how to approach the subject. Finally, he tentatively asked, “Was it the alcohol or did you mean what you said about marriage?”
Joey whirled around, just slow enough for Pacey to hide the box behind him. “I choose not to have serious discussions with drunks. Have a problem with that?”
“None whatsoever. Just making sure we know each other’s views on the subject. I got the impression you didn‘t see me as marriage material.”
“Of course I do. In time.”
“Am I ever relieved you said that!”
Joey sat down next to Pacey on the bed. He leaned back, blocking the box from view. She threaded her hand through his hair before pronouncing, “I can’t imagine going through life anymore without you. I realize we had a rather long break so it’s somehow been done before. But it’s not a time I want to relive.”
Pacey set his left hand behind his back on the bed, trying to feel for the box. “So, if I were to seriously ask you to marry me, what would you say?”
“If you were to ask? No games involved?” Pacey nodded. Joey stared down at her hands, contemplating the question. There really was much to think about, she quickly concluded. She answered, “I suppose I’d say yes.”
“Ok then. I won’t hold you to that response but it’s good to know.” He took hold of Joey’s hand while fiddling with the clasp of the box with his other hand. Pacey exhaled the breath he realized he‘d been holding as he asked, “Joey Potter, will you marry me?” Succeeding opening the box, he showed her the engagement ring.
When she saw the ring, Joey was star-struck. The glint of the small stone shone brighter than anything she’d ever seen, even if it probably wasn’t. When words finally came to her, it was in the form of screeching, “Oh my God,” five times in the span of a minute. Finally, she shouted out, “Yes, yes, oh yes,” and threw herself on him for an embrace.
“There’s only one catch.” Pacey held up a finger to his mouth, stopping her just before she could seal it with a kiss. “You have to somehow not spill to Jen or Drue today.”
“Is anyone else fair game?”
“As long as neither of them find out before leaving for their honeymoon, it’s okay.”
Joey said eagerly, “I can do that.” She was rewarded with him placing his hand to the nape of her neck and giving her a kiss.
* * * * *
“Thank you,” Jen said as Charlie set a plate in front of her. “So if it wasn’t the room, why did you care?”
He took out two glasses and poured juice. “Nothing for you to worry about today.”
“Oh no you don’t! I need to get my mind off the impending doom soon to follow. Spill.” She took a bite, then added, “If you can somehow get through to me while I’m swimming in this pool of ecstasy.”
“You recall the threesome rumors our friends suffered through?” Jen nodded. “Let’s just say that would have been closer to coming true than any ever realized.” Charlie sat down next to her at the table, drizzling syrup over the stack.
Jen tried to figure out what that meant but she couldn’t gauge from Charlie's tone. “I’m not following you.”
“Jack is in Pacey’s bed.”
“Ah, definite buzzkill.” She took a sip of orange juice before comprehending. “Do you mean Jack is in Pacey’s bed or your former bed?”
“Subtle difference, no?”
Jen teased in a singsong tone, “Somebody got laid last night!”
“That’s the only thing I’m certain of. Everything else, I don’t know.” He traced along the lip of the glass in front of him. “There are only two possibilities. It’s either ‘happily ever after’ or ‘I never want to see you again’. No other way.”
“You’re exaggerating,” Jen consoled as she let her finger follow on Charlie’s glass.
“There was an ultimatum.” He let out a sigh. “Last night happened because we can’t seem to deal with any other option. I woke up early to pack up, being prepared.”
Before Jen could tell him that was absurd, Jack exited the bedroom, grumbling, “I forgot how it feels to wake up to the sound of those two getting it on. I wonder if the man upstairs appreciates his name being used in that manner as often as Joey had.”
“Morning, sunshine,” Jen chimed.
Jack smiled upon hearing Jen’s voice and stood behind her, draping his arms over her shoulders. “Your big day is finally here.”
“That it finally is.” She laced her fingers through Jack’s and tilted her head back to face him. “I was told you were heading to my place to torture Drue. You found a better victim?”
He cautiously said, “That‘s one way to phrase it.” Jack snuck a glance in Charlie’s direction, figuring out from his preoccupation with the food on the plate that he’d leaked information to her. Rather than call him on it, he took a whiff to identify what Charlie had been preparing. “Apple spice pancakes?”
“Yeah, there’s just enough batter left for you.” Charlie chuckled as he recalled the last time he was subjected to Jack‘s cooking. “That is, of course, given you don’t burn any.”
Jack pretended to be offended, stalking toward the kitchen counter. He held the batter-filled spoon out over the bowl. “I’ll have you know my skills have improved since that incident.”
“Jack, I hate to break it to you but your pancakes made excellent Frisbees. There‘s little-to-no hope for you.” He rose from his chair and approached Jack as he ladled dollops of batter onto the griddle.
Jen bit her lip to keep from laughing. It was refreshing to hear them bickering, as opposed to the tension whenever she’d bring up one name to the other.
“I don’t need you looking over my shoulder,” Jack insisted, as he used the spatula to separate the pancakes, realizing too late he used too much batter. He pointed an accusatory finger at Charlie. “Don’t even say it! You’re a terrible teacher and I don’t need your expertise.”
“It’s not like you listen anyway. You get defensive and your voice goes up an octave whenever someone might draw attention to something like,” glancing at the griddle, “you’d better turn that one in the far corner over before it’s inedible.”
Illustrating Charlie’s point perfectly, Jack countered, “And then you give information as if what you’re saying is the most obvious thing ever.” He caught how much higher his voice sounded, then muttered under his breath as he flipped over the pancake pointed out. Jack kept his focus on the food, determined to succeed this time. He could feel Charlie watching him but he was remaining quiet so Jack said nothing further.
Charlie finally whispered in Jack’s ear, “I’ll let you be,” intending to return to the table.
“Hold on,” he hissed back. Jack shut off the pilot with one hand, knowing the remaining pancakes would finish cooking shortly. He took time to gather his thoughts, then turned around, starting to say, “It’s nothing…” There were so many things he wanted to say but none came out. Jack turned back to the griddle, feeling his face get flushed.
“It’s nothing you can help,” Charlie finished the sentence, waiting for Jack to face him before continuing, “Being tongue-tied is a dreaded curse. At least when it comes to speaking. Other times, it can be beneficial.” Jack stared down at the floor, trying but unable to suppress a grin as he thought back to such other times. He was startled to feel a hand along the nape of his neck as Charlie brought him into a hug, letting Jack rest his head on his shoulder.
Charlie wasn’t sure why he did that but it felt necessary. He may have had doubts not minutes earlier, but now it was clear there was no mistake. It felt right, being here in the kitchen, comforting him.
Jack wasn’t sure if he wanted to ruin the moment by questioning anything. He had been frightened when he woke up to find the other side of the bed empty, worried that somehow he’d blown it. There was so little time to begin with, what with Charlie leaving tomorrow morning. Which meant that Jack had no choice but to ask, “So, um, are we okay?” He gazed up into Charlie’s eyes, pleading his answer to be the same.
Charlie breathed out, “There are times there’s no need to talk it to death.”
Jack kidded, “That’s good because I prefer it when you’re quiet.” He brushed a light kiss over Charlie’s lips. What was meant to be a fleeting, assuring kiss escalated quickly, soon finding himself pushed back to the counter.
Suddenly, Joey opened the bedroom door and shouted out to Jen, “The dresses are here already, right?”
Jen laughed as she watched Jack and Charlie abruptly break apart, then called out to Joey, “Yes, it’s in the storage closet known as the other bedroom. Remember, I bugged you a week ago about using the space.” Meanwhile, her focus was on Jack stacking the now-cooked pancakes on a plate while Charlie returned to the table to finish his breakfast.
Joey, and then Pacey, popped into the room. Joey sheepishly admitted, “Oh yeah, you did say that.”
Pacey added, “Don’t mind her, she’s just a little distracted.”
Jen questioned, “Were you the distraction?” Charlie had turned in Pacey and Joey’s direction, giving Jack enough time to swap his plate with Charlie’s before sitting down next to Jen, who was trying not to laugh.
“Maybe, but it’s not what you think,” Pacey said before Joey could have a chance to spill the good news. He grabbed a bag of papers sitting on the desk and sifted through them. “Now, where is my best man speech?”
It turned out Pacey didn’t have to worry about Joey, as she just realized Jack was there. She shook her head, then asked Jen, “Do I want to know?”
“You will eventually,” she assured with a wink. Charlie turned back around, giving her a wary look.
Upon realizing what that signified, Joey cried out, “Oh, for the love of God, no!” She stormed back to the bedroom.
Pacey commented wryly, “To think, she’s actually happy for you. The gift box thing was her idea.” He triumphantly pulled out the sheet. “Eureka! Now I can properly embarrass Drue.”
Jack twisted around in his chair. “You mean you actually compiled a list of women who have turned Drue down over the years?”
“Tell me he’s joking,” Jen said, then saw Charlie switch the plates back and buried her head under her arms to keep from laughing out loud.
“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t.” Pacey approached the table, observing Jen. He pulled a chair over to her. “Are you okay, Lindley?” Jen shook her head, waiting for the payoff. “Sweetie, don’t cry. Everything will be fine.”
Her muffled voice protested, “I’m not crying. I’m not Joey. Just wait for it.”
Pacey grabbed hold of Jen’s hand, trying to comfort her, not grasping what she was talking about. “I feel weird about leaving you behind while you seem to be on fragile ground.”
“Witter, I know you mean well but I’m fine.” This time, she did sound fine. Pacey arched an eyebrow in confusion.
Jack turned back around, glancing from one plate to the other. Charlie poked at the pieces he’d cut up, waiting. When he knew Jack figured it out, he murmured, “Learn to cook.” This set Jen off in a fit of giggles.
Pacey glanced from one person to another, not sure what they could have done. “Figures you two would somehow get her in a good mood.”
* * * * *
Joey laid back on her bed while Jen fussed with the wedding dress. Joey’s lavender dress hung on the back of the door, waiting for her to get ready. Which she would do shortly, given she didn’t have to do nearly as much preparing as Jen did, so she used the time to reflect on earlier events.
Even though Pacey was the one to say not to tell anyone about their engagement, she knew that Pacey probably told Jack and Charlie as soon as they left the apartment. Even though both could keep the secret from the soon-to-be-married, she knew Charlie would want to get one shot in about Pacey eventually being Mrs. Joseph Potter before he got on the plane.
She thought back to the engagement ring currently hiding under her pillow. It was one of those rare moments when everything seemed to fit the way it should. That didn’t mean it couldn’t change very quickly. Joey hated to think pessimistically during what had been one of the best days in her life so far, especially given she’d be standing by her friends getting married.
It was this type of thinking that caused problems in the first place. After all, she used distance as the main excuse to break up with someone. But distance didn’t really matter as much as she thought, as long as they were able to communicate those feelings. Thankfully, she didn‘t have to try to work though issues with Pacey from thousands of miles away.
Jen whined, “Jo, can you help pin this sleeve back into place? This stitch doesn’t want to stay.”
Joey jumped off the bed to assist her friend. “It’ll work better if you would stop fidgeting.” Jen stood still as Joey fastened the fabric back into place. “There you go.”
“Thanks.” Jen unfastened the clip from her hair and shook out the curls.
Joey suddenly wondered aloud, “Do you think it’ll all go downhill from here?”
Jen gave her a strange look before answering, “Probably. Who are we talking about?” She knew well enough that Joey’s musing was only peripherally connected to the wedding. Jen had heard a rumor that Pacey was considering marriage; maybe there was some validity to that rumor.
“Any one of us.” Joey grabbed a brush and began working on her hair. “Our relationships have been going so well. Or, starting well, as the case may be.”
“Then, yes, definitely heading downhill. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes.”
“I know that.”
Jen straightened the clip in her hair as she elaborated, “It’s one of those things that you never know when the other shoe will drop. What makes people decide to suddenly stray from the expected? Nobody’s perfect. I’m not, Drue’s certainly not. It’s whether two people are perfect for each other.”
Joey rolled her eyes. “How profound.”
“It may have been based off a movie but it’s true. You are judgmental, uptight, and admit to being friends with Dawson. Yet you’re still a good match for Pacey.” Jen grinned as she saw Joey’s face scrunch up, wondering if she’d been insulted.
“Thanks, I think.”
“Don’t worry. Your guy is brash, suffers from a hero complex, and is still friends with me. So you’re a perfectly flawed match. It could be worse.”
Joey shrugged. “I guess. Even if I don’t like the fact you’re lashing out about my taste. Let me think, get better thoughts in Jen’s head.”
Jen fixed the loose strands hanging on the sides as she considered better thoughts. “Okay, I could talk about how what I saw in the kitchen this morning suddenly convinced me that getting married was the right decision.”
Joey thought back to what could have happened for Jen to lead to that conclusion. When she realized, she wailed, “Why do you insist on torturing me?”
the end
What did you think? Send feedback!
Somewhere Else Index
DC Index