Tortured By Love


Synopsis: Through the eyes of Capeside's favorite deputy, Doug Witter.
Coupling: Doug/Bessie with Pacey/Joey thrown in.
Spoilers: Not really, just basic knowledge of characters.
Rating: PG-13.
Feedback: Good or bad, send it to milburncreek@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters, but this story's mine..

* * * * *

Part I

I can't believe I am just sitting here keeping my mouth shut as she plans her wedding. So many years have passed and she still thinks of me as just another member of the Capeside community. Not even a friend anymore in her eyes, just an acquaintance. I guess that's not entirely her fault since it is so difficult for me to be around her without wanting to kiss her.

We were such close friends growing up. I'd watch idly by as various boyfriends wandered in and out of her life, none of which matched up perfectly with her. Each time there was a breakup, she'd cry on my shoulder. Disillusioned with men in general. She never thought of myself as a member of "the evil species", as she'd refer to my gender at such times. I'd tell her not to give up on hope. That she will someday be happy with someone. She deserved to have such a life, what with her mother dying of cancer and her father the eternal convict. Her father, the lone male role model in her life, had to be such a poor example.

Then she got pregnant and married. I never particularly cared for the suitor. I knew he really couldn't satisfy her but I could not place why I had this notion until a year into their marriage.

It was at that point that she told me that he'd cheated on her. Her tear-stained face in front of mine as she relayed the news. Then she gave me this look. It was a priceless look, a combination of the famous Potter biting-lip move and questioning in her eyes. I should have comforted her, but I simply could not because, well, I couldn't exactly what was wrong, so I simply left.

As I was driving home, I realized why. I wanted her to desperately see me as the guy who'd fulfill her every need. That night was when I began having dreams about her. They were rather sweet dreams at first revolving around how she'd wake up and wonder why she hadn't seen her true love earlier. Unfortunately, it made it quite difficult to actually talk to her, face to face, even as she told me that she was filing for divorce.

Several months passed and I finally understood that this was the time to confront her. Tell her that her husband didn't realize what a treasure he'd let slip away. That I wanted to be the father that her child so richly deserved. The father that was so lacking in her upbringing.

I approached her door with flowers. So, who should answer but her husband. She had forgiven the bastard apparently. I lied and told him that I wanted her opinion on the choice of arrangement for a date I had later. He nodded, saying that she was at the store. Didn't want to stay around for any further explanation so I left, remembering to discard the flowers in their neighbor's garbage can.

After that day, I resolved to stay out of her personal affairs. Unfortunately, that simple premise was destroying any chance I had to move on. Any girl I'd try to date just didn't compare to the person who'd captured my heart. I soon just stopped trying to fill the void, since it was probably heartbreaking to prospective mates that they weren't first choice.

The bastard left her after seven years of marriage. Some secretary was very thrilled to have him all to herself. Of course, she was upset. She tried to get a hold of me, but I'd built coping mechanisms to block her out, namely focused even more on my work.

That's when the visions got worse. The bastard would be enacting some cruel torture to our sweet lady. I'm supposedly the hero and try to save her, but each time, the hero fails and she dies. She could drown in the creek, fall off a cliff, be executed by the bastard's firing squad, a different method each time. Each time, I would witness the whole result, but helpless to actually stop the events from transpiring.

Now I'm told there's a new guy in her life. Damien, you know, like the Omen movies. Well, he's a slight improvement over the first guy. At least he doesn't take 'business trips' all the time. But, of course, that only makes the dreams gorier than before. I feel so trapped, like I can't move from this current quicksanded predicament.

I can't seem to even stay in the same room with her, much less tell her why I can't be around her. She thinks it was just growing up that drove us apart. How wrong she is.
* * * * *

I spotted her walking down the street, her body being cuddled by her soon-to-be-husband. I can't help noticing that Damien's arm is slightly too possessively on her shoulder. Of course I can't help noticing, I detect every little thing that happens when it comes to such a beauty.

She spots me and waves. I give a faint wave back. She whispers to Damien, then nods and approaches me.

"How have you been doing?"

I struggle to form an answer, "Well."

"You are coming to the wedding, right? That invitation wasn't just sent to my brother-in-law, you know. It was to include you as well."

"I don't know if I'll be able to attend."

Damien interrupts jokingly, "Official police business to take care of?"

I reply flatly, "Yeah, that's it."

"I'm sure your father would understand if you worked later in the day. Even he's agreed to attend the reception and you know he's quite a workaholic sometimes. Then again, Pacey has gained much more influence over him ever since he married Joey."

"I've noticed that as well," I reply drolly.

"And yet you won't use a favor in this time of need?" Bessie's eyes were pleading with him now. As I began to answer, I saw her do that biting-lip move. That same move which suckered me into thinking I had a chance the last time.

"I'm sorry, Bessie. I can't go through all this again." I give her one last look and walk away.

* * * * *

I headed home and was surprised to find Pacey waiting outside. I let him in.

Pacey looked around the living room and said, "I think Bessie's guy is another Bodie. I saw him with another woman while I was walking with Joey last night."

This certainly got my attention, "What? Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't honestly know. I mean, I know you two haven't been close lately but I thought maybe you could use your childhood friendship to maybe get her to see what she's marrying. For all I know, this could be completely innocent and I'm concerned for no reason. But, given what Bodie did, it is something to seriously consider."

"Sorry, Pace. I can't interfere."

"And why not? Fearing that she won't want to confide in her Will?"

"Another gay joke, how typical of you," I mutter.

"Well, you know, if the dress fits..."

"Did it ever occur to you that just because you got married before I did doesn't make you the expert on relationships?"

Pacey is taken aback by my outburst. Hell, I cannot believe I just said that outloud. Rather than deal with the aftereffects, I open the door and let Pacey out.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the television. The images on the screen were getting blurry as I drifted to sleep. A sleep which was anything but peaceful, as per usual.

The evil groom and the blushing bride standing at the altar. I am racing up to the church. When I finally get there, the doors just will not budge. I can hear through the door the minister saying, 'Elizabeth, will you take Damien to be your lawfully wedded husband' and Bessie saying 'yes'.

Shortly after, the doors open and a procession of people seemingly stampede out of the church. Bessie and Damien eventually come out to the greeting of rice being thrown at them. As they go into the car, Bessie spots me in her direction and waves slightly. I wave back even though she doesn't see me anymore since she is now in the car.

Damien stands outside in vain as the car bursts into flames. I hear her screams, but there is nothing that I can do because the crowd just won't disperse.

I wake up in a panic. Pacey was just saying that Damien was cheating without concrete proof. He doesn't know if it was really another woman in his life or something completely innocent. There is no need to have Bessie Potter back in my life, I assure myself.

Thinking back to the dream, then, how do I stop her torturing me like this?

* * * * *


It was the day of doom. The day Bessie would become Mrs. Damien Millerton. A perfect day to stay inside. The phone rang earlier in the day - Dad left a message about why I wasn't at work. A message which was deleted a minute later.

Hadn't been able to get a good night's sleep since the day Pacey told me about Damien's infidelity. The previous night proved to be the worst yet.

I was at the chapel again. This time, I had actually gotten inside the church. The minister went through the entire service. Got to 'Elizabeth, do you take Damien to be your lawfully wedded husband?'. I shouted, trying to stop her but my screams fell on deaf ears as Bessie said 'yes'. Could hear the minister say 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Then was in the crowd outside the church when they walk out, greeted with rice. This time, Bessie spots me and approaches. I am able to get the words 'I love you' out but she doesn't react. She simply flashes her smile and walks away.

I continue to shout, trying to get her attention, but everyone is too happy in the chaos of the wedding to notice. Bessie walks into the car with Damien standing outside, fiddling around with a gun. He points it at me and fires three times, connecting enough so I'm laying on the ground. He exclaims 'You'll never have her'. I am conscious enough to see him enter the car which drives off into the sunset. The only sounds I can hear are the sounds of laughter.

I become absolutely terrified to leave the sanctity of my bedroom. Not even hearing 'My Heart Will Go On' helps. Because why would I want to continue to suffer like this? I crawl back into bed.

I faintly hear the sound of footsteps in the distance and dejectly realize that I'm no longer alone in the apartment.

"Doug, are you here?" Joey calls out. A couple of minutes later, I feel her standing in the doorway, staring at me. I cannot imagine what could possibly be going through her head. Her brother-in-law, the town deputy, probably looking like he'd been run over by a truck.

"You're not feeling well? Bessie said you were supposed to be working. I just stopped by to borrow some CDs."

"Got sick at the last second."

Joey accepts my explanation, then adds, "There's not going to be a wedding. Seems that Damien came clean, admitted he'd been cheating on her and didn't feel ready to commit to a relationship."

No wedding? She must be devastated. I can't believe he actually had the decency to admit it. Okay, probably after Pacey threatened to kill him if he didn't, but still.

"I guess that's easier than the way things were the first time."

Joey sighs, "It also means that I believe you've run out of excuses."

Her statement startles me so much that I forget I was supposed to avoid facing her. I get up and turn toward her, "What?"

"I know the real reason you were supposed to work today. You can't bear admitting your true feelings for her."

I felt numb when she'd said those words, "Joey, you don-don-don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm not blind. You two were close friends growing up. You were devoted to her, as she went through life obliviously. I saw you come to the house after Bodie's first known indiscretion with those flowers in your arms. Your face dropped as soon as you faced him. You stopped dating, which I know your brother attributed to homosexuality but I knew otherwise."

I never classified Joey as the most knowledgable of people when it came to relationships. After all, she's Mrs. Pacey Witter. But I guess I misjudged her. "I just can't move past her."

Joey wrapped her arms around me, "I know, I know, I can see she's made you quite distraught. You must tell her the truth. Before it suffocates you."

The word 'suffocates' rings over and over in my head. I realize as I gaze up at Joey that she's right. What was initially love has transformed me from a once-lively individual into one who's being suffocated by these visions. I find myself resting my head on Joey's shoulder, letting the tears pour out.


* * * * *

Joey dragged me out of the apartment to attend the reception. I guess since so much had been spent on food, she didn't want it to go to waste. She pretty much had to guide me in, since if I was alone, I probably would've been turning back in the opposite direction.

We were first spotted by Pacey, who was holding a champagne glass talking to Jen Lindley when we caught his attention. He gestured to Jen in our direction, then they walk over to us.

Pacey comments, "Where have you been, test-driving an older model car?" Joey rolls her eyes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Jen adds, "Seriously, Bessie has been looking for you for hours. She's really regretting throwing this party, you know."

Joey replies, "Well, I thought we should at least have the whole family in attendance. It took forever to convince the cop to show up."

Pacey states, "That reminds me, Dad said that he wasn't really thinking you would go to work anyway today so he didn't schedule you in."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I blurt out.

He is taken aback by the tone in my voice and holds his hands up in the air, "I just meant that you'd probably change your mind and attend the wedding. If there had been a wedding."

Joey interrupts, "Jen, where did you say Bessie is now?"

"I didn't because I don't know. She's been making sure to keep herself very busy. Keep her mind off of the heartbreak."

Joey gives a quick glance around the reception. "Damn, I don’t see her."

"Joey, would you stop this?" I pleaded.

"Not if your life depended on it, which strangely I suspect it does." Joey wanders off to continue her search.

Pacey looks at Joey and shakes his head, "Sometimes that girl just doesn’t know how to relax."

Jen ignores Pacey and asks me, "What the hell is going on?"

"What makes you think anything is going on?"

"Let me ask you this as bluntly as possible. Is something wrong with Bessie that we’re unaware of?"

I shake my head, then walk away. I be damned if Jen is going to claim that she knows everything that’s going on.

Pacey chimes in, "Don’t mind my brother. He’s just in one of his hissy fit times."

I glare at Pacey then turn back around. Naturally, I run smack into the formerly blissful near-bride herself and both of us crash onto the floor.

Bessie rants as she’s trying to get up, "Can’t you pay attention for a couple of seconds so you can watch..” she looks up and, realizing her error, changes her expression, “Oh, Doug, I’m so sorry. I was convinced it was one of Carrie’s kids getting in the way again.”

"Well, there are a lot of them. Seven, I believe."

Bessie grins, "With an eighth on the way."

"She’s pregnant again?"

"Yeah, but your dad doesn’t know that yet. So I suggest you keep that to yourself. I’m told you played hookie yet it wasn’t to come here. What’s the deal with that?”

I pushed my hands into my pockets, "It has been a pretty rough time."

"I think I need someone else’s misery at the moment so I can forget about these urges to kill a certain ex-fiance.”

I shake my head, "I’m pretty certain you don’t need this to add to the mess that’s happened so far today.”

Bessie gives me a confused look, "Look, unless you’re going to say that you are the other woman, I doubt there is much else you can say that would get to me.”

"Has Pacey convinced you I’m gay as well?" I gruffly reply. I swear, if I ever find the idiot who first put those thoughts in my brother’s head…

Bessie acts all apologetic, "No, no, Doug, that is not what I meant. It’s just that, there is nothing you could say that would top that.”

"Including that I couldn’t be happier that the wedding didn’t happen?"

Bessie gives me a strange look, "What do you mean by that?"
I was searching for a way to back out of the slip-up when an opportunity presented itself in the form of Carrie's current boyfriend (or was this one a fiance) Andrew arguing with my father. This argument caught all of our attention.

"Are you telling me that you knocked up my girl?"

"I'm taking responsibility for my actions, John."

Dad tipsily turns to Carrie, ignoring Andrew, "Carrie, I be damned if there's going to be another addition to this family. You can't handle a seventh child." He gulps down some more beer.

Andrew interjected, "Carrie, why don't you inform your father that you've done that already just fine and that I bet he can't even name his grandkids."

"I can name them easily since they're all hers. Alana, Bryan, Clarke, Darcy, Eileen, Flynn, and last-so-far Geri." Actually the fifth was Ellie, but this wasn't the time to mention that.

Andrew realizes this method is fruitless and tries a different tactic to rouse my dad, "Have you ever questioned how Carrie got in this situation of multiple fathers? It wasn't because of me, no matter how much you want to pin the blame. It was the awful excuse for a male role model she has."

"Are you really trying the guilt-trip through Freud angle? So far it's pretty pathetic."

I saw Andrew getting ready to charge at him so I was readied myself to run interference. Pacey followed me in the same direction.

"Care to explain why Gretchen's not here? Could it be because of the way you treated her after she suffered through the third miscarriage?"

Pacey interrupted, "Are you intending to air your girlfriend's dirty laundry to embarrass her? Because I recall telling you some stuff in confidence that I don't think would be right for her to hear."

Andrew interjected and turned to Pacey, "None of this is about her. I mean, you said yourself that Carrie doesn't think of this as her family."

Carrie absent-mindedly eats some chicken. Apparently, she's taken after Mom when it comes to breaking up battles.

"And how did you explain the reason why you and Joey haven't had kids yet? Oh yes, because you don't want another generation of messed-up Witters running around." Andrew continues.

Pacey charges after him. Luckily, I was standing right there to keep Pacey from pounding Andrew into the ground. Andrew glares at both of us.

"And then there's John Jr, whoops Doug, my mistake. Your favorite son, the one who supposedly idolizes you. I'll tell you, I wouldn't trust being in a room alone with that closet case, much less want him protecting the streets with a gun."

Dad interrupts, "I think it would be best if you excused yourself from this wed, er reception."

Andrew catches the slip, "Another Witter wedding. Well, now wait a sec, there was no wedding. Nor is it a Witter. But Bessie Potter is an in-law, and, let's face it, she must have inherited the dysfunction when Joey married in. Because she only dates two-timing losers."

The next thing I know, I release the restraint I had on Pacey and rush at him myself. Punch by punch, weakening him. Andrew is initially surprised but then he connects with a shot to the face and begins to defend himself. Pacey is the one pulling me off of him, eventually succeeding.

Dad gets up and opens the door, calmly stating, "If you don't leave the premises right now, I will charge you for assaulting an officer."

Andrew gets up, muttering, " He throws the first shot and I get the charges. Well, there's been nepotism before in this town, why not bring it out now." Louder, he replies, "It was nice meeting your family. Love to do it again some time."

"Out." Andrew walks out and Dad slams the door behind him. He then approaches the rest of the family, Pacey muttering, "Good riddance," as he leads me to the bathroom, blood dripping from my mouth.

Even in my state, however, I'm able to faintly hear Bessie talking to Dad. Great, that is just what this day needed.

When Pacey and I re-emerged about a half-hour later, Dad appears, holding a plastic bag with ice in it. I accept and place the bag by my lip.

"You shouldn't have done that, you know."

Pacey answered, "Somebody had to do it. I'm just surprised it was Dougie."

"Nonetheless," Dad snickers, "as much as the bastard deserved it, it isn't the proper way to treat such a disruption. Okay, now that I got that unnecessary lecture about 'fighting being wrong' out of the way, there is something I need to ask you to do."

"What's that? Deny what happened?"

Dad smiled, "I'd be pretty certain Andrew wouldn't have many witnesses on his side after the lashing he gave the Witter name. No, um, it's about Bessie."

I look up expectantly at him. He continues, "She and Damien were living together before he dropped the bombshell. I don't think she wants to revisit the apartment they shared. I was able to convince her that running away from her problems is not a viable solution. So I kind of ended up suggesting.. she, uh, stay at your apartment."

Pacey answered, "Are you kidding?"

"No, it's perfectly reasonable. After all, he and Bessie were close friends, way back when, so I thought it would be a good idea if she spent time and confided in an old friend." then adds defensively, "Joey didn't think it was so stupid. She even agreed to take Alex off her hands."

Boy, if this wasn't proving how little he knew about his children's lives, then I don't know what does. Not to mention that it shouldn't surprise me that much that Joey would agree to such a suggestion.

I slowly reply, "I guess she needs this."

Dad exclaims, "Excellent. I'll inform all people involved about this."
* * * * *


Dad went to tell Bessie the supposedly wonderful news, leaving Pacey and me alone.

"Another generation of messed-up Witters?" I mutter to Pacey.

Pacey sighs, "That was something I said after babysitting five of Carrie's monsters for two days. He took that totally out of context." He spots his wife at the other side of the room. Gazes at her as though they were still newlyweds.

"So why haven't you two had kids?"

"Joey Potter, the career woman she is, is currently at her dream job after all those years spent in college. We've discussed it and it's just not in the cards yet."

I mumble, "It shouldn't surprise me that much that he'd skew the information."

"I doubt Carrie will let him back after that tirade. But I have a better question. What the hell got into you? You have never thrown a punch as far as I can recall. It certainly wasn't because of what he said about you since I know you've heard worse." He turns in my direction. I look away from his glance.

"It was frustrating listening to that weasel rattling off our worst attributes. Probably should've let you at him, since you are better at fighting."

"You'll pardon me if I don't a hundred percent buy that story." Pacey remarks. When I don't immediately answer, he shakes his head and gets up to leave, adding defensively, "And it's not another generation exactly. We're not all screwed-up anyway."

"What did Bessie do to get lumped into the same breath as us?" I thought I was fortunate enough that Pacey couldn't hear me so I was surprised when he turned back around with a confused expression on his face.

"Bessie? Yeah, I guess she didn't need that stacked on top of everything else that's transpired today. But I thought you two weren't close anymore." he added dismissively.

"I know, but that's not because we're suddenly enemies."

"Then why is it?"

I knew I'd have to have a story prepared in case Pacey ever asked about my connection to her. After all, Andrew was right regarding one thing, she was practically family. "It's all about timing and growing up. I don't really know."

"I can see you're not going to give a straight answer. Or is that the answer. That this is a whole in-or-out-of-the-closet thing."

I get up, holding the bag in my hand, "Would you stop making the gay jokes? They are incredibly old and tiresome. It seems like everyone in this damn town, with the exception of our parents, has bought your little game as real."

Pacey gets up and follows me, "Explain the empty black book to me. I hate to lay this on you but doesn't it bother you in the slightest that your youngest sibling has a much better chance of producing a Witter than you do?"

I turn around and glare at him, "Don't claim you know everything about me."
* * * * *


"That was the last straw when it comes to men," Bessie exclaims as she burst into my apartment. Although I know she’d be showing up, her mere presence was still a surprise. She dumps a couple of days worth of belongings on the couch.

"You know, it was bad enough having that fu.cking bastard ditch me the way he did. Then hearing Carrie’s braindead boyfriend ranting pretty much confirmed it.” She plops down on the couch next to the pile.

"The only guy I need in my life is Alex. Too young to actually break a girl’s heart yet." I got this feeling that we were back in high school all over again. Years of avoiding her had apparently not changed the fact that I was perfect for being a soundboard for her complaints about men. I join her on the couch.

"I should have seen the signs. They were all there so clearly. Staying later and later at the office. Strange phone calls at odd hours. Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t dump his sorry ass. I guess there should be some solace in the fact that he told me before the ceremony. But the point is this had been going on for months. And I bet the only reason he told me was because Pacey threatened to kill him if he didn’t.”

Feigning innocence, I ask, "Pacey knew?"

"Yeah, he told me after the fight," fiddling around with a coaster, "He was relieved that Damien told me because he certainly didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.”

Adding too nonchalantly, "Pacey also mentioned that he asked you to tell me."

I tried to apologize, "Look, Bessie, it was Pacey’s news, not mine."

She cut me off, "Just be satisfied with the fact that Damien told me or else you’d really get it right now. Nevermind, I guess you couldn’t really do that.”

She leans on my shoulder, "What happened to us? We were so close growing up. Somewhere in my marriage, we really drifted apart. I don’t think we’ve been close for at least six years.”

Somewhere? Eight years and three months ago to be exact. Well, this is definitely not the time to say that. “Sometimes, other commitments end up interfering. I mean, you had a child to raise and I had work.”

"Basically, being responsible is to blame, huh? Life was so much easier in high school." She wrapped her arms around me and began to sob. I pull her in closer.

A couple of minutes later, "I know it was your dad’s off-hand suggestion to come here, but I think he knew exactly what I needed. Being by myself on the road was not the best of ideas,” pausing, then suddenly asking, “Is it so bad being alone?”

"What?" I create some space between us.

"Just living on your own, without dealing with anyone else. I’ve never been on my own like that. Between caring for Mom when she was sick, raising Joey when Dad was in jail, caring for Alex. You know, being by yourself.”

I spit out, "Just because I’m not spending every waking moment pursuing someone doesn’t mean I’m alone." That’s true, I just spend every non-waking moment.

"Although I don’t quite believe you when you say you’re happy this way, I actually think it’s a pretty good way to live right now. That way, nobody gets hurt.”

She begins to choke up again, giving me an excuse to put her back on my shoulder so she doesn’t see my reaction to that last remark.

Part 2

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