Snow Carl by Minke Armstrong Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional. The Kooks are not actually gnomes and I don’t think Johnny Borrell is in any way evil. I do think Carl Delamo is a much prettier man than him, but that’s my opinion there can still be people who do not agree with me in this case. They might agree with me in other cases. Ikea does not sell talking mirrors; it does sell other kinds of mirrors. Most of these mirrors, along with the other furniture they sell, have silly Swedish sounding names. Although most of them aren’t real Swedish words.

Once upon a time there was a band and their name was Razorlight. The lead singer of this band, Johnny Borrell, was a very handsome and vain person. His looks and talent impressed everyone who saw him. One day Johnny and his band mates Andy Burrows, Bjorn Agren and the very pretty Carl Delamo, also known as Snow Carl, went to Ikea. There Johnny bought a very special mirror, it could speak but it could only speak the truth. Johnny was very happy with this mirror and as they returned to their tour bus he immediately put batteries in it and hung it to the wall. “Mirror, mirror on the wall…” He spoke as he fixed his hair and looked straight into the mirror. “Who's the fairest of them all?” Of course this mirror couldn’t lie so it said: "Johnny, you're the fairest where you are, but Snow Carl is more beautiful by far." Johnny was devastated and glad he used the mirror as the others where not there. Soon Johnny pulled on better clothes and fixed his hair. Then he tried it again, but the mirror gave the same answer as before, saying Snow Carl was more beautiful. That night as Johnny lay in his bunk, he couldn’t sleep and he decided he would get rid of Snow Carl, he decided he would leave him at the festival they where going to the next day. So the next day after the gig Johnny rushed Andy and Bjorn to the tour bus and they left. Of course Johnny didn’t tell Andy and Bjorn the truth, he just said Snow Carl didn’t want to come along anymore.

Meanwhile at the festival Snow Carl was looking everywhere for his band mates but he couldn’t find them. It started raining and after a few hours of looking around it even started getting dark. Snow Carl didn’t think he would find his bus and he sat down, softly sobbing. “What’s wrong?” He suddenly heard and looked up. Next to him he saw a small fellow, wearing a pointy-hooded poncho. “I lost my band mates.” Snow Carl said softly, feeling slightly embarrassed. “You can’t stay here! I will take you to my bus, I think there is a spare bunk where you can sleep.” The gnome said, as he showed Snow Carl the way to the bus he told him his name was Bobble-Gnome. The green bus wasn’t far from where Snow Carl had been sitting, and he was glad as he entered the warm and dry bus. Inside sat the other Kook-gnomes as Bobble-Gnome had told him their band was called, there was Luke-Gnome, Max-Gnome, Paul-Gnome and Hugh-Gnome who was pretty tall for a gnome. None of them had beards, but Max-Gnome was wearing a jacket with a pointy-hood just like Bobble-Gnome had been wearing. They told Snow Carl he could stay with them as long as they wanted and asked him if he could help Bobble-Gnome with cleaning the tour bus and getting the addresses for the mailing list. Snow Carl was really thankful for letting him stay with them so he said it would be okay. He told the Kook-Gnomes he played bass-guitar in Razorlight and Luke-Gnome told him he thought Johnny Borrell was a very unpleasant person, Snow Carl said he didn’t think so and he missed Johnny. Then Max-Gnome said Snow Carl would come in handy if he would ever be unable to play again, cause then Snow Carl could play instead of Hairy-Gnome.

After a few days Johnny thought, by cold and lack of food Snow Carl would have died so he tried out his mirror again. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” He said, sure of him self the mirror would say he was, but the mirror could only speak the truth. "Johnny, you're the fairest where you are, but Snow Carl is more beautiful by far." It said, and Johnny got very angry. “Now Mirror tell me, where this Snow Carl would now be..” Johnny said, hoping he would be able to trace him down. “Snow Carl lives a happy life, on a bus with all the Kook-Gnomes five.” It answered. Johnny knew the Kook-Gnomes and he surely didn’t like them and Snow Carl was still alive. So he thought of a plan. Soon Razorlight would play at a festival together with the Kook-Gnomes again and then his plan would be ready. He did as he said and as soon as they played at a festival together Johnny dressed up as Jack White and took a bass-guitar to the Kook-Gnomes tour bus. He knocked on the door. “Who is there?” Johnny heard Snow Carl ask. “It’s Jack White! I have a gift for you!” Snow Carl came to the door and saw Jack White had a bass guitar. He was eager to try it out, and he hung the guitar strap over his shoulder. But Johnny by his evil plan had made it to tight and Snow Carl couldn’t breathe anymore and fainted. Quickly Johnny ran away as he thought Snow Carl would be dead now, but luckily the Kook-Gnomes came back soon. They pulled the guitar of Snow Carl’s shoulders and as he got fresh air he soon gained back his consciousness. The Kook-Gnomes where very happy he was still alive and they celebrated by drinking lots of Corona. The Kook-Gnomes all told Snow Carl he should be very careful in taking presents, since they didn’t know if this was done on purpose or not. All the Kook-Gnomes and Snow Carl got wasted that night and they sang karaoke and they had a great evening, but the next day the Kook-Gnomes had to go again as they had a gig. As Snow Carl was cleaning up the mess he and the Kook-Gnomes had made the night before he heard knocking on the door again. As he opened the door he saw Alex Turner and he held a bunch of guitar picks. “Hi! I have the perfect guitar picks for you!” Alex said. “I can’t take anymore gifts!” Snow Carl said smartly remembering what the Kook-Gnomes had told him. Alex shook his head. “I wasn’t going to give them to you! Come on, I need to earn my money too! I sell them!” Alex said, and gave one to Snow Carl. “You can try one!” Snow Carl took the guitar pick and took one of the guitars that where left at the bus. He played a little tune with the pick and thought it played well. “Now try without the pick!” Alex Turner said, so Snow Carl put the pick in his mouth, not knowing it was poisoned by Johnny who had dressed up as Alex Turner. Again Snow Carl fainted, but this time Johnny checked Snow Carl’s pulse before leaving making sure he was dead. And as soon as Johnny came back to his bus he went to his mirror. “Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” He asked again. “You are.” The mirror answered and Johnny was finally happy with the answer.

As the Kook-Gnomes came back to the bus they found Snow Carl and they thought he was dead. Because they thought it was a shame to put such a beautiful person under the ground they dressed Snow Carl up in his beer-shirt and put him in a glass coffin. They took the glass coffin with them everywhere they went and when the Kook-Gnomes had a gig it was on the stage with them. One day a groupie-girl came by and saw Snow Carl in the coffin. She was enchanted by his beauty and instantly fell in love with him. As she met the Kook-Gnomes at the back entrance after the gig she asked if she could kiss Snow Carl. They thought it was a rather strange request, but let her anyway. As the groupie-girls lips touched Snow Carl’s lips he awoke and opened his eyes. He looked into the groupie-girls eyes and he fell in love with her too. The Kook-Gnomes where excited their friend had awoken again and all hugged, kissed and thanked the groupie-girl. Not long after this day Snow Carl and the groupie-girl got married and they lived happily ever after.

The End