26 de enero del 2001

Was it awful of me?

Every morning I wake up to the news on Chicago's WBBM AM radio station. I chose this station when I moved here because it's one of those 'All News All The Time' stations that give you boring yet vital information every few minutes. I like knowing, when I wake up, exactly what time it is, what the weather's like, and what to expect as far as traffic.

Some mornings I'm shook from my sleep with your usual local news. Other mornings, like last week, I awoke to the alarming Jessie Jackson brouhaha and thinking I was still dreaming I just turned over and slammed the radio off. Of course, ten minutes later I learned it was true. What a shame.

I love the broadcasters on the show too. I've gotten used to their voices and the way the interact with one another. I like the trivia games they play. I especially like knowing the answer even though I never call in to win. I like knowing I can turn their station on anytime, day or night, and I'll know what time it is within seconds. I need to know the time. All the time.

I also like knowing the latest national and international news as it breaks: the lastest political scandals, fugitives found, dot coms gone under. I just like knowing. I usually don't have time to sit and read the newspaper (except on the weekends) so this is the closest I come to learning about everyday news.

Well, this morning was different. Having had a horrible night's sleep (full of at least five different nightmares including one about me being pregnant which is indeed my worst nightmare) my alarm woke me up with the most depressing news:

Quake Rocks Indian Subcontinent - A severe earthquake shook the entire Indian subcontinent on Friday, shaking buildings from Pakistan to India to Nepal and killing hundreds of people. Officials said Friday the death toll was rising; at least 651 people are dead in India. The deaths of two children in Pakistan put the toll at 653. It may be days before the scope of the disaster is clear. With communication lines down, officials had only preliminary reports from commercial centers affected by the quake.

My first reaction was horror. My second reaction was: LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY! Why must I wake up to this horrible news? Why must I worry about it? Why do you want me to feel bad about something I can't do anything about? Go away! Leave me alone!! I don't care anymore. I don't care!

Then I literally grabbed the radio and yanked it out of it's socket. I could have just hit the snooze button or turned it off but I was so angry for having to listen to that that my only reaction was anger. Yeah. I know.

I felt helpless.
I felt hopeless.
I felt anger.

Was it awful of me?

It was wasn't it? I know.

Of course I don't feel that way right now. I've read the details on what happened and I'm saddened. Such a catastrophe.

I feel helpless.
I feel hopeless.




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