Summary: Sirius wants to know the answers to his questions...most of all, why?
Series: Part of my Broken Heart Series. Sequel to 'You Lied' and 'Raindrops'
A/N: This is from Sirius' POV. The next in the series is from Harry's POV. Soon I will be giving you the POVs of both Severus and Remus.
Harry, my sweet Harry, is asleep. Finally. I've held him all day, trying to keep him from falling apart completely.
I don't understand. How could Lupin do this? How could he be so cruel? Why?
He was my friend, one of my best friends, one of the closest friends I ever had. And now I can't even call him by his first name. I trusted him, with so much, with such a huge thing. I trusted him with my Harry's life, with his happiness, with his heart. He failed me. The werewolf I trusted without reservation failed me utterly. First Pettigrew, now Lupin. Can't I do anything right?
I look down at my best friend's son whose head is resting, upon my chest, and I sigh. He looks so sad, even in sleep. There are tear tracks still drying on his cheeks. I want to cry.
I realize, after a moment, that Harry has nothing with him. He didn't bring anything with him. If he's to stay here, he'll need many of his things. I decide that I'll go and get what he needs. There is no need for Harry to chance running into one or both of those bastards.
I carefully squirm my way out from under Harry so I don't wake him up. He's exhausted. I think he'll sleep for quite some time yet, but I'll leave him a note anyway, telling him where I'm going and why.
Darkness has fallen and the lights are bright in the windows of Hogsmeade as I walk towards the school of my youth, Hogwarts. I know I could very easily apparate to just outside the gates, but I need to think.
My mind keeps coming back to the same question. Why? How could he? I want to know. I need to know.
I wasn't entirely truthful with Harry earlier. I was jealous and I did feel like Lupin took him away, but what I didn't tell him, what I cannot tell him, ever, was that I was in love with him.
I love him still, though I accepted long ago that we would be nothing more than what we currently are. But I don't mind, really. Having him in my life is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I can't complain. How many people are blessed with a miracle? I never thought I would be, especially after my stay in Azkaban.
I want to know why. I want to know how Lupin could destroy the beautiful, dark-haired, green-eyed angel that is lying in my bed at this very moment. I thought he loved Harry, I truly did. If I didn't think he truly loved my Harry, I never would have forgiven him for breaking my heart four years ago.
Lupin knew I loved Harry. I know he did. That werewolf could smell emotions a mile away. Well, maybe not that far, but from far enough away to know exactly how I felt. He knew.
It was during Christmas of Harry's seventh year when my godson discovered Lupin was a rather handsome man. I can appreciate that. I've caught myself looking at Lupin in the past more than once. Lupin, once discovering how Harry felt, decided to pursue the object of my heart after he had graduated. After all, Hogwarts does have rules against fraternizing with students, even if they are of the age of consent.
Oh, how it hurt me when I discovered the relationship between the two. Lupin hurt me more than Harry, because he knew how I felt. I couldn't deny Harry what he wanted though, even if it was Lupin, so I pretended to be ecstatic for them. I know Lupin knew I was lying.
Then, two years later, Harry married Lupin. And I still loved him. I tried not to, I tried to date others, but it was no use. There is no one like Harry. There never will be. So, I tried to talk some sense into him, but he was intent on the marriage.
What really kills me is that Lupin is the one who popped the question. Harry didn't ask, Lupin did. And now look at what has happened.
Now here I am, outside Hogwarts grounds. The walk was quicker than I expected, and my anger is becoming greater. The walk has done the opposite of what I had intended.
Knowing I may be less dangerous in dog form, after all, a dog can't voice one of the Unforgivables, I transform and slowly walk towards the front door of the school. Much of the school is dark, as it always is during the summer months, when the only inhabitants are the few teachers who decide to stay.
I recall that at the beginning of this summer, it was Lupin's idea to stay here. He said it was he and Harry could be near me while he continued work on the new wolfsbane potion. I know better now.
Oh, Harry, how I feel for you. My heart breaks because yours does. And to find out on your anniversary...oh, Merlin! I had forgotten...your birthday is in three days: what a birthday for you. I would cry for you if I could. I'm glad I'm in dog form.
I walk into the dimly lighted hallway and stop, trying to think clearly for a moment. I think I should go talk with Dumbledore first, to let him know why I'm here, and so he can tell me where your new rooms are.
I trot to the gargoyle that stands in front of Dumbledore's office. I transform quickly and give out the password: 'Skittles'. The gargoyle opens and I walk to the door.
"Come in, Sirius," I hear him say, and I open the door.
"Good evening, Professor. I've just come to pick up some of Harry's belongings. He's going to spend the rest of the summer with me."
"Please, call me Albus," the old wizard says, motioning for me to take the chair in front of his desk. He offers me tea, but I decline. "Of course, Sirius. Actually, I was going to recommend that Harry stay with you, at least for a while. He's had a bit of a shock. Once he snaps out of that shock, he's going to be in even more pain, and he's going to be extremely angry. I would very much hate to see him end up in Azkaban for killing one or both of them."
I grimace and then sigh. "He may not have to worry about that if I get to them first. But right this moment, I'm just concerned with getting back to Harry. If you could tell me where his rooms are now located, I'll collect his things."
Albus nods and gets up. He motions for me to follow him to the fireplace. "You can reach his rooms from here," he tells me, holding out the can of floo powder.
"Thank you, Albus," I say as I take a handful of powder and throw it into the fireplace. I cringe visibly as I say, "Harry Lupin's room." I will forever rue the day Harry decided to take that werewolf's name. Now so will he.
I step into the room. It's odd. There's nothing that really makes the room look like Harry's. He hasn't unpacked much of anything. It looks like he's hung a few articles of clothing, and he has put a few books on the shelves. Other than that, there's nothing that tells me these rooms are his. Of course, I'm used to the rooms he used to live in, up until a few hours ago, with all of the pictures and items that he and his husband had collected over the last few years.
I shrug to myself and decide just to repack the few things that are out, thus taking everything with me. That way Harry doesn't have to come back for anything I may have left behind. I check every inch of each room, making sure I have forgotten nothing.
I shrink the trunks and put them in my pocket as I head towards the door. I have forgotten to bring the floo powder with me, so I must walk through the school. I wonder where I am. I look out the door and exhale, relieved. I know exactly where I am. I am in a hallway that is next to the Hufflepuff Tower.
I leave the empty room behind and make for the front door. I hope Harry is still asleep. He's going to be hurting when he wakes up, and I really need to be there. I want to be there. I don't want him to go through this alone.
I hope I don't run into Lupin. Or Snape. Right now, all I want to do is get out of here and back home. I would love to confront them, love to tell them exactly what I think of them, and to beat both of them to within an inch of their very lives, but I really need to get home. Harry is waiting.
I transform again. As Padfoot, I am able to travel faster. I pick up the pace and as I bound around the corner, I slide to a halt.
Oh...bloody...hell!
There at the end of the hall, right in front of my pathway, stands the two of them. I should have known it would never go my way. Fate has never been that kind to me. Need proof? Wormtail and the two now in my way. There's proof enough right there. Fate hates me with a fiery passion. Need more? Harry. He loves another while I love him. I know I don't deserve him, but neither does the thing he's bonded to for life.
They haven't seen me yet. It's dark where I'm standing and I'm still far enough away so that Lupin cannot smell me. They're speaking in hushed tones. I can't hear what they are saying, but neither of them seems to be very happy.
Shit! They're looking in my direction now. They must have heard the snarl that escaped my throat.
"Padfoot?" Lupin says. "What are you doing here? Did you come to see Harry?"
I hear the question in his voice. He doesn't know if I know what has happened yet. Look at him, look at how he positions himself in front of Snape, protecting him from me. How noble...
But who is going to protect Lupin? I wonder this even as I bound towards him. I transform into my human self as I take the last leap toward the werewolf. I grab him and shove him up against the nearest wall.
"Don't you EVER use that name again, you bastard! How could you do this to him? Why? I thought you loved him! What's the matter with you? You had the most wonderful husband in the world and you cheat on him...and with that! Harry would have done anything for you! He did do anything you asked of him, and this is how you treat him! Tell me, Lupin, because I would really like to understand. How long have you been with him? How long have you been playing Harry for a fool? TELL ME!"
As I shout these last words, I shove the traitor up against the wall. He's looking at me with a hurt look on his face. He has the nerve to look hurt. I wait for my answer. Snape is wise to stay out of hitting range.
"Sirius, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt Harry, but I love Severus, too."
Wrong answer. My knuckles ache as my fist connects with his jaw. "You love Snape, do you?" I scream. "You were the one who asked Harry to marry you. You were the one who said 'I love you' first. How can you love Harry? If you did, you never would have done this. Now answer my question! HOW LONG?"
It is Snape who answers. "Since two months before the wedding. I didn't know about the wedding until it had already taken place. Remus never told me that they were marrying. I never would have started a relationship with him had I known. I broke it off after I knew of the marriage."
"So when did you start back with one another?" an angry voice says behind me. So Harry did wake up and see my note.
I let go of Lupin and turn around. Harry is glaring at Snape. "Tell me, Snape, how long have you been fucking my husband this time 'round?"
Snape sighs. "About three months." Snape turns to Lupin, looking coolly at him. "Why did you tell me that Harry asked you to marry him? Why did you tell me you weren't the first to say you loved him?"
"Does it make a difference?" Lupin asks him.
"Yes! You asking him means that you did love him. You told me you didn't love him, and that you said yes because it would make him happy. And here I thought you were miserable, at least partly. Yes, I know I am not blameless in this whole thing, but I would like to know why you felt it was necessary to lie to me."
Lupin looks down at the floor, rubbing his jaw. "God, what a mess I've made of things. I knew you wouldn't come back if I told you the truth. You want the truth? I love both of you." Lupin looks at Harry. "I love you, but I love him as well. I have since we were young. I couldn't let that go."
Harry's eyes well up with tears. "You should have told me! You shouldn't have lied to me! I can't believe you! If you wanted him so bad that you would have sex with him even before we were married, you should have called it off!"
"But I wanted to marry you!" Lupin yells back. I would hit him if I weren't holding Harry's arms at his sides. I don't want him to get into any trouble for turning them into toads and then stomping on them. "I wanted you both. I've never understood why it couldn't be this way."
"Did you ever bother to ask!" Harry is livid. I can feel his entire body shaking with anger as I hold on to him. Snape and I glare at each other with mutual understanding: this fight is between husband and husband right now, and it has nothing to do with either of us. "When did I ever deny you anything? We could have talked things over, we could have at the very least parted on somewhat friendly terms! But no, you go and pull this shit on me! Now you expect me to understand that you love both of us, after you've lied? That's bloody rich!"
"What are you saying, Harry? Would you have tolerated me having a relationship with Severus?" Lupin asks, disbelieving. I can't believe it either, but that's what it sounds like to me.
"I don't know what would have happened, but it sure wouldn't have been this!" Harry is crying now. He looks imploringly at me. "Can we go home now, Siri? I don't want to talk to them anymore."
"Of course, love. Come on." I snarl at the two still standing in the hallway as I pull Harry close to me.
We slowly walk back to the gates of the school. "Do you want to walk or apparate?" I ask.
"Can we just walk? I need some fresh air. No talking, though." Harry pulls away from me, but puts his hand in mine.
"Of course. We'll go slowly. We've got the rest of the summer to talk this out." I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile.
An hour later I tuck him into his bed, much as a parent would. For that is my role right now, the role I am destined to play, while I pray that somehow, someway, his poor heart is mended. I don't know what to think about the conversations that went on at the school. There is so much more to this problem, I know. I know the victim here is Harry, but are there others as well? I know not. All I know is that Harry needs me, and I will always be here.
* * * *
So, what do you think? The next part will take place a few days later, on Harry's birthday.
Hee hee....I've thrown in a couple of kinks, haven't I? Bad me! I'm not done yet, either, hee hee. Who will Harry end up with? Who knows? I don't even know yet!