Author's Note: This story was inspired by Telanu's Please Understand. I'd like to thank her for a wonderful story.
"Where are you, Remus?" I mutter to myself as I walk through the halls of Hogwarts in search of my husband. So far I have searched our rooms, the Great Hall, the library, his classroom, and my classroom, all to no avail.
I decide to check the dungeons next. I know he and Severus have been working on perfecting the wolfsbane potion.
I run down the stairs, eager to find my love, to show him what I have been working so hard on, and it's all been for him. Luckily for me it's summertime, so I don't have to worry about running into any children in my quest to find my husband.
I halt for a moment when the realization that Remus may be out planning some kind of surprise dawns on me. After all, it is our second anniversary today.
Well, I figure, Severus may know something, so I continue down into the dungeons. As I near the potions classroom I slow down. I can hear noises that can only be associated with sex coming from the room and I smile.
So Severus has a new lover. I know I should turn around and leave, but I just have to see who has caught my friend's fancy.
I cast a powerful obscuring charm over myself, not wanting to embarrass either of them, in case they were to see me. I walk closer to the open door, laughing quietly to myself. They really must have been quite eager for Severus to forget to even close the door.
I quietly sneak up to the door and peer inside. I stare, my entire world crashing down around me as I see the face of Severus' lover. At least I now know where my husband has gone.
If I had anything in my stomach, I would most likely throw up right now. It's not an issue, because I forgot to eat breakfast this morning and it's not quite time for lunch.
I know I should turn around and leave right now, or run up to them and start screaming, but I just can't do it. So instead I watch my naked husband moan and writhe with pleasure as my naked friend pumps away, his cock thrusting in and out of a place only I had ventured.
Remus was a virgin when we come together four years ago. I was so thrilled when I realized that I was the only one who had and would ever touch that delectable body of his. How stupid do I feel now?
I don't have any time to think about my utter stupidity. Remus is pushing Severus away, who whimpers from the loss of contact. Remus, my Remus, changes their positions swiftly. He gives his lover, for what else is there to call him...his whore perhaps... a long languid kiss as he plunges deep inside his ...whatever. The kiss that was only supposed to be meant for me, my kiss.
I should feel anger. I should feel hurt. Bloody hell, I should even feel hatred, but I don't. I don't feel anything as I watch my husband ram his prick up another man's ass, a man that is most definitely not me.
Despite the lack of feeling, I can sense that my heart is breaking. I can almost hear the little cracks emerging on the surface.
"I love you, Severus," my lover, my all cries out as he and his lover reach their simultaneous climaxes. My heart hasn't broken; it has shattered into irretrievable pieces.
Yet I don't cry and I don't feel anything. I just stand here and watch them.
"Oh Merlin, Remus! We forgot about the door," Severus tells my angel. Remus looks over towards the door from his position draped over the potion master. He looks directly at me, and he doesn't see me. Just as I had intended, right before my life came to an abrupt end.
I see that Severus is going to come and close the door. I quietly step to the side and sit at a desk, watching as he looks outside to make sure no one is around. He mutters a series of locking charms, charms I could easily break with a wave of my hand.
It's nice to be the most powerful wizard in the world sometimes.
"We need to be careful, Remus. What if Harry had come in?" Severus tells the werewolf, who has transfigured the potion master's desk into a large, rather comfortable looking bed. Transfiguration was always Remus' strong area.
"I know. We can't keep losing control like this. I don't want to hurt him. He's been so good to me, but I can't help but love you. You are my life. You always have been, since we were young. If it wasn't for Sirius, we probably would have been together all of these years." Remus pulled Severus on top of him, and I have to repress a sob. I quickly form a sound bubble around myself. It's a rather complicated spell for most, but it's nothing to me.
So this has been going on for some time now, and I have been completely clueless. I don't feel stupid. I feel like a bloody fucking idiot.
"I know. I don't want to hurt him either, but I can't help the way I feel about you. You were mine first, not his. I can't live without you. It's been hell all these years without you, a complete misery," Severus replies between kisses he's placing around my werewolf's neck. He's kissing the body that belongs with me. I've got the bloody paper that says it was me Remus married, not him.
Not that it seems to matter to my husband. He writhes and moans under his whore's touch. He's enjoying himself thoroughly. I watch him flip their positions and he quickly goes to work on the dark man's body, using all the skill and technique he possesses. Skill and technique that I taught him, that was taught to me by a certain set of twins who shall remain nameless.
Soon my love is ready for another round. As a werewolf, especially this close to the full moon, he is insatiable. He can go at it several times within the space of a few hours. I can remember the time when he fucked me so many times I couldn't sit down for two days.
I won't have to worry about that anymore I realize, as I watch Remus slide his swollen member into that thing he has taken for a lover.
I am starting to feel the anger that is supposed to be associated with this particular situation. I won't act upon it, though. Not yet, and never violently. They may be dark creatures, but I am not. A Death Eater and a werewolf, how appropriate. I'll have to tell Sirius he was right about Severus. He won't be surprised. He will, however, hate Remus in the process, but I can't seem to make myself care.
I watch them go at it for the next hour, over and over again, in all kinds of positions, positions Remus learned from me, or ones that we learned together. Finally even the werewolf is sated, and they fall asleep.
Remus must really be focused on his whore. All this time I've gotten closer to the two, and he still hasn't sensed me. This close to the full moon his sense of smell should be quite keen. Must be the smell of sex in the air that is obscuring my scent.
I take a book and transfigure it into a comfortable chair. I remove the spells from my body and prepare to wait for the two to wake up. While I wait, I think about the last four years. Four years I've wasted on a werewolf who would rather be with another. Four years wasted on a lover who was dreaming of another. I wonder how many times has he made love to me and seen another man's face? Has he ever seen me when we made love? Should I even call it that, now that I know he never really wanted me? Shouldn't I just refer to it as fucking instead? I really don't know.
It's been an hour, and Severus is stirring. He can't see me; his back is to me. I watch as he twirls his fingers in my husband's hair; I watch as he places light feathery kisses across Remus' face.
Remus stirs and his beautiful amber eyes open. They focus first on Severus, and then they grow wide, horrified, as they rest upon me. Severus turns to see what has caught the werewolf's attention, and gasps.
I just sit there and watch as they scramble for some kind of control, looking for their clothes, which are scattered throughout the room. I take pity and wave my hand, sending their clothes flying towards them.
"Harry, I can explain," Remus starts to say.
"Really? I thought this was all self-explanatory," I tell him, cutting him off. I display no emotion on my face, in the way I hold my body, or in my tone of voice. "What needs to be explained?"
They're still sitting on the bed, under the blanket, trying to clothe themselves. I stand up and drop the scroll I have been carrying since I started the search for my husband on the bed. "Happy anniversary, Lupin. Congratulations."
I wave my hand and the door to the classroom opens. I walk out the door and change into my animagus form. I quickly take the most direct path to the headmaster's office. I say the password and walk inside, not bothering with knocking on the door.
"Albus, how does one go about getting a divorce in the wizarding world?" I ask as I sit down and take the cup of tea Albus has poured the instant I walked into the room.
"You want a divorce? For heaven's sake, why? You love Remus more than life itself. Why would you want to do that, my child?"
"Oh I don't know. I think it may have to be the fact that my husband is fucking your potions professor, and has been for some time now. Or it may be the fact that he isn't in love with me. He hasn't been in love with me, and he never will be. Oh, and also the fact that I spent more than an hour watching the two of them go at it like rabbits. Take your pick."
Albus looks at me sympathetically and I feel like crying, but I don't. "I'm sorry, Harry. I truly had no idea. I had an idea Severus was seeing someone, but I never found out who. I'm also sorry to tell you that there is no divorce in the wizarding world. Once two wizards are bonded, it's for all eternity. There is nothing that can be done. That's not to say you two have to stay together. You just can't divorce."
I slump into the chair and sigh. "I have to stay married to the werewolf. Perfect. Well, thank you for your time, Albus. Do you think you could get another suite of rooms ready for me? I will be moving out. I'm not going to leave Hogwarts. It's too late to get another Charms professor, so I'll just have to tough it out. I wouldn't expect civil conversation between me and those two bastards you have working for you. Don't even ask it of me."
"I wouldn't ask it of you. I know you are hiding the hurt, my boy, and I feel horrible. I will have your rooms ready within the hour. I will have Dobby come down and fetch you when they are done. In the meantime, you may want to pack your things."
I nod and stand up. Albus walks over to me and hugs me tightly. I swallow back the lump in my throat and return the gesture. I then walk out the door and to what is no longer my home.
Remus is waiting for me. I knew he would be. "Harry, please let me explain- "
"Remus, there is nothing you can say that I don't already know. I watched you for over an hour while you made love to your ...whore...lover...whatever. I know all that I was, all that you ever saw me as, was a good fuck, someone to teach you what you needed to know. Well, you got what you wanted. Congratulations. You have your rights fully intact, and you have the man you love. And I have nothing, just like always," I tell him as I pull out my trunks and proceed to pack my books, clothing and personal items. I'm not particular about the way I pack them up. I can always fix anything that breaks. Everything that Remus bought me, everything we bought together, I leave behind.
"What are you doing?" Remus asks.
I can't help but roll my eyes and glare at him. "Are you blind, Lupin? I am packing my things. Surely you don't expect me to stay in these rooms, even if you decide to move to the dungeons with that..."
I don't finish the sentence. My loss seems to be catching up to me, and I have to turn away from the man I have loved with all of my heart and soul for the last four years. Tears fill my eyes, and I blink them away impatiently. I really don't have time for this.
"What is this?" Remus asks, and I know he is talking of the parchment he is holding in his hands.
I snort. "Even you can't be that stupid, werewolf. It's a copy of the new rights for all werewolves. As I said, happy anniversary. I've only been working on it with the Ministry for a year and a half. Now you have all the rights a wizard has. You can even adopt." My throat closes around the word. He and I wanted a child so much. Now it will never happen.
"You did all this for me?" Remus chokes out, and I know he is crying. Boo hoo. I have no compassion.
"No, I did it for my husband, the man who was supposed to have loved me, the man who was supposed to be faithful to me, the man who was never supposed to lie to me!" I scream, all semblance of control shot to hell with one question. The tears stream down my face and I can now feel the shattered pieces of my heart.
"I'm sorry," Remus whispers.
"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you. I'm sorry I ever slept with you. I'm sorry I ever married you. But most of all, I'm sorry I ever heard the name Remus Lupin. Now if you will leave, werewolf, I will pack the rest of my things and go to my new rooms. Oh, and I already checked with Albus. There's no way we can ever get divorced. We're stuck married to each other."
"I'm sorry."
"Not as much as I am," I say as I go and open the door. I can't look at him as he walks out of our rooms and out of my life. I slam the door and sink to the floor, my heart torn. All I can think is how could you lie to me?
* * * *
So, what do you guys think. This was something that wouldn't leave my head until it was written. So, do you think I should continue this as part of a series? I could probably manage that. Sometimes I have to break from Ordinary World, when I can't think of the proper wording for that fic.