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Two weeks later
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~Remus' POV~
As I put the supplies I bought on my trip to Diagon Alley where they belong, I ponder the last two weeks.
I don't need anyone to point out how lucky I am that Harry is willing to forgive me. I know that I don't really deserve his love. But he's giving it to me anyway, and I'll never forget the gift that his love is.
I look around my classroom and I smile. It's nearing the time for the students to return. Only a couple more weeks left. I have everything all ready.
After I finish setting all my purchases in their proper places, I pick up some of the files from the box containing the research Harry has been working so hard to find.
I go sit by the window, on the big, cushioned chair. I throw my legs over the side of the chair and snuggle deep into the plush cushions. I open the file on pack life and start reading.
As I idly twirl a lock of my hair around my fingers, I realize I have all this memorized. I must have gone over every single file, every scrap of paper, at least a hundred times, and half of those times Harry went through them with me, explaining anything and everything, answering my every question and musing.
I've even made out packets of information for the students to learn from. Even I didn't realize how much of the information in the Defense Against the Dark Arts textbooks was utter nonsense. Harry says that the new Defense books will contain much of the new information, comparing it with the myths about lycanthropy, and setting everyone straight.
The last two weeks have been quite exciting for me. I've learned more about my condition in the last two weeks than I have since I was bitten, and I have my beautiful husband to thank for that.
Harry feels guilty that he kept this from me for so long. It was fine, I told him, and it is. I know he wanted to surprise me. I don't blame him at all. Unfortunately, he insists on taking some of the blame. He's so bloody stubborn! He's just like his father…and his godfather.
He moved all his things back into our room after the last day of my change. He even helped me move my things back in. I was a little scared at first, but after he reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere, we started talking.
And we have talked…for the last two weeks we've talked about everything, from the tiniest, most insignificant issue to our deepest feelings.
I look up at the window, grinning like the happy idiot I am. My husband has forgiven me. Life is good, except…
My grin fades as I think of my other mate. I don't know what to do about Severus.
As I sit up straight and pull my knees towards my chest and wrapping my arms around them, I shiver. I am afraid.
I'm afraid that if I resume my relationship with Severus, Harry will change his mind and leave again. I know he says he won't, and a big part of me knows he's telling the truth. But another, darker part of me keeps telling me that once he's faced with the reality of me and Severus, he will flee as fast as his broom can carry him.
I'm also afraid of Severus. Yes, the big, bad wolf is afraid of the grumpy, sarcastic, rude, sexy, delectable potions master.
We haven't said more than two or three complete sentences to each other over the past two weeks.
I think he's a bit afraid of me, too.
"What are you thinking, love?"
I jump and whip my head around to see Harry leaning against the doorway.
I smile slightly at him. "I was just thinking about how Severus and I can't seem to say more than a few words to each other," I say. I've learned my lesson very well. No more lies, especially to my Harry.
"I've noticed," Harry tells me. "What are you going to do about that?"
I rest my chin on my knees. "I really don't know, love. I don't know what to do." I hear Harry sigh, resignation in this small act. He walks over to me, pulling a chair with him. He sits in front of me, so close we could kiss almost without moving. As he speaks, he idly runs his hands up and down my legs. "I told myself I'd let the two of you work this out, but I'll give you some advice. You're going to have to make the first move. We both know how stubborn that man is."
I chuckle warmly. How well I do know. "Yes, he always has been, ever since we were kids."
Harry smiles. "I can imagine. I also know he's scared. He doesn't have to say anything. I know."
"What is he scared of?" I whisper with more than a little trepidation.
"He's afraid that if he and you get back together, I'll change my mind about the two of you, and you'll leave him all alone."
"How do you know that?" I know I most likely look like a moron with my eyes all-wide and my mouth gaping like a fish, but at the moment, I don't care.
"Because I felt the exact same thing. I thought you didn't love me enough, and if Severus wanted you to, you would leave me. I do know better now. You just have to convince him. Tell me, love, why did he never mark you?"
I shrug. "I don't know. I asked him to, despite our keeping our relationship from you, but he wouldn't. I mean, we could have hidden the mark."
Harry sits back, running his hands through his unruly hair. "I think it has to do with fear again. While he doesn't mark you, he still has a way out. The bond between you and he won't be complete until you mark him. As long as he doesn't mark you, he has a safety net. You'll have to get him to mark you…take away his safety net. Voldemort is gone, and he has nothing to fear, least of all me. I don't want him to fear you or me."
"You think he fears us like that? We're nothing like Voldemort."
"I know, love, but we could cause him as much pain emotionally as Voldemort did physically. You and I both hold something very precious in our hands…Severus' heart."
I nod in wholehearted agreement. "Yes, I think I understand now. You have the power to potentially destroy our love, in his opinion at least, and I can break his heart, like I did yours."
Harry smiles and leans forward to cup my face. He places a gentle kiss on my lips. "Yes, but mine is mending nicely. His is still hurting, and you need to fix it. That I cannot do for you."
"I know, angel, I know. I'll figure it out."
"I know you will. Oh! I did come in here for a reason other than to get an eyeful of a gorgeous werewolf. I'm going into Hogsmeade to stock up on more candy…"
"And to possibly spy on Sirius and Bill?" I add, raising an eyebrow in Severus-like fashion.
Harry laughs loudly. "Of course!" he exclaims, completely undaunted. "Do you want to come along?"
"I don't think I should, not just yet. Give Sirius and me a little more time. He's really angry and I don't blame him. I hurt you, and badly at that," I say, rubbing my jaw where Sirius hit me three weeks ago. It's long since healed, but I still remember it well. It's the first and only time he's ever hit me.
"I shouldn't have let him hit you. I'm sorry, love."
"It's all right, angel. I don't blame anyone but myself. I deserved it."
Harry shakes his head. "Violence doesn't solve anything, and it only makes more hurt feelings. All right, I'll go without you, but you two will have to face each other eventually."
"I know. We'll just wait a little longer…but soon."
"Good. Now how about a kiss before I go?"
He holds his arms out and I eagerly slide onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his waist. I open my mouth to my husband's probing tongue and moan as his tongue slides against my own.
When we come up for air, Harry reluctantly pushes me up and back onto my chair. "I have to go now, or I won't go at all. I'll see you in a little while."
"I'll either be here or in our room." Harry gives me a look. "I know, I know, but I need to figure out what to do and what to say before I see Severus."
Harry nods in understanding and leans down to kiss me again. "I'll be back," he says. I watch him walk out of the room.
Sighing, I pick up one of the folders beside my chair and I curl back up. I don't read though. Instead, I think about what Harry said. He's right about all of this. He usually is.
I don't know what to do or how to do it. I'm afraid of being rejected by Severus. I have a choice here: let him go and never know if he would have come back to me, or go to him and risk rejection.
I have to make a choice…but right now I think I'll just sit here for a while.