Lunch Time
Posted on 1/10/2004 at 04:07:00 PM by Maroon and Ed and Shawn

[-And we're back.-]

[-Our Heroes and Shawn Hall are hanging out at the AWA Cafeteria, which is located in the AWA building, which is located on AWA Ave, which is located in AWAville. About 30 minutes south of Nukeville. Well, Shawn Hall can also be a hero. He wears tights and all, but Stevens and Maroon are your heroes and mine, hence "Our Heroes." Shawn Hall is just "His Hero." But he's cool. I mean. We've all had some good times making fun of Nuke. Which is what Our Heroes and His Hero are talking about. You see, a bunch of up and coming wrasslers from the AWA's independent promotion OVW, Ontario Valley Wrestling, are sitting there listening to stories about how Our Heroes and His Hero have made fun of Nuke over the years-]

[-Maroon-] So, I went back in time, "disposed of" Scuba Tom, Scuba Dan and Scuba Fred before they had a chance to form the Scuba Squad. Therefore they could not be around to save him from drowning in an exploding SCW building basement..

[-Cell Phone Carl-] You actually collapse the building on him?

[-Maroon-] Yeah.. This was pre-9/11.. We weren't all emotional about exploding buildings back then..

[-Burping Billy-] Shouldn't you three be doing a roleplay instead of talking about Nuke?

[-Shawn Hall-] Nah, we're just facing the Amish World Order.. And it's a houseshow.. No one cares..

[-Burping Billy-] BUUURRRRP!!

[-Maroon-] Billy!!!

[-Edward Stevens-] Now something you don't know may be this story.. One time.. I called Nuke on the phone one night and used one of those voice changers from Scream and he answered and I said.. "Hello Nuke!" And he was kind of scared, but said. "Hullo." And then I said.. "What's your favorite pizza?" And he said "Pepperoni, Sausage, Cheese, Hamburger, Peanut Butter, Jelly, Crackers, Cheese, Kool-Aid, Goldfish, Poop, Ramen, Rice, Speghetti, pecans..." But he kept going.. and I said.. "You said 'poop'? you like poop on your pizza?" And he said "Uh, yeah.. why wouldn't I?" And I cussed and hung up the phone..

[-Walter The Farting Dog-] Why? We're going to play a trick on him??

[-Edward Stevens-] Well, what I did was order a pizza and sent it to his house and make him pay for it.. But I paid the pizza guy five bucks to poop on the pizza and not tell Nuke.. I figured he'd get sick and throw up. Maybe help him lose a few pounds.. But no.. It was too late to get the pizza guy to not go.. And when he got to the door, Nuke knew what kind of pizza it was.. He was like... "All right.. pooperoni pizza... my favorite!!"

[-Shawn Hall-] I don't remember that story..

[-Edward Stevens-] I know.. Because it was a "A Not Suitable For Roleplay Roleplay." But you can see it on the new "Sweet One Presents: The Best of Nuke Pranks vol. 1" DVD. Which includes a bonus DVD that contains such pranks gone bad like the one I just mentioned... And how to create Nuke on AWA The Best Damn Wrasslin Game for PS2.

[-Shawn Hall-] When did that come out?

[-Edward Stevens-] The PS2? Umm about 3 years ago..

[-Shawn Hall-] I meant the DVD, eejit..

[-Edward Stevens-] Oh.. Just now..

[-Walter the Farting Dog-] FARRRRRT!!

[-Maroon-] Walter!!!

[-Shawn Hall-] What about the time where Nuke was out of town visiting WaterPoo College and Burt, Maroon and I slept with his wife, Lana?

[-Maroon-] Something that I'm not proud of. Adultery is breaking God's commandments and I've asked to be forgiven of my sin..

[-Maroon II-] God may have forgiven you.. But I never will!!! Leaving me in the future thinking you'd be done with me forever.. Dad!!

[-Maroon-] You know I don't like it when you call me that... You know, the bible says that forgiveness is not just for those you forgive.. But for youself too.. If you can't forgive someone. And God can.. That is putting yourself higher then God.. And therefore breaking the first commandment.. Come on son.. Come with me.. Join us in the fight for Christ.. Come to the Light Side..

[-Maroon II-] I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!!!

[-Maroon II's hand get's cut off and he falls down a ventilation duct-]

[-Maroon II-] AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!

[-Shawn Hall-] What the heck was that about?!

[-Maroon-] He's mad about all the times I tried to kill him after he came back from the future claiming to be my son. Speaking of which.. Where's your son from the whole ordeal?

[-Shawn Hall-] umm.. err... I forgot all about him...

[-Meanwhile.. At a
little wrestling school down in Mexico.-]

[-Villano XXIV-] You are doing very well, muchacho. One day you will be the greastest wrestler of all time... Ole!

[-Shawn Hall Jr.-] Thank you, senor... Thank you.... for the opportunity to train and increase my skills so I may one day find my father and beat him and be the greatest Hall of all time... HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

[-Villano XXIV-] What is so funny, muchaho?

[-Shawn Hall Jr-] Oh nothing..... Yet!

[-Back at the cafeteria-]

[-Edward Stevens-] I'm glad that I don't have a bastard son from the future weighing me down.. Didn't Burt's son come back also?

[-Maroon-] Yeah.. But I'm not sure what happened to either one of them...

[-We interrupt this roleplay for a CBS Special Report. Live from the CBS Newsdesk in New York... Dan Rather-]

[-Dan Rather-] Good evening.. I'm Dan Rather.......... CBS News..... Just received a fax from a Kinkos in Midland, Texas........ That states......... Burt Jr is really a robotic dog from the future......... he has since taken his father and hid him in the woods near Burkitsville, Maryland, .........where we all know the Blair Witch lives... Oh what a scarey place..... We have some footage......... The footage is a little grainy..... But it is cleary..... Burt......

[-A guy is standing in the corner of a basment facing the wall.-]

[-Dan Rather-] You see, Burt must pee all day in the corner of the wall or be killed by his robotic dog son... But I have some good news... I just saved a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.. Dan Rather... CBS News.... Now back to your regular scheduled roleplay...

[-We now join Maroon's roleplay still in progress-]

[-Walter the Farting Dog-]
....AAAAARRRRRTTTTT!!!

[-Maroon-] Walter!!!

[-Shawn Hall-] What's the deal with that guy and farti...

[-We interrupt this roleplay again for a CBS Special Report. Dan Rather... Blah Blah Blah-]

[-Dan Rather-] Good evening.. This is...... CBS News...... I'm Dan Rather...... I reported earlier about my insurance...... And how I saved a lot of money............ It turns out... That this might have been false.... I thought that the email I got in my hotmail account..... DanRatherRulzFoSchnizzle55@hotmail.com was correct.... CBS News.... also received information from a source stating that...... We can save fifty percent on viagra and have it delivered over night..... I'm also told right now by a letter from a little girl from Missouri states that the footage shown just a minute ago was from the movie The Blair Witch Project......... And the man in the corner's name is Mike.. Not Burt..... And he is not peeing..... He is dead.... But the real story is...... Why isn't George Bush doing anything about this? Is he aware of robotic dogs from the future.... Coming back in time and enslaving their parents before they were even born... These documents sent by pigeon express from a hermit in montana states that President George Bush is going to pass a ban on banned laws that haven't passed that prevent the building of future robotic time traveling dogs... Now I know you're confused..... But it's simple.. A ban on a ban is a negative and a negative which makes the ban on a ban a positive.. laws that haven't passed is another negative.. which makes the statement thusfar a negative... but the unpassed laws that were prevented is another negative and another negative and another negative is a positive.... So you see..... George W Bush is Pro-Robotic Time Traveling Dogs.. We will bring more to you when we get more information.... For CBS News.... I'm Dan Rather...

[-Back to the Cafeteria-]

[-Edward Stevens-] I was like dude.. And he was like....

[-We interrupt this roleplay for a message from Democratic Presidential Candidate, John Kerry-]

[-John Kerry-] I'm John Kerry!!!! And look at my golden tan... I have so much money I can call the sun and say... "Sun.. come to my house and kiss me with your golden lips and make me a bronze adonis.." Recently, my opponent has proposed a law that allows robotic dogs from the future to come back and enslave their parents before they were born... I want you to know that as your next president... I will not allow that to happen... I was in Vietnam.. I'm John Kerry!!!! Buy Heinz Ketchup!!!

[-And we're back...-]

[-Maroon-] Walter!!

[-Interrupt.. CBS News... Dan..-]

[-Dan Rather-] I want you to know that some documents we received cold be fake. President Bush does not have anything to do with Robotic Dogs from the future coming back to enslave us... Dan Rather..... CBS News...

[-Should I bother?-]

[-Shawn Hall Jr-] Hello, Father!!!

[-Shawn Hall-] Damn... Ed.. I think he's talking to you....

[-As Shawn Hall busts out like Nuke's belt at IHOP and all you can eat pancakes. We go back to John Kerry-]

[-John Kerry-] As you know... George W Bush is not going to do anything about the non threat of Robotic Dogs from the future... As your president.. I will pass a law making these dogs legal... And I will even come back in time with them to enslave their parents before they were born... I'M JOHN KERRY AND I WAS IN VIETNAM!!!

[-AWA cafeteria-]

[-Maroon-] Welp, that's been fun... Yous guys take care and keep practicing hard and one day you'll job the world title to Shawn Hall..

[-Roll Credits-]


[-Walter-]