Breaking Kayfabe for a minute
Posted on 25/10/2004 at 08:33:46 PM by Maroon - Your IC Champ



[-It's early in the morning. prolly about 4am. Maroon is getting off the plane at San Antonio International Airport. He's limping a bit and pulling his carryon luggage. He's walking pretty slow because, well it's FOUR IN THE STINKIN' MORNING... Anyways. He makes his way thru the terminal and is greeted past the gate by his fiancee, Kaci, and her son, Michael.. When he passes the security station, Kaci and Michael run up to him and give him a hug each.-]

[-Maroon-] Ahhh.. careful.. I'm a little sore..

[-Michael-] Hey Erik.

[-Kaci-] Hey you.. What are they doing here?

[-She asks as she points to the camera guy and the entire camera crew. You know the guy holding the long stick with a fuzzy microphone on the tip of it. And the lady with the clipboard who gets peoples permission to use their likeness on TV-]

[-Kaci-] And him..

[-Me?-]

[-Kaci-] Yes you..

[-Doing my job, ma'am. I'm the narrator. I need to let the people know what is going on.-]

[-Maroon-] Come on, Kaci.. Leave him alone.. Being a wrestler is like being on a reality tv show. The cameras follow you everywhere. It's part of my job..

[-Kaci-] That's what I wanted to talk about.. Your job..

[-Maroon-] What about it?

[-Michael-] Erik..

[-Kaci-] About what happened last night.. It looked like Force almost killed you..

[-Maroon-] Yeah I took a few hard bumps.. But nothing out of the ordinary..

[-Michael-] Erik..

[-Kaci-] He was choking you with the ring ropes.. Was that part planned?

[-Maroon-] It doesn't matter, we make stuff up as we go along..

[-Kaci-] But it was seriously out of control.. I could tell by the look on your face..

[-Michael-] ERRRRRIK!!!!

[-Michael is jumping up and down trying to get Maroon's attention. Maroon shifts his attention from Kaci to 9 year old Michael-]

[-Maroon-] What's up buddy.. You're awfully awake for it being four in the morning..

[-Michael-] Can I see it?

[-Maroon-] Sure can... But I've got something for you..

[-Michael-] Really what? Is it a John Cena shirt?

[-Maroon-] ............

[-Michael does the 'You can't see me" thing-]

[-Maroon-] You do know that I'm not in the WWE, right buddy?

[-Michael-] But you were fighting Hulk Hogan last night..

[-Maroon-] Nice.. but that was actually, Force..

[-Michael-] Oh.. so what did you get me..

[-Maroon pulls out a t shirt and tosses it to Michael, who unfolds it and reads the shirt-]


[-Michael-] "Bobby 2 Botty.. The Dancin' Machine" ummm... thanks?

[-Maroon-] You like it?

[-Michael-] Umm.. yeah.. So, where is it?

[-Maroon reaches to the bottom of his bag and pulls out the AWA IC Championship Belt.. and hands it to Michael who holds it up in the air and climbs on top of some chairs-]

[-Michael-] You want some Latino Heat? We lie, we cheat, we steal... We lie, we cheat, we steal...

[-Maroon-] He does know I'm not Eddie Guerrero, right?

[-Kaci-] Just let him have some fun, Erik. Now, let's get back to talking.. I don't like what happened last night.. I don't like seeing you get hurt..

[-Maroon-] Sweetie.. I'm fine.. I'm ok.. Just a little sore.. Yeah, Forks got carried away.. But I provoked him... I needed to try and get him over as a Mean Old Man.. And I felt it worked..

[-Kaci-] But what happens next time? You never know when to stop when you're ahead.. Everything is a joke to you... OWWWWW!!!

[-Kaci says.. as the guy with the long pole with fuzzy microphone accidently hits her in the head-]

[-Kaci-] What the heck was that about?

[-Boom Operator-] Sorry, ma'am..

[-Kaci-] Great.. Now everyone is going to see me when I got hit in the head with a microphone..

[-Maroon-] Sweetie.. It's four in the morning.. No one is awake right now to even see
this..

[-Michael-] Now that isn't cool.. Dropping a fizzy microphone on my mom's head isn't cool. I spit in the face of people who aren't cool..

[-Kaci-] Now you see? He gets that from watching what you do on TV. I can't have my son, who looks up to you and does things that you do. He was saying "that is ludacris" when you were saying it. He say's "Easy Rowdy" because you say it. When he farts he says "Walter" and "Billy" when he burps.. From that time you and Shawn were making fun of Nuke because he ate an entire bath tub of chicken skins and his stomach started to hurt and you said that he has a "rumble in the bronx," yeah.. Michael says that too when he has to go to the bathroom.

[-Maroon-] Nothing is wrong with having fun.. None of that stuff is bad..

[-Kaci-] No.. none of it is bad, but the point is.. That whether you know it or not.. He watches everything that you when you're here.. And he watches everything you do on TV with your friends..

[-Maroon-] Whoa Whoa Whoa.. Nuke is NOT my friend.. We just let him hang around with us because he's fat.. It's like a community service we're doing.. But Nuke is not a friend of mine.

[-Michael-] NOONE SURVIVES THE NUCLEAR SPIKE!!!!!

[-Kaci-] Michael.. not so loud..

[-Maroon-] Michael.. please don't do a Nuke catchphrase, ok, buddy.

[-Michael-] Aight playa..

[-Kaci-] I don't like it, Erik.. I don't like it at all.. Michael knows it's fake and all.. But he still thinks it's real.. And I can't help but cringe when you're getting choked on national TV.. I have to change the channel during the women's matches.. And I'm not going to let him hear that guy Xtreme cut one of those promos. You said you got back in wrestling to make a difference.. I wasn't sure what you meant at first but then you told me you didn't like the way it was heading.. I was against it at first, you going back. I didn't like you being in the HSW.. I'm not even going to say the name of that place.. But I was glad when it closed. But just my luck your old boss came calling. Is that still the plan, Erik.. To make a difference.. You've been in the business long enough.. You can get in touch with people who know people.. I'm going to have to live with the fact that it's a dangerous business. I'm not going to like it when you come home bruised up. But I don't have to stand for the things that go on that is just plain gratuitious..

[-Maroon just stands there-]

[-Kaci-] Am I getting anywhere with this?

[-Maroon-] Yeah.. yeah you are, princess.. I'll work on a plan, it might not be an overnight turn around.. But give me a few weeks.. I promise you.. Things will be start being different.. Changes will start taking place.. Can you take me to my place.. We're all tired.. Michael needs to get ready for school soon anyways..

[-Michael-] School isn't cool. Carlito Carribean is cool..

[-Kaci-] Yeah let's go.. But the camera crew and the narrator have to go elsewhere..

[-Whatever-]

[-Kaci-] I'm sorry?

[-I wasn't finished.. I said.. Whatever shall we do here in San Antonio?-]

[-Maroon-] I dunno.. Go to HBK's house.. See if he'll do a special interview with yous guys..

[-Sounds like a plan. Maroon, Kaci, and Michael.. ya ya ya.. We're outside the residence of Shawn Michaels.. Or should I say.. Shawn Higgenbottom. It's about 5:15 AM and the crew is sneaking along the side of the house. They reach the backyard when the boom operator drops his fuzzy microphone and it hits the head of the family dog "Marty". He moves the mic back too fast and it smashes a window. Marty starts barking and then alarm goes off..-]

[-Alarm-] Ahhhh Ahhhh Ahhhhh!!!

[-The door opens and HBK is standing in the doorway. And the camera crew freezes in the shadows.-]

[-Alarm-] I think I'm cute... I know I'm sexy... I got the looks... to drive the girls wild..

[-HBK-] Marty?! Is that you? Did you fall through the glass again?

[-can't talk right now.-]