This is JeopRetardy
Posted on 26/10/2004 at 06:38:13 PM by Legends of Wrasslin
[-How you doing, everybody? Narrator here and life is good, everybody. Because when my manager is a champion, I get a raise in pay, everybody. But right now we're going to play, JeopRetardy, everybody. Or at least try too. We come back from the first commercial break and Alex Trebeck is getting a little info from the three contestants. The three contestants are.. 'Force', 'Xtreme', and 'Bob Van Dam'.. But it's funny because it's really Edward Stevens dressed like Force, Shawn Hall dressed like Bob Van Dam.. and Maroon dressed like Xtreme.. Let's go to Alex-]
[-Alex Trebeck-] Welcome back.. Let's go ahead and meet our contestants.. First off we have former.. and may I repeat that FORMER AWA TV Champion.. Xtreme.. With negative 2500 dollars..
[-Xtreme-] Why am I first? I should be the [-beep-]ing Main Event... Why the [-beep-] do you think that I should always go first. [-Beep-] you. you [-beep-]ing [-beep-].
[-Alex Trebeck-] All right.. Moving right along we have The Amish Anarchist... Bob Van Dam who is currently in first with -13 dollars.. Bob I hear that you're a farmer.
[-Bob Van Dam-] Chickenz.. I farm Chickenz..
[-Alex Trebeck-] Interesting.. and how do you farm chickenz?
[-Bob Van Dam-] First I bury the egg and then I water it and when the chickenz head pokes out of the ground. I chop it off and suck out the meat..
[-Alex Trebeck-] Ok then.. And our last contestant is Force with negative 1575. Oh my.. He's just fallen.
[-Force-] I've fallen.. And I can't get up..
[-Alex Trebeck-] Do you need help?
[-Force-] Only if you can bring Tawnya back to my life..
[-Alex Trebeck-] Get over it, man.. Now let's go ahead and start Double JeopRetardy.. The dollar amounts have doubled.. And here are the catagories..
[-TV Shows-]
[-Force-] Waaaaaaa!!! Tawnya used to watch TV Shows..
[-John Kerry Flip Flops-]
[-Poetry-]
[-Bob Van Dam-] What are chickenz??
[-Alex Trebeck-] I said.. Poetry.. Not poultry..
[-Wrestlers Who Will Main Event Besides Xtreme-]
[-Xtreme-] What the [-beep-] [-beep-] [-beep-] turtle [-beep-] [-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-] and your mother..
[-Legends of Wrestling-]
[-Rhymes With Dog-]
and [-Grumpy Ol Men-]
Xtreme, since you are in last place.. You choose first..
[-Xtreme-] Why am I first [-beep beemit-]? I should be the [-beep-]ing main [-beep-]ing event.
[-Alex Trebeck-] 'Wrestlers who will main event before Xtreme' for 400..
He comes from the
future to wrestle and
to dance.
[-Alex Trebeck-] Bob Van Dam?
[-Bob Van Dam-] BOB..... VAN..... DAM!!!
[-Alex Trebeck-] Sorry... Sorry.. Xtreme or Force??? Xtreme...
[-Xtreme-] [-Beep-] you. And Dave Tyson putting me as the opening [-beep-]ing match..
[-Alex Trebeck-] Sorry.. Sorry.. The correct question is 'Who is Bobby 2 Botty?' and please, form your explicitives in a form of a question, Xtreme.. You're still in control..
[-Xtreme-] Can I have go [-beep-] a duck for your mom, Alex?
[-Alex Trebeck-] That wasn't very nice.. Bob Van Dam.. why don't you pick a catagory..
[-Bob Van Dam-] Poultry for 600..
[-Alex Trebeck-] It's Poetry still and the answer is...
Eenie Meanie Miney Moe..
Catch a tiger by his this.
Bob Van Dam?
[-Bob Van Dam-] What is his chicken?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Sorry.. Sorry.. Force or Xtreme? Force?
[-Force-] Why wouldn't Tawnya return my phone calls?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Incorrect... Xtreme?
[-Xtreme-] That's right call me last.. [-beep-] knocker.
[-Alex Trebeck-] Sorry.. Sorry.. The correct question is "his toe".. "his toe".. We were looking for "his toe"... Moving on.. Bob van Dam.. You're still in control..
[-Bob Van Dam-] I'll take Main Eventers for 1200...
[-Alex Trebeck-] Very well..
This female wrestler is a
former XOW IC Champion.
She got beat for it because
she was better then her
boyfriend..... Force?
[-Force-] But she was a champ and I wasn't. What the hell was I supposed to do? How could I look my family in the eye at thanksgiving dinner when my girlfriend who's been in the business 2 weeks gets the belt and I've been working since 1934 and haven't won anything more then a Houseshow Title?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Incorrect.. But Correct.. But Sorry.. Sorry.. You're still wrong.. Xtreme..
[-Xtreme-] Did you at least get to slap around her [-beep-]ing [-beep-]ies?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Inappropriate and Incorrect. Bob Van Dam?
[-Bob Van Dam-] Who is BOB.... VAN... DAM?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Sorry.. Sorry.. The correct response is "Who is Tawnya?" Bob Van Dam.. Still in control...
[-Alex Trebeck-] It's Alex..
[-Bob Van Dam-] Who is you?
[-Alex Trebeck-] No, I'm saying my name is Alex.. Not Chuck... And the answer is..
He's A Crazy Amish Guy.
He works on his farm and
farms chickenz. He likes
peanut butter cookies. And
he always says his name.
[-Everyone-] ............
He is the Amish Anachirst.
[-Everyone-] .............
He just had a match this weekend.
[-Everyone-] ............
He's standing here in the studio. Good.. Bob Van Dam?
[-Bob Van Dam-] I already said it.. Who is you?
[-Alex Trebeck-] I already told you no.. Anyone else? Force?
[-Force-] Maybe if I get botox.. I won't look as old and wrinkly..
[-Alex Trebeck-] You're an idiot.. Dare I bother? Xtreme?
[-Xtreme-] Yeah.. who is [-beep-] [-beep-] [-beep-]?
[-Alex Trebeck-] See is how I have no idea what you said... Well, I have an idea because you have diarreah of the mouth.. But since what you said is closer then what these brain trusts said.. I'll give it to you..
[-Xtreme-] You didn't give me nothing..I [-beep-]ing earned this mutha [-beep-]er.. You best pump your breaks.. Now give me TV Shows for the block..
[-Alex Trebeck-] There is no block.. How about for 1800..
[-Xtreme-] Thats what I said cow [-beep-]er... 1800 is a block.. You ignorant piece of monkey [-beep-]..
[-Alex Trebeck-] It's a good thing we have less then a minute to go... The answer is..
This TV show is a show that
takes place in the seventies... Force?
[-Force-] What is Force loves Tawnya?
[-Alex Trebeck-] No.... Force again?
[-Force-] What is That Tawnya Show?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Please die.. Bob or Xtreme? Xtreme?
[-Xtreme-] yeah.. What is that [-beep-]ing show with the hot [-beep-]ing chicks.. one has red hair and nice [-beep-]ing [-beep-]s and the little one has brown hair and nice [-beep-]s that you can grab with the palm of your hand and [-beep-] them in your mouth?
[-Alex Trebeck-] Well, you did put your profanity in the form of a question so, I'll allow it...
[-Xtreme-] Oh.. I wasn't trying to anwer the mother [-beep-]er.. I was asking what the name of it was..
[-Bob Van Dam rings in-]
[-Bob Van Dam-] What is that Chicken Show?
[-Xtreme-] Correct Mutha [-beep-]er...
[-Alex Trebeck-] Unbelievable... It's a good thing that it's final JeopRetardy.. And today's Final JeopRetardy catagory is...
[-Things Nuke Wouldn't Eat-]
[-Alex Trebeck-] We'll be right back after this..
[-We cut to a commercial-]
[-John Kerry-] Hi.. I'm John Kerry.. Look at me.. I'm out on a farm... I'm shooting a gun.. I'm under the american flag and I'm wearing jeans.. This administration wants to take away your right to shoot guns on a farm under a flag while wearing jeans. Vote for me.. John Kerry.. next wednesday.. Help me take america back.. I'm John Kerry and I approve this message..
[-Back to JeopRetardy-]
[-Alex Trebeck-] Welcome back.. Now the final JeopRetardy catagory is.. Things Nuke
Won't Eat. And the answer is..
It's the dust that comes
from wood when you
take a saw and little
dust particles come
off the wood.
You have thirty seconds...
[-The JeopRetardy theme plays for thiry seconds. Please don't go forward until the alloted time. Even if you're done reading this before 30 seconds is up.-]
[-Alex Trebeck-] Ok.. Pen's down.. Ok.. Xtreme you were in last place.. Let's see what you put down..
Your response was.. "What is your mom's [-beep-]s covered in [-beep-] and jelly?" Sorry.. Sorry.. and you wagered... "The AWA TV Title" Looks like you lost it again..
[-Xtreme-] That's right Six Pac Dudley... You [-beep-]ing got [-beep-]ing lucky you son of a [-beep-].. I'm going to come for you.. And I'm going to kick you in your [-beep-]ing [-beep-].. You best protect your neck...
[-Alex Trebeck-] I think we should get security in here... Force you were in second place.. and your response.. "Tawnya.. Come Back to me.. I'll change.. Seriously I will.. I won't smack you around or throw you down the stairs anymore."... Sorry.. Sorry.. And you wagered... "Your heart" Awww.. as affectionate as that is.. it's still incorrect..
[-Force-] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[-'Force' starts tearing down the 'JEOPRETARDY' letters.-]
[-Alex Trebeck-] Seriously.. We need security in here.. Now let's go to Bob Van Dam.. You were in the lead.. And your response was.. "What is a chicken?" You know what.. I'll give it to you.. And you wagered.. Your chicken..
[-Bob Van Dam-] Chickenz rule!!!
[-Alex Trebeck-] Well, we didnt give any money away today.. But it's been scary.. Tune in next time for more...
[-Bob Van Dam-] BOB.... VAN... DAM..
[-Alex Trebeck-] No.. Iw as going to say... JEOP.... RE... TAR... DY!!!
[-roll credits-]