More Classic Maroon Moments

    Posted by Maroon on 7/27/2001, 8:44 am
    24.160.151.139

    [it’s a few hours after the gothic bar bq.. the guys are inside.no one is in the gothic fountain or on the shed They got El Pinga to play a few hands of Gothic Poker]


    Hall: Okay, uh, I'll uh see your five. . .and raise ya five!

    El Pinga: I ante, and I ahh.. how you say.. Ah yes …fold.

    McLaren: Okay. I'll see your ten and raise you five.

    Maroon: So, it's fifteen to me?

    McLaren: Yup.

    Nuke: Yeah.

    Maroon: Okay, I'll see the fifteen and I'll raise five.

    McLaren: Ooo-kay.

    Nuke: Okay, I'll see the twenty and I'll raise twenty.

    All: Ooo.

    El Pinga: Ole.

    Hall: Okay, I'll fold.

    El Pinga: Ole...

    McLaren: I'll fold.

    El Pinga: Ole.. Uh, I'm still how you say again?? … ah yes…folded.

    [Maroon and Nuke locked in stare; Nuke looks down.]

    Maroon: Yeah. I'll see your twenty and call.

    El Pinga: Ha ha ha ha.

    [Nuke throws down cards for all to see.]

    Hall: Ha ha! I knew it, a pair of twos.

    [All laugh.]

    McLaren: Unbelievable.

    El Pinga: That's it?

    Hall: You're the worst bluffer in the history of poker--

    Nuke: Well, now that we all know that I'm a bad bluffer--

    Hall: My gothic grandmother could tell that you were bluffing! --

    Nuke: Well, why don't you shut up then? Why don't you just shut the hell up? Okay, everyone knows I can't bluff--

    Maroon: Read `em and weep.

    Nuke: [to himself] I wish I could weep.

    Maroon: My deal? [shuffles] So, you in or out of this one? I want more of your gothic money.

    Nuke: Just give me a minute.

    Maroon: C'mon, you in or out?

    Nuke: Just give me a minute.

    Maroon: Are you in or out?

    Nuke: Would you just give me a minute?!

    Maroon: What's wrong with you? Having your period?

    [All laugh; Hall more audibly than the others.]

    Nuke: What if I was, huh?

    Maroon: Do you want to step outside?

    Nuke: No, I just want to have a period, that's all. Just one a month; okay?

    McLaren: Why?

    Hall: Might help a gothic guy organize his time.

    Nuke: Yeah. Each month I feel my gothic body become fertile and I'd say, "No, I choose not to have a baby. Oh Rent's due."

    Maroon: Well, that'd be uh. . .That'd be pretty ridiculous, you know, because I hear gothic menopause is ugly.

    Hall: [sarcastically] Oh?

    Maroon: Yeah.

    McLaren: Really?

    Maroon: Yes.

    McLaren: I heard Death say that it's great.

    Maroon: What?

    McLaren: Yeah, Death says it's like taking ecstasy and a rocket ship ride all rolled into one.

    Maroon: Well, that's not what I heard. Night said that its like when you put jelly on your testicles and then your gothic dog shoving a universal remote up your gothic arse.

    Hall: I heard Night doesn't know what he’s talking about. He’s a pissweed like the rest of the other goths. Aside from us of course.

    Nuke: [over rest] Well, We will never know, will we??

    Hall: Deal. . .

    [Maroon deals.]

    El Pinga: I, uh, ran into Shadow Vixen the other day.

    Hall: [unenthusiastically] Oh yeah, Vixen..

    Maroon: Which one's Vixen again?

    McLaren: Yeah, you know, the gothic slut with the big tits.

    Maroon: Oh, right. I wish my gothic girlfriend had tits like that.

    Nuke: Shut up Maroon, just shut the hell up.. come on already..

    El Pinga: I wish I had tits like that. . .and.. how you say….breasts like that.

    McLaren: Um. Why?

    El Pinga: I don’ know, to give milk or what not. Nurture another gothic thing. I don' know, lots of reasons.

    Nuke: Yeah, I understand. I understand.

    Maroon: Yeah, well I'll tell you this--you'd get in a lot of trouble if your gothic breathern caught you breast-feeding on the sacrificial slab.

    McLaren: Huh, huh, huh, huh.

    El Pinga: Well, t’en I'd jus’ have to get a how you say… ah yes… job… in a more enlightened gothic federation...

    Nuke: Yeah. You don't need them.

    El Pinga: No, I wouldn'.

    Hall: You know Vixen’s having a gothic’s baby.

    McLaren: Yeah?

    El Pinga: Oh yeah tha's right. She say it’s a chico. No ultrasound. She just know.

    Hall: I cant wait to start plantin my new gothic seed into Jade That'll be so cool.

    Nuke: Wow. That's amazing.

    McLaren: God, I'd like to have a gothic baby.

    Maroon: Heh! What would you want a gothic baby for? You’d have to double up on the Lithium and Prozac..

    McLaren: I'm bored.

    Nuke: Oh. . .c'mon.

    Hall: Good reason!

    Nuke: You would be such a rotten gothic mother. You would be such a rotten, rotten gothic mother.

    McLaren: I would not!


    Nuke: You would be a horrible gothic mother! Do you want to know who would be a good gothic mother?

    McLaren: Yeah, who?

    El Pinga: I would be a good mexican gothic mother.

    McLaren: Bullshit.

    Nuke: Nooo. . .you would make a great gothic nanny. Hall would make a great gothic mother.

    McLaren: Hall?

    Nuke: Yeah, Hall.

    McLaren: Why Hall?

    Nuke: Well, think about it.

    Hall: I'm nurturing. I take care of the midgets all the time...

    El Pinga: You' kiddin! Those’ things was like [illustrates with fingers small size] like this pequeno when you got them

    Nuke: And how big are they now?

    Hall: About three foot two..

    All: Wow.

    El Pinga: I jus’ wouldn' have the patience.

    Hall: You need patience.

    Maroon: Let's play cards ya gothic nutscabs..

    McLaren: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    Nuke: All right.

    Maroon: Okay, scabs.. I'd like to be a gothic dyke.

    El Pinga: Ha ha.

    McLaren: Who wouldn't?

    Maroon: Don't be crass! I meant that. I'd like to be buried in the gothic sisterhood of women.

    El Pinga: Si. Lesbians are muy beueno. T’ey get so mush done in a day.

    Nuke: Yeah.

    Maroon: Yeah, yeah. You know why? Because they get it done together. There's no competition. With them, it's "gothic team" all the way. No pretenders…

    Nuke: Wow, gothic women together, huh?

    .Maroon: Oh, wait, wait! Oh, sorry. I forgot to call wild. Hold on. What do you want wild?

    El Pinga: Uh.

    Maroon: Put your cards down.

    El Pinga: Dos’s.

    Hall: Oh. Threes, fives, sevens.

    Nuke: Eights and tens!

    McLaren: Um, face cards.

    Maroon: Okay, everything's wild. I'll play you for the ante. What do ya got?

    Hall: [lays down cards] Five aces.

    El Pinga: [lays down cards. Proud.] Cinco aces.

    McLaren: [lays down cards] Five aces.

    Maroon: [lays down cards] Five aces.

    Nuke: I got nothin'. [throws cards down, face down to center of table.]

    McLaren: What do you mean?

    Hall: You can't have nothing.

    Nuke: I got nothin'.

    McLaren: Everything's wild!

    Nuke: Well, I got nothing.

    Maroon: [looking at Nuke's hand.] No. He's right. He's got nothin'. [Shows cards to rest.]

    El Pinga: Wha’ a hand!

    Hall: You are the worst gothic poker player in the history of gothic poker.

    [some babies dies and they eat some goats]