Johnny Cochran: Now... can you explain to me and the supposed court... How.. you said you saw this donkey??

Fat Chick From Section 316: He would always come into the bar.. He would come in and order full bottles of tequila and sit down and be surrounded by Ho's...

Johnny Cochran: A donkey in a bar?!?!? A donkey in a bar??? I dont believe it... now can you explain this to me... because to me... THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!!

Fat Chick From Section 316: Im telling the truth.. stu would come in all the time.. He was well liked by the ladies..

Johnny Cochran: So, stu was quite the stud then huh?? So tell me.. How does a donkey become a stud...Now.. Im not a zoologist... But from what I know... Horses are studs.. and Donkeys are asses... can you please explain this to me and the supposed court.. because.. THAT... DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!!

Fat Chick From Section 316: I dont know.. maybe he's a mule...

Johnny Cochran: Oh.. so now stu is the bastard son of a horse and donkey.. oh I get it... stu is a bastard.. can you explain to me the mating habits of a horse and donkey in order to get a mule.. because to me and the supposed court.. THAT... DOES not.. MAKE SENSE!!!!

Fat Chick From Section 316: I really dont know.. I just know that he would come in all the time to the bar and hang out with the Ho's..

Johnny Cochran: Oh I see now.. You were jealous.. You were jealous because stu the donkey hung out with the pretty ho's and could never love a beast like you.. Is that correct???

Marcia Clark: I OBJECT!!!

Judge Reinhold: Overruled!!!

Johnny Cochran: Please answer the question, Maam.. We're you or we're you not in love with the victim??

Fat Chick From Section 316: [starts sobbing] Yes its true.... stu would come into the club and would automatically go right for the Dead Ho's... Not once looking at me or paying attention to me.. Im a good person.. I have a personality.. I have feelings too... I have a lot of love to give... So I kidnapped him...

Johnny Cochran: Now Ladies and Gentlemen of the supposed Jury... You just heard the accused state that she infact.. kidnapped stu.. subjected him to lord knows how many 'Oonga Boongas' where he is probably hours away from death... Now ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury.. If you find the accused guilty..she will be found guilty.. If Chewbacca lives on Endor.. you must aqquit!!!

[after much deliberation by a jury of her peers]

Juror # 6: We.. the people of the supposed jury.. Find the accused.. GUILTY.. of kidnapping and torturing of stu.. the donkey.. and hearby order her to be executed at dawn... [dawn]

George W. Bush: Now do you have anything you want to say before you are executionerized??

Fat Chick From Section 316: I never wanted to hurt stu.. I always wanted to love him.. Try to be the woman I couldnt be...for him...

George W Bush: You know.. thats very sentimentialist of you.. Too bad your life force is going to be exited from your body at a very rapidist rate..

[Well.. The Fat Chick From Section 316 was executed by being shot right in the face. She didnt live. Yet she was killed before she told anyone where stu really was. Damn the legal system.. Dammit to hell..... and lord help stu]