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The SAS Newsletter Issue 4
Website: www.sas-publishing.com Email: sales@sas-publishing.com
Subscribe to the new SAS newsletter. Meet the men behind the legend and help to support the story behind the men behind the legend. Meet today’s SAS Playmate of the month: Tarquin
Tarquin is 34 and his measurements are 42-28-36. Tarquin has nice hair. He is 6’ 6” tall and weighs 197 lbs. Tarquin’s favourite colour is yellow with just a hint of shitty brown
and he likes going to the opera.
Tarquin would like to work with children and animals when he leaves the regiment and would like to help work for world peace. Tarquin’s favourite weapon is the FAMAS and he likes re-runs of The Avengers on TV. Tarquin always combs his hair before strangling a sentry and then he combs the sentry’s hair. Tarquin isn’t married but he is looking. He would like an intelligent somebody to talk to and would treat that somebody like a real person. Tarquin has been in the army for thirteen years but before that worked as a window dresser. Tarquin always dresses immaculately and coordinates his equipment according to colour. Good old Tarquin.
Meet people like Tarquin at SAS Speed Dating. Every month at the Best LeftAlone Hotel in
New to the SAS range:
New to the SAS line, SAS Jewellery, as worn by Tarquin and other members of the regiment. All jewellery in brushed, non-reflective silver and guaranteed for five years or three operations, whichever is the sooner. Be the envy of all your friends with the new solid silver dog tags with quick release snake chain. Choice of name, rank and/or number.
For all those into piercings, the new SAS stud with miniaturised SAS emblem. Not suitable for Naval piercings but ideal for an ear, or two if you still have both. Light up your life and your nostrils with the new SAS stud. Ideal for getting up people’s noses.
Buy at least one of them today and that’s an order! Prices and full details on the website.
Available from SAS Products Ltd, a subsidiary of www.sas-publishing.com.
Website: www.sas-products.co.uk Email: sales@sas-products.co.uk
The All Time SAS Top Ten List as voted for by the Regiment and Channel 6 is unavailable this week as the computers went down and an expert was called in. Due to a case of mistaken identity, a taxi driver was let loose on the network and to rectify the problem we need a real expert and also an expert who speaks French.
Instead a selection of military books and literature.
Ryan’s Recipes
Today’s recipe is Eggs Benedict that strangely enough is made almost entirely from eggs. For those who do not like eggs, there is no substitute so a visit to the chippy is probably a good alternative. You need a dozen eggs or for those that are metric that equates to twelve. Try the local supermarket and find that because of the fear of Avian Flu, there are no eggs left in the store.
Drive to your nearest egg
producer, which in my case is the
Park at the egg producer and call out the AA or the RAC as you now have four flat tyres as the disinfectant has totally melted them. Try to stay up wind from the plumes of smoke and try to find the owner. Run to your car as the owner thought you were taking the pish and is now threatening you with a shotgun. Drive off as fast as you can, considering you have virtually no tyres. Don’t stop until you have met the recovery vehicle and wait around at some godforsaken garage where a halfwit and his son try to replace your tyres. Refuse all refreshment as they have a drinks machine in the garage and no matter what button you press, it all tastes of beef soup, unless you are a fan of beef soup with a hint of chocolate.
Finally drive home and find that all the shops are shut and only the petrol station is open. Buy a meat pie that is three weeks out of date and take it home to satisfy your hunger. Eat the pie and wash it down with copious amounts of alcohol then retire to bed. Waken in the middle of the night and hug the bowl for the next five hours finally ridding you of the meat pie and the lasting effects of melting tyre poisoning. Drag yourself back to bed and sleep until you feel fit and healthy.
Wake up refreshed but very hungry. Search through the cupboards and the fridge. You know what you are looking for. You know what you always feel like at times like this. You could murder a nice soft-boiled egg.
EDITORIAL
The Regiment takes itself very seriously and it also takes literature about the Regiment very seriously as well. There were certain issues regarding a couple of members of the Regiment who took the literary route but these have now been resolved. A large donation was gratefully received and I assure all, the money will be put to good use.
A negative side to the publicity the Regiment received because of the books, is the alarming and disturbing problem of Walts. Anybody who has access to a pair of combats now has an instant, glorious history with the Regiment and while this might be a good pulling tactic down at the Squirrel and Truncheon, this act belittles and insults the memories of serving and ex-serving members of the Regiment. A special squad has been set up and working alongside the Police, these people will be found, named and shamed. Those with penis envy generally have a penis but they had better hope the Police arrive before or at the same time as our squad, as this problem WILL be addressed. Not much point trying to pull at the Squirrel and Truncheon without your full 1157.
Finally, I would like to thank those who have contributed in hunting down the Walts. In particular, the excellent site ARRSE. I would also like to thank ‘mistersoft’ for his spoof of the Brave Two Zero book. It was dire, uneducated, boring drivel but I do feel he contributed something. As yet, I haven’t worked out what but I will let him know as soon as I find out what it was. Also, the spoof run by the RGJ deserves a mention.
That’s it, thank you and as Dave Allen used to say “May your gat go with you”.