Confusion, Confusion, Confusion
Haruko turned again in her futon. It was hard trying to fall asleep after everything she just heard. How is it possible? Everything Miroku and Sango told her seemed simply impossible. She shifted again. Finally she sat up, around her everyone was in peaceful slumber. Small snores could be heard from Miroku and Kaede. Haruko got out of her futon and walked out, lifting and letting go the hut’s bamboo curtain slowly. She was in her night cloths, it was just like her regular cloths, only there was no color. Haruko began walking toward the river, slowly, thinking about her own life, and the lives of her new friends.

Haruko shivered as the night wind blew on her slender form, she wrapped her arms around herself and kept on walking. Slowly, without realizing it, she shed a tear, and then another, soon she started to sob. The moonless night continued on, the sky seemed lonely without it.

Why was she crying? She knew perfectly. It was for Sango, it was for Miroku, for Inuyasha, and even for Kikyo. While she was perfectly sheltered, these people suffered through so much. She always felt sorry for herself, and expected others to feel sorry for her as well because she lost her father. But compared to her friends, her own sorrows seem ridiculous.

Between Inuyasha and Kikyo, there was this eternally tragic love story. Miroku carried on a family curse that might destroy him any time. And Sango not only lost her family, but her entire village. And now her little brother is under the control of an evil hanyou and wouldn’t hesitate to kill her. More and more tears came as she thought again and again about the others’ story.

One thing stood out to Haruko: they are the helpless ones, they deserve the seven shards, no, they need them. Then her mind shifted to the Shikon no Tama. She remembered how beautiful the shards shined while under her mother’s protection. The glowing pink always attracted her attention, she had always wanted to touch them, but her mother forbade it.

Such a beautiful jewel, how can it contain so much evil? How many lives had been destroyed because of it? Will it destroy mine as well? Haruko shivered once more at that thought. She sat down on a large rock near the riverbed and curled up, hugging her bent legs tightly. The autumn wind was getting to her.

“If you’re cold, then go inside.”

Haruko’s head snapped up like an arrow at the monotonous voice. The sudden disturbance caused her heart rate to increase greatly. When she saw that it was only Sesshomaru, she calmed down a bit.

“I can’t sleep.” She lowered her head again. Sesshomaru didn’t say anything back, instead he only stood there, watching her.

Haruko thought about the things Miroku told her about Sesshomaru. She didn’t want to believe it. It just didn’t seem like the Sesshomaru she met a few days ago.

After the two of them remained for so long and so still, Haruko decided to break the silence. Awkwardly, she focused on Sesshomaru’s missing arm/sleeve and whispered: “Inuyasha cut it off.”

Sesshomaru looked her, his brows flinched a bit. “Yes.”

“Are you mad at him?” It sounded stupid. Haruko wasn’t sure why she asked something so dumb. The answer is obvious.

But instead, Sesshomaru replied: “Not really.”

Haruko looked into Sesshomaru’s eyes, only to find him looking at something in the river.

“I’m sorry.” Haruko whispered again. Although her voice was intangible, the inu-youkai still heard it.

“For what?”

Haruko pointed at his missing sleeve. “About your kimono. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Sesshomaru looked back into her eyes. “The situation between Inuyasha and I, it reminded you of Sendou.” Sesshomaru needed not to ask.

Haruko shrank away a bit at the mention of her father’s name, but didn’t take her eyes off Sesshomaru.

“The Northern Land is under chaos as of now,” Sesshomaru continued talking, “your uncle isn’t doing a very good job.”

“I don’t want anything to do with that monster!” Haruko hissed. “His youkai followers killed my father, his own half-brother!!”

Sesshomaru merely nodded. More silence followed.

Once again it was Haruko who broke the ice. “I… I’ll sew it back for you.”

Sesshomaru looked at her with the same emotionless expression.

“The sleeve, I mean. I just need the right fabrics.” Haruko offered once again. For reasons unknown to her, her heart started to beat at a ridiculously fast rate. And Sesshomaru’s silent stare didn’t make it any better.

After what it seemed like an eternity, Sesshomaru finally nodded. “I’ll get the silk.”

Haruko smiled brightly. She shifted over a bit and held out a hand. “Do you want to sit?”

Instead of sitting next to her like the girl intended, Sesshomaru shifted uncomfortably to get his tail in place and sat down grumpily on the grass. His expressionless face made him look as though he’s in deep meditation. And for that reason, Haruko didn’t disturb him. The girl shifted her attention to the river stream. The water flowed silently and shimmered as the star light reflected off the water. She was getting tired. And unconsciously, she laid down on the big rock and soon started to dream.

Afraid that the girl might catch a cold, Sesshomaru went over and put his fluffy tail around her as soon as he made sure that she was really asleep. Just like she wanted earlier, he finally sat down next to her, on an unoccupied area on the rock. He put his senses on super alert in case someone catches him like this.

Sesshomaru looked at Haruko’s face intently, with a gentleness that he only occasionally gives to Rin. He sighed, confused by his own actions. The great inu-youkai turned his head and focused on the stars in the sky. Silently he wondered: Just how many are up there? Hope one day I’ll know…

*****~~~~~*****

The blood in his veins tingled as that familiar feeling came back, warming his body. He raised his head and saw the sun rising above the horizon, casting a red-orange on the clouds and the world that it proudly owns. And just as quickly as it came, his human traits disappeared as though it never existed.

Inuyasha flexed his claws, his knuckles cracked. Taking a big leap off the Goshinboku, Inuyasha landed silently in front of the well house. He went inside and jumped into the time well without hesitation. The familiar lights engulfed his body as he slowly went back to the Sengoku Jidai.

It’s still early, no one would be awake yet. Inuyasha knew this and he didn’t want to wake them up. Instead he decided to take a walk along the river to clear his head. The walk from the well to the river is a short one, so he took his time. The hanyou is now back in his fire rat fur, with the Tessaiga tied tightly at his side. His head down, the amber eyes weren’t focused on the ground. His thoughts were somewhere else, somewhere in the very distant future.

*Flashback*

“Sayonara, Higura… Kagome-san!” The human boy bowed deeply to Kagome’s family. Inuyasha eyed his head with a deadly stare, which didn’t go unnoticed by Kagome’s mother. But the older woman said nothing.

Before Kagome walked her friends to the bottom of the shrine steps, her female friends fussed over Inuyasha for the last time that night, reminding him to go to the festival so they can see him again. This also didn’t go unnoticed by the head female of the Higurashi family.

Everyone went to the living room to watch TV, all except for Inuyasha, who waited stubbornly near the door for Kagome to come back. A minute later, the young miko entered the front door, she saw the hanyou standing there and didn’t acknowledge him. Inuyasha went back to Souta’s room and changed back to his “normal” cloths. Behind him he heard Kagome walk back to her own room and shut the door.

The whole night Inuyasha stayed inside Souta’s room. He thought about the situation as hard as he can before finally falling asleep. The next morning, before the sun was up, he went to stand outside of Kagome’s room, ready to knock on her door.

“You should let her sleep.” Kagome’s mother’s voice came from his left.

Inuyasha looked up and froze in place.

“She has two tests to take today. Let her sleep.” Mrs. Higurashi started for downstairs. “Why don’t you come down and I’ll cook you some healthy food.”

Inuyasha followed the woman obediently. Once downstairs he sat on Souta’s empty seat next to the table. Mrs. Higurashi didn’t stop talking as she cooked.

“I haven’t thanked you yet, Inuyasha-kun.”

Inuyasha looked up as his human ears caught the “kun”. “Thank me for what?”

“For watching over my daughter, of course.” Kagome’s mother looked at Inuyasha warmly. “And for caring so much about her.”

Inuyasha lowered his head and whispered sadly: “At least someone appreciates it.”

Mrs. Higurashi smiled but pretended that she hasn’t heard his comment. “Kagome hasn’t had a chance to be a normal teenager ever since six months ago. And now when I think about it… I don’t think she wants normal anymore.”

“Wha… what do you mean?”

“She used to complain about it, about how she always had to cancel on her friends and not be able to focus on school work. But not anymore.” The older woman lighted the stove and started to boil some water. “She tells me that she still pretends to be upset just so you’d allow her to come back and take tests, but I know she doesn’t care about those things anymore.”

Inuyasha looked down at his clawless hands. “Maybe not school work, but she definitely cares about something else.”

“You mean that nice boy Hojo-kun?” Kagome’s mother grinned.

“You… you know?” Inuyasha looked shocked. How could such a gentle and nice woman let her own daughter do such grotesque things?

Mrs. Higurashi nodded. “They used to go on dates… it was about the same time she met you, I believe.”

“What!” Inuyasha almost screamed. This has been going on for this long?!? You’re such an idiot! Inuyasha smacked himself on the face, the older woman decided not to ask why. How could you not have smelled another man on her? “It’s been going on for six months?”

“Oh, no. She stopped seeing him after two dates.” Mrs. Higurashi smiled at the sullen boy, trying to hint something. Of course she had no idea what was going on inside the boy’s head at the time.

“Two… TWO!!!???!!!” Inuyasha exploded right there. Mrs. Higurashi quickly shushed him to prevent him from waking everyone up. How… is this possible? Twice? She’s done it twice? Inuyasha sighed heavily, bowing his head down. I’m an idiot.

“Anyway, my point is,” The usually very observant adult apparently didn’t notice Inuyasha’s sudden change of attitude. “I’ve noticed some changes between the two of you ever since last night. Inuyasha… why don’t you give Kagome some space to work out her problems, finish her midterms, then the two of you can sit down peacefully and talk. Iidesuka?”

The currently human hanyou was silent for a long time. Finally he lowered his head and let out an almost horrendous laugh. “There’d be nothing to talk about.” He shook his head in silence and walked out to wait for sunrise.

*End of Flashback*

A very confused Inuyasha continued to walk toward the stream as the sun shone upon the Sengoku Jidai. His head full of questions with no one to answer them. This changes absolutely everything. Kagome isn’t whom he thinks she is. So she’s not a virgin, then what else isn’t she telling him. Her world must be very different. If she’s been with that Hojo boy, then how can she just break it off? What other man will take her. Is that why she’s with me? Because no other man will take her? Is she… using me?

Inuyasha’s mind was a big glob of… glob. Kagome’s okaasan told him to have a talk with her after her exams. How can he? He liked Kagome, the Kagome that he thought he knew. But now she’s like a stranger to him. Can he love a stranger? Which brings him to his next question: Do I love Kagome?

He slapped himself as soon as he thought of that question. Of course I do. Why do I even have to ask? Kagome is the only thing constant in my life. She’s always there, even when I’m at my worst moments. His mind then shifted to all the times they’ve spent together. When they first fought Sesshomaru; when they met Miroku, Shippo, and Sango; when Kikyo was revived; and the numerous times that they fought Naraku… She was always there…

“I love you, Kagome…”

Inuyasha whispered those words into the wind, letting the autumn breeze carry them to a world unknown. He finally stopped walking and closed his eyes. He swallowed a big gulp of saliva, pushing back the tears that he knew would flow out any second. Is it too late? If she… slept… with another man, does that mean she can’t love me? I don’t hate her… kami-sama, why don’t I hate her, why won’t you let me hate her for lying to me? “Why…”

“Why what, otootosan?”

It took a while for Inuyasha to realize that it was his half-brother talking. The proud Sesshomaru stood not far from the hanyou, but something was off about him this morning. “It’s none of your concern.” Inuyasha studied his brother a little more before he finally realized that Sesshomaru’s outfit was surprisingly untidy, and his tail was somewhat out of place. “You look like you woke up on a rock.” Inuyasha’s free flowing words hit dead center. Sesshomaru involuntarily flinched, thinking that perhaps Inuyasha caught him showing affection to Haruko.

But he hid it quite quickly and went on talking as though Inuyasha’s words didn’t bother him at all. “Where’s your miko?”

Now it’s Inuyasha’s turn to flinch, both at the question and the “your”. She’s not mine. Ore no Janai. “None of your beeswax.” Inuyasha ignored Sesshomaru’s curious stare and continued on for the river. His skills on hiding emotions aren’t as trained as his brother’s.

Suddenly Sesshomaru was reminded of the miko that was still asleep on the rock, he blocked Inuyasha’s way rather suddenly, knocking the hanyou to his feet as the two bumped into each other.

“What’s your problem?!” Already in a bad mood, the hanyou wasn’t going to let anyone push him around.

Sesshomaru couldn’t tell him that he didn’t want Inuyasha to disturb Haruko, but it took him a while to think of a reply. “I asked you a question.”

Inuyasha stood up and snarled. If he didn’t have other things to worry about he would’ve fought Sesshomaru right there. But it was the wrong time. Inuyasha snarled again, showing his fangs, and then turned around to walk the other way without another word.

A very surprised Sesshomaru stared at his half-brother’s figure as he walked away in grimace, wondering just what happened in a day that made his attitude change so much. Maybe it was the new moon… Sesshomaru’s mind snapped back to reality as the image of Haruko sleeping alone in the wilderness popped into his head. It reminded him that the girl was without protection. He growled at his carelessness and went back to check on Haruko.

*****~~~~~*****

So Inuyasha went back. Argh, I don’t believe him! He didn’t even bother to apologize about last night first! A still sleepy and extremely grumpy Kagome kicked the side of her bed, a shot of pain went up her leg but she was too angry to notice anything besides some numbness.

Kagome shook her head in frustration. If he had said no to Ayumi-chan, I wouldn’t have agreed to go with Hojo-kun. That dumbass!!! Kagome replayed the scene from last night over and over in her head, trying to think up answers as to why Inuyasha didn’t say no right away. That stupid… he’s watched enough soup opera with me to know what a date is. Silence usually means acceptance, right? Unless he was too shocked to answer… no, the only time that guy gets shocked is when he sees Kikyo… or when I cry… Kagome involuntarily smiled as she thought about the numerous times that Inuyasha got nervous when she cried in front of him. Every guy has a weakness; no matter how tough he is… Am I Inuyasha’s weakness? I… hope so…

“Kagome, hurry up!”

“Hai, mama!” Kagome picked her a handbag from her desk. Since she was only going to school to take exams today, there’s really no point in taking her entire book bag with her. She went out and closed her bedroom door and began to climb down the stairs in a rather slow pace, still thinking about last night.

Would it have made a difference if I waited a little bit longer for Inuyasha’s answer? Maybe he was just about to say no. Maybe he only said yes because I said yes. Should I have waited?... “Argh!!!” Kagome finally growled, completely frustrated with the “what if”.

Never mind, I can’t think about him now, I’ve got two exams to take. Think, Kagome, think. The Pythagorean triples… cosines… log of A base B is… … …… … … …

<><><><><>

Ahh… finally finished with this chapter. I can’t begin to describe how hard it was to write. I’m not very good at expressing emotional stuff. So, you have to imagine the confusion and pain Inuyasha is going through yourself. This entire chapter is taking place on Wednesday morning, day one of Kagome’s midterms. I think I’ll skip the next few days and go straight into the festival, which is on Monday. I’ll add minor details, but I want to get to the interesting parts. Ahh… reviews!!!

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