The great, big Goldberry debate

What was the most beautiful being on middle-earth doing with an old geezer like Tom?

Was Goldberry important in the larger scheme of things?

Why on earth did PJ leave her out of the film?

Is there an anti-Goldberry conspiracy?

I did some research!

The answer to the second question is simple: No.

Why not? Well...she's a woman. They're never important. Or not to Tolkien anyway.
One mustn't think of JRR as being sexist or anything, he just grew up in a better period of time.

and an anti-Goldberry consipircy?

Well, it's a well known rumour that an actress was approached for the role of Goldberry, by PJ. and that the actresses who eventually played Eowyn and Galadriel protested at a more beautiful creation playing along side them.

This is not true however. Although the female actresses did bitch amongst each other, and Liv Taylor shagged PJ to get a larger role for Arwen.....it is not true. Goldberry was excluded for another reason....

and so we come illogically to the 1st and 3rd questions.....

Well....

I looked up the word Goldberry in various languages. From Arabic to Russian, from German to Mauri......Eventually I found a direct translation to the word in Dutch!

Yes.....Goudbesje.....(that's the Dutch translation)....

In a novel dating from 1756 called: "Oh schijt....de dam is lek" (translated as: "oh dear...there seems to be a hole in the dam), there's a character called Goudbesje.

She's a prostitute of sorts and the name eventually comes to mean: "She who likes all things large and uncircumsized".
The word Goudbesje is hence forth associated with that character.

Now....Tolkien, being a master of languages obviously knew the tale....and translated the name to: "Goldberry."!!!!!

PJ found this out whilst abusing his body with evil drugs in Amsterdam 4 years ago, on holiday! I met the chap who he spoke to in "The bulldog" cafe!!!! He translated the name for PJ!!! (now...don't say I don't go out of my way to inform you).

PJ scrapped Goldberry from the film, cause he didn't want cock loving tramps to spoil his chances at beating Titanic at the box office!!!!