Magical Powers of Bow and Arrow Given to Smiling Man by Cabeca Children during 2004 Pura Vida Dance Adventure

by Michael Fuerst

Upon arriving home, this author placed the subject bow and arrow (henceforth referred to as B&A) on a living room shelf for display. Two days later the author, when passing within five meters of B&A began to detect a gentle force pulling him towards the B&A. Over course of next seven days, this force zone gradually expanded until force could be experienced all over house. Visitors to the house who wore eyeglasses and were between five feet five inches and five feet eight inches tall (with shoes) also could detect the force.

The force subsides when the author takes B&A for an outing—either a walk during which B&A has to be held in author’s right hand, or an auto ride during which B&A had to be set vertically in the back seat behind the driver. During auto rides, the bow and arrow vibrates whenever the author approaches a red light, or if the author tailgates the vehicle immediately in front.

A minute or so before visitors knock on front door or ring doorbell, the B&A also initiates vibrations.

Placing the B&A on the author’s favorite front porch chair causes spring rains and thunderstorms approaching from the west to veer north and/or south, thus supressing precipitation on author’s home.

This author discussed all these phenomena with his local mail carrier, who hypothesized that the B&A could calm cantankerous canines occasionally encountered during mail deliveries. Author placed the B&A in the mailbag fastened to the mail carrier’s cart and, at a safe distance, followed the mail carrier towards the Nokatt residence, home of the dog Sebastian, which, although confined to a fenced yard, was voted the past three yearsas the county’s most hostile canine by the local chapter of the national Mail Carriers’ Union. When the mail carrier approached the fence, Sebastian charged the fence, barking vehemently. B&A popped out of mailbag, suspended itself in air with arrow in loaded position aimed at Sebastian. The arrow started vibrating faster and faster, with a continually augmenting pitch. This author feared B&A would burst into flames, like two sticks rubbed to perpetrate fire. Instead the pitch became more painful to the ear, but soon exceeded that of humans can hear. Several seconds later Sebastian yelped and retreated at full velocity from the fence. B&A then hopped back into mailbag.

(Submitted to Journal of Inexplicable Research Findings, April 1 2004)