Stunts

Stephen		Ladies and gentlemen, many of you have expressed
		the worry that some of what Hugh and I do in
		this show is physically very dangerous, and have
		asked whether or not we ever use stuntmen in the
		performance of our sketches.

Hugh		Well the answer is basically that Stephen and I do
		all our own stunts.

Stephen		All our own stunts.

Hugh		Every single one.

Stephen		And almost none of our own acting.

Hugh		That's right. It's not widely known, but acting is in
		fact an incredibly dangerous thing to do ...

Stephen		Incredibly dangerous, and for insurance reasons
		we have been forbidden from delivering all but the
		simplest lines.

	Cut to Stephen and Hugh "in performance" while their 
	voices continue off ...

Hugh		(Voice-over) Take for example this sketch, that
		we're about to record now. It's called "The
		Adventures Of Colin The Serving Hatch", and
		it begins with me diving through a plate-glass
		window, with my bottom on fire.

	Hugh dives through a window, trousers ablaze.

Stephen		(Voice-over) Those of you who are doing this sketch
		for A-level will know that the next thing is for me
		to smash Hugh in the face with a cricket bat ...

Hugh		(Voice-over) Whereupon I crash through a wall and
		fall on to some iron railings.

	In vision, the relevant actions can be seen. Somebody 
	shouts "cut" and Stephen steps in and addresses 
	the camera.

Stephen		Now comes the really dangerous bit - the
		first line. And to do this line, we've drafted in
		Alan Witheridge, who has almost twenty years
		experience of delivering lines like this one. Alan
		is going to "double" for Hugh at this point in the
		sketch, and say the line "I'm so sorry, I thought
		you were my brother."

	We can see Alan preparing for the line. Kneepads etc.
	Stephen goes over to interview him.

		Alan, how's it going?

Alan		Fine thanks, Stephen. Just putting the final
		touches to the preparation.

Stephen		Are you nervous at a time like this?

Alan		Not nervous, no. If you've done your homework,
		which I think I have, there should be no problem.
		Anyway, we'll see.

Stephen		Well Alan, the very best of luck.

	Alan takes up his position in the set. A voice shouts
	"stand by".

		(Voice-over) Just to remind you that Alan is now
		going to try and say the line, "I'm so sorry I
		thought you were my brother." Fingers crossed.

	A voice shouts "action" and Alan begins.

Alan		I'm so sorry, I thought ...

	Alan explodes and people run in with fire extinguishers.

Stephen		Well, a lucky escape for Hugh there.