First Lines

	Stephen addresses the camera.


Stephen		Ladies and gentlemen, all the sketches we've done
		on this show have been sort of finished, in one
		way or another. They start, they go along a bit,
		then they stop. More than one critic has drawn
		the parallel between our sketches and a nylon zip.
		But what we've never done on this show are the
		sketches that simply start - they start, with one
		line, sometimes quite a promising line, and then
		go nowhere at all. We'd like to show you some of
		them now, just so that you can get a glimpse of
		what might have been ...

	Cut to: 

	A traditional sketch shop. Stephen is behind the 
	counter. Hugh enters frequently.

Hugh		Has Deborah Munnings arrived yet?

	Cut to: 

Hugh		I'd like to apply for the Royal Regiment of
		Homosexuals.

	Cut to: 

Stephen		Ah Dermot, there you are. I was sorting through
		some things in the attic this morning, and I came
		across your old legs ...

	Cut to: 

Hugh		I'd like to open a Homosexual Bank account,
		please.

	Cut to: 

Stephen		Your grandfather's a bit smelly, isn't he?

Hugh		Yeah, well that's death for you.

	Cut to: 

Hugh		(Singing) "When somebody loves you, It's no good
		unless they love you"

	Cut to: 

Stephen		Has Deborah Munnings arrived yet?

	Cut to: 

Hugh		I'd like to apply to become a homosexual.

	etc ...

Hugh		And then my bereavement
		counsellor died. I didn't know
		who to turn to.