Breast Delivery

Breast Delivery


	Stephen answers the door. Hugh is standing there in 
	delivery man gear, with clipboard.


Hugh		Morning. Mrs Bennett?

Stephen		Pardon?

Hugh		Are you Mrs Bennett?

Stephen		No.

Hugh		No?

Stephen		No.

Hugh		Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Can you prove that?

Stephen		Prove what?

Hugh		I'm not being rude, it's just that for all I know
		you might be a conman answering doors and
		pretending not to be Mrs Bennett. Lot of that
		goes on.

Stephen		Well ... will a Driving Licence do?

Hugh		Not really, no. You might have stolen it, you see.
		Anything else you can show me, to prove you're
		not Mrs Bennett?

Stephen		How about Mrs Bennett?

Hugh		Sorry, not with you.

Stephen		If I show you Mrs Bennett, would that prove I
		wasn't her?

Hugh		It's a start.

Stephen		Darling!

Hugh		Yes?

Stephen		No, I was calling my wife. I'm Mr Bennett.

Hugh		Oh.

Stephen		Darling!

Hugh		No, look, don't bother. If you're Mr Bennett, you
		can sign for them. Would you mind?

Stephen		Certainly. What are they?

Hugh		Some breasts.

Stephen		Pardon?

Hugh		Your wife ordered a quantity of breasts from
		us, and we promised we'd have them here by
		Wednesday.

Stephen		Today's Friday.

Hugh		We had a puncture.

Stephen		Wait a minute, what's she doing ordering breasts?

Hugh		Search me.

Stephen		I mean for heaven's sake she's already got some.

Hugh		Tscch. Women. Don't start me off. They're never
		happy, are they? Just sign there for me.

Stephen		"Breasts times three". Three?

Hugh		Spare.

Stephen		I see. Well thanks very much.

Hugh		Aren't you going to check the box?

Stephen		Why?

Hugh		Well ... make sure they're all right.

Stephen		I'm sure they're fine.

Hugh		Mmm. We do get a lot of mix-ups.

Stephen		All right, then ... one, two, three. They look fine.

Hugh		Ermm ...

Stephen		Yes?

Hugh		D'you mind if I have a look?

Stephen		I beg your pardon?

Hugh		Just to check.

Stephen		You want to look at my wife's breasts?

Hugh		Well ...

Stephen		You are asking me if you can look at my wife's
		breasts?

Hugh		Just a peek.

Stephen		(Showing the box) Tssch. All right then.

Hugh		Phwor. Not bad are they?

Stephen		I suppose they're all right.

Hugh		All right? They're fantastic. You're a lucky feller.

Stephen		Mmm. Actually, I'm a leg man myself.

Hugh		Really?

Stephen		Yes.

Hugh		Funnily enough, I've got some legs in the back of
		the van if you're interested.

Stephen		Have you?

Hugh		Yeah. Make a nice surprise gift for your wife.

Stephen		No, I shouldn't really. She's up to her waist in
		legs as it is.

Hugh		They're a bit special.

Stephen		Are they?

Hugh		Definitely.
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