Time Complaint

	Jeanine is behind the counter of a Dixons or similar enshoppment.
	Robert enters.


Jeanine		Good morning, sir.

Robert		Morning. I'd like to speak to someone about a refund, please.

Jeanine		Yes?

Robert		Yes.

Jeanine		Yes?

Robert		Oh I see. I have an appliance, bought from this shop, and it's
		sort of broken. So ...

Jeanine		Oh dear. What is the appliance, sir?

Robert		It's a time machine.

Jeanine		A what?

Robert		A time machine. Panasonic. KL 500.

Jeanine		You bought a time machine in this shop, sir?

Robert		Well, I didn't. My niece did.

Jeanine		I see. When was this, sir?

Robert		July '97.

Jeanine		Right. And there's something wrong with it, is there?

Robert		Well yes, I set it to go back to October 5th, 1970, because I
		wanted to see the last ever Janice Joplin concert, and it broke
		down. I don't know why ...

Jeanine		You travelled back in time from 1997.

Robert		'98. I left it in its box for six months because I didn't have
		an adaptor.

Jeanine		Aha. Have you got the receipt?

Robert		'Fraid not. It was a present from ...

Jeanine		Your niece, right. Has she got the receipt?

Robert		Doubt it. She hasn't been born yet.

Jeanine		Hhhmm. Tricky. Er ... how much did she pay for this machine, if
		you don't mind me asking?

Robert		Will she pay?

Jeanine		Will she pay?

Robert		£99.99.

Jeanine		Cheap for a time machine.

Robert		Not if it doesn't work.

Jeanine		No, of course not. I'm going to talk to the manager, if you
		don't mind waiting.

Robert		Not at all.

	Jeanine departs and Robert fiddles with gadgets: Jeanine comes back.

Jeanine		Good morning, sir.

Robert		Morning. I'd like to speak to someone about a refund, please.

Jeanine		Yes?

Robert		Yes.

Jeanine		Yes?

Robert		Oh I see. I have an appliance, bought from this shop ... you
		see, it's done it again.

Jeanine		Done what again?

Robert		It's sticking. It keeps sticking, for some reason ...

Jeanine		What does?

Robert		The time machine.

Jeanine		Time machine?

Robert		Yes. My niece is going to give me this time machine, but it's
		not going to work properly, so I'd like a refund.

Jeanine		Are you alright?

Robert		Perfectly. But the time machine keeps sticking, you see ...

Jeanine		Are you alright?

Robert		Perfectly. But the time machine keeps sticking, you see ...

Jeanine		Are you alright?

Robert		No, I'm insane.

Hugh		My favourite film? What's that one where Julia Roberts plays a
		convent-school fifth-former who comes round to my house and
		mistakes my face for a chair? Or did I make that one up?