i wrote the above a while ago. i recently wrote this as a reflection of who am i, and i feel that it sums up who i am right now a bit better (12.3.2003)

I can't describe myself. I change, too often, too drastic, too unpredictable. What's for sure about me is, I never stop changing. I grew up forming "rules" and morals for myself and teaching my parents how to parent me. I grew up learning from books, trials and errors and inflections. Deep down I'm probably a nerd, lol - it's in the genes - my dad holds a BS and a MS in physics. But at the same time very untraditional because my family structure is very untraditional - mom comes out as the stronger figure and gives me far more influence than my father. I consider myself "settling down" value-wise and experience-wise now, after some eventful, if not traumatic teenagehood. But I could be wrong - life always changes at times when you least expect it to. I guess before people get to know me, I come across as quite simple or even innocent in a way. But I think it's just that I chose to be simple after experiences of complications. I guess most of the time I don't open up - I look for a perfect, most frankly communication, which does not take place often - but I think I should be less demanding and give people more chance.