FEMBOSS: Good evening, audience.....and guys.

CHENEY: I hope you will not be asking condemnatory intimidating questions of me as Jim Lehrer did against Bush.

Half the new voters who can run for public office in Afghanistan's new democratic election will be the weaker sex - in violation against the Biblical directives of Isaiah 3:12 and 1st Timothy 2:12 - much to the chagrin of the patriarchal islamic-fundamentalist male mullahs.

EDWARDS: Us anti-Bush/anti-Cheney sexist wimps bow to the inferior gender so the feminist chauvenists vote for us.

FEMBOSS: Worship and adoration accepted.

The rule for the first question is to NOT mention your running mate by name. Edwards, why should people vote for you and your ilk?

EDWARDS: John Kerry.....oops! - I wasn't supposed to name him, right?

FEMBOSS: That's right, moron. Your mistake, duncehead. THINK from now on!

EDWARDS: There is a basic philosophical difference between the Vice President and me. John Kerry and I....oops! - I did it again, yes?

FEMBOSS: Correct, doltish idiot. Three strikes and you'll be out.

EDWARDS: You haven't been honest with the American people. You haven't told them the truth. You've seen the mess on TV every day and night yourself.

This administration's plan is to increase Iraqi security forces themselves so they have to rely on American soldiers less and less, whereas our plan is to call up more troops and send them into Iraq and elsewhere. Thus, for many military families, instead of one being missing around the table because of the war in Iraq, two or more will be missing because of Johnny and I who plan on drafting many more American troops into harm's way in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran, and wherever else we can hunt down terrorists and kill them.

FEMBOSS: Cheney, you have 90 seconds to respond, even though you might say you need more time and don't know where to start.

CHENEY: The anti-defense records of Kerry and Edwards speak for themselves.

EDWARDS: We needed to confront Saddam, and let the inspectors find no nuclear Weapons of Mass Destruction, although you know how fast gas disperses into open air on a windy day.

CHENEY: Yes, much of it in your slanderously-lying lawn signs, bumper stickers, and accusatory biased TV commercials. You persistently ignore the assumption that an antisemitic Saddam was in the process of negatively and seriously influencing OPEC to shut off our foreign oil imports at his strategic southernmost tip of Iraq chokepoint where oil tankers pass into the Caspian Sea....which cutoff would have ground America to a screeching chaotic halt, militarily and commercially.

EDWARDS: We needed an alliance of the anti-islamic-veil French and naughty Saudis (who passported the 19 Trade-Tower terrorists) to reason with Saddam. There was NO connection of Saddam with terrorist training camps or $25,000-per-suicide-bomber-family funding to palestinian arab terrorists, and the sun does not rise nor set each day. Israel should defend itself. Bush wants to help them. So there is a huge theological difference between Bush/Cheney and Kerry/Edwards. Osama is loose when Kerry and I had the chance to get him instead of belligerantly and arrogantly waffling about Iraq in Congress. We will search out terrorists and kill them, including this administration's supporters. That job might be outsourced to hooded beheaders with arab-sounding names.

FEMBOSS: Cheney, your 15 second response?

CHENEY: It's hard to know where to start. The anti-defense voting records of Kerry and Edwards speak for themselves.

FEMBOSS: Edwards, your five minute time limit for critical and not crucial internally-contradictory propaganda and brainwashing?

EDWARDS: Under Bush-Cheney, creationism has made great strides in debunking mythical evolutionary heresy, feminist-twit snots have been silenced in subjection, babes were born without the health care of being aborted, San-Francisco same-sex marriages were annulled....

We can do BETTER.

Hope for the cause of Satan Is On The Way. Blasphemy against the Lord's holy saints has only begun and will only get worse.

We will give the middle class tax cuts and then raise taxes on them to pay for wasteful pork-barrel boondoggle spending and allocation projects by government bureaucrats. We will screw the few hard-working and enterprising very rich, and give their money to the many low-income, inner-city, racist blacks for narcotics trafficking, graffiti, looting, vandalism, drive-by shootings and back-alley stabbings, plus foul-talk gang warfare.....to get their many votes, so we can get into and stay in power to cause anti-Christian havoc along with anti-social disruption.

FEMBOSS: Mr. Vice President, what do you think about homosexuality?

CHENEY: Government should not force personal irrelationships. Individual states have to decide about that. Interesting that the very state which Kerry is the senator of has divisively imposed legal homosexuality-related consternation on every other state, adversely influencing California and Oregon. That happened under Bush under duress from Kerry, Edwards, TFK, Barney Frank, etc.

EDWARDS: The daughter you love is a queer-pervert lesbian.

CHENEY: Thanks for your kind words. Personally, she as a lesbian is a despicable shameful embarrassment to the whole family, and we can't do a darn thing about it.

EDWARDS: If a man does not know how to control his own household, how can he be in charge of God's church, or country? Does it not state in Ezekiel chapter 18 that a father should suffer for the sins of the daughter? You know what is required against homoperverts in view of Leviticus 20:13. Marriage is between a man and woman. A constitutional amendment interfering with the private lives of homogays is not needed. If elected, we will do all we can to find a cure for AIDS so homos can sodomize without fear. Being that Kerry-Edwards for feminist caucuses, homo-AIDS support, and abortion-homicide choice Make For A Stronger America, let's only talk about other subjects FAR more important!

CHENEY: Like your irresponsible absenteeism from your senatorial voting duties? Like Kerry's flipflops about Iraq?

EDWARDS: No, like you and Bush NOT giving addicted elderly dangerous drugs with eventually-lethal side effects from homosexually-controlled Canada. Getting back to your previous statement, Kerry is a resolute consistent flipflopper. That is his 20-year resume. As a result, the troops don't have a clue as to what exactly is going on.

CHENEY: We try our best to talk the old diehards out of doping themselves up in the name of 'health' 'care.' Makes it hard for No Child Left Behind.

EDWARDS: THINK of the jobs lost because of high-wage-demanding democrat union strikers compared to diligent industrious Mexicans and Chinese. Anti-Christian public-school 'education' is a mess. The economy of the greedy, selfish, willfully-debt-ridden immoral majority on the broad and easy road to destruction is a mess. Drives one to blame the God of Bush and Cheney. Subversive voters can choose to do something evil about that on November 2nd.

CHENEY: The pay-as-you-go mentality would do much to improve the economy with all of us, as a nation and individually: NO charging, NO loans, NO mortgages, NO debt, NO credit cards, and NO pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by financial-jackpot illusions.

FEMBOSS: Time's up, guys. Thanks to everyone for letting me impose my feminist irritation and inadequacy on all you men in the audience, on TV, and on radio.