Mohawk Damon [Main]

Date:	December 1st, 2003
Mood:	Exhausted and horny
Lyrics:	the Misfits - Helena

Is there any day I don't have girl problems? I hope Larra can come down, for some reason she thinks her spring break is in march...I really need something to look forward too, and she hasn't brought anything up to her mom yet about asking her but it looks very grim...I feel like I'm getting flogged with schoolwork and I can't take it much more. I really need someone to just take some time off with, or at least something to look forward to. I notice I said that already...I told Lindsay I was quitting drinking today, she started freaking out and trying to force me to come over her house this weekend to get drunk. I don't think I will...Steph seemed happy for me over it. She's got the straight edge.

Date:	December 1st, 2003
Mood:	Actually, pretty damn good...
Lyrics:	the Exploited - Attack

Actually, I'm feeling pretty well today...actually, I'm feeling great. I posted a picture of me showing my mohawk, I just got my sides shaved yesterday so...I'm not at home, I have a webcam where I'm at I wanted to show Larra but I don't think she'll be home in time. I was thinking about her all day...First day back in school. As I look back on Thanksgiving vacation, I take note that I have accomplished absolutely nothing. I masturbated about 5 times on average per day but that's not really an accomplishment...well, not one worth bragging about...well, it's not...well, heh, okay, so I masturbated a bunch of times. Damn you Larra....Anyway, I'm gonna hope she comes on but if not, not much that can be done. I looked up Grayhound, only $89 for a round trip for Houston to here. I have that in my pocket right now...maybe she can come down for Springbreak, and/or Summer. Hopefully, because I need her...

Date:	November 24, 2003
Mood:	Suicidal
Lyrics:	Danzig - Devil's Plaything

Did you ever notice that no matter how nice you are to some people, they're still mean to you? I'm feeling horrible this morning. Hopefully, I can go do something with Chrissy or something in the time we have off. If not, I'll go over JJ's house and make molotov cocktails or I 'll go over Jimmy's house and play Medal of Honor: Allied Assault for 19 hours straight.

Date:	November 23, 2003
Mood:	Horny
Lyrics:	the Bruisers - Blood Shed

I've been talking frequently to this really fucking hot chick from Texass named Larra. My dad keeps making fun of me about it, I want to grab a fork and poke his eyes out, LIGHTS OUT! It's okay, he won't think it's funny when I fucking hop some trains and run away to Texas. I don't care if it's hot and I'm Norwegian, he's a dick and this girl is the greatest thing ever. I am trying to talk my parents into letting her come up for the vacation and inturn not get me anything for my birthday. I think that would be the greatest birthday presant. Larra said she'd marry me. I'm engaged.

Date:	November 16, 2003
Mood:	Hungover
Lyrics:	the Misfits - Scream

Got back from Lindsay's just a little bit ago. Went there last night to go to Pennhurst, an abandoned insane assylum. I stayed over because I was too tired to go home, especially after I drank whiskey. Jim was really cool and drove us around. Those girls hurassed him pretty bad, but he took it well. I defended him a few times, too. Other than that, I've been talking to this really hot chick who's awesome named Larra. She's my dream-girl. Only problem is she lives in Texas. She's been calling me on weekends because her cellphone-plan has free weekends. My mom said she's getting me a cellphone for Yule.

Date:	November 14, 2003
Mood:	Alright
Lyrics:	the Misfits - Helena

I got home and my dad flipped on me for no reason. I honestly didn't do anything. He grounded me and so I just went to bed...I woke up and he sort of 'ungrounded' me, but I'm not sure. Hopefully I can still go over Liz's tomorrow because I don't feel like doing nothing. I'm looking for some 'new'punk music to listen to...Checking out 4 Skins, UK Subs, Reagan Youth...I'm sure I can think of other bands I've heard of.

Date:	November 11, 2003
Mood:	HAPPY
Lyrics:	the Bruisers - Never Fall

I haven't been able to put anything for quite some time. I got drunk Monday night real bad, asked Chrissy to marry me about 4 times. Too bad she didn't, heh. I had some Smirnoff's a bit ago, too, but not enough to really do anything. Just a little extra happy. Ha ha ha, I keep listening to the Safety Dance by Men without Hats. It's making me very happy, even when I was sober. All day in school today, I just danced around. I'm so happy and I don't know why. It's fine, because I can dance if I want to!

Date:	November 9, 2003
Mood:	Somewhat happy
Lyrics:	the Bruisers - Society's Fools

Wow, this morning, I'm actually sort of happy. I was pretty depressed last night and I talked to Chrissy, she made me feel so much better. We have a lot of common, I think I've got a new friend. She's just depressed as me and we can relate to each other a lot. She also has issues about being self-conscious, just like me. I don't understand that though because I honestly think she's gorgeous. I would of liked to hang out with her today but I have a lot of homework...

Date:	November 8, 2003
Mood:	Depressed as all fucking hell
Lyrics:	Danzig - Devil's Plaything

I ended up going to Lindsay's last night and sleeping over. We scored some alcohol and had a mini-party...Well, Lindsay fell asleep in the same bed with a guy so they probably fucked and she was sitting on his lap. I know we're not dating or anything, so that's not what bothers me. I've just come to the realization that if she liked me, she'd sit on my lap or whatever, so I've come to the conclusion that we're not going to be anything more than friends. Then everyone was talking about doing drugs and it wasn't cool. I just sort of sat alone most of the night and ignored everyone. Then, in the morning, I sat alone most of the day and ignored everyone. Lindsay's ex-boyfriend (uhh?) came over then and I felt really weird so I got my parents to pick me up as quick as they could. Lindsay seemed to be ignoring me at this point, not that I really blame her, so Chrissy was hanging out with me and made me feel much better. Ha ha, how quickly things turn upside down...

Date:	November 7, 2003
Mood:	Holding up
Lyrics:	None

Ahh, another exhausting day at school that I managed to pull through. Lindsay told me to call her up, she said she was taking a nap when she got home so I'm guessing I'll call about 5:30-6 pm. Hopefully, we'll actually do something this time. I saw something on MTV today called True Life and it was about something called 'Friends with Benefits.' Basically, it was people of opposite sex that were friends and had sex. I thought about it, and I guess it sounds really cool at first but when I thought about it some more, I really would rather date someone than do that. It seems so empty, what's the point of sex if it's empty? Dammit, James brought up something the other day and it's bothering me. He said that if Lindsay really wanted to talk to me, she'd get ahold of me. DAMMIT. Now I can't help but think she doesn't want to talk to me, since I'm always getting ahold of her....I wish I were dead.

Date:	November 6, 2003
Mood:	Sad
Lyrics:	Danzig - Am I Demon?

Today, Lindsay was back in school. She came in late. I was waiting for her at lunch, we'd talked about sitting together and about 5 minutes into lunch I guess I was convinced that she wasn't going to be there...Then she came up to me and hugged me. It caught me off guard, I wasn't sure if I should hug her back because I like her and I'm trying not to hit on her physically. I couldn't stop staring at her eyes, she's so beautiful. She deserves so much...I wish I could give her this. One day I will. But I'm not rushing her to do anything, I've got all the time in the world and she's worth waiting for. She said my eyes looked sad. Truth is, I am but I'm not going to tell her why, she has enough problems.

Date:	November 4, 2003
Mood:	Somewhat Happy
Lyrics:	Black Flag - My War

I talked to Lindsay a lot last night. I told her how I'm a high-moraled person and how I really feel about everything. I really hope she takes me for who I am and she doesn't think I'm just bs'ing her to get in her pants, I'm sure she gets that a lot. When I talked to her on the phone, she sounded really sick and she didn't show up to school today. I hope she's okay, I'm going to maybe try and call her when I get home or maybe now if I can work up my 'inner-strength' to do it. I really hope she's okay, I was pretty lonely without her in school today. I really didn't have much to look forward except seeing her tomorrow, hopefully. Heh, my friend Jeremy was talking about how the Field Hockey players in our school have nice asses, I said "I wouldn't know, Lindsay doesn't play field hockey" And he said "Dammit, she's all you think about" And I said "Ya' daaaaaammmmmmnnnn right." Shaft-style. Heh, shaft, like my penis. Okay, I've acquired some vodka. I swear, I'm getting trashed tonight.

Date:	November 3, 2003
Mood:	Moderate
Lyrics:	the Exploited - Attack

Lindsay told me she broke up with her boyfriend. When she told me, I think I gave a smile of happiness because I really like her...Well, I really feel like an asshole for doing that. I don't know what Lindsay thinks about that...I'm going to try and get ahold of her and make sure she doesn't hate me. I should of thought before I did that...I remember when I broke up with my girlfriend I'd been dating for 14 months, I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I really care for Lindsay, so I've decided now she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. I'm putting that on the backburner because after I've really thought it over, it's way more important that she feels better than me letting some lead out of my pencil. Doesn't change how I feel for her...I'm going to let her know that I'm here for her and that I won't try to make any moves or anything on her if she just wants to hang out or talk to someone. If there's one thing I like about myself, it's my Iron Will. If I say I won't make a move on her, then, I sure as hell won't make a move on her. Dammit, when I told Mike about what I said to Monika about Lindsay having sex, he said "That's what BF and GF do." Damn you Mike, that really pisses me off. I mean, I know that he's right but I don't want to think about. But then why did I bring it up in the first place? I don't want to think about this, DAMMIT!

Date:	November 2, 2003
Mood:	Relieved
Lyrics	D.I. - Guns

Well, I just found out Lindsay was at a wedding yesterday and she might get ahold of me tonight, if not we'll talk in school tomorrow. That makes me feel soooooo much better. I wish I could buy a calling card or go to Bernadette's to call her but I don't have any money for gas or the card. I talked to Monika, Lindsay's sister last night, and told her how I was depressed. I remember saying, referring to Lindsay, "She's probably having sex with her boyfriend." I know if Lindsay reads this, she's going to claw my face off, but I'm not taking anything back because that's how I felt. I think my mind just tricks itself into thinking the most pessimistic thing that would make me flip out in rage. I don't know why, I think I'm pretty long-tempered, however, once my temper runs out I will snap. Few have seen this other than my parents, however. I hope I will at least be able to talk to Lindsay tonight. I had a dream about her the other night, it was pretty funny. She was in my room and I was like, "I've gotta get changed." and she said, "So?" and I was like, "Fair enough" and I just started changing infront of her. Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. I should like marry this chick before she gets away, heh. Dammit, if a girl were in this situation, she could just like poke a hole in a diaphragm or say she's on the pill and get pregnant. What can a guy do?

Date:	November 1, 2003
Mood:	Depressed/Pessimistic
Lyrics	Black Flag - Depression

The main point in my life right now is a really, short, stunning brunette named Lindsay. Now I was dating some girl when I heard Lindsay liked me from my best friend's girlfriend. Someone, like me? This is unheard of. The girl I was dating, I planned to break up with anyway, there just wasn't any spark so I did break up with her. Well, I haven't ever seen Lindsay. I asked quite a few people about her, I never saw her and recognized her. Half the people told me she was a complete slut and the other half said she was really nice. Lindsay came up to me one day between classes and I was stunned. She was this gorgeous brunette, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life...Now I heard rumors that Lindsay had a boyfriend. I thought maybe they broke up because my best friend's girlfriend, let's just call her Holly, told me she asked Lindsay and Lindsay didn't have a boyfriend. Well, come to find out, she does. Now Lindsay and her friend, Steph, started stalking me. I only was interested in Lindsay, Steph is a blonde and all blondes remind me of my mother, dismissing all blondes as potential partners. Anyway, I stalked them both back in good fun. I only really stalked Steph because I didn't want Lindsay to know I think she's the hottest girl I've ever seen. I left a comment on Steph's website, just in good humor, and her partner flipped out on me. You can check it out here. This really made me feel like shit. I don't think I'll be going anywhere near Steph for a while, I just wanted to be friends. Whatever...Now today, I was supposed to hang out with Lindsay. She was very enthusiatic about it in school. We were going to talk over the internet because neither of us had long distance. Well, I waited online all day, eagerly wanting to hang out with her. I waited, and waited, and waited. I went over my friend's house and called her at about 3:30 pm and 4:30 pm, both times no answer. She still hasn't contacted me, and by now I've lost just about all hope. I'm looking for a way to score vodka and it's impossible, so I have to deal with this sober. It hurts so bad, I like her so much. I get that feeling in my stomach whenever I'm around her, the feeling that just says that we're compatible like there's no tomorrow. She makes me break wood in the middle of school. I HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING ERECTIONS IN SCHOOL SINCE FUCKING 7th GRADE!!! I don't know...She seems so sincere whenever we talk, but I think I trick myself into believing that she just wants to use me to get back at her boyfriend or she's waiting back at her house, laughing at my frantic attempts to contact her. Or maybe that's how it really is...I didn't want to keep calling her house, what if her boyfriend answers? I don't care if he comes after me, what I care about is what if he goes after her because he's pissed? I'm not cheating, neither is she. It's pretty evident there's a major attraction between the two of us, but I told her I'm not doing anything with her until she's going out with me. She says she doesn't like her boyfriend and that she likes me. If she likes me, why is she dating him and not me? I'm so confused and depressed, I don't want to be sober for this. And then I think Steph and her partner hate me for joking around. I keep saying Steph's partner because, uhh, I think it's a girl and she's a lesbian but I'm not positive. I'm not a bad person...