| It was by accident that we got pregnant, but it was by pure miracle that we were blessed with such a beautiful angel. On March 11, 2002, I was told that I was going to have my labor induced. I was so exited, and so was my husband, and my parents and all of her brothers and her sister. We had been planning for Nevaeh for quite sometime, and had even moved out of our small apartment into a bigger house to make room for our new addition! Her room was all set up and waiting for her, my bags were packed and in the trunk of the car for such and occasion. We were already to go. We entered the hospital, filled out the paerwork, and on to my room I went. The nurse started my induction through my IV, and then we waited. My husband, my mother and I were all making jokes and having a good time. As the nurse kept coming in to check my dialation and see how close we were to delivering- at 5 centimeters she said "half way there". We were all getting very anxious, as we waited for more time to pass. My contractions were getting stronger, but nothing I couldn't handle. I continued to talk, and laugh amongst my family. Back in came the nurse, only this time with the doctor as well. "I need to check your dialation", he said. That was fine with me- I'm not too modest, and I knew we were getting closer to delivery!!! I was dialated to 7 centimeters, but he didn't think I was in enough pain to be dialated that far. So they put in a fetal heart moniter, to moniter her heart rate, and went to check me again. "Still a 7", he said as he pulled his hand out, only with his hand rushed the blood. My baby's heart rate dropped from 150+ to 60 and the 15 and even all the way to 7. Something was wrong!!! The doctor and nurses scurried around checking my vital signs, and requesting an emergency C- Section. I started to worry as the time went by. I think with all my frustration, my contractions worsened. I was scared for my baby, scared of the surgery, scared of everything at this point. I was in the Operating Room as they prepared me for the C-Section. The anestesiologist came in and told me to take deep breaths into the mask.....Sleep Sleep Sleep..... I awoke to see my husband, and my mother beside my bed all sad looking and teary eyes, also my doctor sitting on the other side of my bed. "How is the baby", I asked. I got no response as the anestesia took me back to sleep. I awoke again, the doctor was gone this time. "Is my baby alright", I asked. My husband just sort of looked at me, but then my mother came forward and told me, "the baby didn't make it". OH MY GOD, I was torn, I didn't know how to feel, and back to sleep the amnesia took me again. I awoke for a third time. This time there was a picture in my face of my sweet little Nevaeh..." She's going to make it", my husband said. I was overwhelmed. First I had lost my baby, and now she is okay? Was this all just a dream, I didn't understand. Until a few minutes later, they brought my baby in to see me in the Life Flight incubater. She was beautiful!!! I was ready to go with her. The doctor told me I needed rest, and that I just had major surgery. I don't know who he was trying to fool, you can't come between a mother and her baby! That is when I decided I had to use the restroom. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! The pain from the C-Section was unbearable! I fought my way to the bathroom. I can do this- I kept thinking to myself. They put me back to bed, and told me that if I wanted to go to be with Nevaeh I had to rest. That was easier said than done. I tried to rest, but the thought of my daughter kept me awake for most of the rest of the two days that I stayed in the hospital. On March 13th around 1am I got a phone call. Nevaeh wasn't doing so good, and I needed to be with her. I got up as my husband helped me pack up my things. I was ready. They called my doctor and told him that I would be leaving, and he signed my discharge papers. The 45 minute drive to the hospital seemed like it took forever. I was impatient, I wanted to hold my baby, to be with her, and to let her know that I loved her. Finally at 2:15am we arrived. This is the time that reality really hit me. I went into the room and saw my baby. She was all hooked up to tubes and wires- it was so scary to see her lying there like that. Her doctor came in to inform me that she wasn't doing very good at all, and that this was all her life would ever amount to. I wanted to hold her, and they said that would be fine. She was placed in my lap for the first time. My she was so pretty. I rubbed her hair, and they let me put lotion on her too. After a few minutes they said they needed to check her stats, and they laid her back on the table. As they put her up there, she went into cardiac arrest. They pushed us out of the way and doctors and nurses flew into the room to revive my baby. It worked- She was okay again! They put her back in my lap, and the doctor proceeded to ask me if I was willing to call a DNR (do not ressucitate) I was appaled by his question. I answered him with, "I am holding my baby", Gently I rocked her back and forth as the minutes turned into hours. 3 more times she went into cardiac arrest. On the forth, as I watched the blood drip from my sweet baby's nose, and looked at her little toes which were turning black from lack of oxygen at birth, I knew she had been through enough. As they were pumping on her chest, and bringing her back to be with us. I asked them to stop- I just wanted to hold her. They put Nevaeh back in my lap- and there she stayed, content for two hours. I was then told to go downstairs and get something to eat, that I was loking pale, and weak from the surgery. I didn't want to go, but they insisted. I asked that the nurse hold my daughter until I returned, and she agreed. I had no sooner got downstairs and ordered something to eat, before the call came over the loud speaker for me to return to Nevaeh's room. When I arrived my baby girl had already been accepted through the gates of Heaven. I was too late. I held her for a while before I left the hospital. She is such a beautiful baby. I returned home the afternoon of March 13th empty handed. My family had made my room up all nice, and I went to lay down. I asked for the door to be closed behind them when they left. As soon as it was shut, the tears started to flow. I didn't understand. WHY! HOW! THIS JUST WASN"T FAIR! I still ask those questions today- almost 1 year later. None of it really seemed real until recently- Nevaeh Dawn is a beautiful angel, Our Angel... In Our Father's Hands is where she is now. She feels pain no more, she is our angel forever more... |
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