Author’s notes and warnings: Oh wow! Thanks for all your reviews and reply to my silly question. I just wanted to know if I was weird, but I guess I’m just new at this. Thanks again!
Cyber Pocky for the following people: Xellas M. (thank you, thank you, thank you), Sakata, Fujimiya Maru (Hmm…any relations to Ran?), Kawaii, Lady Pyrrha, Sailorstarsun, Shinigami, Keimei, Noel (you know that this fic is YOUR doing, right?), Chisama.
I know Tasuki is supposed to be the one suffering, but reading this so far you’ll noticed that Chichiri is doing most of the suffering… That’s the way he is. If Tasuki is hurting an ounce, you know Chichiri will hurt a gallon…so to speak! ~.~
This chapter is all in the present and Chichiri will hint at what happen but very little. (Sorry, Shinigami, but isn’t suspense a good thing?) Contains some Tasuki type language and sexual innuendoes…nothing hardcore, gomen.
Disclaimer: Not mine…Dag nam it!
REDEMPTION – Finding You
By Moonraven
**Present Day – Los Angeles**
Zach slammed the door to his apartment hard. He was pissed; he was disgusted, he was fucking furious with himself. How can he let this happen? Toby was getting too close. He was beginning to care for the little blond boy, too much for Zach’s own good. Toby was so damn soft. Oh but he can be SO damn hard too and so fucking tight. Besides all that, he was kind, gentle, and just all around too fucking good to be true. Therefore, he had to go. Zach hated himself for letting Toby get under his skin. It was so hard to deny that kid anything but he had to stand firm. No commitment, no falling in love and no heart aches. NO ONE came near the heart. His dick, hell yeah, but not his heart.
He was proud that he didn’t back down this time, though. Little Toby can be VERY persuasive. Toby was upset because Zach was looking for a roommate and Toby had wanted to be his roommate. Zach did not want Toby as a roommate. Toby will eventually go away and he sure as hell didn’t want to change roommate every time he change sex partners. THAT would be too fucking hectic. He wanted the relationship with his roommate to be strictly platonic. No hanky panky. Yes, folks, we still use that term. Zach also didn’t want to deal with Toby’s parents. A major coronary was NOT what he wanted to be responsible for. Yep. Toby will have to go soon.
Zach snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of the doorbell. He frowned hoping it wasn’t Toby and let out a sigh when the bell only rang once. Toby had this super annoying habit of ringing the bell three times. He went to open the door and nearly stopped breathing.
A slender young man stood in the hall. A HOT slender young man. He was dressed in a snug black T-shirt and black pants. He held a newspaper in one hand while the other was about to press the doorbell again. Zach had never seen the stranger but the second he set eyes on the man, his heart pounded furiously in his chest. A large lump formed in his throat and he had the strangest sensation of déjà vu. The stranger had his hair in a ponytail and one side of his face was covered by soft brown bangs. The intense mahogany eye gazed at him and Zach felt warm tingling sensation flooded his whole being.
What the fuck…?
“Hello.” The stranger said softly. He had the most beautiful voice Zach had ever heard. What the fuck…?
“Hello.” Zach repeated and winced at his own inanity. “Um…can I help you with something?”
The stranger smiled and all Zach can think about was how fucking gorgeous he was.
“I hope so.” The stranger was saying. “Are you the one who placed the ad, looking for a roommate?” He held up the newspaper.
“Oh! Roommate! Yeah, yeah, come on in.” Zach moved aside to let the other man in. As the man passed him, Zach caught his breath. The stranger’s exotic scent surrounded him and filled him with a strange melancholic sensation. His chest tightened painfully at the devastating sense of loss he felt, as if something priceless and irreplaceable was taken away from him. It was an overwhelming sense of sadness and he had to take several calming breaths to steadied himself. What the fuck…?
He turned back to the stranger after locking the door and found the other man watching him. Zach cleared his throat nervously and held out his hands.
“Zachary Tate. You can call me Zach.”
The other man placed his hand in Zach’s and Zach felt a jolt of electricity passed through him.
“Houjun Ri. My friends call me Chichiri.”
Zach took his hands away and rubbing it absently on his leg, mumbling something about the fucking carpet. Chichiri just smiled.
Chichiri. Zach frowned. Why did that name make his heart skip a beat? It’s just a weird name, perfect for a weird guy, right? And what the fuck is up with the dude’s hair?
“It covers a scar I have. People tend to stare.” Chichiri brushed the bang aside briefly to show him, then let it fall again. At first Zach had thought that he had said it out loud or that the guy was psychic but then he realized that he was staring. He colored slightly, mumbling an apology.
Chichiri smiled again and shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. It happens more often than you think.” He looked around the room and asked, “What do I do, now? Is there a form to fill or a list to sign?”
“Uh…no.” A brilliant answer, Zach! He banged his head against the wall mentally.
“How do you do background check?” When Zach looked like he had no idea what he was talking about, Chichiri expounded. “You do make sure that people you are considering are not criminals or something, right? I mean you might be taking in an axe murderer or…worse.”
“Nah! I’m a pretty good judge of character. Gotta go with what the feelings tell ya, you know?”
“Oh?” Chichiri looked amused. “And what are they saying about me?”
Zach stared blankly at him. If he told Chichiri THAT, the man would probably decked him. And by the looks of him, he probably could too and Zach was no wimp.
“I…” Zach had no safe answers and for once he was speechless.
Chichiri laughed outright and Zach found that it gave him an almost joyful feeling, warm and fluttery in his chest. Zach couldn’t help but stare at the fascinating man in front of him. Who the hell was he?
“Alright, then.” Chichiri said. “You can show me your apartment and we can get to know each other better.”
Zach nodded and took him around. The apartment was spacious and bright. Chichiri liked that. The walls and counter tops were white which added to the brightness of the place. Zach’s furniture, however, surprised Chichiri a great deal. Most were blue, different shades of blue. The significant of this was not lost to Chichiri and he felt tears in the back of his eye. He quickly started a conversation with the younger man, not wanting to ponder on Tasuki’s unconscious preference to the color that the bandit had associated with his lover.
Zach showed him the very clean kitchen and laughed when Chichiri commented on his impeccable housekeeping.
“I don’t cook, I mainly eat out that’s why it’s so clean.” Well, THAT hadn’t changed, thought Chichiri.
“Here’s your bedroom. Your bath is across the hall though there’s just a shower stall. If ya need a bath, just use mine, it’s through my bedroom. I don’t mind.” Zach led Chichiri across the bedroom to the French window leading to the balcony outside. “The balcony is accessible from both bedrooms and the living room. It’s huge. On a hot night, sometime I just drag my blankets outside and sleep there.”
“That’s nice. I like sleeping under the stars myself.” Chichiri said, recalling their years of traveling.
Zach turned to look at the other man. He sounded so sad.
They returned to the living room and Zach started to gather his papers that were scattered all over the couch and the coffee table. Chichiri noticed the subject and recognized some of the book titles.
“Hm…Economics.” He asked Zach.
“Yeah. I hate economics.” Zach scowled at his research paper from hell.
“Why did you choose it if you don’t like it?”
“I didn’t, my parents did.” Zach shrugged.
“What would YOU like to study?” Chichiri picked up a page in random and scanned the contents.
“I don’t know. I think that’s why my parents picked one for me.” He shrugged again.
“You must like something.” Chichiri prompted, and re-read the contents.
“I like to draw…” Zach drifted off as he noticed Chichiri’s frown.
“What?” Zach came over and looked at the paper in Chichiri’s hand.
“It’s wrong.” Chichiri said simply.
“No way.” Zach leafed through his notes and whatnots.
“Yes. Here, let me explain it to you…” and Chichiri proceeded to explain to the stunned Zach why the described function was the Lipschitz continuous and not condition.
They were sitting next to each other on the sofa, bending over papers and notes on the coffee table. Chichiri was so close that Zach can smell the clean unique scent of the man, a mixture of sandalwood and lavender. Weird. But it reminded Zach of an ancient temple he had once visited while traveling with his parents in China. Zach took several deep breaths. ‘Damn, he smells good.’
Chichiri turned to him and Zach realized the man was talking to him. “…can be pretty fun, really.”
Zach bit his lips; he wasn’t even listening. “Uh…huh.” He said noncommittally.
Chichiri narrowed his eye. “You weren’t listening.” He accused.
‘No, ‘cause you smell too damn good.’ Zach wanted to say.
“Sorry, you’re right. I was just thinking…about…you know, if you wanted the place or not.” He stammered and cursed himself when he felt his face burning. What the hell was wrong with him?
Chichiri’s single eye studied Zach for a moment then he asked, “Do you want me to?”
Zach wasn’t sure if he did. There was something about this man that had him feeling things in the past half hour that he had never felt in his entire life. He was attracted to this man, he knew that the second he saw him in the hall. Can he live in the same roof with this enigmatic man and NOT want to jump him? No, he wanted to jump Chichiri, alright, but can he control himself? Did he even WANT that challenge?
“Yes.” Zach heard his own voice and it sounded distant and serious. Too serious. “I mean if you can help me with economics, you’re in!” He added enthusiastically.
Chichiri laughed again, his voice ringing clear like a crystal bell. Cocking his head to one side, Chichiri studied the younger man. “Don’t you want to know something about me?” He prompted.
“Yeah, how did you get your scar?” It came out before Zach could stop it and he slapped his hand over his mouth. “Sorry man. Scratch that.”
“No. It’s okay.” Chichiri reassured Zach. “A very natural question and perhaps you should know before you make your decision.” Chichiri took a deep breath and studied the palm of his hand. “It was self mutilation.” He said quietly.
Zach’s jaws dropped. “No Shit?” He searched the other man’s face for signs of a sick joke but found none, only sadness and pain. “Why?”
Chichiri gritted his teeth and looked away.
Zach should have told Chichiri then that it was okay, that he didn’t have to answer it. But from somewhere deep inside of him, from a depth he didn’t know existed, Zach knew that the answer was one of the most important things he needed to know about this man. So he watched…and he waited.
“I hurt someone who loved me very much. I don’t want to ever forget the pain I caused him.” Chichiri’s voice was low and sad. Zach’s heart went out to him and he resisted the urge to pull the man into his arms.
Chichiri was smiling once again when he turned back towards Zach, though it didn’t quite reach his eye. “See? I told you that background checks are important. Who knows what I’m capable off?”
“Shit! So long as you don’t mutilate ME, it’s you’re business.” Then Zach added as it occurred to him, “Er…what DID you do to your…um…friend?”
Chichiri watched him with an odd expression and Zach wondered with a sinking heart if Chichiri HAD mutilated his friend after all. That lonely eye continued to study Zach as if trying to assess if the younger man was ready for this. Shit!
Chichiri went back to studying the hands in his lap. “He was my lover.” Chichiri said quietly. “I betrayed him.” Zach had never wanted to kick himself more than he did that moment. He felt like shit and he didn’t know what to say.
Chichiri took care of that for him. He sighed and looked at Zach with a weak smile. “Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometimes.”
“Yeah, man. If you want to, sure.” Zach mumbled out another lame reply. He was sure full of it today.
“Let’s talk about you.” Chichiri changed focus of the conversation to Zach. “Why live here and not at a dorm? I would have thought it more economical there.”
“Freedom, man. My…er…lifestyle would be frowned on by the faculties.” Zach grinned. “University housing has rules I can’t even think about, let alone follow. And work sometimes keep me out pretty late.”
“I see.” Chichiri nodded. “What do you do?”
“I model.”
“Ah…” Chichiri looked surprised.
“What? I don’t look like a model?” Zach frowned, looking down at himself. Well the t-shirt and jeans weren’t exactly modeling materials but he’s never had any complaints before.
“No, no, it’s not that. You look…um…very…nice.” Was Chichiri blushing? “I’ve just never met one, that’s all.”
“What do YOU do?” Zach countered.
“I’m a counselor or sorts. I work with the Department of Social Services, specifically with problematic children and their families. I have to tell you though, many of them wanted to become models.” At Zach’s openmouthed look, Chichiri burst out laughing. It felt really good; he hadn’t laughed in so long…
“What? I don’t look like a counselor?”
“Shit, how old ARE you, man? You can’t be that much older than me. I’m not even close to getting my bachelor. Don’t you need all kinds of degree for that?”
Chichiri shrugged modestly. “I’m 26.” School was a breeze when you’ve been living and learning for as long as he had. To top that off, he and Chiriko developed some of those theories that were being taught. A small part of his consciousness wondered where the boy was.
“You don’t look it.” Zach mumbled, embarrassed to be caught staring again. Zach couldn’t help it; there was something about Chichiri…and the fact that he had a male lover…it made something in Zach’s chest tighten almost uncomfortably. He looked up to see Chichiri looking at him expectantly. Shit! Did he space out again?
“Er…sorry. What were you saying?”
“How old are YOU?” Chichiri said patiently.
“20. I’ll be 21 in April.” Zach said and winced as he recalled what his parents had in mind.
“You don’t look happy. You don’t want to be 21?”
“It’s not that. My parents are organizing a big party at their place and I hate that. Palos Verdes is NOT a city you want MY friends to go to.”
“I see.” Chichiri smiled knowingly. “Why don’t you just leave your parent’s party early and meet your friends somewhere? Feign sickness or something.” He suggested.
“DUDE!” Zach said in a mock outraged. “Are you supposed to be giving out advices like that?”
“You are my roommate, not may case.” Chichiri winked. Zach’s heart skipped a beat and he thought that rules should be laid now! More for him than for Chichiri but if Chichiri couldn’t agree to them, then it was better to find out now. He told Chichiri as much and the older man agreed. Zach started slowly not sure how to phrase it.
“I gathered from your account earlier that you’re either bi or gay.” He paused here for confirmation or denial. Chichiri just nodded, his eye asking if Zach had a problem with that. “No. I have no problem; I’m bi myself. But I don’t date my roommates.” Chichiri raised his eyebrows questioningly and Zach stumbled on quickly. “Not that I want to…I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with you…because there isn’t, it’s just to avoid problems…not that we’ll have any problem...” Chichiri laughed at Zach’s effort to get himself out of the hole he dug.
“Don’t worry, I understand.” Chichiri reassured him.
“Okay, then. I do bring my dates home and you’re welcome to do the same. But I don’t like them to spend the night. Let me know ahead of time if you need privacy, I can always arrange something, if it doesn’t bother you, I’ll just stay in my room. That would apply to you too of course.”
Again he paused to look at his new roommate. Chichiri smiled though he wasn’t sure how he was going to feel knowing that Tasuki was with someone else. But he smiled and nodded. His new mask was almost as good as the one he used to have.
“You don’t need to bother, I don’t date, but you’re welcome to do what you normally do. I won’t interfere in any way.” Chichiri said quietly.
“You don’t date, EVER?” He wondered how tired Chichiri’s right arm must be getting. “Why? Are you, like, planning to be a priest or something?” Zach had a feeling that his self-imposed celibacy had a lot to do with that lover of his.
“I rather not talk about that right now.” He said with an attempted smile. “Maybe when we know each other a little more.”
Zach winced. “Sorry, man. My mouth is faster than my brain most of the time and if you can handle that, we’ll be okay.”
Before Chichiri can reply, the doorbell rang, three consecutive times. Zach stared at the door but made no move to answer it. After a few silent moments had elapsed, the bell rang again, accompanied by a high pitch voice calling for Zach.
“Um…would you like me to get that?” Chichiri asked, confused.
“Shh!” Zach’s voice was almost a whisper. “Ignore it and he’ll go away.”
“O-kay-y-y-.” Chichiri stared at him as if he had grown a second head. “Should I…er…be expecting a lot of these?”
Zach grinned at him. “No. Only until I get rid of him.” He whispered. That had earned him another strange look from his new roommate.
After a long pause it appeared that who ever it was at the door gave up and went away.
“Who was that? Should I be afraid?” Chichiri asked.
Zach was about to reassure the other man that Toby was pretty harmless when he noticed that Chichiri was holding back a grin.
He laughed at how absurd this whole thing must look. “Toby’s as harmless as they come. Annoying but harmless.”
“Toby.” Chichiri looked at him blankly.
“Ah well, this is kinda complicated but since you’re going to live here, you’ll see it sooner or later.” He sighed heavily. “I date, A LOT. You’ll be seeing them come and go, so don’t be alarmed. Toby is the latest and I’m trying to let him off easy cause he’s a real sweetheart but he’s not getting the picture.”
“If he’s a real sweetheart, why would you want to get rid of him?” Chichiri asked, though he already knew the answer.
Zach looked at Chichiri silently for a moment as if trying to determine weather or not he should tell him.
Chichiri smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“It’s alright. It IS your business. You’ll be living here and you have a right to know something about the people I’m seeing and about some of my views on things.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more that a month or so. I don’t like it and I won’t allow it. Some of them said that they were in love with me but that’s a bunch of bull. We have fun together, sure, but people in general can’t love. It’s just another name for long-term sex and security. Comfort in each other’s company maybe, but there is no such thing as love, if there was; it only leads to pain and suffering. Who needs that? My parents are a good example. They stay together because they are used to each other’s company and it’s harder to look around for something else. Too much effort.” He gave Chichiri a wry smile. “I’m never going to get to that point. I’ll just keep ‘em rolling in.”
Chichiri’s heart ached at Zach’s words. Tasuki was such a loving person and he gave love so freely. Tears stung the back of his eye and he lowered his head and looked at his hands. He did this to Tasuki.
“You can’t judge love from looking at only your parents.” He said quietly. “Do you really believe that other people, other happy couples do not feel love?”
“They feel something, I don’t know if it’s love. But even couples that are happy now, get divorced or separated. Look at the divorce rate. My parents were happy at one time. They still are up to a point but most are just for show. No one is ever sincere. You take what you can get and that’s it, man. No love, no pain.”
Chichiri’s heart clenched further. So young and so cynical.
“Love doesn’t always come with pain.” Chichiri said sadly. “People sometimes make mistakes that hurt a loved one. But if they had a chance to correct those mistakes, love will thrive.”
A teardrop fell on Chichiri’s hand and Zach saw it. “Is that what happened with your lover? Didn’t you have a chance to correct it? He didn’t forgive you, huh?” When Chichiri did not answer, he concluded. “See? Love equals pain. No love, no pain.”
“Tasuki died before I can correct anything.” Chichiri whispered.
“Fuck! I’m sorry, man. Me and my big mouth. Look, I know this is really hard on you so we can just drop this love thing for now, okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to dig up painful memories.” He touched Chichiri gently on the shoulder. “So, do you think you can live with an insensitive idiot like me?”
Chichiri looked up to see Zach giving him a brilliant fanged grin and he caught his breath. Tasuki.
He had to swallow hard before he can reply. “You’re not insensitive and you’re not an idiot. You’re honest and cautious, I can live with that.” He tried to smile back at the earnest young man who was trying to cheer him up.
“Good. When do you want to move in?”
Chichiri thought for a moment. “I’m staying with a co-worker so I don’t need to give any notice. I can move my things in as early as next week if that’s not too early for you.”
“Next week is great. I don’t suppose you can cook?’ Zach said hopefully.
Chichiri smiled, feeling his heart lightened. Tasuki hadn’t changed THAT much. “I’m a very good cook actually, or so I’ve been told. We’ll definitely be using that kitchen.”
“DUDE! You are SO in!” Zach exclaimed enthusiastically.
Chichiri couldn’t help but laugh. The younger man’s excitement brought joy to his tired soul. He had found Tasuki. Now all he had to do was make the former bandit believe in his love again.
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I can just feel Chichiri’s poor heart breaking…sniff…sniff.
Thank you for finishing another chapter with me. ;O)
Next chapter: Hurting You will be in Ancient China…